TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I've seen this guy at least 6 (yes SIX) times in the past month. Lunch, dinner, drinks, you name it. I've made it pretty clear I'm interested (the 2nd time I met him I asked if he was single - if that's not a clear indication I dunno what is) but the dude does not make a move. I keep walking away from each 'date' thinking 'he's just not into me', but then at the end of the 'date' or a few days later he asks me out again. The first 3 times I initiated, and then the last 3 times he initiated. I saw him today and we confirmed on lunch for next Wednesday (my birthday, coincidentally), with him suggesting it. I tried to change it to something over the weekend, but he said he felt like staying in and taking it easy. Not what you hear from someone who's into you, but with him, I'm not surprised. Last week he turned down happy hour w/his friends just to go home. If I know ANYTHING from our encounters is that he at least enjoys talking to me. My first thread here was about how our first 'date' lasted 10 hours I mean, the dude's 30, but he acts so awkward around me. The other day he gave me a super awkward handshake (?!) when we were leaving even though we've hugged/cheek kissed before. I keep thinking that there's no way he's that slow or clueless. It just can't exist. At the same time, his FB profile shows no hint at EVER having had a GF (no pics, no posts, nothing). I think after lunch next Wednesday I'll just ask him out on a DATE and use the word DATE. If he squirms, I'll at least know he only sees me as a friend. Good idea, bad idea? Other ideas? I could also punch him. On the mouth. With my lips.
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I think you need to be more subtle. "So, do you want to bang me or not?" 3
sabre80 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I think you need to be more subtle. "So, do you want to bang me or not?" That would be LESS subtle
FitChick Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 He's probably a virgin. You need to escalate the physical contact.
venusianx13 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Where/how did you meet this guy? I looked back at your prior post(s) about him, and unless I missed something, it wasn't clear.
Author TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Ugh, I should be more subtle. Today I sat on his lap during coffee, that might've been too forward Yeah I don't think I ever mentioned how I met him. Basically, we work in the same building but completely different offices/companies. The first time I met him we were both taking the elevator up to our floors. He was a stuttering mess back then and it took him a while to loosen up enough to start saying more than one word answers. I thought he was cute, but didn't think much of him. In the beginning we only really talked when we were both taking the elevator up or down. It was at least 2 months of just random chatter once or twice a week, but nothing beyond that. Then I had enough of being cut off by the elevator arriving at his floor and I just asked him out and he said yes. Lives with his parents btw. We're from the same country though, where that's actually pretty common (living with parents 'til you marry), so I'm not too bothered by it. EDIT: Today I *think* he gave me a compliment. He was talking about how terrible his boss' hair looked and said it was nothing like mine which according to him was 'nice and feminine'. I was like, thanks? lol Edited January 10, 2013 by TheZebra
Author TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 He's probably a virgin. You need to escalate the physical contact. Any suggestions? I touch his arm when we talk, but I dunno what else to do. I suck at this flirting thing.
venusianx13 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 How did he respond when you asked if he was single? Could it be possible that he is not straight? Not all gay men are flamboyant. If he's 30 and hasn't made a move yet, it's really all I can guess at this point, aside from what other responders have said.
