the_entertainer1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) I'm 23 and have never had a boyfriend before. I've never even kissed a guy. It's not because I haven't wanted to, or that I haven't had opportunities ... I suppose I've been a little bit shy, and I've been looking for the right guy. I'm not a huge fan of meeting drunk guys in nightclubs (which seems to be the norm for people my age) so last month, I decided to try online dating. A few guys have contacted me, but I'm trying to only focus on one at a time. So anyway ... this guy contacted me about a month ago. We emailed basically every day since then, sometimes a couple of times a day. We've been texting each other since about Christmas (just 'hello' messages). We went on our first date last week, on Wednesda: a coffee, walk and then a cider, in the afternoon. It was a nice date and ended up lasting 3 hours, and even though I haven't had that much experience, I was a little surprised that he didn't try to kiss me, even though he asked me out a second time. Our second date was last night. We went to a nice restaurant and he paid the bill (even though I offered, because it was expensive: $150!) Then we went to a dessert bar where we were too full to have anything but a drink. He drove me back to my car, got out of his car to give me a goodbye hug but still no kiss. We've organised to go to a game on Thursday, and he also suggested we go to his place after, to watch a DVD. He mentioned it again when we were talking on the phone tonight but I wasn't too keen on the latter. I assumed that watching a DVD at his place meant that he wanted to have sex. Having only met him twice, I'm totally not ready for that. Call me old fashioned, but I want it to be with the right person, at the right time, when I am in a loving and solid relationship. He must have picked up on my discomfort because he kind of ended the conversation with "let me know what you feel comfortable with." He sent me a text message a little later saying: "just thought I'd say, no pressure about coming over on Thurs Just thought I'd ask coz yeah. But don't wanna make you uncomfortable at all x" I replied with, "Thanks honestly, i was a little nervous because I wasn't sure if you actually meant watching a DVD or if it was a euphemism for something else, lol. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want to take things slowly ..." He responded: "That's ok ... any reason you're nervous? To be completely honest I guess I meant both, but hey, I completely understand if you wanna take things slowly ... at least you know where my head's at anyway, haha x" Basically, I have a few issues: a) I'm not sure if it's too soon to go to his place (even if it's not for sex). When he said "both", what did he mean apart from watching a DVD? b) We talked for ages on the first date, but since then, conversation has seemed awkward and stilted at times (maybe we make eachother nervous?) c) Why haven't we kissed yet? d) I don't want to tell him how little "experience" I've had - I feel like it gives him more "power" or something. e) I feel like I'm freaking out and losing my ability to flirt and be attractive! He seems like a nice guy. I felt comfortable going in his car, just the two of us. We realised we actually have mutual friends, so he's not a complete stranger. He holds the door open for me (lol, I like little things like that). He's well-educated and has a good job. And he seems to not want to push things, I think ... Then again, he's a 22 year old guy. Any advice or thoughts, please? I need other perspectives! Edited January 8, 2013 by the_entertainer1
Nightsky Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 whether he wants sex or not having you alone in his place makes you vulnerable. You'd be smart not to put yourself in this type of situation with a guy unless you're ready for sex. He's weird not to have kissed you but a lot of guys are like this so I have no real answers for you. He might just be scared or just be weird who knows. Hey are you hot? Could you describe yourself in great detail... GREAT DETAIL
gaius Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I get the impression that you're not the only inexperienced one in this relationship. The fact that he texted with you for a whole month, spent $150 on dinner for a second date, that he's not making a move to kiss you. Watching a DVD might not mean sex, it might be his attempt to get you in a place he's comfortable with so he can try and make a move for the third time. Either that or he has low testosterone. I think you should go over and watch a DVD, see what happens when he's in his comfort zone. You can always say no if he wants more than you're willing to give. Women usually have pretty good intuition, and if you feel comfortable alone with him alone in the car then I doubt he's some kind of psycho who won't take no for an answer.
