harnold Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 This thread is lame, but I'm posting it anyway. It is a redirection of a previous thread I posted, which I will now summarize. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/368793-our-run-over-female-input-appreciated Cliffs: - met a pre-med girl Oct 2011 and began pursuing her; I knew she liked me - she starts studying for her MCAT and becomes difficult and flaky, but I could still read from signals that she liked me - she takes MCAT and finally changes and becomes "normal"; we hang out more, are intimate, communication improves etc (8 months after meeting her) - things are cool for the following 6 months; we are intimate, affectionate, etc, but not "official" - she begins studying to retake the MCAT a second time (Jan 24.. this Thursday) - communication takes a sudden dive; have not seen her in a month, and my attempts to initiate conversation (the past 2 weeks) have gone nowhere, although she still goes out with her friends After posting the above thread, I thought a little more about the situation and now personally ascribe her coldness to her upcoming MCAT. I could be wrong, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. The conversations I tried initiating these past 2 weeks have gone largely nowhere, but they were also overtly sexual on my behalf. Which would ordinarily be cool, but perhaps that frame of thought is simply not on her mind right now and may be slightly offensive. I would like to text her good luck tomorrow for her MCAT on Thursday, but I'm not sure if its appropriate since she kind of deaded my last few texts! If I do decide to text her, any advice on how I should do so? A terse "good luck"? Something funny? Or should I just dead her as she has deaded me thus far and wait for her to contact me (which I feel is a dick move, but would inevitably happen... but again, I could always be wrong!)
sabre80 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I would call rather than text. Sincerely wish her luck on her exam. If she doesn't answer leave her a short good luck voicemail then leave it at that.
Author harnold Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 She generally sucks at picking up her phone, and her voicemail isn't set up either, so unfortunately that strategy wouldn't work... although I too would prefer it. Hence why I'm resorting to text But that's one vote for the sincere approach. Check!
MyPoutine Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Go for it, so far it doesn't seem like you have much to lose. Good luck
Author harnold Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah. I'll probably text her a funny meme or something. Was gonna try to ask her how the studying has been going, but seeing as how she has been unresponsive till now, i just figured that may not be the best approach
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 but seeing as how she has been unresponsive till now, i just figured that may not be the best approach Best approach towards someone who is unresponsive is leaving them alone. It doesn't matter what their reason is. I know studying is hard etc etc but replying only takes a minute and plenty of people manage studying AND communicating. She still goes out with her friends but ignores your 'overtly sexual' texts: she ain't interested/gone off you 2
Author harnold Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) Best approach towards someone who is unresponsive is leaving them alone. It doesn't matter what their reason is. I know studying is hard etc etc but replying only takes a minute and plenty of people manage studying AND communicating. She still goes out with her friends but ignores your 'overtly sexual' texts: she ain't interested/gone off you Still, I feel compelled to send her at least something if only because we have had a pretty tight "relationship" up till this point two weeks ago, and seeing how this exam is so critical to her. I dont plan on following up after that though. Do you disagree? Edited January 23, 2013 by harnold
irc333 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 She generally sucks at picking up her phone, and her voicemail isn't set up either, This is a person I wouldn't even be friends with. If they don't even know how to use technology, they are socially inept. But "Sucks at picking up her phone"? Is she retarded?
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Do you disagree? No, you can do what you like. I just disagree with your reasoning.
