I want to be his girlfriend. Will it ever happen? How do you know?

[lamaga]

It's been not so long since I posted but I feel so anxious again, so here I go..

 

I've been dating this guy for a month now. We've established exclusivity about three weeks ago. Ever since then it's been two-three dates a week, and I think we've been on nearly 14-15 dates. It has come to a point were we both feel very comfortable with each other and have said things like "I like you a lot".

 

We've been sleeping together since date 6. It's really comfortable and he has said it feels amazing and unbelievably good and he likes when I stay over, always makes me breakfast in the morning and usually ends up asking if I want to stay the day to keep him company while he works from home (he is writing his dissertation while I am working on a novel).

 

When we are not together he always initiates the contact, and I barely do. He either texts or Skype-chats me, but when we write with each other he seems very restrained. He seems to not be an overly emotional guy, although he is sensible and sensitive, which I like. He has told me a lot of personal stuff and is opening up a lot. We are really great together, and everyone I know who has seen us together says so.

When we are out together, he does take my hand or puts his arm around me, several of my friends who we've been out with thought he was 'my boyfriend', BUT WE NEVER have put a label on it.

 

But I think I am ready for it!

 

..but this is my problem: I feel like we are currently stagnating. I have a intuitive feeling that perhaps this is how far it will go and he doesn't want a relationship with me. Maybe this is just my insecurity from past relationships/past dating experiences speaking, but I feel like I CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT read his actions.

 

Like I said, he is sweet, caring, sensitive with me, but sometimes I feel like he is just looking for a summer fling, or a friend with benefits.

 

Something that makes me hope he is serious about us was when he looked for job openings at my university... He said it would be great to be closer to me. He also suggested I do grad school at his university. That was even too much for me, but I didn't mention that.

He always says he will miss me when we don't see each other for more than two days.

 

And then there are moments where he writes me and just says "Talk to you soon" without any sweet things followed. Maybe I am spoiled (my last boyfriend was super romantic), maybe he is just not a romantic, I am so confused and can't read into this at all.

 

I see him again on Saturday. Should I talk about our 'whatever this is' with him and ask if he wants more or should I wait longer?

I know a month isn't too long but I feel like, although feelings have developed on my side in the past weeks, we are at a point where a decision should be made: become a couple or stop dating? Because if this keeps going I will definitely fall in love and I am so scared that I will have my heart broken.

Am I paranoid or what?

 

WHEN ARE YOU BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND?

DOES THAT JUST HAPPEN?

OR DO YOU ASK?

 

I feel like a stupid teenager all over again...

[therhythm]

It's been not so long since I posted but I feel so anxious again, so here I go..

 

I've been dating this guy for a month now. We've established exclusivity about three weeks ago. Ever since then it's been two-three dates a week, and I think we've been on nearly 14-15 dates. It has come to a point were we both feel very comfortable with each other and have said things like "I like you a lot".

 

We've been sleeping together since date 6. It's really comfortable and he has said it feels amazing and unbelievably good and he likes when I stay over, always makes me breakfast in the morning and usually ends up asking if I want to stay the day to keep him company while he works from home (he is writing his dissertation while I am working on a novel).

 

When we are not together he always initiates the contact, and I barely do. He either texts or Skype-chats me, but when we write with each other he seems very restrained. He seems to not be an overly emotional guy, although he is sensible and sensitive, which I like. He has told me a lot of personal stuff and is opening up a lot. We are really great together, and everyone I know who has seen us together says so.

When we are out together, he does take my hand or puts his arm around me, several of my friends who we've been out with thought he was 'my boyfriend', BUT WE NEVER have put a label on it.

 

But I think I am ready for it!

 

..but this is my problem: I feel like we are currently stagnating. I have a intuitive feeling that perhaps this is how far it will go and he doesn't want a relationship with me. Maybe this is just my insecurity from past relationships/past dating experiences speaking, but I feel like I CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT read his actions.

 

Like I said, he is sweet, caring, sensitive with me, but sometimes I feel like he is just looking for a summer fling, or a friend with benefits.