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I was kind of wondering about the gay thing, too. It's a possibility. As far as flirting.. 1. Look at him and say, "Oh, you have a (snowflake, bit of flint, fluff, whatever) in your hair. Let me get that for you," and then gently run your nails through the back of his hair and down his neck a bit. Observe how he reacts. 2. Ask him (playfully) if you can read his palm. Run a finger slooooowly over his palm, and tell him you foresee a gorgeous woman kissing him in the very near future. Observe how he reacts. 3. Take that same hand and start sucking on one of his fingers while gazing up into his eyes. Observe how he reacts. If you're pressed for time, see my first reply in this thread. 1
Author TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Treasa, I seriously thought about doing the palm reading thing. Those are good ideas, I'll have to try them out the next time I see him. Venus (and Treasa), I don't think he's gay. Here's why: 1. On FB he's listed as interested in women 2. Some of his FB posts make mention to loving latin women 3. We were talking about massages last week and he told me a story about how he ended up with a male masseuse and ended up rescheduling because he wanted a woman 4. He's jokingly mentioned he wanted to be a Victoria Secret photographer 5. He voted for Romney Granted, all of that could be a farce. I've known gay men who were married with kids after all, so it's possible. EDIT: Oh, when I asked if he was single he was surprised. Like deer in the headlights. He said he was single. This was back in October. 2
Author TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 And of course, I went downstairs to get the mail and who do I see? I pretended I didn't see him (was looking down at the mail pile) and he comes up to me excitedly and starts talking. We walk back to the building and he starts joking around, telling me I should take all those checks and just cash 'em for myself. When I joke about doing it and going to the Bahamas, he joins in, saying 'we could just live in obscurity'. I laugh and say 'we? you're going to be my partner in crime?' and he gives me a big toothy grin and agrees before stepping off the elevator to his floor. Well, he used 'we'. We all know what that means. He wants to marry me and have his babies for sure. 2
crude Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 What's wrong with the direct approach and tell him you don't know what to make of your relationship at this stage. If you want him to be around your bush, don't beat around the bush. 2
DC4 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I mean, the dude's 30, but he acts so awkward around me. The other day he gave me a super awkward handshake (?!) when we were leaving even though we've hugged/cheek kissed before. I keep thinking that there's no way he's that slow or clueless. It just can't exist. At the same time, his FB profile shows no hint at EVER having had a GF (no pics, no posts, nothing). I have met men older than that with very high level careers that turn into 13 boys at a Jr High dance around an attractive woman. 3
curlygirl40 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Well, if you're sure that he's not gay (voted for Romney on your list, that cracked me up), then it's very possible that he's into you and just very shy, unsure of himself, afraid of rejection, could be Aspergers so he's not getting your signs, something. My son is PAINFULLY shy, didn't have a girlfriend until 18 years old (and one that he met online actually because he couldn't talk to girls face to face), so listening to you tell me how this guy acts (yes, I read that he's 30) it reminds me of my son. I think if you like him and want to escalate the 'relationship', you're probably going to have to be very blunt with him. All the signs are there that he likes you. There is a small possibility that he just likes you as a friend, but I think he likes you as more of a friend and is afraid to make the moves on you. Alcohol might need to be involved. LOL I went out on a date with a man in his 40's who didn't kiss me until date 5!! He was just not sure, not sure if he was reading the signals correctly, etc. We joked about it later. At one point he said to me 'if you liked me, why didn't you kiss me?' and I said 'you're the man!! You were supposed to kiss me!'. Once our relationship progressed it became something we laughed about. How we were both kind of waiting for the other to make a move, even though we talked daily and went out on dates. Best of luck! 1
ThaWholigan Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I have met men older than that with very high level careers that turn into 13 boys at a Jr High dance around an attractive woman. Sometimes I'm still like that 1
suladas Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Ya reminds me of how I use to be. Painfully obvious signs aren't always obvious, but yours seem to be. Just do it and kiss him, it's what's happened to me on a first date when I didn't make the move and it's hot when a women will do that I really doubt he just wants to be friends, he's probably just too shy to make a move or isn't completely sure you want to be more then friends. At least that is what went through my head. Oh and if you think yours is bad, the women said to me before the date that she wanted to make out with me and still made the first move because I took too long
