what is meant by "desperate men"

[fortyninethousand322]

So I've been chatting with someone for a little over a month, from an online dating site (one of the last few people I contacted from the site before throwing in the towel).

 

The profile said she lived very near where my live, but in fact she lives in another country. To me, this is a very weird thing, and somewhat fishy (among other fishy things about her). I said "to hell with it" though and decided to talk to her anyway. I have obviously never spoken to her on the phone, only messaged with via facebook chat. The conversations are fine, and she sounds like a nice person who is at least somewhat interested in me (though I can't be certain of that or even to what extent).

 

I have asked to talk to her via webcam many times. Each time there was a new excuse. On Monday we made arrangements to talk on Thursday (yesterday). She said it was her free day and she'd have plenty of time to talk. Lo and behold, another excuse.

 

Look, I understand, crap happens. But this is just another occasion in a long line of occasions in which a woman says to me "I'm free X day" to hangout/go on a date/etc. (this time being chat on a webcam) only to flake or come out with some excuse. If you are a catch women will look for an excuse to hang out with you. If you are not, they look for excuses to get out of it.

 

Now, I'm not looking for advice or whatever. I know I should write her off and forget about her. But I'm not going to do that. You know why? Because she's the best option I have right now to even have a dag gone conversation with. Yes, I have friends, yes I have family, but sometimes you just want to have some female company, you know?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with everyone who thinks that "any guy" can get a date or whatever. I don't know what is or isn't true for women, because I'm not one. I'm sure some women have a tough time too, and I know most men do not have it tough. But there are some men for whom this dating (even just interacting with women) thing is harder than climbing Everest without oxygen. This is what a "desperate man" is.

[eleanorhurting]

So I've been chatting with someone for a little over a month, from an online dating site (one of the last few people I contacted from the site before throwing in the towel).

 

The profile said she lived very near where my live, but in fact she lives in another country. To me, this is a very weird thing, and somewhat fishy (among other fishy things about her). I said "to hell with it" though and decided to talk to her anyway. I have obviously never spoken to her on the phone, only messaged with via facebook chat. The conversations are fine, and she sounds like a nice person who is at least somewhat interested in me (though I can't be certain of that or even to what extent).

 

I have asked to talk to her via webcam many times. Each time there was a new excuse. On Monday we made arrangements to talk on Thursday (yesterday). She said it was her free day and she'd have plenty of time to talk. Lo and behold, another excuse.

 

Look, I understand, crap happens. But this is just another occasion in a long line of occasions in which a woman says to me "I'm free X day" to hangout/go on a date/etc. (this time being chat on a webcam) only to flake or come out with some excuse. If you are a catch women will look for an excuse to hang out with you. If you are not, they look for excuses to get out of it.

 

Now, I'm not looking for advice or whatever. I know I should write her off and forget about her. But I'm not going to do that. You know why? Because she's the best option I have right now to even have a dag gone conversation with. Yes, I have friends, yes I have family, but sometimes you just want to have some female company, you know?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with everyone who thinks that "any guy" can get a date or whatever. I don't know what is or isn't true for women, because I'm not one. I'm sure some women have a tough time too, and I know most men do not have it tough. But there are some men for whom this dating (even just interacting with women) thing is harder than climbing Everest without oxygen. This is what a "desperate man" is.

 

Don't settle just because she is the best option available to you. I have no idea how this works but every time you DONT settle you open the door for someone who is a better fit for you.

[MrCastle]

Believe me, I've been there. In the long run though, it's torture.

 

This girl is in another country. She's not that into you.

 

I know you think it's better than nothing but certainly you can do better than this.

 

If all you're looking for is female companionship, there are plenty of nice women on this site who would be happy to be a pen pal of sorts.

[Soxfaninfl]

I'd be leary of this. She may just be trying to get into the country and using you. Who the hell knows. As far as her making the excuses not to do the web cam seems odd. Maybe the photos she is using aern't hers? I've had a couple of women contact me from other countries, but I don't do long distance relationships. It's just to hard.

[carhill]

I'd move on. The internet can be a strange place. If a potential romantic association doesn't move towards real life interactions, whether by phone, web cam or in-person meeting quickly, fuggetaboutit.

 

For all you know it could be a guy trolling you for kicks.

[Soxfaninfl]

I'd move on. The internet can be a strange place. If a potential romantic association doesn't move towards real life interactions, whether by phone, web cam or in-person meeting quickly, fuggetaboutit.

 

For all you know it could be a guy trolling you for kicks.

 

Have you heard of the Manti Teo incident? Your a fottball fan, so you should now about it. Like Carhill said it could be a dude.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'd be leary of this. She may just be trying to get into the country and using you. Who the hell knows. As far as her making the excuses not to do the web cam seems odd. Maybe the photos she is using aern't hers? I've had a couple of women contact me from other countries, but I don't do long distance relationships. It's just to hard.

 

If this was really the case (aside from being "used" like that) I wouldn't be against it. I'm for open borders anyway. I'd feel more sorry for her than for me.

 

Anyway, I'm not looking for a long term relationship (ideally). Right now, I'm fine with just talking to someone, which is obviously not working out right now.

