Buttercup84 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Gah this is driving me insane. I said to myself, this year will be about me and not meeting a guy. So then I meet someone. I wrote about it in a different thread, but since I am on my mobile I can't paste the link. Short: met this guy called Mark, through friends at a bar. We spoke a bit, but then I started talking to this other guy in the group. I spoke to Mark a bit over dinner later that night, he is a very sweet guy and he seemed interested in me, which a friend pointed out. He left early, and we did not really talk much that night, apart from thr beginning. I did go home with that other guy, which is something I have never done before. Of course, ONS turned out to be bit of a douche, trying to get me drunk and sweet talking to me all night. Of course I overlook the nice guy, and go with the bad boy. I am 28 and should know better. While the kissing was great ( been over a year for me ), I was kicking myself. The more my friend told me about Mark, the more I saw I made a mistake. They all went out several times, Marka had a bbq and asked my friend to invite me. I could not go those times, but when they met up Mark asked where I was. I finally.got his number and texted him while we were out last week and said he should come out too. He could not, but said he will come next time.for sure. He said my friend and I should.come to his next bbq which is soon. He told me about a new oven he is getting for the bbq and said have a good night. Well, I was kinda hoping he would text me this week, but nada. I think he might think I am into the other dude, and so he won't talk to me yet. I can't stop thinking about him, I am like a teenager. I was happy being single, but now I just want to see him. I am afraid when I go to his bbq he will just be friendly towards me. Make this stooooop.
lamaga Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Well, it seems like he is interested, but perhaps busy? I just went through a similar thing... I don't know much about Australian men though..
FlyerFan54 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 At this point, I don't think it would hurt to reach out to him. Say hello and ask if he is all ready for the BBQ, that sort of thing. Don't gauge things by him not contacting you, but by more of how he acts when you're around him. If he's friendly, that's not a bad thing. Just take it from there. It seems too early to be able to tell anything. Let us know how the BBQ goes, and it'll probably be easier to break down. Try to hang in there and do something to keep your mind off of him.
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I will say that, whenever a girl has a ONS with one of my friends, or otherwise gets involved romantically with them, they become significantly less attractive to me. Maybe it's a flawed perspective. Maybe it's because some of the friends I have are, while still friends, the types of people where I think to myself "wow, she got with him?!?!" Maybe it's a warped way of thinking, but it still holds true. I think maybe there's a feeling of lesser value that comes along with it. Almost as though we feel like we're getting what someone else didn't want. Sometimes I think "well, he didn't want anything more than a night, so maybe there's something off about her." 2
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Chill, girl. If you see you cannot chill and not date, then do it the proper way: multidate! It's what's preventing me from obsession over one guy - they seem to all annihilate each other - or at least my obsession towards anyone of them, individually ! I manage to compare, contrast and most importantly, relax! 2
rocketman122 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Gah this is driving me insane. I said to myself, this year will be about me and not meeting a guy. So then I meet someone. I wrote about it in a different thread, but since I am on my mobile I can't paste the link. Short: met this guy called Mark, through friends at a bar. We spoke a bit, but then I started talking to this other guy in the group. I spoke to Mark a bit over dinner later that night, he is a very sweet guy and he seemed interested in me, which a friend pointed out. He left early, and we did not really talk much that night, apart from thr beginning. I did go home with that other guy, which is something I have never done before. Of course, ONS turned out to be bit of a douche, trying to get me drunk and sweet talking to me all night. Of course I overlook the nice guy, and go with the bad boy. I am 28 and should know better. While the kissing was great ( been over a year for me ), I was kicking myself. The more my friend told me about Mark, the more I saw I made a mistake. They all went out several times, Marka had a bbq and asked my friend to invite me. I could not go those times, but when they met up Mark asked where I was. I finally.got his number and texted him while we were out last week and said he should come out too. He could not, but said he will come next time.for sure. He said my friend and I should.come to his next bbq which is soon. He told me about a new oven he is getting for the bbq and said have a good night. Well, I was kinda hoping he would text me this week, but nada. I think he might think I am into the other dude, and so he won't talk to me yet. I can't stop thinking about him, I am like a teenager. I was happy being single, but now I just want to see him. I am afraid when I go to his bbq he will just be friendly towards me. Make this stooooop. A lot of mixed feeling with that for me. it never happened to me but if I was mark and I found that out it would be off. in my eyes, and to me only, you are untrustworthy because youre impulsive and you seem unstable. im saying that if I was in that situation mark was in, there would be no chance. for me, even the slightest amount of my woman flirting or teasing or looking or even talking to other men in a certain way and its over. I am 100% loyal. nothing phases me. a super hot model could be naked in front of me and I wont break. you seem to break too easily. I dont mean to sound harsh, but for me, loyalty is tops. when you are not next to me and I can without a doubt trust you. and my GF knows no women can tempt me. when I love, its till death. I demand only what I give myself. 2
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Thank you guys. I guess I blew my chance, I totally regret the ons. I think they are not really friends, but I get what you say about the trust thing. The thing is, I am not a fling kind of girl, I am someone who wants marriage and kids soon. I would never cheat and would treat my partner so well. I guess I will just have to wait and see.
