Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 By good I mean a sing of interest. Is it a good sign if the person you are interested in and have been hanging out with, or dating, somehow showing interest in, acts jealous of potential competitors showing interest in you? Yes this is brought on by an incident with the young lady I've written about for the last four months.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I used to think so but have changed my mind. In retrospect, any time I've felt jealousy, it was my gut instinct telling me something, something I didn't listen to.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Yes. Jealousy is good and normal...to a certain extent. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Interesting so far. @tbf Could you elaborate? @KungFuJoe. Well I think you've commented on a few of the threads about the person I'm referring to. They acted quite jealous of someone else who was talking to me. I mean totally trashing this person once they were out of the room. Would it be safe to say I'm certainly not "just" a friend or "just" someone they hang with if they are acting that way?
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I have no idea of the situation you've referenced with the other member but as it pertains to my perspective, jealousy is a negative emotion that sources from insecurity, whether it's personal insecurity (feeling insufficient to hold the interest of the other) or insecurity caused by the actions of the person you're interested in (displaying a lack of commitment to the person feeling jealousy, through pattern of actions). Each time I've experienced jealousy, it's been because of the latter. With this in mind, jealousy causes shut down within me, a need to withdraw from an uncommitted individual. 1
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Interesting so far. @tbf Could you elaborate? @KungFuJoe. Well I think you've commented on a few of the threads about the person I'm referring to. They acted quite jealous of someone else who was talking to me. I mean totally trashing this person once they were out of the room. That's different. I hate trash talking. There's normal jealous and there's crazy jealous. Normal jealous can be HOT...crazy jealous is nothing but a pita. Here's crazy jealous: I was 21, my friends little sister (aged 11) had a crush on me. It was cute! I was always nice to her and she'd show me her music and her cheerleading moves, etc. she wasn't very subtle about liking me but who knows tact at that age, right? My gf at the time sees her do her thing around me and later on...she trash talking this eleven year old!!! I couldn't believe it! Eleven years old! Needless to say we aren't together anymore. Normal/hot jealous: This was very recent...at a Xmas party. A very attractive woman (she's a pin up model) is somewhat subtly flirting with me (at least I got that vibe, i could have been wrong). I'm having a lengthy conversation with the girl while seated next to my wife who is talking to her cousin. But I know SHE knows what's going on. At the end of the night as we get into our car, she says, "so I saw you talking to that girl......" I'm like, "yeah, she's really nice." She replies, "yeah...I think she liked you." I didn't say a word. Then she follows up with, "I want you". And well....I posted all the dirty little details in another thread, but that's besides the point. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 That's different. I hate trash talking. There's normal jealous and there's crazy jealous. Normal jealous can be HOT...crazy jealous is nothing but a pita. Here's crazy jealous: I was 21, my friends little sister (aged 11) had a crush on me. It was cute! I was always nice to her and she'd show me her music and her cheerleading moves, etc. she wasn't very subtle about liking me but who knows tact at that age, right? My gf at the time sees her do her thing around me and later on...she trash talking this eleven year old!!! I couldn't believe it! Eleven years old! Needless to say we aren't together anymore. Normal/hot jealous: This was very recent...at a Xmas party. A very attractive woman (she's a pin up model) is somewhat subtly flirting with me (at least I got that vibe, i could have been wrong). I'm having a lengthy conversation with the girl while seated next to my wife who is talking to her cousin. But I know SHE knows what's going on. At the end of the night as we get into our car, she says, "so I saw you talking to that girl......" I'm like, "yeah, she's really nice." She replies, "yeah...I think she liked you." I didn't say a word. Then she follows up with, "I want you". And well....I posted all the dirty little details in another thread, but that's besides the point. In short: Jealousy where they react by trying to undercut any possible competition bad. Jealousy where they try to make sure you stay with them good.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Or more like jealousy + trust/confidence = good Like that pin up model...my wife got a little jealous but she trusts me and she knows I have eyes only for her.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Or more like jealousy + trust/confidence = good Like that pin up model...my wife got a little jealous but she trusts me and she knows I have eyes only for her. Well I'd hope if she were my wife she'd trust me a bit more. Were just at the hang out allot stage, the new dating as in my sig, no promises have been made but we seem to like each other. It's strange in that she talks to other guys too and I play it (almost everything really) very cool. So I guess in a twisted way this is her showing love...by trashing other women who show interest in me.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Or more like jealousy + trust/confidence = good Like that pin up model...my wife got a little jealous but she trusts me and she knows I have eyes only for her.This would be inaccurate. You triggered your wife's fear of loss and that's why she said, she wanted you. Retention through sex. Trigger jealousy too many times and you're slowly eroding the trust foundation in your marriage. 1
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 This would be inaccurate. You triggered your wife's fear of loss and that's why she said, she wanted you. Retention through sex. Trigger jealousy too many times and you're slowly eroding the trust foundation in your marriage. You're so wrong it's not even funny.
tbf Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 You're so wrong it's not even funny.Then explain it to me.