[fortyninethousand322]

Have you heard of the Manti Teo incident? Your a fottball fan, so you should now about it. Like Carhill said it could be a dude.

 

That was my original thought. The person whose name is being used definitely does exist though. I know that much. It's not exactly like a Mati Te'o situation.

 

It is certainly possible that someone is impersonating the real person though. You never know.

[carhill]

A desperate man can compromise his self-worth and standards of behavior to achieve a goal. I recall going through such a period in my late-20's, replete with spectacular failures which, reflecting today, border upon the comical and absurd. Was it worth it? Seemed so at the time. In retrospect, the lessons perhaps were worth the cost but, on balance, such pursuits were a spectacular waste of time and energy towards the goal of having 'some female companionship'. YMMV.

[Soxfaninfl]

That was my original thought. The person whose name is being used definitely does exist though. I know that much. It's not exactly like a Mati Te'o situation.

 

It is certainly possible that someone is impersonating the real person though. You never know.

 

 

Just be leary. That would suck if she turns out to be a guy. I know you'll like this lol, but Go Pats! I'm a Patriots fan. Do we play each other next season. We need redemption. I just checked the schedule and the Pats play the Ravens on the road again. Congrats on your team winning the Super Bowl by the way.

[fortyninethousand322]

Believe me, I've been there. In the long run though, it's torture.

 

This girl is in another country. She's not that into you.

 

I know you think it's better than nothing but certainly you can do better than this.

 

If all you're looking for is female companionship, there are plenty of nice women on this site who would be happy to be a pen pal of sorts.

 

Ideally, I want a girlfriend. What I'm willing to settle for is just some female company (even if only platonic, I am capable of categorizing people without getting attached).

 

This isn't about one woman, this is a pattern. Whenever I ask a girl out, even just to hang out (with an implicit or explicit understanding of no romance involved) I always get an excuse with very very rare exception. It always feel like me asking them or even them hanging out with me is some kind of undue burden. It's not like it's women I've met from OLD. Some are (like in this case) but the vast majority were women I know/knew in real life.

 

Like honestly, what the hell is wrong with me that so many women (of all kinds of backgrounds and from different locations) seem to want to avoid a face to face meeting with me?

[fortyninethousand322]

Just be leary. That would suck if she turns out to be a guy. I know you'll like this lol, but Go Pats! I'm a Patriots fan. Do we play each other next season. We need redemption. I just checked the schedule and the Pats play the Ravens on the road again. Congrats on your team winning the Super Bowl by the way.

 

I suppose the "soxfan" part of your name means you're also a part of "Pink Hat Nation"?

 

I'm always suspicious of everyone. I'm just desperate enough to look past it for now.

 

And, the Pats and the Ravens might play opening night of the NFL this year. Might be an epic game, like Saints-Packers two years ago.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ideally, I want a girlfriend. What I'm willing to settle for is just some female company (even if only platonic, I am capable of categorizing people without getting attached).

 

This isn't about one woman, this is a pattern. Whenever I ask a girl out, even just to hang out (with an implicit or explicit understanding of no romance involved) I always get an excuse with very very rare exception. It always feel like me asking them or even them hanging out with me is some kind of undue burden. It's not like it's women I've met from OLD. Some are (like in this case) but the vast majority were women I know/knew in real life.

 

Like honestly, what the hell is wrong with me that so many women (of all kinds of backgrounds and from different locations) seem to want to avoid a face to face meeting with me?

 

Nothing is wrong with you. Just most girls want the absolute best. Mostly in terms of looks.

 

Just keep looking, that's all. Desperation is good IME because it keeps you active and looking.

[somedude81]

Dude, you need to put yourself in situations where you can interact with new women.

 

Take a cardio class at the gym and you'll be surrounded by women. Start a conversation with somebody about the workout, how you found it easy or that it was really hard.

[fortyninethousand322]

Nothing is wrong with you. Just most girls want the absolute best. Mostly in terms of looks.

 

Just keep looking, that's all. Desperation is good IME because it keeps you active and looking.

 

I don't know, I've seen women dating men who aren't the greatest in terms of looks or even money. I think there's other things that go into it, mostly subconscious things that are hard to fake.

 

Desperation is bad, IMO because it keeps me attached to people who are clearly not interested. It's like doubling down on a bad investment.

[fortyninethousand322]

Dude, you need to put yourself in situations where you can interact with new women.

 

Take a cardio class at the gym and you'll be surrounded by women. Start a conversation with somebody about the workout, how you found it easy or that it was really hard.

 

Eh, I've thought about that, but then, I went to school for 5 years of undergrad which had a fair amount of women. I was also on a co-ed basketball team with three single women. Nothing happened. Every time tried to talk to women I got the "burden" feeling. Except one time, which ended up being worse in the end anyway.

[somedude81]

Eh, I've thought about that, but then, I went to school for 5 years of undergrad which had a fair amount of women. I was also on a co-ed basketball team with three single women. Nothing happened. Every time tried to talk to women I got the "burden" feeling. Except one time, which ended up being worse in the end anyway.

