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Recently had a fun first date (she's newly single)

somedude81

By somedude81
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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We met in my salsa class but she was in a relationship up until two weeks ago. We talked pretty frequently in class then started messaging on Facebook. I had a thread where I talked about her and some really smart people suggested I express interest and tell her that I would like to take her on a date if she was single. When I sent that message I had no idea that she had actually broken up with BF. I’ve known her since February.

 

The date was fun, and it went on for much longer than any of us had planned. Lot of talking, innocent touching, she laughed a ton. No kiss, but that’s not big deal at this point. Thankfully she wants to see me again. I’m pretty sure she likes me, and may have for a while.

 

Now here’s where things get complicated. She was with her ex BF for three years. They were having some issues for a while and she finally had enough and ended it. Naturally she doesn’t want to jump into another relationship right away.

 

I’m bad with girls in general and this situation is even more complicated. I know that if I don’t date her somebody else will; girls like her aren’t single for long. I have no issue at all with taking things slow as long as things are actually moving forward. I’m going away for the weekend coming up and I’m not sure if I should try to schedule a date before then, or just wait till I get back.

 

Feedback?

  • Like 19
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
We met in my salsa class but she was in a relationship up until two weeks ago. We talked pretty frequently in class then started messaging on Facebook. I had a thread where I talked about her and some really smart people suggested I express interest and tell her that I would like to take her on a date if she was single. When I sent that message I had no idea that she had actually broken up with BF. I’ve known her since February.

 

The date was fun, and it went on for much longer than any of us had planned. Lot of talking, innocent touching, she laughed a ton. No kiss, but that’s not big deal at this point. Thankfully she wants to see me again. I’m pretty sure she likes me, and may have for a while.

 

Now here’s where things get complicated. She was with her ex BF for three years. They were having some issues for a while and she finally had enough and ended it. Naturally she doesn’t want to jump into another relationship right away.

 

I’m bad with girls in general and this situation is even more complicated. I know that if I don’t date her somebody else will; girls like her aren’t single for long. I have no issue at all with taking things slow as long as things are actually moving forward. I’m going away for the weekend coming up and I’m not sure if I should try to schedule a date before then, or just wait till I get back.

 

Feedback?

Firstly, :D.

 

Secondly, don't wait up. If this was as good a date as you say and she might just like you, then you'll want to continue the momentum. Get another date in before you go away. Do not worry too much about the whole break-up thing. It's some dates with a nice girl who might like you. See how far this can go - don't marinade too much on her past or the future. Focus on the now.

 

I have to say I'm very glad to hear the date went well :)

  • Like 8
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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See, I told all of you that the Ice Age was coming. Hell has frozen over! Somedude had a date!

 

Don't worry about the past, hers or yours. Enjoy the moment. Don't overthink.

  • Like 12
SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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Alright somedude! Try not to get too invested given she's newly single, just go on dates and have fun and see what happens. Keep us posted!

  • Like 6
drr6 Established Member

drr6

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Congrats on going out there and meeting someone. +1 for the cojones to go to salsa class.

 

Now, am I missing something here? You had a nice, relaxed first date. Why wouldn't you ask her out again now? What is wrong with mentioning that you are going away next weekend and asking her when she is free next?

 

I'm not trying to be flippant here. Just very sleep deprived and wondering if I'm a left brain, linear freak because I don't get the emotional ambiguity of a lot of these threads?

  • Like 2
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Thanks guys.

 

Frankly, I don't know when I should ask her out next and for what day/how soon.

 

We had our first date yesterday.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Alright somedude! Try not to get too invested given she's newly single, just go on dates and have fun and see what happens. Keep us posted!

 

Congrats brother!

 

I would agree with SJC here. Don't bring up talks of a relationship, but don't slow down either. Most importantly, show her a good time. Since she just got out of a relationship, don't pressure her to get into another one. Make her want to be in a relationship with you because she really enjoys spending time with you.

 

However, don't let things slow down. Keep seeing her and asking her out. You don't need to talk daily like bf/gf, but you should plan on seeing her at least once a week. I'd ask her out again for later this week, perhaps a Thursday night date to karaoke or trivia night or some activity like that. Again, it's all about showing her a fun time.