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Then explain it to me. It's about having something someone else wants. It sounds shallow, and it is. My wife openly admits that she likes it when other women hit on me. It makes her jealous, but it makes her want me more. Not because she's scared if losing me (hell no I'd be insane to leave her and if you saw her and knew her you'd believe me) but because it's like "competition" with other women. I dunno and maybe I'm doing a bad job of explaining it. But there is definite trust between us. I get jealous, too, if I think she is getting a bit too friendly with some guy, but she is a HUGE extrovert and makes friends with everyone, men and women, and I know she only wants me and I trust her...so it's not a problem. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It's about having something someone else wants. It sounds shallow, and it is. My wife openly admits that she likes it when other women hit on me. It makes her jealous, but it makes her want me more. Not because she's scared if losing me (hell no I'd be insane to leave her and if you saw her and knew her you'd believe me) but because it's like "competition" with other women. I dunno and maybe I'm doing a bad job of explaining it. But there is definite trust between us. I get jealous, too, if I think she is getting a bit too friendly with some guy, but she is a HUGE extrovert and makes friends with everyone, men and women, and I know she only wants me and I trust her...so it's not a problem. Yup! The boyfriend and I both have our bouts of jealous moments. Always in good fun with a slight bit of seriousness, but it feels good. The things he says when he notices a guy checking me out, they are cute, because he KNOWS I only have eyes for him, it is the idea that someone else wants me. I personally feel small instances of jealousy are natural, as long as they don't truly affect your relationship.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 So in essence this rollercoaster of feeling close, then distant, then caring about them then not caring soo much wondering if their right for me. Having them act jealous of another woman interested in me, then act like their bothered by my paying them any attention to them. Just sort of averaging out to a more postitive feeling than a negative one over time. This is what a relationship feels like? Hmm? My God why do we want these so much?
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It's about having something someone else wants. It sounds shallow, and it is. My wife openly admits that she likes it when other women hit on me. It makes her jealous, but it makes her want me more. Not because she's scared if losing me (hell no I'd be insane to leave her and if you saw her and knew her you'd believe me) but because it's like "competition" with other women. I dunno and maybe I'm doing a bad job of explaining it. But there is definite trust between us. I get jealous, too, if I think she is getting a bit too friendly with some guy, but she is a HUGE extrovert and makes friends with everyone, men and women, and I know she only wants me and I trust her...so it's not a problem.You're right. I don't understand this perspective at all. People I value, I don't give two craps if anyone else does. What matters to me is that the partner fit in with friends and family since this limits or negates unnecessary drama in the future.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 You're right. I don't understand this perspective at all. People I value, I don't give two craps if anyone else does. What matters to me is that the partner fit in with friends and family since this limits or negates unnecessary drama in the future. That's certainly a very healthy way to look at things. Another perspective is that for some people they need to think, or at least be reminded periodically that, their SO has options. Value derives from sentiment and demand. The part of a mates value that comes from sentiment we all know and can partially control. Our health, our looks, our temperment, our personality. We can be a valuable mate and life partner by making them like us. Demand can also do this. If at least a couple other people agree, as shown by their actions, that a person would be a desirable mate their value increases. Everyone likes to win. It's reptiallian and animalistic, but deep in our brain stem and bassal ganglia we are no better than Dimetrodon.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Thinking about my last post. I guess it can be said. My intended does like me for me to a degree but seeing that others may also be interested pressed them to defend their possession. Bottom line, a little jealousy can be a good sign in a relationship. Certainly we don't want them to be indifferent to us.
