Strange texts. Coincidence? Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe it doesn't matter?

[SameAsItEverWas]

Hi all,

 

I've been dating this great girl for the last 5-6 months. We have a lot in common, get along great, have expressed the 'L' word, and are planning a future. Sounds awesome, right?

 

Of course there's some things. One thing is that she is very independent. Always has looked out for herself. She's independent enough that sometimes I wonder if she's got some back burner fall back plan, just in case. We've talked and I've expressed my insecurity about that and she's assured me that she is committed and wants the future we talk about. The insecurity thing is my issue, but one we've been able to talk about and address, like we have some of her stuff.

 

So here's my current panic attack. We've talked about moving to a certain city together. One that she had wanted to move to since before I met her.

 

The other day her cell phone pinged about 5-6 times in a minute. She was sleeping and I was sitting right there. I looked at the screen and noticed all the messages were from two different numbers - in the area code of the city we talked about moving to. Huh. Ok. She doesn't know or correspond with anyone there, at all. I didn't read the messages (she has had a password on the phone since we met), but I probably would've if I could've because it weirded me out a bunch. I know...I'm bad. They looked like they were computer delivered. MAybe spam? MAybe from SKype. Of course I freaked internally and thought they were from a dating site, and she was in touch with guys out in this city, just in case, but then I doubt a dating site would use the area code of that city in message like that. And I doubt she'd put her phone number into a dating site if she was really up to something.

 

I didn't say anything. We had a nice night, talking about what we liked in the other, using the 'L' word, talking about plans. Pretty solid. But it kept weighing on my mind. And I wanted to ask. But I didn't. I went out, got some food, came back. She was reading something on her phone and I asked what it was and she said it was a story from the newspaper from this same city the automated texts originated from....that was too much, I immediately assumed that the article link had come from the automated texts, wherever those actually came from. So I spilled the beans and asked about the messages.

 

She was super pissed. A bit defensive, but more just upset that I didn't trust her. She went on and on about how I need to trust her and about how she can't do anything else to help me do that. I felt super guilty. Really ashamed. I told her that. She said that she had received two spam messages (not the 5-6 I saw registered, even though they did originate from just two different numbers) and just deleted them. I don't know enough about computer to phone texting works. I saw 5-6 message alerts. But, yeah, two numbers. Could that correlate to just two actual messages? Who knows.

 

Things calmed down and we talked about the trust thing and about how these seemingly inconsequential messages made me anxious. We talked about ways to cope with that and help avoid it in future. I slept with a lump in my throat but in the morning things seemed pretty much back to normal.

 

Except I still have that lingering thought - is that a coincidence? She told me that she was reading about stuff in that city because we were talking about moving there. But then to get these strange auto messages in the same day...from that same place...kinda weird.

 

Of course it's possible she's been bouncing around the web, reading stuff on this city and its attractions, and her phone number got added to some spam bot in the process. So its more that we've planned to go there that initiated the two events, and that's the only thing that connects them.

 

She's been very loving, very supportive, and was legitimately hurt by my probing.

 

I guess I'm just looking for others to tell me what they think.

 

Thanks for reading. I'm going to the gym to get some energy out and some proper headspace.

Edited October 11, 2013 by SameAsItEverWas

[ForeverHopeful1]

The gym is a good idea. Get it together, Bro. In my opinion, youre being over the top and silly.

[Maxtor]

I don't know, when my exes went super touchy with messages i recieved, i always explained what they were. She got defensive? Hum. People get defensive for two reasons: past experiences with jealous bf\gf, or they are hiding something.

[tlegend]

I don't know, when my exes went super touchy with messages i recieved, i always explained what they were. She got defensive? Hum. People get defensive for two reasons: past experiences with jealous bf\gf, or they are hiding something.

 

She could have also easily gotten defensive because of the way he approached the subject and brought it up to her.

[Phantom888]

You either trust her or you don't. If you love her, you have to trust her. Even if she is getting texts from guys, you let her handle it her way. If you two are planning on a future together, she will definitely blow off all guys texting her. If you keep distrusting her, you will drive her away. Don't make your fear a reality. It's all in your head. You know her personality. Would she cheat on you and plan to move with you at the same time?

[todreaminblue]

I fi am going out with soemone if i were ot have a password on my phone that guy would know it.....nothing hidden is nothign to explain in my opinion....and if i did have to explain i would do so without defense ......i dont get pissed when partners read my phone in fact if i am busy or cant get to it or i dotn ehar it or i am asleep and they can answer it or read it, i dont mind them answering it or reading texts i get and letting me know hey deb you better answer this..i would actually say thansk for getting it for me..in case it is someone who needs me or is urgent like my daughter is stuck in shopping trolley soemwhere and needs to be prised out of it...yes i get those kind of phone calls and texts.......

 

 

 

i do think you need to ease up a bit and believe what she says.....go to gym get your headspace again and try to forget about it........deb

[Maxtor]

I fi am going out with soemone if i were ot have a password on my phone that guy would know it.....nothing hidden is nothign to explain in my opinion....and if i did have to explain i would do so without defense ......i dont get pissed when partners read my phone in fact if i am busy or cant get to it or i dotn ehar it or i am asleep and they can answer it or read it, i dont mind them answering it or reading texts i get and letting me know hey deb you better answer this..i would actually say thansk for getting it for me..in case it is someone who needs me or is urgent like my daughter is stuck in shopping trolley soemwhere and needs to be prised out of it...yes i get those kind of phone calls and texts.......

 

 

 

i do think you need to ease up a bit and believe what she says.....go to gym get your headspace again and try to forget about it........deb

This. I am full open when I'm with someone. The "i can handle it" "i'm independent" "you have to truste me" they are truths, however, nothing to hide, and no reason to burst. Its like someone who knows martial arts, and is not afraid of physical contact, he\she prefers to use diplomacy to get our of the situation.

[todreaminblue]

This. I am full open when I'm with someone. The "i can handle it" "i'm independent" "you have to truste me" they are truths, however, nothing to hide, and no reason to burst. Its like someone who knows martial arts, and is not afraid of physical contact, he\she prefers to use diplomacy to get our of the situation.

 

 

thats why i love martial arts and tend to fall for guys who practice the discpline....of diffusing before kickin ass when they hav eno choice but to defend themselves..........lol.....;0)...they dont hide anything because they know exactly how to act and diffuse situations..if they are if they are accomplished martial artists they actually hav eto warn people who start them....had a few friends in my life liek this ...extremely discplined....i think diffusing a situation like passwords on phones is really simple...you dont need it if you love someoen and want them as part of your life....situation diffused before it starts.... effective in quashing all and any doubt..too true maxtor......;0)...deb

[Maxtor]

thats why i love martial arts and tend to fall for guys who practice the discpline....of diffusing before kickin ass when they hav eno choice but to defend themselves..........lol.....;0)...they dont hide anything because they know exactly how to act and diffuse situations..if they are if they are accomplished martial artists they actually hav eto warn people who start them....had a few friends in my life liek this ...extremely discplined....i think diffusing a situation like passwords on phones is really simple...you dont need it if you love someoen and want them as part of your life....situation diffused before it starts.... effective in quashing all and any doubt..too true maxtor......;0)...deb

 

Yes, discipline, ive done martial arts all my life, its rare when i burst. So, my idea is, people need to be self aware, and explain the things, without going into defense mode\attack mode, so many times its not defense, its actually offense.