  • Like 3
Anela Established Member

Anela

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I'm happy for you, SD! :)

  • Like 1
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Nice!! Although whatever happens w this girl you'll be fine.

 

Definitely keep in contact w her. Suggest a time before you go away and one after you get back. The big thing is to keep in contact w her.

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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Call no later than tomorrow for date 2.

  • Like 4
Els Established Member

Els

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Congrats! :)

 

You're right in that it's potentially a complicated situation, and there is certainly no guarantee that it will 'move forward'. But that applies to everyone and anyone. Seems like you have a good chance here, so no point getting hung up about needing guarantees.

 

IMO you should definitely try and schedule a date before that, but don't push it if she declines. If she answers, "Maybe we'll just meet up after you get back", take it cheerfully and tease her a little. ;)

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Yay!

 

Relax and enjoy. You're doing great. Keep doing what you're doing--putting yourself out there.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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:bunny::bunny::bunny:GO SOMEDUDE:bunny::bunny::bunny:
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Thanks for all the support and advice guys. It's really great.

 

So most likely we will be doing something before I take off. Either Wed or Th, she just needs to figure out her work schedule and she'll get back to me.

  • Like 5
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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So most likely we will be doing something before I take off. Either Wed or Th, she just needs to figure out her work schedule and she'll get back to me.

 

Where are you taking off to...? And for how long...? :confused:

Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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Congratulations SD. I've been waiting for this day. WE (as in, the Loveshack community) have been waiting for this day.

 

Most importantly, YOU have been waiting for this day.

 

Now, just go with it and enjoy the ride. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze. And as hard as this will be, don't seek or ask for a play-by-play. Relationships grow organically, they are not manufactured. At least, the good ones aren't, and obviously, you want to be in a good relationship.

 

Keep it light, keep it up, keep doing you.

  • Like 1
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Keep it light, keep it up, keep doing you.

 

And one other things, as my boss always tells me, "each day is a new opportunity to f*ck it up. So don't f*ck it up."

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Where are you taking off to...? And for how long...? :confused:

Just going back to my hometown for my little brothers high school graduation. It's just for the weekend as I have summer classes.

Congratulations SD. I've been waiting for this day. WE (as in, the Loveshack community) have been waiting for this day.

 

Most importantly, YOU have been waiting for this day.

Yes, we all have.

Now, just go with it and enjoy the ride. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze. And as hard as this will be, don't seek or ask for a play-by-play. Relationships grow organically, they are not manufactured. At least, the good ones aren't, and obviously, you want to be in a good relationship.

 

Keep it light, keep it up, keep doing you.

Here's the thing, without the play-by-play, I would take it super casual and hardly make any progress. For one, I wouldn't have tried to schedule another date so soon and for before I took off. I was so focused on giving her space. Which is probably a bad thing to do.

 

So I'm very good at keeping it light, and that's probably why I end up with friends the vast majority of the time. I think I just got lucky this time.

 

Even now, I'm not sure if I should try to kiss her when we go out on Thursday.

Yamaha Established Member

Yamaha

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Tell her she's HOT.

She'll get your meaning.

 

If your afraid/ashamed to express your sexual interest then it might turn into friendship. And if you want to kiss her, you should!

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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Yes try to kiss her, and try to make out with her. Kiss her when you first see her.

 

SD don't kiss her when you first see her.

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

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Keeping it fun and light isn't necessarily mutually exclusive with pursuing. :) In fact, I'd say that the best pursuits are usually fun and light.

 

Glad you managed to arrange another date before you leave.

 

Regarding The Kiss TM, you really need to be able to read her body language and to be able to move in naturally based on her cues for that.

  • Like 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

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Damn, congrats bro!

 

As far as the kiss goes, you definitely need to do it to avoid the friendzone. I've done it in all of the following ways in the past and all have worked:

 

1) Ask her.

2) Just say "I really want to kiss you right now." and see her response.

3) Wait until the end of the date and be aggressive.

4) While having a stimulating conversation, interrupt her mid-sentence, apologize for doing it, and kiss her (this one works well and is my favorite).

 

Good luck man!

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Awesome sd!!! I'm glad you asked her out again quickly and without excuse. What are you guys doing for your date?

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Just relax.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Hmm, it seems she wants to text back and forth every night. The past few times she has initiated.

 

That means something right?

  • Like 2
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