Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 What are unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating? I'm starting to think my expectations are way too high which has made me unsuccessful when it comes to dating. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 What are they? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Unrealistic to expect men to -see you as a person before a sex object -value you primarily for something OTHER than your looks -be satisfied with one woman sexually for longer than 5 years -treat women with respect -not be hypocrites Egad. I am SOOO sorry for what you must have gone through. So bleak....so depressing. And not ALL guys are total creeps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Expecting to find better than me is pretty unrealistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 I just expect the same amount of respect that I give someone that I'm dating. Someone who will be mature enough to openly communicate instead of withdrawing or running away from confrontation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I just expect the same amount of respect that I give someone that I'm dating. Someone who will be mature enough to openly communicate instead of withdrawing or running away from confrontation. That's not unrealistic. That should be standard. I was expecting a laundry list of physical items down to the preferred length of eyelashes. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Those are my standards. I have found 1 who didn't do those things. prob most of the guys you dated were like this and you didn't realize it, Its the truth Okay, so there's hope, right? BTW, I have never dated a guy. But when and if I do, I'll have a much better idea of where you're coming from! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 I'm not talking about being picky. Just more expecting someone to treat me as I would treat them. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I'm not talking about being picky. Just more expecting someone to treat me as I would treat them. That's not unrealistic and don't let anybody try to tell you different. This should be standard in relationships. So standard in fact, that people shouldn't even be rewarded for doing it. It should be expected. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Define what "makes you unsuccessful when it comes to dating". Is it the end result? Because if that's the key success factor, all singles have been unsuccessful, irrelevant of their partner's selection process. I've recently realized that, if anything, I need to be more strict on my "expectations". No more "just drinks, decent conversation and a good laugh", here boys. I gotta think of something more creative, a distinctive criteria that will make a huge impact on the prospects of my single life. And I am obviously lost... And no, Mr. Castle, you're not it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 That's not unrealistic and don't let anybody try to tell you different. This should be standard in relationships. So standard in fact, that people shouldn't even be rewarded for doing it. It should be expected. My ex used to always make plans with me then just ignore me or cancel. He would only make time when he wanted. This guy never respected me and was a jerk. Now when I'm dating, I have the expectation for someone to follow through with plans or just communicate effectively if plans need to change. I would do the same so I expect the same. When someone flakes, I get upset. I take it personally. Then people have made me feel like I'm expecting too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 My ex used to always make plans with me then just ignore me or cancel. He would only make time when he wanted. This guy never respected me and was a jerk. Now when I'm dating, I have the expectation for someone to follow through with plans or just communicate effectively if plans need to change. I would do the same so I expect the same. When someone flakes, I get upset. I take it personally. Then people have made me feel like I'm expecting too much. How long was the relationship with your ex? And why did you keep him around if he was such a flake? I think have the expectation that people follow through on their plans is far from an unreasonable expectation. However, I'm assuming that you're attracted to men that are "flakey" even if you don't like the flakey behaviour. Qualities like dependable, reliable and consistent don't tend to wet the panties of most women... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 How long was the relationship with your ex? And why did you keep him around if he was such a flake? I think have the expectation that people follow through on their plans is far from an unreasonable expectation. However, I'm assuming that you're attracted to men that are "flakey" even if you don't like the flakey behaviour. Qualities like dependable, reliable and consistent don't tend to wet the panties of most women... It was over 3 years. To put it simply, I stayed because I didn't know better. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 It was over 3 years. To put it simply, I stayed because I didn't know better. So do you feel that your type has changed because of this experience? Or are you still attracted to the same type of men? Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Qualities like dependable, reliable and consistent don't tend to wet the panties of most women... You're dating on the wrong continent, mate. Come over to Europe, women would kill for that - including yours truly ! I don't mean just for that.... you know what I mean! Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I'm not talking about being picky. Just more expecting someone to treat me as I would treat them. That is one of the biggest mistake a person can do: assume that the rest of the world is similar to them. People are different. Just using the word "expectation" sets you up for dire disappointment. I make the same mistake with my "expectations", it seems to be a typical female thing to do. Ask, discover, learn. Just like you don't know the others, the others don't know you. Then how can they treat you just like you would treat them if nobody knows anybody - and isn't interested in changing that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 So do you feel that your type has changed because of this experience? Or are you still attracted to the same type of men? I've learned that I shouldn't settle because with my ex. I essentially was settling for what I thought I deserved. I sometimes find myself involved with emotionally unavailable men and have to do a better job of weeding them out. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 You're dating on the wrong continent, mate. Come over to Europe, women would kill for that - including yours truly ! I don't mean just for that.... you know what I mean! Oh - I'm not denying some women are attracted to that - I'm just saying the type of women that think all men are superficial, players etc tend to be the ones that choose men based on their looks and charm rather than character. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Oh - I'm not denying some women are attracted to that - I'm just saying the type of women that think all men are superficial, players etc tend to be the ones that choose men based on their looks and charm rather than character. I don't know what to say, man. It all depends on how lucky or unlucky that woman was. I've had quite a few guys who played the nice little white lamb to get to my panties. I've had a few guys who were straightforward as to their intentions. If you ask me, women who start sentences with "all men are..." irrelevant of what other adjective they use, have a bit of a problem, as in are a bit shallow. I positively find it hard to believe that absolutely all men they met were players. No dorks? No geeks? None? Really ? Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I've learned that I shouldn't settle because with my ex. I essentially was settling for what I thought I deserved. I sometimes find myself involved with emotionally unavailable men and have to do a better job of weeding them out. Involved with like you're a victim, or attracted to as in you have a choice who you date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Involved with like you're a victim, or attracted to as in you have a choice who you date? Not a victim at all. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I sometimes find myself involved with emotionally unavailable men and have to do a better job of weeding them out. hum... do you find yourself involved with emotionally unavailable men because they misguide you or because you feel attracted to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Sometimes I have been misguided. One guy I was dating earlier this year didn't tell me he was recently divorced and not looking to get serious until a few months of dating. I felt misled. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Hum... I like my men independent. Smart. Well traveled. Cultured. That usually has "unwilling to settle down anytime soon" following closely. I realize I am drawn to these men, partially because they are a challenge, partially because I've been used to not represent the center of the universe of my SO. And I know it sounds a bit pathetic at 33, but it would actually be nice to have someone to care for me... even to the point of me being the center of their universe - however corny that may sound. Well, I have two choices, nowadays: 1. continues as I have done so far: and get the same disappointing result, with men chasing over either a flaming career or partying or traveling - little does it matter, not focused on a relationship 2. change something in my behavior or in my criteria of selection. Give up at some of my attributes, while accommodating some new ones. Maybe he doesn't have to be all that sophisticated, but he would have to have a sound self esteem; maybe he doesn't need to read just as much as I do, but he shares more of my values - such as keeping his word and being reliable. One thing is for sure: if I realize the next guy I am meeting is emotionally unavailable, I won't leave, I will run. A man hiding that he has been married for months is not an emotionally unavailable guy, he is a bloody liar. You should run too. Link to post Share on other sites
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