Dating a guy in his 30s with roommates

[Jenny1234]

Does anyone else think it weird when guys in their 30s have roommates? Some of my friends won't even talk to guys that have roomies after 30. Is it a turn off?

Thoughts?

[Jenny1234]

I'd say yes.

 

Me too... Nothing worse than a bunch of guys in an apartment together

[Balzac]

In many urban centers it's economics. Several guys sharing rent at 6K a lot of saved cash to go out on.

[truth_seeker]

Does anyone else think it weird when guys in their 30s have roommates? Some of my friends won't even talk to guys that have roomies after 30. Is it a turn off?

Thoughts?

 

If I were a woman I would laugh at a guy, no matter how good looking he was, if he had roommates and was in his 30's...

[coolheadal]

Well they call can leave you know. When you two need some space. Times are changing today. It could be the other way around you could be the one as the girl with a bunch of girl roommates. So you have to give a little.

[Balzac]

I think it's relevant what city he's in. High rise - doorman - spacious w a view - multiple bedrooms - location - location. NYC, San Francisco . Paris.

[StanMusial]

It's because they like Brokeback Mountain and man-butts.

[Balzac]

Yes. But those urban center jobs (in high cost cities) also adjust salaries for cost of living [i.e. you get paid more]. I'd say that is just an excuse.

 

Top law school grad just into career makes about $200K and rent in midtown is upwards of @4K for 1 small bedroom. Excuse or not.

[Balzac]

That's a low ball price btw.

[Jenny1234]

I'm still going to go with the excuse, sorry. 200K gets you 16.6K a month [in your example] and I think you can afford a 4K apartment with that salary. And if you can't, you should move to another neighborhood (across the river or little upper in the blocks); you don't have to be in midtown. Also, you are discounting the mentality of a 30+ year old guy. At that point living with others (sharing bathroom/shower with other guys etc.) should be somewhat unacceptable to you.

 

I'm with you. It's a crutch. I'd even take a guy with a studio..at least he's on his own and growing up

[Balzac]

Be careful w the proverbial "you"! I'm not in a roommate of same sex situation

But know several with major education debt that they strive to eliminate within 5 months. It's a common scenario. Obviously many guys are out of your league. Iundetetand your POV / I'm just sharing what I know.

[Jenny1234]

I think some of these people have never lived in an expensive city.

 

Try Sydney, Australia - roommates are the norm. Living with the parents is on the rise (thankfully I haven't had to resort to that). Some people live on their own, but it's less and less common.

 

It is what it is. You accept it, or remain dateless.

 

I see your point. I think I would look past it in a ridiculously expensive city. I live in boston and it's not cheap but I don't think it's ok here... . NYC is the only city is the US that it would be ok

[Jenny1234]

Hey you never know..these things are all situational but I was so during the general opinion of women out there on it

[Jenny1234]

I have. Still do. And I know the NYC scene (and a graduate-student friend lives in the middle of Paris as well). Yes, it maybe the norm [even then I'd say it is more of a norm for recent grads 22-29, not people in their 30s] but that doesn't make it acceptable. Previous poster went from economics (i.e. can't afford) to "can afford but paying their education debt first" which is simply a preference. All I am saying is even with lawschool/grad school you have enough time to make up the lost ground ($ wise) and if you are okay with living with roomates in your 30s, that tells something about you, which is the discussion here.

 

[You don't remain dateless. There are plenty of people with their own living space, in their 30s]

 

It's definitely a red flag to deeper issues.......I agree with you

[Keenly]

Yes. But those urban center jobs (in high cost cities) also adjust salaries for cost of living [i.e. you get paid more]. I'd say that is just an excuse.

 

I laughed out loud. What country do you hail from ?

 

 

I honestly don't see how making the economic decision to have room mates and save money voids boyfriend material .

 

 

So he is supposed to live on his own just because ? I fully intend to have room mates until its time to get my own place with the woman I will eventually marry. There is no financial reason to pay for a place by yourself. In fact, its almost a waste of money. Almost.

[FitChick]

People can commute into the city instead of living in the city center where it's very expensive. If there is good public transportation, it should be a no brainer.

 

The exception might be several guys sharing an expensive beach house where the house is big enough to have privacy with each bedroom having its own bathroom. Even if they could afford it, some guys don't like living alone. I recall reading about Luke Wilson staying with his brother Owen in Owen's house even though Luke had his own house down the street. He was used to living with his brother.

[Jenny1234]

Notice most of the people who are so defensive about it are guys.... Lol... Just saying

[Balzac]

People can commute into the city instead of living in the city center where it's very expensive. If there is good public transportation, it should be a no brainer.

 

 

The no brainer is working 80=hrs a week and needing to be accessible. Commuter on public not an option. I understand your limited experience and im talking very early 30ish

[TB Rhine]

Yes... guys, who are expected to actually go out, get a job, and support themselves (and eventually a wife and kids), as opposed to women, who are allowed to live at home/with roommates until they find a nice, stable guy to move in with...