Burden feeling? What is that?

[fortyninethousand322]

Burden feeling? What is that?

 

That hanging out with me is a burden, rather than something they actually want to do.

[Imajerk17]

There is no reason why you should be desperate OP. You're clearly articulate, you seem like a decent likeable guy, and you're athletic as well. Didn't you also say you were 5'10"?

 

This "woman" sounds like a fake. Beware of anyone online who (a) has an age-range that is suspiciously wide and skewed, and (b) who lives in another country. Cut your losses now.

 

 

 

 

So I've been chatting with someone for a little over a month, from an online dating site (one of the last few people I contacted from the site before throwing in the towel).

 

The profile said she lived very near where my live, but in fact she lives in another country. To me, this is a very weird thing, and somewhat fishy (among other fishy things about her). I said "to hell with it" though and decided to talk to her anyway. I have obviously never spoken to her on the phone, only messaged with via facebook chat. The conversations are fine, and she sounds like a nice person who is at least somewhat interested in me (though I can't be certain of that or even to what extent).

 

I have asked to talk to her via webcam many times. Each time there was a new excuse. On Monday we made arrangements to talk on Thursday (yesterday). She said it was her free day and she'd have plenty of time to talk. Lo and behold, another excuse.

 

Look, I understand, crap happens. But this is just another occasion in a long line of occasions in which a woman says to me "I'm free X day" to hangout/go on a date/etc. (this time being chat on a webcam) only to flake or come out with some excuse. If you are a catch women will look for an excuse to hang out with you. If you are not, they look for excuses to get out of it.

 

Now, I'm not looking for advice or whatever. I know I should write her off and forget about her. But I'm not going to do that. You know why? Because she's the best option I have right now to even have a dag gone conversation with. Yes, I have friends, yes I have family, but sometimes you just want to have some female company, you know?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with everyone who thinks that "any guy" can get a date or whatever. I don't know what is or isn't true for women, because I'm not one. I'm sure some women have a tough time too, and I know most men do not have it tough. But there are some men for whom this dating (even just interacting with women) thing is harder than climbing Everest without oxygen. This is what a "desperate man" is.

[ChessPieceFace]

If you are a catch women will look for an excuse to hang out with you. If you are not, they look for excuses to get out of it.

 

Fix your perspectives. If a woman likes you they will look for an excuse to hang out with you. It's based on their subjective desires, not your supposed objective value.

 

I know I should write her off and forget about her. But I'm not going to do that.

 

Which demonstrates the problem. You're willing to settle for crap women that lie and back out of plans and you convince yourself "I am not a real man, I am worthless, this is all I can get." You're the one at fault for choosing to believe that. The attitude alone is probably a lot of your problem with women. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

[somedude81]

That hanging out with me is a burden, rather than something they actually want to do.

Do you also get that feeling when you are just having a casual conversation with a woman?

[Soxfaninfl]

I suppose the "soxfan" part of your name means you're also a part of "Pink Hat Nation"?

 

I'm always suspicious of everyone. I'm just desperate enough to look past it for now.

 

And, the Pats and the Ravens might play opening night of the NFL this year. Might be an epic game, like Saints-Packers two years ago.

 

Yes, Red Sox nation all the way! Pink hat nation LMAO! Your funny.

 

I wish you luck. At least your talking to someone right now. That more than I can say.

 

Yes, it will be a good game. Pats/Raven games go down to the wire lately.

[fortyninethousand322]

There is no reason why you should be desperate OP. You're clearly articulate, you seem like a decent likeable guy, and you're athletic as well. Didn't you also say you were 5'10"?

 

I agree, I seem like I should have no problems. But every time I venture out, I get burned. I don't know what the deal is.

 

This "woman" sounds like a fake. Beware of anyone online who (a) has an age-range that is suspiciously wide and skewed, and (b) who lives in another country. Cut your losses now.

 

She very well might be a fake. But, the thing is, I have verified that someone with her name and photos does exist but obviously it could be an impersonator. I don't know. If I had someone on the depth chart to take her place, believe me I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[fortyninethousand322]

Fix your perspectives. If a woman likes you they will look for an excuse to hang out with you. It's based on their subjective desires, not your supposed objective value.

 

Ok. So instead of being objectively worthless, I'm only subjectively worthless to a vast number of women. Congrats to me...or something.

 

Which demonstrates the problem. You're willing to settle for crap women that lie and back out of plans and you convince yourself "I am not a real man, I am worthless, this is all I can get." You're the one at fault for choosing to believe that. The attitude alone is probably a lot of your problem with women. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Eh, I usually go no contact with a lot of women who do that to me, so it's not like I continuously put myself through the ringer. Also, a lot of times these women do the fade on me so I just naturally fall out of contact.

 

This woman is (for now at least) continuing to talk to me via instant message so I continue to talk to her. If I went out and talked to some girl in the library or at the coffee shop I'd be at the same place in a week anyway. What's the difference?

[fortyninethousand322]

Do you also get that feeling when you are just having a casual conversation with a woman?

 

You mean like with the cashier at the grocery store or the bank teller? Yeah, pretty much.