 

Something that makes me hope he is serious about us was when he looked for job openings at my university... He said it would be great to be closer to me. He also suggested I do grad school at his university. That was even too much for me, but I didn't mention that.

He always says he will miss me when we don't see each other for more than two days.

 

And then there are moments where he writes me and just says "Talk to you soon" without any sweet things followed. Maybe I am spoiled (my last boyfriend was super romantic), maybe he is just not a romantic, I am so confused and can't read into this at all.

 

I see him again on Saturday. Should I talk about our 'whatever this is' with him and ask if he wants more or should I wait longer?

I know a month isn't too long but I feel like, although feelings have developed on my side in the past weeks, we are at a point where a decision should be made: become a couple or stop dating? Because if this keeps going I will definitely fall in love and I am so scared that I will have my heart broken.

Am I paranoid or what?

 

WHEN ARE YOU BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND?

DOES THAT JUST HAPPEN?

OR DO YOU ASK?

 

I feel like a stupid teenager all over again...

 

Mmmm lady, in the moment you established exclusivity you became his girlfriend in my books... I think you are dawning in an glass of water.

If you have feelings for the guy just tell him and see how things go, you are not in the beginning of the dating phase anymore.

[lamaga]

For starters, it's only been one tiny month. ONE.

 

Secondly, as the other poster said - if you had 'the talk' and have agreed to be exclusive both emotionally and sexually, then it's safe to assume he IS your boyfriend. Who the hell commits to someone emotionally and sexually and ISN'T their boyfriend or girlfriend? It doesn't make sense.

 

LOL...how is it even possible to be 'stagnating' at the 4 week mark? I mean, seriously?

 

 

I guess the term stagnating was too extreme. I just think I am ready for a clear WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP or LET'S STOP DATING moment. I just really want to commit to this and I can't tell if he wants the same.

 

Well, we said we are both not seeing anybody else, that doesn't mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend, right? I am too old for this.. haha... I don't know the exact 'rules' people play by. That's why I came here to let off some steam and get advice... Thanks though!!!

[therhythm]

I guess the term stagnating was too extreme. I just think I am ready for a clear WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP or LET'S STOP DATING moment. I just really want to commit to this and I can't tell if he wants the same.

 

Well, we said we are both not seeing anybody else, that doesn't mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend, right? I am too old for this.. haha... I don't know the exact 'rules' people play by. That's why I came here to let off some steam and get advice... Thanks though!!!

 

All your issues have one only and simple solution .... Communication!

 

If you have so many insecurities why don't you just bring it up with the guy you are dating and get it out of the way. Many issues in a relationship start by lack of honest communication.

[sillyanswer]

It's been not so long since I posted but I feel so anxious again, so here I go..

 

I've been dating this guy for a month now.

 

Not long indeed! When you posted along the lines of "it's been three weeks and..." people gave that advice that "it's only been three weeks!"

 

This time I'm going with "It's only been a month!"

 

But if you're getting anxious about it then either take some deep breaths and calm down, or go have have a conversation with him about it.

[lamaga]

Not long indeed! When you posted along the lines of "it's been three weeks and..." people gave that advice that "it's only been three weeks!"

 

This time I'm going with "It's only been a month!"

 

But if you're getting anxious about it then either take some deep breaths and calm down, or go have have a conversation with him about it.

 

You guys are right, I need to talk to him. Maybe I am just scared of what he will say and that's why I've been postponing 'THE TALK'... Well, Saturday is the big day I guess.. wish me luck!

[todreaminblue]

You guys are right, I need to talk to him. Maybe I am just scared of what he will say and that's why I've been postponing 'THE TALK'... Well, Saturday is the big day I guess.. wish me luck!

 

 

good luck lamaga with the talk...it will be peachy, you will see.....i also think you are boyfriend and girlfriend whether stated or not......exclusive to me states relationship....dont be scared...........best wishes...deb

[sillyanswer]

You guys are right, I need to talk to him. Maybe I am just scared of what he will say and that's why I've been postponing 'THE TALK'... Well, Saturday is the big day I guess.. wish me luck!

 

Good luck!