 

You would never, ever, EVER see a guy making a thread like this about a woman. If there's grass on the field (regardless of whether the fence is high or the neighbors may live a little close), play ball.

[quartz88]

I wouldn't be able to do it. One roommate, sure, especially if it's a high-cost city and he eventually intends to find his own place.

 

But a house full of guys? No. I'd take it as a sign that he could be postponing maturity.

 

I briefly dated a guy (a lawyer, but he was pretty down to earth, as lawyers go) who shared a townhouse with two other guys, but he had recently turned 30 and when we met, he was in the process of apartment-hunting to find his own place. He had a lot of loans from law school and had finally upgraded to a job he felt provided the stability to justify living on his own.

 

I had a roommate until 2 years ago. It's not the worst idea ever, but if the guy is in his 30s and seems perfectly comfortable with it, I'd consider that a red (pink?) flag. Also, think about how it would impact your time together - if his roommates are always around that would be a little weird.

[Keenly]

With that mindset, you [and everyone] should live with their parents until they get married then.

 

 

 

Nice linear logic there. Being independent and having room mates are two different topics.

[kaylan]

Yes. But those urban center jobs (in high cost cities) also adjust salaries for cost of living [i.e. you get paid more]. I'd say that is just an excuse.

What year are you living in?

 

Salaries have not been going up for the middle class for years now. The income in dollars has gone up, but so have everything else. So once you factor in inflation, not many people are making great cash...ESPECIALLY after the recession.

 

My best friend was making 40k starting right out of college before the recession. After he was laid off, that same job now hires people for a little over 30k. And my new job in the suburbs pay the SAME salary for our main office in the big city not far away.

 

Having roommates is financially responsible for many people.

Notice most of the people who are so defensive about it are guys.... Lol... Just saying

Because we have to deal with bs double standards from women all the time. Tbh I dont really care. Im in my 20s mind you. But if a girl decided to pass over me because of my living situation its her loss. Im educated, employed, giving, and a passionate.

 

Id tell her to fvk off as Id be quickly onto the next girl. Theres too many women out there for me to give a damn about one that doesnt want me. And tbh, living alone is nice because of the privacy and all...but it gets lonely. Especially when youre single and your closer friends are paired up. I enjoy living with people and having someone to frequently pal around with.

 

*mega shrug*

 

EDIT - a smart and sensible woman would understand Im saving money for a better living situation with a great female in the future. Ive made enough money mistakes in my youth to know that saving is important. If I dont have to live alone, and can save a lot of cash, I will do it. If its not that much more expensive to have a nice place living alone, then Ill consider it.

Edited September 26, 2013 by kaylan

[miss_jaclynrae]

Depends on many factors for me.

[Jenny1234]

What year are you living in?

 

Salaries have not been going up for the middle class for years now. The income in dollars has gone up, but so have everything else. So once you factor in inflation, not many people are making great cash...ESPECIALLY after the recession.

 

My best friend was making 40k starting right out of college before the recession. After he was laid off, that same job now hires people for a little over 30k. And my new job in the suburbs pay the SAME salary for our main office in the big city not far away.

 

Having roommates is financially responsible for many people.

Because we have to deal with bs double standards from women all the time. Tbh I dont really care. Im in my 20s mind you. But if a girl decided to pass over me because of my living situation its her loss. Im educated, employed, giving, and a passionate.

 

Id tell her to fvk off as Id be quickly onto the next girl. Theres too many women out there for me to give a damn about one that doesnt want me. And tbh, living alone is nice because of the privacy and all...but it gets lonely. Especially when youre single and your closer friends are paired up. I enjoy living with people and having someone to frequently pal around with.

 

*mega shrug*

 

EDIT - a smart and sensible woman would understand Im saving money for a better living situation with a great female in the future. Ive made enough money mistakes in my youth to know that saving is important. If I dont have to live alone, and can save a lot of cash, I will do it. If its not that much more expensive to have a nice place living alone, then Ill consider it.

 

 

And as you stated...you're in your 20s...it's still perfectly acceptable. I don't know what double standard you are talking about here. I don't think it's appealing when a 30 something girl has roommates either

[MalachiX]

Notice most of the people who are so defensive about it are guys.... Lol... Just saying

 

Well...yeah. They're defensive about it because a number of posts flat out say there's something wrong with you for having roomates after college.

 

Given the expense of certain cities and the crappy state the economy is in, this is just something that a number of people have to do. I'm 29 and I have a roommate because I'm finishing a very expensive grad program (the top in my field) and I'd like to save money since I'm already going to have a lot of student debt. I'm also very close to my roommate and like having him in my life. I lived on my own when I was in cheaper cities but now I've had to adapt. If that means I'm not "grown-up" then so be it. If that means someone wouldn't want to date me then that's their loss.