curlygirl40 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I don't think there's any harm in sending her a 'good luck' type of text. Be genuine, be yourself. And then back the heck off to see what she does after. IMO if you had a relationship of any sort (friendship, etc) it's thoughtful to do that. But since she hasn't returned any of your other texts, after this one back off. I think it's sweet and harmless. Look at it this way. If she's already 'gone', no harm done. It won't push her further away if she's already gone. If she's really just busy and not focused on her social life right now, it will seem sweet that you remembered. That's my opinion. Although I do think that she's probably lost interest at this point since it only takes a second to send a 'sorry I've been so busy but just wanted to say hi' type of text. Good luck
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I think it's good to learn when to cut your losses and not invest in someone anymore. Sometimes you need to harden your heart a little. I have a '1 week' rule except for exceptional cases when I think the person might be away. If I don't get a response/satisfactory response within a week I cut that person off. 7 days equal 168 hours. Plenty.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 You've been dissed. Take it like a grown up and accept her seemingly chicken-shi+ way of disposing of a guy without the courage to speak her mind. Works for me. 1
Author harnold Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I don't think there's any harm in sending her a 'good luck' type of text. Be genuine, be yourself. And then back the heck off to see what she does after. IMO if you had a relationship of any sort (friendship, etc) it's thoughtful to do that. But since she hasn't returned any of your other texts, after this one back off. I think it's sweet and harmless. Look at it this way. If she's already 'gone', no harm done. It won't push her further away if she's already gone. If she's really just busy and not focused on her social life right now, it will seem sweet that you remembered. That's my opinion. Although I do think that she's probably lost interest at this point since it only takes a second to send a 'sorry I've been so busy but just wanted to say hi' type of text. Good luck That's pretty much exactly my line of thought. It's not that she hasn't returned my other texts (i.e. flat up ignored)... its that the conversations died pretty quickly thereafter. I just find it so strange that, things had been pretty cool up until 2 weeks ago. Then I text her a few days later to find a very different tone. I just dont see a logical reason for that to happen (for what its worth, 2 weeks out is also the last time you can cancel/reschedule your MCAT... but after that day, you are absolutely required to take it). In other words, I find such a sudden drop of interest to be illogical. But who knows.
Author harnold Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I think it's good to learn when to cut your losses and not invest in someone anymore. Sometimes you need to harden your heart a little. I have a '1 week' rule except for exceptional cases when I think the person might be away. If I don't get a response/satisfactory response within a week I cut that person off. 7 days equal 168 hours. Plenty. I agree. Generally once I commit to that mindset, I can maintain it, and I generally sever ties completely. I am coming to the realization that I may have to invoke that mindset soon. But for now, I'm adopting a wait and see attitude. I will also probably run into her when the semester begins I'm sure, so it'll be interesting to see how she reacts when that happens.
Author harnold Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 You've been dissed. Take it like a grown up and accept her seemingly chicken-shi+ way of disposing of a guy without the courage to speak her mind. Works for me. You're right. I am somewhat insulted. But, again, I am trying to extend her the benefit of the doubt, seeing as how a similar situation has happened with her before (and then improved thereafter). I also don't think that I have been disposed of. I have my reasons, but not everything can be conveyed through a message board post. But who knows. Maybe it's different this time. I may just be naiive.
Debbie Marie Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Text a short "good luck" message, then afterward text saying you know she's been focussed on it, how did it go. Any student should put their best effort into studies rather than a relationship when necessary, if the relationship is good it will withstand that. My guy openly admitted at times he wouldn't be paying me much attention for a week or a few weeks depending on what he was studying for and I always supported him in that.
Author harnold Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Text a short "good luck" message, then afterward text saying you know she's been focussed on it, how did it go. Any student should put their best effort into studies rather than a relationship when necessary, if the relationship is good it will withstand that. My guy openly admitted at times he wouldn't be paying me much attention for a week or a few weeks depending on what he was studying for and I always supported him in that. What's your bf do? Just curious. I've searched across some premed forums, and seems my situation is pretty common among those in the premed community. It's funny though, I actually used to be premed. Looking back on an ex-relationship I used to have, we broke up for many various reasons, but I do remember that at the time she was constantly complaining about how focused I was on my studies. Same **** I suppose.
Author harnold Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 I guess it all boils down to 2 things: 1) if I am willing to keep pursuing her in spite the type of "relationship" we will continue to have 2) if she continues to keep interest in me as time continues. I guess time will tell
MrCastle Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 She has not shown she deserves a text. Don't text her.
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