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What in the world happened?

lulzatyourface

By lulzatyourface
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lulzatyourface Member

lulzatyourface

Posted
Posted (edited)

So, after a month of hanging out with a guy and texting constantly, we had our first date on the 14th. Went well, in my opinion. He kept on kissing me, didn't want to say goodbye to me at the end of the night, talked about how amazing I am, etc. We also made plans for another date on the 26th.

 

After our first date, his texting decreased dramatically. He said it would because of his job, and not to worry that he lost interest or is avoiding me, but he didn't even text me on his days off. I went for two to three days in a row without hearing from him. (In most cases, that's totally understandable. But in the beginning stages, and since it was a sudden drop off, it seemed like a red flag to me.) When I did hear from him, he'd apologize for the lack of contact, explain why, and then begin complimenting me.

 

Saturday night, we talked about what to do on what was supposed to be our date yesterday. He said that he really wanted to see me again, and was super excited to see me. Monday night, I received a text from him that said, "Merry Almost Christmas! haha". I sent him a reply wishing him the same, and I never got a text in return.

 

So, yesterday rolls around, and I don't hear anything from him until 5:45 P.M. He texts me saying:

 

Him: Hey! How've the holidays been for you?

Me: Good. You?

Him: They've been good, albeit rather busy. It doesn't feel like the holidays when I'm working all the time haha

Me: I'm sure.

Him: But it's been nice having my brother home.

Me: Yeah, for sure.

Him: Is something wrong?

Me: Not at all. But next time you want to blow me off, at least tell me the night beforehand. My time is worth some respect. Okay? Thanks.

 

I haven't heard from him since, and that was 12 hours ago. I just don't get how someone could forget about a date that he confirmed FIVE times AND was literally counting down the days for it.

 

So, what do you think happened? Should I listen to him if he tries to call?

Edited by lulzatyourface
Mycteria Established Member

Mycteria

Posted
Posted

What were you supposed to do on the date?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
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Sure.... Listen....Why not?

 

The question is, would you respond?

 

Depends, right?

but he does seem flaky.

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lulzatyourface Member

lulzatyourface

Posted
  • Author
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What were you supposed to do on the date?

Nothing was set. No time or place. I tried to confirm on Saturday night by texting him, "Wednesday still good for you?" And he responded, "Oh yeah, it's still good with me. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, of course." Then we talked about what we should do, but no details were mentioned.

Axee Established Member

Axee

Posted
Posted

NO NO NO. Dont continue. Read my post on this thread. I encountered same situation.

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Axee Established Member

Axee

Posted
Posted

 

Me: Not at all. But next time you want to blow me off, at least tell me the night beforehand. My time is worth some respect. Okay? Thanks.

 

He is an imbecile I loved your reply. You did the right thing, trust me

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

You handled it right.

I seriously doubt he'll contact you again & if he does just ignore him.

 

He has zero respect for you & I seriously doubt he was so busy he forgot.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

You are a back up option at best. He is stringing you along.

 

If you are happy with that, continue.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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^^^What Phineas said.

 

I second the motion.....

kiss_andmakeup Established Member

kiss_andmakeup

Posted
Posted

You handled it perfectly. Move on.

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lulzatyourface Member

lulzatyourface

Posted
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I got this text from about 20 minutes ago.

 

"Hi. Why're you so mad at me? I didn't blow you off."

 

.....What? Unless I imagined these past three weeks, I'm pretty sure he blew me off. Unless planning a date and then not even bothering to contact me is called something else.

 

Should I answer him, or should I ignore him?

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
I got this text from about 20 minutes ago.

 

"Hi. Why're you so mad at me? I didn't blow you off."

 

.....What? Unless I imagined these past three weeks, I'm pretty sure he blew me off. Unless planning a date and then not even bothering to contact me is called something else.

 

Should I answer him, or should I ignore him?

 

Ignore.

He's just looking to reel you back in.

He damn well knows he had plans with you.

  • Like 1
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

I will speak in the defense.