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 That's certainly a very healthy way to look at things. Another perspective is that for some people they need to think, or at least be reminded periodically that, their SO has options. Value derives from sentiment and demand. The part of a mates value that comes from sentiment we all know and can partially control. Our health, our looks, our temperment, our personality. We can be a valuable mate and life partner by making them like us. Demand can also do this. If at least a couple other people agree, as shown by their actions, that a person would be a desirable mate their value increases. Everyone likes to win. It's reptiallian and animalistic, but deep in our brain stem and bassal ganglia we are no better than Dimetrodon. Oh no doubt there are people who require reminders to appreciate or re-appreciate the value of their mates but it's not something I can relate to. There are also people who can't be monogamous and others that enjoy eating doll heads. The Triune Brain Theory has largely been disproved as being too simplistic a model for the human brain. The basal ganglia routing differs between reptiles and mammals, where as it relates to emotions, isn't the sole governor.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Oh no doubt there are people who require reminders to appreciate or re-appreciate the value of their mates but it's not something I can relate to. There are also people who can't be monogamous and others that enjoy eating doll heads. The Triune Brain Theory has largely been disproved as being too simplistic a model for the human brain. The basal ganglia routing differs between reptiles and mammals, where as it relates to emotions, isn't the sole governor. Ah but Dimetrodon wasn't a "reptile". It was a synapsid and more closely related to us. On some basic level have we really come so far when animalistic jealosy and sex are the subject?
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Ah but Dimetrodon wasn't a "reptile". It was a synapsid and more closely related to us. On some basic level have we really come so far when animalistic jealosy and sex are the subject?While I knew they weren't reptiles, were they more closely related to us? Uncertain about this, as it relates to the basal ganglia or brain functions, in general, and would only be applicable if using the debunked Triune Brain Theory. Did dinosaurs get "jealous"? Do mammals besides human beings get "jealous"? That, I'm uncertain of. As it relates to species continuity, the competitive edge appears to still exist within most animals up to the point of mating. Then with most animals (most aren't monogamous), it dissipates. Evolutionary psychology in my opinion, is based on a lot of unprovable hypothesis.
aed Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 While I knew they weren't reptiles, were they more closely related to us? Uncertain about this, as it relates to the basal ganglia or brain functions, in general, and would only be applicable if using the debunked Triune Brain Theory. Did dinosaurs get "jealous"? Do mammals besides human beings get "jealous"? That, I'm uncertain of. As it relates to species continuity, the competitive edge appears to still exist within most animals up to the point of mating. Then with most animals (most aren't monogamous), it dissipates. Evolutionary psychology in my opinion, is based on a lot of unprovable hypothesis. I read that when a female chimpanzee's is pregnant, she distance herself from the group, and other females protect her because the males of the group are more villant against her. I can't find that article. Also that animals can;t adres the feeling of jealousy, doesn't mean they have the same behaviour, we have that comes from jealousy.
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) I read that when a female chimpanzee's is pregnant, she distance herself from the group, and other females protect her because the males of the group are more villant against her. I can't find that article. Also that animals can;t adres the feeling of jealousy, doesn't mean they have the same behaviour, we have that comes from jealousy.Infanticide isn't unusual in animals, since it can bring the females back into estrus. But it primarily happens when there's a takeover of the dominant male(s) position. Not sure if that's what's being interpreted as jealousy. Edited February 3, 2013 by tbf
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 While I knew they weren't reptiles, were they more closely related to us? Uncertain about this, as it relates to the basal ganglia or brain functions, in general, and would only be applicable if using the debunked Triune Brain Theory. Did dinosaurs get "jealous"? Do mammals besides human beings get "jealous"? That, I'm uncertain of. As it relates to species continuity, the competitive edge appears to still exist within most animals up to the point of mating. Then with most animals (most aren't monogamous), it dissipates. Evolutionary psychology in my opinion, is based on a lot of unprovable hypothesis. No doubt about it. We, and all other mammals share key ancestral features with Dimetrodon. Those are a single opening just behind the eye, and differentiated teeth. Those are the hallmarks of the Synapsid lineage. I understand the confusion. For a long time they were called "Mammal like reptiles". The way paelontologist think of them has evolved with some of the discoveries since then. Including the brain case of a Dimetrodon. You can see how it much more similar to that of a reptile or amphibian than any living synapsid like you or me. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1bqRipU625Q/Rzo3C7mjxoI/AAAAAAAAAWY/O7aBuAj6Wb4/s320/bakker+brain+case+-+cropped.jpg That little thing (or one of it's close cousins) had to have had the basic instincts to survive and self preserve or we would not be here. In that brain, which is burried under the layers of our cortex, lays everything an animal needs to survive. True "reptiles" as we commonly think of them are Diapsids. They have two openings behind the eyes and each species has one kind of tooth. (or a beak and no teeth in the birds.) I'm sure you knew most of that based on your conversation. My only point was that in some ways we "evolved" humans aren't so different from the base almost reptilian creatures when it comes to our darker emotions.
Recommended Posts