Author TheZebra Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Well, if you're sure that he's not gay (voted for Romney on your list, that cracked me up), then it's very possible that he's into you and just very shy, unsure of himself, afraid of rejection, could be Aspergers so he's not getting your signs, something. My son is PAINFULLY shy, didn't have a girlfriend until 18 years old (and one that he met online actually because he couldn't talk to girls face to face), so listening to you tell me how this guy acts (yes, I read that he's 30) it reminds me of my son. I think if you like him and want to escalate the 'relationship', you're probably going to have to be very blunt with him. All the signs are there that he likes you. There is a small possibility that he just likes you as a friend, but I think he likes you as more of a friend and is afraid to make the moves on you. Alcohol might need to be involved. LOL I went out on a date with a man in his 40's who didn't kiss me until date 5!! He was just not sure, not sure if he was reading the signals correctly, etc. We joked about it later. At one point he said to me 'if you liked me, why didn't you kiss me?' and I said 'you're the man!! You were supposed to kiss me!'. Once our relationship progressed it became something we laughed about. How we were both kind of waiting for the other to make a move, even though we talked daily and went out on dates. Best of luck! There was a time where I SERIOUSLY thought he might Aspergers. When he gets going about a topic he likes, he will not stop. If I start asking questions? Oh boy I'll be in for a long lunch! Some of my co-workers have suggested that he may either be waiting for me to make a move, or waiting for me to show more signals. I think I could 100% do a better job at sending stronger signals. I guess I just didn't want to scare him. What's wrong with the direct approach and tell him youdon't know what to make of your relationship at this stage. If you want him tobe around your bush, don't beat around the bush. That's brilliant. You win this thread. I have met men older than that with very high levelcareers that turn into 13 boys at a Jr High dance around an attractivewoman. D'aw, I could look like Shrek for all you know
ThaWholigan Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 There was a time where I SERIOUSLY thought he might Aspergers. When he gets going about a topic he likes, he will not stop. If I start asking questions? Oh boy I'll be in for a long lunch! I'm having flashbacks :lmao:
NoMoreJerks Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 EDIT: Today I *think* he gave me a compliment. He was talking about how terrible his boss' hair looked and said it was nothing like mine which according to him was 'nice and feminine'. I was like, thanks? lol Um... are you sure he is not gay and isn't being pressured by his family into finding a girl / getting married?? :confused:
FitChick Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Over your next meal why not ask if his parents have been pressuring him to find a wife? Does he want children? What are his goals for the next five years?
Treasa Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 D'aw, I could look like Shrek for all you know Nope, you're hot and you know it.
Nightsky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Just like an admitted feminist to be into a guy who she's wondering about if he's gay... He might not be gay but if that's something you're debating why are you into him? Well obviously you're into him so I'll give you advice. He may be one of those new age men who likes being treated like a woman. You should make all the first moves, first kiss, first sex attempt all that stuff. Enjoy. 1
Necromancer Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I thought boldness was so attractive in men, why are you trying to date a guy who has literally no confidence?. Edited January 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author TheZebra Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Over your next meal why not ask if his parents have been pressuring him to find a wife? Does he want children? What are his goals for the next five years? From what i know his parents are quite ok with everything. His parents had him and his siblings when they were pretty old, so I wouldn't be surprised if they're not rushing him. He has an older brother who isn't married either, so if they're fine with that they're fine with him. We have not talked about kids or specific time goals yet. We both know we want to start our own business at some point and we're both taking active steps to better our futures and prospects in that area. I always want to bring it up but the conversation never goals that way. Usually when we talk we start with a subject and we just keep going on and on in tangents. Very rarely do we stop and have to think about the next thing to say. And guys, he's not gay! From our conversations he's made it pretty clear he's interested in women. If I remember correctly, one time he even said something like 'one time I dated this girl that....' And remember, Romney supporter. Wholigan: Hah, in college I worked with an organization that helped families that had Autistic children, so I learned all of the signs. I swear, sometimes he's like the energizer bunny, he'll go on, and on, and on... I'll be sitting there staring at him amazed at his expansive knowledge of whatever the subject is. Night: I like the quiet/shy ones; I wouldn't call him feminine though. I don't mind making the first move on a guy if he signals that it's ok. If I hadn't made the first move on my ex I would still be a virgin Here's me btw: http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb206/darlatan/Me_zps760c086f.png 2
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