[RedRobin]

Like I said, he is sweet, caring, sensitive with me, but sometimes I feel like he is just looking for a summer fling, or a friend with benefits

 

I agree with the others that you need to talk with him.

 

It is very important that you reciprocate his loving acts and gestures. It is just as likely that he might feel you are just looking for a summer fling or FWB if you don't.

 

...but here is my question... does he have a history of having lots of flings or FWB? If that is his pattern, then I would understand your concerns.

 

If it is not his pattern, you have absolutely nothing to worry about... try to stay calm and just enjoy your time together.

[MidwestUSA]

"When we are not together, he always initiates the contact, and I barely do". Why is this? Perhaps his conversations seem a bit strained because he always has to initiate? But, as others have said, ask him! Men are simple creatures, really! Good luck!

[therhythm]

I

...but here is my question... does he have a history of having lots of flings or FWB? If that is his pattern, then I would understand your concerns.

 

If it is not his pattern, you have absolutely nothing to worry about... try to stay calm and just enjoy your time together.

 

Wow lady, you are really obsessed with this! you have already a 100 pages thread about your hate for men who have had FWB in the past... we already have noticed, no need to bring it over to other threads too..:rolleyes:

[Adele0908]

Aww you like him a lot.

 

Most times asking "where is this going" is a turn off.

 

It comes off as needy and insecure and like you're trying to get something from him.

 

I would just admit that "hey I know this is silly but I'm feeling scared/insecure/unsure about this" and go from there.

[therhythm]

Aww you like him a lot.

 

Most times asking "where is this going" is a turn off.

 

It comes off as needy and insecure and like you're trying to get something from him.

 

I would just admit that "hey I know this is silly but I'm feeling scared/insecure/unsure about this" and go from there.

 

Not even that.. I would just say the "so how would you define "us" now? thing with an smile and then wait till he comes with a definition. (very important that you don't hint him, if you say so are we boyfriend and girlfriend now, or anything like that you are conditioning his answer...)

[lamaga]

Ok, news on the front: He just skype-chatted me and asked if on Sunday I want to go on this trip with him for 5 days. He needs to go to a city at the other end of the country (7 hour train ride) for some research project and asked if I wanted to come.

 

I asked him WHY he wanted me to come.

He said "seriously?"

I said "well, I just want to know... is that a bad question?"

He said "Because I thought it would be nice for us to spend time together and discover the city together at night" and "why would you doubt me? you said repeatedly that you don't trust me. whats up with that?"

 

And he is right. I said that before, when we had just met each other (it was just on the side when we talked about couchsurfing and how you can determine the grade of trust you have for a person on that website).

Anyway, I do trust him now.

So I told him "I DO trust you!". And he said "All is better now".

 

Mh.. I am so confused as to why he wants me to come to the trip with him, but like you said, men are simple, so he really just probably thought it would be a fun time to have together.

 

Now we are looking at hotels. Oh well...

[lamaga]

I agree with the others that you need to talk with him.

 

It is very important that you reciprocate his loving acts and gestures. It is just as likely that he might feel you are just looking for a summer fling or FWB if you don't.

 

...but here is my question... does he have a history of having lots of flings or FWB? If that is his pattern, then I would understand your concerns.

 

If it is not his pattern, you have absolutely nothing to worry about... try to stay calm and just enjoy your time together.

 

It's not his pattern at all. He seems like a very committed person to me. He has had long term relationships in the past.

Comes from a stable home (parents are still together) and does indeed value monogamy and fidelity. Most guys I dated who ended up having commitment issues came from broken homes.

[Sunshine87]

Ok, news on the front: He just skype-chatted me and asked if on Sunday I want to go on this trip with him for 5 days. He needs to go to a city at the other end of the country (7 hour train ride) for some research project and asked if I wanted to come.

 

I asked him WHY he wanted me to come.

He said "seriously?"

I said "well, I just want to know... is that a bad question?"

He said "Because I thought it would be nice for us to spend time together and discover the city together at night" and "why would you doubt me? you said repeatedly that you don't trust me. whats up with that?"