 

You say you didn't set a date time or place right? So how was he supposed to know, when, or where to show up? A date requiers saying we are going to meet at time T and place XYZ. Without those four pieces of information it's not a date.

 

Nothing was set. No time or place. I tried to confirm on Saturday night by texting him, "Wednesday still good for you?" And he responded, "Oh yeah, it's still good with me. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, of course." Then we talked about what we should do, but no details were mentioned.

 

:/

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted
I got this text from about 20 minutes ago.

 

"Hi. Why're you so mad at me? I didn't blow you off."

 

.....What? Unless I imagined these past three weeks, I'm pretty sure he blew me off. Unless planning a date and then not even bothering to contact me is called something else.

 

Should I answer him, or should I ignore him?

OMG, lol, sounds like my ex -- he made me doubt things I had seen / heard.... He made me wonder if I had been going crazy. Seriously, he sounds like that type of person. He is a manipulator, and if he's acting like this after date 1, it will only get MUCH worse if you ever get into a relationship with him. :sick: RUN FOR THE HILLS.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted
I will speak in the defense.

 

You say you didn't set a date time or place right? So how was he supposed to know, when, or where to show up? A date requiers saying we are going to meet at time T and place XYZ. Without those four pieces of information it's not a date.

 

:/

I kinda agree... she should've asked him for more details as to where they were going, instead of just saying, Wednesday still good for you? But he never followed up on it, did he? Nor did she.. Both are to blame for this, and her reaction was a bit over the top, but he texted her about her Christmas, so I imagine that if he were interested he would've texted her to finalize the details of the date... So he was playing games and probably had other options, etc. Then he acted like a dick, when he pretended he didn't know what she was talking about.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Hang on guys....

 

We also made plans for another date on the 26th.

 

She even said they discussed plans....

 

Saturday night, we talked about what to do on what was supposed to be our date yesterday.

 

So what was he being so vague and defensive about, then?

 

He's either got early dementia onset, or he's an utter jerk...

 

I would presume the latter.

That's just rude.

 

They talked about it.

 

not once.

 

Twice.

 

And suddenly he goes awol, and comes back as if absolutely nothing at all has happened, and she's supposed to be okay with that?

As far as she was concerned, definite schedule or not - they had a date for that day. Maybe doing something on impulse.

Who says a date has to be planned to the final minutiae, to the last detail?

 

Round Christmas, anything goes - except disappearing off the radar then coming back with a jolly hey-nonny-no and a "I had a great time on the day I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING YOU ON!!"

:mad:

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted (edited)

^ they just decided on the day, nothing more, though.. Not the time, place, or activity... I wouldn't call that a date. Just some tentative planning. If neither followed up on it, I wouldn't assume the date is still going ahead, would you??! How would a date go ahead if there's no location/time specified?

 

It's one thing to have a date that is unplanned. It's another thing to not have a date at all. This is an example of the latter! If it had been an example of the former, they would've AT LEAST specified a time and place to meet up at , even if they were then going to do something on impulse (for example: he'd come pick her up at such and such time, or they'd meet up in front of the subway station or wherever , and go from there).

Edited by NoMoreJerks
  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
I got this text from about 20 minutes ago.

 

"Hi. Why're you so mad at me? I didn't blow you off."

 

.....What? Unless I imagined these past three weeks, I'm pretty sure he blew me off. Unless planning a date and then not even bothering to contact me is called something else.

 

Should I answer him, or should I ignore him?

 

What do you think you should do?

Personally, I would be tempted to respond with -

 

"Oh....disappearing off the radar, completely missing the day we had planned twice, and then acting like nothing at all happened, isn't 'blowing me off'?

 

Pardon me if I correct my terminology.

What you did was nothing short of being a jerk. What makes you think I'd be okay with that?!"

 

But I don't know if really, that's such a good idea....

However, whatever he might come back with would determine his attitude one way or the other.

 

THEN you'd know....

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

*You don't need the minutea. You do need a time and place to meet or it isn't a date. Saying lets get together sometime and do something isn't a date. Saying lets get together on the 25th ...but not specifying the place isn't a date. Saying lets go to the lakefront...but not specifying when isn't a date.

