Mystic Dreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Sorry if it's long as well but I want to be detailed as possible. About 3 weeks ago I started dating a man that I knew since 4th grade. We are both in our late 20's now. We are friends on Facebook. He tried to pursue me about 3 years ago but I was already in a relationship during those years so we kept in touch here and there thru social networks. He's a single father of a 4 year old daughter. Her mother became very ill after birth to the point where she was placed in a nursing home, they were never married. He has full custody and has help from his live in sister and nephew. I ended my relationship last year. About 3 weeks ago he contacted me telling me that he admired me and that he wants me. He asked me out on a date and told me whenever I'm free I can set the date. We went out on one date so far which went well after the date he picked up one of his best friends (whom he introduced me too) and then took me home. (He kissed me good night. Two weeks later we became intimate. We talk to each other daily mostly by text which is fine and it's usually briefly asking how our days are going, good morning etc. The communication is 50/50 of reaching out equally . There was about 1 time when he wasn't able to spend time with me and didn't call me to tell me because something came up but I told him to at least to just communicate with me if something comes and he agreed. Since then everything was fine. That was the only issue. I'm really starting to like him and I love the fact that he's a great dad to his daughter. I told him he was a great dad and he really appreciated it. Some of my friends (some who are also single moms) are concerned with the fact that since he's a single dad with sole custody he won't really have time for me so maybe I should reconsider. I didn't pay them any mind at first but now that I think about it they could be right a little bit. When I dated men who had kid(s) it was usually joint custody or weekend arrangements so they had a little more time to spend in relationships. So this is all new to me. He works full time and so do I, as well as a part time night student so I know that I won't be available all the time. I'm starting to worry that I won't see him that much now and that may ruin the chances of a future relationship because he's a single father. I don't want to just rely on my friend's words so I want to see for myself. Being that his time to spend with me will be limited how will I tell if he's not that interested vs interested but can't spend time because of his parenting duties? So far it's only been 3 weeks where we saw each other twice but we speak to each other briefly everyday. It may be a little early to tell, so how long should I wait to start determining that he doesn't see me as a future girlfriend? What signs to look out for to tell that he may not be interested in me?
heartshaped Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think if the two of you talk everyday then he's interested. People tend to do the fade when they're not interested or simply stop communicating with you. Him being a single father will make things different than if you were dating a man without children or someone with less custody, but it sounds like speaking in terms of time you are pretty busy yourself. There are a million other things to consider though about being with a single father, but that's a whole other topic.
FitChick Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Why would you date a man with custody of his kids when so many don't or have shared custody, giving them free time? 1
Mascara Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Do you have kids? The only time I'd date a single parent of a young child would be if I had young kids of my own. If you don't have kids, or yours are grown.... wouldn't go there personally.
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Why would you date a man with custody of his kids when so many don't or have shared custody, giving them free time? It's very difficult to find someone who doesn't have a kid(s) especially in my age range. And the ones that I do find have just as much baggage/ problems as the rest. No I don't have kids. I just thought I give this situation a try....
Mascara Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 A full time parent is just that. After the first few dates, you should pretty much expect to spend most of your relationship as part of a family - TV evenings, Sunday lunches at home, trips out to kid friendly places. If there is no other parent around, and you don't like the idea of doing that, it's unlikely that he'll be free much more than a couple of evenings a month for adult-type dates.
soccerrprp Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Has anyone ever heard of a baby-sitter!?!?!?!?!?!?!? And he has a live-in sister and nephew to help out with a 4-year old. This is doable. Sheesh.... Single father of a 5-year old and 8-yr old...sole parent. 5
Mascara Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Single father of a 5-year old and 8-yr old...sole parent. Ok... but I've been there and done that. Is it really so bad that I'd like to meet someone at the same stage of life as me? I really think that other single parents are the best way for a single parent. They'll have the same demands and limits as you. If someone hasn't had a family, they won't get it in quite the same way. And if they have adult kids, like me... they may consider that part of their life over.