 

And he is right. I said that before, when we had just met each other (it was just on the side when we talked about couchsurfing and how you can determine the

grade of trust you have for a person on that website).

Anyway, I do trust him now.

So I told him "I DO trust you!". And he said "All is better now".

 

Mh.. I am so confused as to why he wants me to come to the trip with him, but like you said, men are simple, so he really just probably thought it would be a fun time to have together.

 

Now we are looking at hotels. Oh well...

 

He obviously likes you!! Cute.

[MidwestUSA]

It's not his pattern at all. He seems like a very committed person to me. He has had long term relationships in the past.

Comes from a stable home (parents are still together) and does indeed value monogamy and fidelity. Most guys I dated who ended up having commitment issues came from broken homes.

Well, it sounds like your guy was simply (there's that word again, SIMPLE ) thinking you'd enjoy a getaway. You've pretty much clearly defined your relationship, even if the word "girlfriend" hasn't been dropped. Relax and have a wonderful time! Yay!!

[Eddie Edirol]

I guess the term stagnating was too extreme. I just think I am ready for a clear WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP or LET'S STOP DATING moment. I just really want to commit to this and I can't tell if he wants the same.

 

Well, we said we are both not seeing anybody else, that doesn't mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend, right? I am too old for this.. haha... I don't know the exact 'rules' people play by. That's why I came here to let off some steam and get advice... Thanks though!!!

 

Its only been a month. Stop trying to sabotage or test him, you will turn him off if you keep up the nonsense.

 

BTW Even if he agrees to an exclusive relationship, it doesnt give you the green light to fall headlong into "love" ithout knowing who youre dealing with. You can still get your heart broken. Being exclusive in a relationship doesnt mean the relationship will actually work. You are still getting to know each other, and two months down the line he could decide that youre to paranoid to be involved with. Then where will you be?

 

Stop worrying about falling in love, and worry about getting to know the guy. You cant always determine if someone is safe to be with just because youre exclusive. You know how many women came to this board that found out after 2 months that their "boyfriend" was married?

[RedRobin]

It's not his pattern at all. He seems like a very committed person to me. He has had long term relationships in the past.

Comes from a stable home (parents are still together) and does indeed value monogamy and fidelity. Most guys I dated who ended up having commitment issues came from broken homes.

 

Ok... then I don't believe you have anything to worry about regarding his intentions...

 

It sounds like he really is being kind and patient... and is a good guy. Take a deep breath and just enjoy your time together

[therhythm]

Ok... then I don't believe you have anything to worry about regarding his intentions...

 

It sounds like he really is being kind and patient... and is a good guy. Take a deep breath and just enjoy your time together

 

Are you sure we should not put a private investigator on him and make sure he never actually engaged in a FWB? :lmao:

[Sunshine87]

OP, you need to relax a bit. I know the feeling but it's too early to determine the outcome of this relationship.

 

He obviously likes you...that is clear so don't over analyse that. Time will determine the rest. It's still early days.

 

Dating can be so exhausting especially when you are looking for something serious or long term or even marriage. But like one of the posters mentioned, even if he defined you as "boyfriend and girlfriend", anything could happen. Most of the posts under the "break up" section involved people in "bf/gf" relationships. So don't focus too much on the title as though it implies a life time commitment.

 

Pls relax. Protect yourself as much as you can because it's still early days. However, it is evident that he likes you so far and wants to spend time with you. I don't think you should bring up the GF/BF topic quite yet. Give it a bit of time and let things flow. Easier said than done though......I know I know lol.

[BluEyeL]

Iamaga, like the others said, calm down, you are way too anxious. Things seem to go well. There are no guarantees in life, just enjoy, don't lower the quality of this great times by being so anxious. And don't worry about silly labels. If he's committed, and acting committed, you are his girlfriend. Don't start with "where is this going" etc. It's too early.

[clia]

I can't see any reason at all based on what you posted about why you would be questioning this relationship. He seems totally into you, and things are going along as they should be for one month into the relationship. What is your problem?

 

You are going to sabotage this relationship if you don't get a handle on your insecurity. You need to just go with the flow and stop worrying about labels. You have established exclusivity. Enjoy that. It's only been one month, for Gods sakes. Be patient.

