lavenderlove Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) (Background info: broke up with ex [8 yrs] 5 moths ago, NC for a few weeks, determined on staying out of trouble with men, enjoying working on myself) But when he walked into the room, i just felt a very deep attraction towards him. At some point later on during the night I found myself alone in a room (putting shoes on) thinking to myself, hey, it would be so awesome if he walked in right now....and he did! He sat right next to me and we started chatting. He didn't hesitate, from the fist moment he made it obvious that he likes me, got my number and we just talked and talked and talked and the energy between us was just insane. I did have a few one night stands earlier on in my life, and quite frankly not a big fan of having sex with strangers. I also really liked this guy and didn't want to to rush things. We ended up in my room ( I know) and I just couldn't resist him, he was just so so so so attractive (hopeless). We made out three times during the night, and I haven't slept at all. Now the strange thing is, and this is why I can't really put this anywhere is the way he held me. It was so strange. He is Asian and I am European, and he to me looks like a delicate statue carved out of stone, yet the way he made love to me was so confident, and I really felt like a women, I felt fragile and beautiful and he kept hugging me all night he was a truly amazing lover...he was giving. And this is why I don't get it. Not even my boyfriends I had before were so lovingly kind to me. When we started making out I felt disappointed because I thought ah here we go, it's going to be like the other one-nighters, where you feel like a used tissue paper afterwards...and then I was so surprised. I am not going to list all the beautiful things he said to me as it would be enough to melt an iceberg, I will just list his actions. He invited me for dinner. But I actually lost count of how many times he asked me out and made sure that I gave him the right number and so on. He messaged me when he got home wishing me a nice day and telling me how many minutes it took him to walk home from my house for future reference, ending it with a see you soon. During the night when he was telling me how nice I am and that he wants to spend time with me etc I reminded him, that I can't take him seriously because we already slept together. Who would sleep with someone they really like on their first meeting literally hours after they meet? I know we were both pretty tipsy and just went with the flow, but it is the worst start I think. What do you guys think? Any similar experience? Boys, would you have sex with someone you actually really like on the first night ? My attitude at this stage is to keep my distance emotionally, I am very attracted to him, but I don't know him at all, and I feel this could go either way, but I am willing to give it a chance. There is also a strong possibility that he wants to be lover as apposed to a boyfriend, but the things he SAID (I know) suggest something deeper. Any comments would be appreciated. The other thing is that because I have been in an emotionally neglectful relationship I don't actually have a clue about how attractive others find me, because I was out of this kind of thing for such a long time, and don't have much self confidence. And last night I think there were a few guys really interested, and I am beginning to realise that I am kind of classified ok material. Which is totally new to me. I went through a significant transformation recently style-wise, body-wise, attitude-wise. So the moral of the story may be that I just have to be careful because people will sometimes just want to get me laid. Ok I am going to stop writing now, I haven't slept for 33 hours. Edited August 11, 2013 by lavenderlove
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 And this is why I don't get it. Not even my boyfriends I had before were so lovingly kind to me. When we started making out I felt disappointed because I thought ah here we go, it's going to be like the other one-nighters, where you feel like a used tissue paper afterwards...and then I was so surprised. Unfortunately your negative past experience with men will exacerbate the actual good treatment and affection from a man who knows what he's doing. I am not going to list all the beautiful things he said to me as it would be enough to melt an iceberg, I will just list his actions. They've probably been said before...but just try to take the "words" as a good thing but not too heavily and serious...to heart. He invited me for dinner. But I actually lost count of how many times he asked me out and made sure that I gave him the right number and so on. He seems genuinely interested here. He messaged me when he got home wishing me a nice day and telling me how many minutes it took him to walk home from my house for future reference, ending it with a see you soon. During the night when he was telling me how nice I am and that he wants to spend time with me etc I reminded him, that I can't take him seriously because we already slept together. Unwittingly a good move on your part...he detects you got some walls up, men like to break those down. Who would sleep with someone they really like on their first meeting literally hours after they meet? An extremely large quantity of men on the planet. I know we were both pretty tipsy and just went with the flow, but it is the worst start I think. Nah, he was on the prowl. What do you guys think? Any similar experience? Boys, would you have sex with someone you actually really like on the first night ? Irrelevant My attitude at this stage is to keep my distance emotionally, I am very attracted to him, but I don't know him at all, and I feel this could go either way, but I am willing to give it a chance. Good, hopefully you can maintain this attitude...don't make one giant leap, do your best to maintain control and go through this in stages...get to know him and communicate. There is also a strong possibility that he wants to be lover as apposed to a boyfriend, but the things he SAID (I know) suggest something deeper. Don't ever say you "know"...men work in mysterious ways (at least to women) their actions are often misinterpreted...but with that being said you're not off to a bad start...you slept with him on the first time around, that was your decision..don't think of it either way at this point If he's remaining consistently interested but he might just like swooning the ladies, you'll have to wait and see. Any comments would be appreciated. The other thing is that because I have been in an emotionally neglectful relationship I don't actually have a clue about how