JohnP82 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Hmm this is a tough one. If I were Mark I don't think I would go after you for a couple of reasons. I wouldn't date someone my friend has slept with and also I wouldn't date someone that picked someone else over me. Although, I guess you didn't really pick ONS over Mark since he left early? Maybe it's an ego thing, but whatever. All I can suggest is that maybe you take the reins. Ask Mark to do something or if you can help with the preparation of his next BBQ.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 You don't seem ready for a relationship yet, you haven't gotten yourself put together yet. You seem to be acting impulsive and oops, ONS! That's all fine and dandy for you I suppose, but I'm just saying if Mark knew anything about that night he probably wouldn't be interested any further. So I'd just let Mark go and chalk it up to "bad timing". Your actions speak louder than your words, you may not be a ONS kind of a girl but you did it, and now you regret because he's a douche....typical scenario. I think you were on the right track working on yourself and I think your actions help show you where you still are, and that you still have more work to do. You had an opportunity with the nicer guy and yet went home with another guy that same night...not the wisest choice obviously if you were looking for something serious. Not that you owe this Mark anything but I think you've got to ask yourself what you're really looking for and what you really need, could've just been a weak moment but to me it reveals that you're in an emotionally vulnerable state....so you are prone to acting impulsively and not thinking things through, so I'd expect from a pattern of this type of behavior of you ending up with the same guys you are trying to avoid. I hope Mark walks away, for his own good...otherwise I think he'll be in for a surprise and you're probably not someone he would know how to deal with. 1
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 You don't seem ready for a relationship yet, you haven't gotten yourself put together yet. You seem to be acting impulsive and oops, ONS! That's all fine and dandy for you I suppose, but I'm just saying if Mark knew anything about that night he probably wouldn't be interested any further. So I'd just let Mark go and chalk it up to "bad timing". Your actions speak louder than your words, you may not be a ONS kind of a girl but you did it, and now you regret because he's a douche....typical scenario. I think you were on the right track working on yourself and I think your actions help show you where you still are, and that you still have more work to do. You had an opportunity with the nicer guy and yet went home with another guy that same night...not the wisest choice obviously if you were looking for something serious. Not that you owe this Mark anything but I think you've got to ask yourself what you're really looking for and what you really need, could've just been a weak moment but to me it reveals that you're in an emotionally vulnerable state....so you are prone to acting impulsively and not thinking things through, so I'd expect from a pattern of this type of behavior of you ending up with the same guys you are trying to avoid. I hope Mark walks away, for his own good...otherwise I think he'll be in for a surprise and you're probably not someone he would know how to deal with. Just because I had one ONS in my entire life, does not mean Mark should run away. I have not even kissed a man in over a year, and had plenty of offers. My life is pretty together now and I made a mistake. You are making me sound like a wreck. 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I will say that, whenever a girl has a ONS with one of my friends, or otherwise gets involved romantically with them, they become significantly less attractive to me. Maybe it's a flawed perspective. Maybe it's because some of the friends I have are, while still friends, the types of people where I think to myself "wow, she got with him?!?!" Maybe it's a warped way of thinking, but it still holds true. I think maybe there's a feeling of lesser value that comes along with it. Almost as though we feel like we're getting what someone else didn't want. Sometimes I think "well, he didn't want anything more than a night, so maybe there's something off about her." Generally, if a girl sleeps with a friend of mine (especially if she does it very easily), I no longer look at her as gf material. Most guys seem to feel this way and, to be honest, how could they not?
