amythan Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Hi there, This seems to be the story of my life ... I met this guy at work and we instantly liked each other. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and when he was in town he asked me out. Then he got back to his hometown and told me that he has a g/f. At this point i decided to step back. After a few days he started emailing me again and i tried to be just friends but we find ourselves flirting and spending the whole day talking. Then we exchange the phone numbers and he texted me everyday, especially when he was out and drunk. I really liked him so i thought (silly me) that we could work it out. And then everything went wrong. He came here (two weeks ago) and we went out for drinks and we talked and flirted and he kissed me. Then he regretted it and we had a chat and he said that he doesn't know what to do and he had already told his g/f about me. I said that i was not going to sleep with him and he said he didn't want that either as he likes me too much and it wouldn't be nice like that. After that he got distant and but sometimes he texted me that he likes me. A very serious thing happened to me last week and I told him. We talked and after we said good night he texted me saying that he is in a conflicted place and it is not fair to me and blah blah and I realised that i was settling for a disaster. I told him to give it some thought and call me when he makes his mind. Three days later he texted me saying that he wish he could have helped me more but he is there for me. I said that i was serious and I do not want to stick around people who do not like me enough and just call me when you do not feel confused. He replied again !! He said that he knows I am great and this and that, and thanks for being so cool with him and that he has lots to sort out. I do not know what he was talking about but I didn't reply. I am done. I know i did the right thing but I am so sad. Everything is so wrong now, and i miss him. I do not even think he believes I like him, he even asked me why if I can go out with many other guys but I do like him because we can talk and he is funny. I understand that we do not even live in the same town and we do not know each other that much so it was foolish to think that he would want to give us a try. But i really thought it would be the case Thanks for your opinions, i really thought he likes me ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author amythan Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) As expected ... he emailed me this afternoon. He does not get it. I explained him that we were both responsible for the mess we created but I gave it some thought and I do not want to be in the middle. I like him but i do not want to have any further (non-professional) contact with him if he does not share the same feelings. Just because it is the smart thing to do and I do not want to settle for less than i want and feel sorry and hurt later on. He either is retarded or feels guilty or wants to keep the situation going ... I do not know but instead of taking time to reply, not reply at all or say something like i understand so it is better to stop talking .... he texted me saying "blah blah have good evening and keep smiling xx" WTF ??? Well i voiced my mind and i toke a decision, from now on I do not reply to him anymore. But I do not understand what he wants. Edited February 20, 2013 by amythan Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I hate guys like him!! $10 that his gf doesn't know about you.... You did the right thing by deciding that you don't want to be in the middle, you just need to take it to the final step and actually block him. He's going to keep contacting you and because you like him so much, all that does is increase your chances of caving and eventually becoming the OW. I know it sucks and it's sad that you met someone that you clicked so well with and you liked so much - but this guy is totally just playing a game. He knows what he's doing and don't be fooled that he's so conflicted and all that crap. He's got a gf and he kissed you and would bang you the first chance he got - is that really the kind of guy you want in your life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amythan Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah you are probably right. The thing is he didn't look like a player but a nice guy. He told me that he was on and off with his g/f and not that head over heels with her ... umm bad, I know. And then when he said that we would not sleep with me because if does not feel right I thought he wanted to do things rightly. But now thinking back he probably said that because i said first that i was not in for this crap. He repeats all the time how attracted to me he is and how hot i am so this makes me think that his interest in me as a person is not that high. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah you are probably right. The thing is he didn't look like a player but a nice guy. He told me that he was on and off with his g/f and not that head over heels with her ... umm bad, I know. And then when he said that we would not sleep with me because if does not feel right I thought he wanted to do things rightly. But now thinking back he probably said that because i said first that i was not in for this crap. He repeats all the time how attracted to me he is and how hot i am so this makes me think that his interest in me as a person is not that high. He just wants you to think that it's not about sex. He also wants you to think that he is a good guy and not a player. He repeats how attracted he is to you - but what does that get you? It's just his way of weaseling into your world and eventually getting some on the side. I'm sure you are great, hot and awesome, so don't you deserve better than some attached guy making passes at you? Tell