 

Asking him WHY he wants to take you on a trip is absurd. The correct answer is "I would love to go." Stop second guessing things, stop overanalyzing things, and go with it. He wants to take you on the trip because he likes you. End of story. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to deal with someone who is insecure as you are when he seems to be doing everything he should be doing? He is initiating contact, taking you out on dates, inviting you on trips...what more do you need? Seriously! You sound super high maintenance.

 

And stop comparing him to your ex. He isn't your ex.

[BluEyeL]

I can't see any reason at all based on what you posted about why you would be questioning this relationship. He seems totally into you, and things are going along as they should be for one month into the relationship. What is your problem?

 

You are going to sabotage this relationship if you don't get a handle on your insecurity. You need to just go with the flow and stop worrying about labels. You have established exclusivity. Enjoy that. It's only been one month, for Gods sakes. Be patient.

 

Asking him WHY he wants to take you on a trip is absurd. The correct answer is "I would love to go." Stop second guessing things, stop overanalyzing things, and go with it. He wants to take you on the trip because he likes you. End of story. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to deal with someone who is insecure as you are when he seems to be doing everything he should be doing? He is initiating contact, taking you out on dates, inviting you on trips...what more do you need? Seriously! You sound super high maintenance.

 

And stop comparing him to your ex. He isn't your ex.

 

Read this multiple times, she is so right. You can ruin things with the insecurity and you'll be very sorry. Hope you won't do that.

[stillafool]

It's been not so long since I posted but I feel so anxious again, so here I go..

 

I've been dating this guy for a month now. We've established exclusivity about three weeks ago. Ever since then it's been two-three dates a week, and I think we've been on nearly 14-15 dates. It has come to a point were we both feel very comfortable with each other and have said things like "I like you a lot".

 

We've been sleeping together since date 6. It's really comfortable and he has said it feels amazing and unbelievably good and he likes when I stay over, always makes me breakfast in the morning and usually ends up asking if I want to stay the day to keep him company while he works from home (he is writing his dissertation while I am working on a novel).

 

When we are not together he always initiates the contact, and I barely do. He either texts or Skype-chats me, but when we write with each other he seems very restrained. He seems to not be an overly emotional guy, although he is sensible and sensitive, which I like. He has told me a lot of personal stuff and is opening up a lot. We are really great together, and everyone I know who has seen us together says so.

When we are out together, he does take my hand or puts his arm around me, several of my friends who we've been out with thought he was 'my boyfriend', BUT WE NEVER have put a label on it.

 

But I think I am ready for it!

 

..but this is my problem: I feel like we are currently stagnating. I have a intuitive feeling that perhaps this is how far it will go and he doesn't want a relationship with me. Maybe this is just my insecurity from past relationships/past dating experiences speaking, but I feel like I CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT read his actions.

 

Like I said, he is sweet, caring, sensitive with me, but sometimes I feel like he is just looking for a summer fling, or a friend with benefits.

 

Something that makes me hope he is serious about us was when he looked for job openings at my university... He said it would be great to be closer to me. He also suggested I do grad school at his university. That was even too much for me, but I didn't mention that.

He always says he will miss me when we don't see each other for more than two days.

 

And then there are moments where he writes me and just says "Talk to you soon" without any sweet things followed. Maybe I am spoiled (my last boyfriend was super romantic), maybe he is just not a romantic, I am so confused and can't read into this at all.

 

I see him again on Saturday. Should I talk about our 'whatever this is' with him and ask if he wants more or should I wait longer?

I know a month isn't too long but I feel like, although feelings have developed on my side in the past weeks, we are at a point where a decision should be made: become a couple or stop dating? Because if this keeps going I will definitely fall in love and I am so scared that I will have my heart broken.

Am I paranoid or what?

 

WHEN ARE YOU BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND?

DOES THAT JUST HAPPEN?

OR DO YOU ASK?

 

I feel like a stupid teenager all over again...

 

Good grief woman you are spoiled. From your post it seems as if he is the one putting forth all the effort. What are you doing for him and the relationship?