Feeling like second priority..

[karpeezy]

My boyfriend coaches a kids sports team with 3 of his buddies. It was difficult when he did it for half a season last year, and this year he is doing the entire season.

It requires two practices a week, 2-4 games a week (two ALWAYS on weekends), and meetings on top of that. Combined with his busy work schedule, this is a lot and leaves him tired and cranky. I know work is important, but the kids team is voluntary and unpaid and takes up 8-14 hours of his week.

We have been together for 10 months. He is an incredible man but I can't help but feel like second place when date nights get cancelled for sports meetings, and weekends are shot because he has games. It also causes me to feel jealous about his other coaches, that he spends as much or more time with them than he does with me. (we live about 25 minutes apart and during off season, are with each other 5-6 days out of the week)

 

What I'm mostly asking is how can I get through this season. I am hoping he doesn't renew his contract for next season, but there is still 7 months of this left. I try so hard to be supportive but it's so tough sometimes.

 

Any advice on how to get through this and not ruin my relationship?

[Ninjainpajamas]

You have to realize that this is likely a passion, and way of getting fulfillment in his life that is very important to him...so in that respect, you might be very well second place, because this is something that gives him that fulfillment with or without you.

 

As far the relationship, you have to communicate how you feel and express to him that he seems more stressed and tired when he does his coaching and you feel like there isn't enough time for both you...however it is you feel. Relationships are about compromise.

 

Then he has to figure out If he can make time or is motivated to, and you need to figure out if you can meet him half-way. Otherwise this will just be a strain on the relationship and cause a divide/resentment further down the road. Can you meet somewhere in the middle or reach an understanding or is this just too big of a pill to swallow?

 

I think expecting to come into his life and change his priorities for you is wishful thinking, If this is his passion and what he likes to do with his life then that's something that is determined by him and you cannot try to forcefully squeeze yourself into first place...I think realistically you're seeing the big picture now of what all this might entail, having a relationship with this guy.

 

He probably very much enjoys hanging out with his buddies and coaching these kids, I imagine they get a lot out of it together. But coaching is a lifestyle more than a job, even if he was paid...It's a pretty demanding job, but this might be something he wants to do in the long-term or for some time in his life, you could have that discussion.

 

You're only 10 months in though, and that's usually the shining part and high of the relationship...where the bar and standard is set, if you're not feeling number one now or like a priority then you might want to think real hard about the long-term here...this is supposed to be the "honey-moon" phase.

 

Are you even sure this guy takes you and this relationship seriously or is he just the relationship-y kind of guy? because that would explain being on the back-burner so quickly....not that he would change his life, but it would have been a more difficult time to take on a full-season and spend that much more time away from you.

[rocketman122]

My boyfriend coaches a kids sports team with 3 of his buddies. It was difficult when he did it for half a season last year, and this year he is doing the entire season.

It requires two practices a week, 2-4 games a week (two ALWAYS on weekends), and meetings on top of that. Combined with his busy work schedule, this is a lot and leaves him tired and cranky. I know work is important, but the kids team is voluntary and unpaid and takes up 8-14 hours of his week.

We have been together for 10 months. He is an incredible man but I can't help but feel like second place when date nights get cancelled for sports meetings, and weekends are shot because he has games. It also causes me to feel jealous about his other coaches, that he spends as much or more time with them than he does with me. (we live about 25 minutes apart and during off season, are with each other 5-6 days out of the week)

 

What I'm mostly asking is how can I get through this season. I am hoping he doesn't renew his contract for next season, but there is still 7 months of this left. I try so hard to be supportive but it's so tough sometimes.

 

Any advice on how to get through this and not ruin my relationship?

 

ur needy thats obvious. but now its going to be tough. talk/communicate with him

[jphcbpa]

Wow, going from 5 to 6 days per week (which imo is alot of time) to hardly any time is a big change.

 

Frankly there is not much you can do other than share with him how you feel, but do it very loving and supportive. You are making your feelings know without any pressure for him to change. That either way you are going to be there for him and show up in this relationship. This is real love.

 

Now is the time to find some hobbies of your own and enjoy the free time. What are you passionate about? What drives you? How can you fill this "void" of time? Keep asking yourself and searching this. Perhaps this is a time for you to grow as a person and within the relationship.