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Yes, I do know that. And I would feel the same if I were him. Thanks for the responses.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Yes, I do know that. And I would feel the same if I were him. Thanks for the responses.
snowflakes88 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Agree with the others. If he heard from someone else in your circle that you went home with another guy that night - probably not a good chance.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Just because I had one ONS in my entire life, does not mean Mark should run away. I have not even kissed a man in over a year, and had plenty of offers. My life is pretty together now and I made a mistake. You are making me sound like a wreck. I do sympathize with this. But the thing is: he only knows you from your mistake. If he knew you for like 5 years, knew you to not be that kind of girl, and knew that you just slipped up once, that would be a different story. But he met you once....that night. He knows you as "the girl that went home with so-and-so." That is your identity to him (potentially....since we don't actually know what he knows and how he thinks). Just something to think about in your future interactions. 3
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Second page of the thread an you haven't said whether they know eachother and/or if Mark knows about it. If he knows, you're sunk. From a mans perspective, especially if they know eachother, I would be an instant turnoff; Even if yall just made out. Most men operate this way. I don't know if it's instinct or what. I started to like my former roommates ex when I met her. Once they started dating, every ounce of attraction I had for her vaporized instantly. There was no jealousy or anything.
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Who were you talking to first when yall met? Mark or the other guy?
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Evidence suggests otherwise. You didn't choose Mark and you didn't choose any of the other offers. you chose the ONS. don't feel too bad, as they say par for the course for women. As I said before, I had not even kissed a man for over a year. I only had relationships before . I am not going to rry and proove myself to someone on the internet. If I were a guy, it would be Ok for me to have a ons.
ascendotum Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) I do sympathize with this. But the thing is: he only knows you from your mistake. If he knew you for like 5 years, knew you to not be that kind of girl, and knew that you just slipped up once, that would be a different story. But he met you once....that night. He knows you as "the girl that went home with so-and-so." That is your identity to him (potentially....since we don't actually know what he knows and how he thinks). Just something to think about in your future interactions. Correct ^. Players I know think its hilarious or get annoyed when they get the line 'I don't normally do this' from a woman they have only known an hour or two. Its such a cliche line to them (they think its bs), but could likely be true in many cases for their ons. This Mark guy may know nothing about your hookup, or word could have got back via your common friends. If he liked you he may have asked about you and got told you ended up pashing this other guy and jumping in the back of a cab with him. Chances are he's going to lose interest if that's the case (well for anything serious). He may know nothing. He also may be oblivious to you being all excited over him. You took the initiative with the txting which was good. You could easily still end up at his place for the bbq in a week or so or you'll see him again soon on another night out with your common friends. Give one of them the hint to invite him out the next weekend. Its only been a week. Edited May 3, 2013 by ascendotum
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 As I said before, I had not even kissed a man for over a year. I only had relationships before . I am not going to rry and proove myself to someone on the internet. If I were a guy, it would be Ok for me to have a ons. That's true. Saying how unfair it is won't help you get Mark, unfortunately. Hopefully, he doesn't know about it or doesn't care.....and he legitimately IS busy. Best of luck.
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 That's true. Saying how unfair it is won't help you get Mark, unfortunately. Hopefully, he doesn't know about it or doesn't care.....and he legitimately IS busy. Best of luck. Yeah but some of us are asking legit questions but she's defending herself instead of answering the real questions. Unless she hasn't seen them of course...
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Sorry if I did not answer all questions. So I messaged him and said hope you have a good weekend and lookig forward to bbq. He said me too, and asked if next weekend or after that is Ok. I asked if I should bring anything and he said no, but asked if I want anything. Before he stopped texting he said : Yoi can bring someone if you like.... more the merrier. Will just go to the bbq and see how it goes and leave it till then.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 I guess him telling me to invite someone is a sign of disinterest. All good though, I will live
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 You didn't show him a sign of interest. you acted like a friend to him. you showed him you wanted to go to his bbq so of course he responded as he did. FLIRT with him at the bbq and see how he responds. I did say it will be nice to see you again. I do not know how to flirt haha.
Author Buttercup84 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Talk in a sweet sexy voice, sexual innuendos. don't you talk to guy friends you have no romantic interest in different than you talk to boyfriends? Not really, most of my men friends are gay or married. Think I will just ask him about his new bbq, men love that lol.
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