Nightsky Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I get the impression that you're not the only inexperienced one in this relationship. The fact that he texted with you for a whole month, spent $150 on dinner for a second date, that he's not making a move to kiss you. Watching a DVD might not mean sex, it might be his attempt to get you in a place he's comfortable with so he can try and make a move for the third time. Either that or he has low testosterone. I think you should go over and watch a DVD, see what happens when he's in his comfort zone. You can always say no if he wants more than you're willing to give. Women usually have pretty good intuition, and if you feel comfortable alone with him alone in the car then I doubt he's some kind of psycho who won't take no for an answer. My friend is experienced and he dates like a moron.
ThatJustHappened Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 He did mean sex. Don't go to his place..you don't know him all that well yet and you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you feel pressured to have sex with him. Does he know how inexperienced you are? You should be honest with him. That way he knows what a big decision it is for you and if he has any respect at all, he will wait til you're ready. If he's not willing to wait, then he's not worth your time. Also, to the creep above who asked her to describe herself in detail..eww..perv. OP don't do that. 1
tina783 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 My current BF tried to get me over to his place for a second date for dinner. I was extremely reluctant to do so because I did not know him or much about him yet and there was no way I was sleeping with someone on the 2nd date. Anyways, he ended up changing it up and we went to a wine bar instead. Afterwards he asked me if I wanted to come up and I said not yet. He was fine with everything and there was no pressure. A few dates later I finally went into his apt. when I was comfortable to be alone with him. We made out on his sofa and it got pretty far but even then I stopped it before it got out of hand, because mentally I was not ready yet. (Poor guy) lol. Point is, don't do anything you don't want to do. If he is a nice guy like my BF, he will understand and there should not be any pressure. If he gives you trouble about it, then don't see him again. There are plenty of good guys out there.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 This guy went to his friend's place today, whose girlfriend is my friend. (They're the mutual friends we realised we had in common). I messaged my friend afterwards and she said that this guy spoke very highly of me. So I guess that's a good sign. My dilemma is that I want to go to his place after, to see what it's like and maybe because it will provide an opportunity for a kiss and cuddle, lol. But I still feel nervous. I don't think it's because he makes me uncomfortable. I think it's possibly because it's my first time going to a guy's house. I've never even been on a 3rd date before! A lot of people online say that, if after the third date, there's been nothing physical (no kissing or anything), then it kind of means you're in the "friend zone". Like I said before, I don't think he'll pressure me to do anything I don't want to, but I still feel really nervous about it. Can you tell me anything to make me less nervous?
Nightsky Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 He did mean sex. Don't go to his place..you don't know him all that well yet and you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you feel pressured to have sex with him. Does he know how inexperienced you are? You should be honest with him. That way he knows what a big decision it is for you and if he has any respect at all, he will wait til you're ready. If he's not willing to wait, then he's not worth your time. Also, to the creep above who asked her to describe herself in detail..eww..perv. OP don't do that. How dare you! Just for that I'm going to ask again and they should oblige considering the rudeness I have to put up with from "people" like yourself. This guy went to his friend's place today, whose girlfriend is my friend. (They're the mutual friends we realised we had in common). I messaged my friend afterwards and she said that this guy spoke very highly of me. So I guess that's a good sign. My dilemma is that I want to go to his place after, to see what it's like and maybe because it will provide an opportunity for a kiss and cuddle, lol. But I still feel nervous. I don't think it's because he makes me uncomfortable. I think it's possibly because it's my first time going to a guy's house. I've never even been on a 3rd date before! A lot of people online say that, if after the third date, there's been nothing physical (no kissing or anything), then it kind of means you're in the "friend zone". Like I said before, I don't think he'll pressure me to do anything I don't want to, but I still feel really nervous about it. Can you tell me anything to make me less nervous? He likes you or he wouldn't be inviting you back to his place. There is no such thing as the friendzone for girls. Don't go back to his place just to see what it looks like. Suggest the date not go back to his place as you aren't ready for that yet. Also please describe yourself I'm waiting...
ThatJustHappened Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 How dare you! Just for that I'm going to ask again and they should oblige considering the rudeness I have to put up with from "people" like yourself. He likes you or he wouldn't be inviting you back to his place. There is no such thing as the friendzone for girls. Don't go back to his place just to see what it looks like. Suggest the date not go back to his place as you aren't ready for that yet. Also please describe yourself I'm waiting... :laugh::laugh::laugh: Awesome. Thank you..I needed a laugh tonight.
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