him to leave you alone until he's single. I really don't think you should continue contact with this guy. But that's just me and I'm jaded when it comes to these types of shinanigans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amythan Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Thank you ! I am not changing my mind I do not want to have more exchanges with this scumbag. Just feeling disappointed, also with me to put myself in this ****ty situation but i know what i want and it is not being an entertainment or the second best. I am lucky because i have lots of good people and things in my life that help me to do not lose perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I said that i was not going to sleep with him and he said he didn't want that either as he likes me too much and it wouldn't be nice like that. After that he got distant and but sometimes he texted me that he likes me. From your own words. Get the picture? You should not feel bad. You should feel happy that this guy didn't suck you in further. I would suggest you cut all contact with him for at least 3 months. Don't take his emails, don't read his txt's, block his facebook... ect. THAT is the right thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Thank you ! I am not changing my mind I do not want to have more exchanges with this scumbag. Just feeling disappointed, also with me to put myself in this ****ty situation but i know what i want and it is not being an entertainment or the second best. I am lucky because i have lots of good people and things in my life that help me to do not lose perspective. Its a shame it did not turn out like you wanted but how were you hoping this would turn out..that he would dump his current gf and pack up and move town to live near/with you? He was emotionally cheating on his gf. Its always entirely possible that if he became your bf, he could do the exact same further down the line. In saying this though, its not like he is the first man or woman to have been really attracted to someone else (especially when their current relationship is patchy), and want to spend time in the company of that person and also secretly wish with that this new person was their gf/bf. If that person was to subsequently dump their current partner to follow their desires and get with this new person, well some people will also not see that as being a great character trait either. If he was a proper scumbag, he would not have mentioned having a gf back in his town, and would just play you into a fling. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Morals aren't some pointless concept, they're for your own protection. You can choose to cheat with this guy or not. Then he will have cheated on his GF. If you get involved with him - months or years down the road, why wouldn't he cheat on YOU? GL with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amythan Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Its a shame it did not turn out like you wanted but how were you hoping this would turn out..that he would dump his current gf and pack up and move town to live near/with you? Why not ? Once I moved to a different country (and found a job beforehand) for someone I was crazy about and I was not even dating him .. and we lived together from day one and during nine years ! Crazy as it sounds Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Hi there, This seems to be the story of my life ... I met this guy at work and we instantly liked each other. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and when he was in town he asked me out. Then he got back to his hometown and told me that he has a g/f. At this point i decided to step back. After a few days he started emailing me again and i tried to be just friends but we find ourselves flirting and spending the whole day talking. Then we exchange the phone numbers and he texted me everyday, especially when he was out and drunk. I really liked him so i thought (silly me) that we could work it out. And then everything went wrong. He came here (two weeks ago) and we went out for drinks and we talked and flirted and he kissed me. Then he regretted it and we had a chat and he said that he doesn't know what to do and he had already told his g/f about me. I said that i was not going to sleep with him and he said he didn't want that either as he likes me too much and it wouldn't be nice like that. After that he got distant and but sometimes he texted me that he likes me. A very serious thing happened to me last week and I told him. We talked and after we said good night he texted me saying that he is in a conflicted place and it is not fair to me and blah blah and I realised that i was settling for a disaster. I told him to give it some thought and call me when he makes his mind. Three days later he texted me saying that he wish he could have helped me more but he is there for me. I said that i was serious and I do not want to stick around people who do not like me enough and just call me when you do not feel confused. He replied again !! He said that he knows I am great and this and that, and thanks for being so cool with him and that he has lots to sort out. I do not know what he was talking about but I didn't reply. I am done. I know i did the right thing but I am so sad. Everything is so wrong now, and i miss him. I do not even think he believes I like him, he even asked me why if I can go out with many other guys but I do like him because we can talk and he is funny. I understand that we do not even live in the same town and we do not know each other that much so it was foolish to think that he would want to give us a try. But i really thought it would be the case Thanks for your opinions, i really thought he likes me ... Don't mess with that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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