attractive others find me, because I was out of this kind of thing for such a long time, and don't have much self confidence. And last night I think there were a few guys really interested, and I am beginning to realise that I am kind of classified ok material. Which is totally new to me. I went through a significant transformation recently style-wise, body-wise, attitude-wise. So the moral of the story may be that I just have to be careful because people will sometimes just want to get me laid. Your biggest downfall is you're coming from a different place and experience level with a heightened degree of vulnerability as you're like the fresh meat and men can pick that up...you're new to the dating world and the interaction with men on a intimate level, that's going to be new and surprising...you'll notice they have a bit more common sense and game than they may have in the past, not so transparent and dumbfounded not knowing what to do or say...you should be extremely careful whom you trust, you're liable to jump into this after a short-period of resistance...and these next relationships after a serious relationship/break-up don't typically go too well because you're not really yourself yet and just getting your feet wet really with men again, so it's easy to fall into that. You have to snap out of this "you're not so attractive/how interested are guys" mentality, as long as you have a vagina men are going to be interested and it's not like you remember before way back when, when you dated men who didn't know much of what they were doing or going on depending on how young you were...so don't live in the past, realize that you're at a different level in the dating world and things are easy-come-easy-go. Have confidence, and believe you are attractive and capable because if guys sense insecurity, doubt and vulnerability they'll be on you like a pack of wolves. Ok I am going to stop writing now, I haven't slept for 33 hours. You're doing fine so far, your reservations and walls are doing you good so far, it's keeping things in check (or at least telling you to) just live in the moment and don't think too much into it at this point (you can't anyway)...keep your eyes open and do try and keep your feet on the ground instead of lalaland. A lot of guys out there are just playing the field doing and saying exactly what women want to hear and they get better with each passing experience. So just for your own good keep it together and control the pace of things and do what you know you should do, once you get swept up it's game over...you're going to try and resist but then let your walls down and you'll be spinning out of control...go with it but keep your expectations in check, like you said...you really don't know him yet....so get to know him.
Author lavenderlove Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 first of all thanks Ninjapijamas for the awesome and throughout examination and wise analysis. Sorry i wrote my comments back to front. A lot of guys out there are just playing the field doing and saying exactly what women want to hear and they get better with each passing experience. So just for your own good keep it together and control the pace of things and do what you know you should do, once you get swept up it's game over...you're going to try and resist but then let your walls down and you'll be spinning out of control...go with it but keep your expectations in check, like you said...you really don't know him yet....so get to know him. This is one section I am not worried about. Because of my last relationship I think I will find it very hard to let myself go. You have to snap out of this "you're not so attractive/how interested are guys" mentality, as long as you have a vagina men are going to be interested and it's not like you remember before way back when, when you dated men who didn't know much of what they were doing or going on depending on how young you were... True. Have confidence, and believe you are attractive and capable because if guys sense insecurity, doubt and vulnerability they'll be on you like a pack of wolves. I tend to disagree on this one, because when I am insecure and vulnerable and depressed no one comes near me. While when I am happy and self confident they tend to be more interested. (I mean I don't really care. Attention from men I don't have an interest in is a burden to me. I don't use these encounters as a self-confidance accelerator. My aim is to find someone special. ) I know we were both pretty tipsy and just went with the flow, but it is the worst start I think. Nah, he was on the prowl. Ok. An extremely large quantity of men on the planet. Unwittingly a good move on your part...he detects you got some walls up, men like to break those down. Thank you. And this is what makes this situation so tricky. We breezed through some very major steps way too fast, I feel like giving my body at such an intimate level is not a very good start because there is no anticipation. They've probably been said before...but just try to take the "words" as a good thing but not too heavily and serious...to heart. At this stage I couldn't take them seriously even if I tried.
Author lavenderlove Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 He texted me this morning and invited me for dinner on Friday night. We swapped a couple of messages, all kind of encouraging but somehow reserved. I just think it's awesome that he set a date for the end of the week. To me it means that he is willing to go slow. He is so respectful the way he addresses me. He also doesn't text me a million times a day. And there was this call half way through our text conversation this morning, when he called and hung up after one ring. I am guessing maybe he freaked out...soo cute. Anyways he told me he will be in touch with me on Thursday regarding Friday. The problem is that I feel like I am floating off on the pink cloud already. 1
Author lavenderlove Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Hey guys, anyone who is interested in the outcomes of this blossoming little relationship please navigate to the thread titled as: going super fast
BradJacobs Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Who would sleep with someone they really like on their first meeting literally hours after they meet? Boys, would you have sex with someone you actually really like on the first night ? Why would I not have sex with a woman I thought was attractive? I've done it. I prefer doing it that way. It's never stopped me from pursuing a relationship with a woman. However, I don't always want a relationship from the women that I've slept with the first time that I met them.
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