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Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus...


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Old 1st June 2013, 11:20 PM   #1
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Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus...

Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.
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Old 1st June 2013, 11:50 PM   #2
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This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". Just because I have a child doesn't mean I'm spread eagle waiting for the "next", it just means I fell in love and made a baby. It's been 4 years and a struggle but I am so determined to do this. I just keep hanging on to my faith but sometimes I feel like I'm not going to make it. I just keep believing, hoping praying because even though I'm a Christian, I'm also human with desires. I'm so far from perfect and absolutely sexual...I love sex but I have to believe that all this waiting will pay off.

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Old 1st June 2013, 11:56 PM   #3
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dating isnt hard, doing sex is hard, there not linked, you seem to be a tad confused about that.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 12:09 AM   #4
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Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus...
What's the timeline for marriage?

Surprisingly, I've found a good way to repel women - "I loved being married and hope to be married again some day and won't live with a woman unless I'm married".

Watch 'em clear out

IMO, I'd see no issue (with waiting for marriage) and would cover the relevant aspects in the pre-nup.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 1:35 AM   #5
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My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. Waiting got harder after we decided to be life partners, and were engaged to be married. Fortunately, we agreed to waiting, and helped each other meet that goal. Our engagement was about 9 months - if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

One significant factor: She clearly stated that she expected to have plenty of sex after marriage, and I was convinced she meant it. (Yes, she kept that promise. Over the last 39 years we have enjoyed sex A LOT, and enjoyed A LOT of sex.)

What does "waiting" mean to you? If it's a nun-like image (no-sex, no-kissing, no-hand-holding, etc) you'll have a tough time convincing a guy that there will ever be sex. Guys have a mortal fear of getting stuck with a wife who thinks sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and only once (per child).
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Old 2nd June 2013, 1:48 AM   #6
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This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". . .
I'm sure that multiplies the difficulty. Do you have a well thought-out, sincere, explanation for the apparent change in attitude? What are you expecting from a guy in the way of sexual experience?
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Old 2nd June 2013, 2:02 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Veronica2025 View Post
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.
I agree with you hypocrisy is rampant. You are wise to be on guard. You can know someone's faith by their fruit, not the titles they attach to themselves. When someone is bragging about how holy they are it reminds me of what Jesus said.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.


Not all Christian men are like that. Keep the faith
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Old 2nd June 2013, 2:25 AM   #8
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You could find guys who would be willing to wait on sex if you were willing to give BJs when they needed it. Otherwise your stance is only going to fly with the most hardcore religious guys, except that most of them already married young so they'd be "allowed" to have sex.

Otherwise, I expect you will have an extremely hard time. Expecting abstinence until marriage is not natural and not fair. Are you willing to wait until marriage for the guy to spend a dime on you?
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Old 2nd June 2013, 4:47 AM   #9
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Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

I think the virginity/chastity issue is one of dysfunction. People do naturally have attraction and a sex drive. Trying to suppress that seems unnatural to me. "No sex before marriage" is an arbitrary standard. Where does it come from? Other people, mostly men, religious leaders. It also comes from dead people: whoever wrote the religious texts 100's or 1000's of years ago (men). So, people are letting themselves be controlled by religious "leaders". People are letting themselves be controlled by dead people. Quite strange. We (Americans, westerners) look down on those poor Muslim women who wear the burqa or jijab. The behavior of those burqa wearing women is controlled by men and living+dead religious leaders just as Christians are. Chastity, virginity, burqas, hijabs, sin, purity, etc; Its all about controlling sexuality. But why? Who benefits? The greatest trick was to convince women that they benefit from these values and traditions.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 5:04 AM   #10
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Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.
It appears that you hold a minority view, even for your social and religious circle, so this will limit your dating pool. Sorry, but that's just how it is. However, if it's an important belief for you then you should stick with it and hope to find someone who shares your view (or, if it's acceptable to you, someone who at least is tolerant of it).

Good luck!
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Old 2nd June 2013, 5:32 AM   #11
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Me and my bf are both virgins waiting until marriage, it's something we both want and feel good about. We're both Hindu Indians and we've been brought up thinking we would always wait until marriage so it works for us. However, we are a rare case.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 6:48 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Veronica2025 View Post
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.
Well, a vast amount of divorcee's that attend singles ministry events....middle aged...do you think they'll honestly "Wait until marriage" for their 2nd or 3rd marriage? lol Probably not.

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if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.
Yeah, I heard a couple of Christian people that were dating, said had a philosophy to be engaged for a year, before marrying....and I was wondering what kind of "alternatives" to "going all the way" were they doing during that year?

Last edited by irc333; 2nd June 2013 at 6:51 AM..
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Old 2nd June 2013, 6:52 AM   #13
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I knew of a Christian woman that wouldn't even KISS before marriage. Even Christians found her quite strange in that regards.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 6:53 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by ThomasD View Post
My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. Waiting got harder after we decided to be life partners, and were engaged to be married. Fortunately, we agreed to waiting, and helped each other meet that goal. Our engagement was about 9 months - if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

One significant factor: She clearly stated that she expected to have plenty of sex after marriage, and I was convinced she meant it. (Yes, she kept that promise. Over the last 39 years we have enjoyed sex A LOT, and enjoyed A LOT of sex.)

What does "waiting" mean to you? If it's a nun-like image (no-sex, no-kissing, no-hand-holding, etc) you'll have a tough time convincing a guy that there will ever be sex. Guys have a mortal fear of getting stuck with a wife who thinks sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and only once (per child).
Anybody that I know that was a virgin going into marriage has had a very successful marriage.

Unfortunately, my sex drive is way too high and women are way too easy these days for that to be a legitimate option.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 7:08 AM   #15
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I have known married couples that had waited, chances are they were VERY young when they got married.

I knew of this one couple, Christian, dated in their high school days, and got married 2 months after graduating high school.

I was like "Duh, no wonder you were able to wait until marriage" lol.
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