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Has anyone ever heard of a baby-sitter!?!?!?!?!?!?!? And he has a live-in sister and nephew to help out with a 4-year old. This is exactly what I was thinking. But I know it wouldn't be in my place to ask him about his baby sitting arrangements, especially since I don't know what goes on in that household. If it gets to the point where I barely see him I guess I will just leave him alone.
mammasita Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Ive just started seeing a man with sole custody of a 4 year old. We've also known each other 3 weeks. We talk every day and today wraps up date #6. IMO, if he is interested he will find a way. 4
soccerrprp Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Ok... but I've been there and done that. Is it really so bad that I'd like to meet someone at the same stage of life as me? I really think that other single parents are the best way for a single parent. They'll have the same demands and limits as you. If someone hasn't had a family, they won't get it in quite the same way. And if they have adult kids, like me... they may consider that part of their life over. Of course not. I'm saying that it's doable if both parties want it. This is exactly what I was thinking. But I know it wouldn't be in my place to ask him about his baby sitting arrangements, especially since I don't know what goes on in that household. If it gets to the point where I barely see him I guess I will just leave him alone. Not your place to ask for more time together and suggest how? Then you're not in this relationship either. How in the world is it not in your place to ask for face time? Ive just started seeing a man with sole custody of a 4 year old. We've also known each other 3 weeks. We talk every day and today wraps up date #6. IMO, if he is interested he will find a way. ABSOLUTELY!
bentleychic Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I agree that if he is really interested, he will find a way!
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Not your place to ask for more time together and suggest how? Then you're not in this relationship either. How in the world is it not in your place to ask for face time? No. I don't think it would be in my place to ask where his sister is and why can't she babysit. Of course I would ask about more time if it gets to that point. Would you be upset and/or tell a woman mind their business if she asks "why can't your mother or sister babysit" if you told her you're not able to take her out or see her that day?
bentleychic Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 As a single mom of several, I'll say if my bf wants to do something with me, he asks if I want to do X on X day. If I can arrange it, I do. If I can't, I let him know. I spend as much time w/ him as I can as a single mom working a full time job, but sometimes it's just not possible to work both of our schedules together and we have to schedule something for another time.
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 As a single mom of several, I'll say if my bf wants to do something with me, he asks if I want to do X on X day. If I can arrange it, I do. If I can't, I let him know. I spend as much time w/ him as I can as a single mom working a full time job, but sometimes it's just not possible to work both of our schedules together and we have to schedule something for another time. Sounds reasonable. I guess it's best to ask to set dates a ahead of time.
phineas Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 No. I don't think it would be in my place to ask where his sister is and why can't she babysit. Of course I would ask about more time if it gets to that point. Would you be upset and/or tell a woman mind their business if she asks "why can't your mother or sister babysit" if you told her you're not able to take her out or see her that day? Really? Because if you had a sibling with a kid that always asked you to babysit last min. you'd be overjoyed? As a single mom of several, I'll say if my bf wants to do something with me, he asks if I want to do X on X day. If I can arrange it, I do. If I can't, I let him know. I spend as much time w/ him as I can as a single mom working a full time job, but sometimes it's just not possible to work both of our schedules together and we have to schedule something for another time. This. Sounds reasonable. I guess it's best to ask to set dates a ahead of time. Please don't tell me you've been calling him up last min. wanting to do something & getting annoyed he can't just pawn his kid off on the family for you. Because I can tell you, I wouldn't do that for anyone. Now, if you are asking him to do something in advance multiple times & he tells you he's busy then something is going on. Perhaps he doesn't get along with his family & they won't watch his kid for him? IDK If he wasn't into you I can't imagine he'd keep talking to you. Most men I know don't waste their time doing that with women they don't like. Oh, and what your friends said, I take it they don't have time to date at all. Right?
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Really? Because if you had a sibling with a kid that always asked you to babysit last min. you'd be overjoyed? Please don't tell me you've been calling him up last min. wanting to do something & getting annoyed he can't just pawn his kid off on the family for you. Because I can tell you, I wouldn't do that for anyone. Now, if you are asking him to do something in advance multiple times & he tells you he's busy then something is going on. Perhaps he doesn't get along with his family & they won't watch his kid for him? IDK[/Quote] Not at all. And it's not my job to be someone else's babysitter no matter how much I love my family. The user above mentioned that he should have help from his sister. While that may be true, I don't know what goes on in that household and it's not in my place (or business) to ask. He's close with his family but whose to say that she's willing to watch his daughter all the time? On the flipside of this I couldn't imagine someone being a good parent if they drop their child off all the time to go out. When we made our first date we planned ahead of time. When we saw each other the second time it was last minute from both of our ends. But now I know it's best to just plan everything ahead of time. If he wasn't into you I can't imagine he'd keep talking to you. Most men I know don't waste their time doing that with women they don't like. I agree. If he wasn't into me I'm sure he would've stopped talking to me by now
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