My boyfriend's past with my cousin

[mcherie229]

I am really having a hard time right now. I didn't know this could ever happen. I have the best boyfriend ever and we've been together for more than a year now. He's really committed to me. Unfortunately, our relationship started in a bad way. We started off as friends and although I admire him, I never considered that he'll actually fall for me because he is my cousin's boyfriend. They've been together for 6 years, on and off. And I know my cousin very well. She has the tendency to experiment with guys. That is, to have multiple boyfriends at once. Of course, when her boyfriend explained this to me and told me about his woes, I defended her. But somehow along the way, he eventually admitted that he had feelings for me and stupid as I am, believed him and accepted him. Unfortunately again, I cannot forget their past. He keeps assuring me but I keep being insecure. Plus my cousin is also being a bitch about the whole thing and keeps blaming me that it was I who broke them apart. She has almost the majority of our family on her side. What do I do?

[mcherie229]

Well I didn't know where to put my thread so I put it twice in Dating and General, sorry, I'm quite new here. I'm a girl by the way. It says so "boyfriend" but I guess a boy can also have a boyfriend nowadays.

 

That's the problem really. They weren't together when we got together or so what he claimed. Personally, they broke up but publicly they haven't. I admit it's a mistake to not have waited until the shock of their breakup heals but I guess one can get so stupid when it comes to love. Forgive me.

 

I am not saying it was right that we got together because my cousin have the tendency with multiple bfs. I am just stating this as a fact that I know of her and understood of her and defended her of with him but which also the guy didn't and became the reason why he broke up with her.

 

And this is why I am troubling about this whole thing because I am worried about my family. I am keeping mum about this relationship. I didn't want to cause any shock. I can wait 10 years before we go out publicly, if we are still together. I just want everything okay. But my cousin keeps blaming me about everything, she tells everyone I'm the reason why they broke up and why her life is ruined right now. And I want her to be okay but it's so hard she wouldn't even admit she was wrong.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well I didn't know where to put my thread so I put it twice in Dating and General, sorry, I'm quite new here. I'm a girl by the way. It says so "boyfriend" but I guess a boy can also have a boyfriend nowadays.

 

That's the problem really. They weren't together when we got together or so what he claimed. Personally, they broke up but publicly they haven't. I admit it's a mistake to not have waited until the shock of their breakup heals but I guess one can get so stupid when it comes to love. Forgive me.

 

I am not saying it was right that we got together because my cousin have the tendency with multiple bfs. I am just stating this as a fact that I know of her and understood of her and defended her of with him but which also the guy didn't and became the reason why he broke up with her.

 

And this is why I am troubling about this whole thing because I am worried about my family. I am keeping mum about this relationship. I didn't want to cause any shock. I can wait 10 years before we go out publicly, if we are still together. I just want everything okay. But my cousin keeps blaming me about everything, she tells everyone I'm the reason why they broke up and why her life is ruined right now. And I want her to be okay but it's so hard she wouldn't even admit she was wrong.

 

Honestly, OP, she might never be ok with this. There isn't much you can do to change her feelings about that. It's a risk you took when getting together with this guy. I'm sure you realized that.

 

What, in your point of view, would be the ideal outcome in this situation? For her to accept your relationship with her ex?

[mcherie229]

Well she is married now.

 

But I understand it'll still be a shock to the family nevertheless if we come out in the open with our relationship. We are really serious with each other. And he did say he never was intimate with her and although he didn't cheat on her, he also didn't really love her. Why ever he stayed her is because he couldn't find anyone better. All the other girls seem the same to her except when he met me. I have doubts about his but I've also found proof to back his statement (about the intimacy). Still, my insecurities abound.

 

Ideally, I would want her to accept us, now or next year or 10 years from now. I want her to accept that they didn't work, that mainly it was her fault (although I can say the guy has also his part on why they didn't work), and that she should get over it and move on with her marriage. She's so hung up on the past and keeps on talking about it. I think she regrets everything even her shotgun marriage. I understand her but I wish she would understand me too. We are cousins after all.

 

Is this possible?

[mcherie229]

Exactly my insecurities. I never want to be in this situation. But I love him dearly and he loves me too. I can't prove this here but I know this and I feel it and I have seen it. We've been through a lot and he has proven a lot to me even at my worst.

I never want to rub it in her face that they didn't work out. I'm worried about how people would feel and react so that's why I opted to keep this relationship hidden and to wait whether time can heal. I wanted her to move on and marry someone who she loves and loves her back so that she'll be happy and then she might also be happy for me too. But it didn't turn out that way unfortunately. I've also thought of going away but no matter how far we go, family will always be family.