 

Saying I'll pick you up at your house at 7 on Friday and we'll go do something is a date.

 

Without knowing when, and where to show up it would sound to many men like she's not serious. Many men want to see the woman make a suggestion about either where or when to go.

 

Hang on guys....

 

 

 

She even said they discussed plans....

 

 

 

So what was he being so vague and defensive about, then?

 

He's either got early dementia onset, or he's an utter jerk...

 

I would presume the latter.

That's just rude.

 

They talked about it.

 

not once.

 

Twice.

 

And suddenly he goes awol, and comes back as if absolutely nothing at all has happened, and she's supposed to be okay with that?

As far as she was concerned, definite schedule or not - they had a date for that day. Maybe doing something on impulse.

Who says a date has to be planned to the final minutiae, to the last detail?

 

Round Christmas, anything goes - except disappearing off the radar then coming back with a jolly hey-nonny-no and a "I had a great time on the day I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING YOU ON!!"

:mad:

 

*I'm playing devils advocate here. The others are probably right...but it is at least possible this isn't all his fault either.

  • Like 1
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted
So, what do you think happened?

 

He blew you off...

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted

It was partly her fault as well that she did not ask for the details.

 

"Confirming" a date means confirming all the details, not just the fact that you two are gonna do something or another (unspecified) at an unspecified time and place.... Confirming means: so where are we going, and what time? Only after you get those details would a date be confirmed. Or at least, where/when you are meeting up, even if it's not confirmed what you two are going to do!

 

If he still didn't give her any details, then he's clearly not interested. But I blame both sides for this, to be honest..

 

His behaviour at the end was dickish.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
Nothing was set. No time or place. I tried to confirm on Saturday night by texting him, "Wednesday still good for you?" And he responded, "Oh yeah, it's still good with me. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, of course." Then we talked about what we should do, but no details were mentioned.

 

I think he already knew his brother was going to be around, here.

I think he already knew this was going to be a no-show....

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted
It was partly her fault as well that she did not ask for the details.

 

Yes she did:

 

Nothing was set. No time or place. I tried to confirm on Saturday night by texting him, "Wednesday still good for you?" And he responded, "Oh yeah, it's still good with me. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, of course." Then we talked about what we should do, but no details were mentioned.
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

You really want to know what this situation looks like to him, given the very non-specific "date".

 

Men - We don't know what we did - YouTube

 

Like that. This guy...dosen't know what he did.

 

If he calls give him one more chance, just one more chance, with a specific time and place to meet him. If you cannot set a specific time and place to meet then you both are better off walking away.

 

I mean what.. you'll agree to get married somewhere sometime then not tell him when to be at the church or the churches address?

  • Like 1
NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted
Yes she did:

 

So shy was she upset? He never blew her off. If she was aware on Saturday that he wasn't providing any details, why did she assume the date was going ahead anyway? :confused: I don't get it. If a guy does not seem enthusiastic about providing details or asking me "what do YOU want us to do? YOU pick!", I would assume he's not interested, rather than assume that we had a date but we hadn't decided on where we were going.

 

The more I think about this, the more I can see that she sounded like a nutter. It's one thing to ask for respect , it's another to completely miss the hints, and then accuse someone of blowing you off. That's not called blowing off. He never specified a date nor did he confirm it. That's called disinterest. Did he string her along? Not sure. It was clear from his behaviour that he was not interested in going out with her... He stopped texting her much, etc. Instead she acted like that crazy obsessed gf, the one on youtube / imgur... whatever they call her... I mean, they haven't done anything more than 1 date, and he didn't seem enthusiastic about date 2. He didn't owe her anything, and did not blow her off after making plans. If someone does not confirm details of a date to me 2 days beforehand, I schedule something else with my friends, etc. If, however, the details were set, and THEN he cancelled on me, that's a different story altogether, and THAT is disrespectful of her time (barring REALLY unforseen and IMPORTANT circumstances like an emergency).

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