edgygirl Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 So I met this guy online and we've been emailing/texting/talking for two months and he asked me a month ago if I was going to be in my city for Thanksgiving as he was coming to visit part of his family. We are both 40. The conversations intensified over the last month (daily) and the expectations ran high. So we finally meet on the weekend. I know I looked good (all guys stared at me in the restaurant), and I did feel there was chemistry. But as the alcohol was poured and I felt comfortable with him, somehow he extracted things about me/my family that I would not normally tell. Nothing too crazy, just things that I don't ever tell anyone like my fights with my brother since I was born, etc. I also think I was trying too hard to be sociable (I talked with people in the table beside us when he was in the bathroom, laughed with the waitress etc). I think I was just trying to show that I am friendly/funny but maybe it came across as trying too hard (?) In any case, we went to another bar and had a glass of whiskey as well. Inhibitions disappeared and we kissed PDA-like sitting at the counter. We ended up in my place (his family lives a little far from the city and he did not have his car) and ended up having sex (many many times) the whole night. It was quite good and I was surprised by his technique which left me a bit confused with all the alcohol. I would say my performance wasn't the best. In any case, next morning all the sweetness from the 2 last months had disappeared. We had sex in the morning again, and after he showered he sat in the sofa saying nothing, it made me so uncomfortable. I am not sure now if the sweetness before meeting was in my head or things just changed after sex or after we finally met. He was supposed to stay in the city for 2 more days. He left in the afternoon to visit a friend who had a baby. Didn't hear from him at all that day. Next day after lunch he sends me a How you're doing message. By then I was so angry and sad that apparently he did plan to see me again before leaving that I decided to make him wait about 2-3 hours and then I replied saying I was recovering from having gone out last night. Asked him if he was having fun or prepping to go back home. He only answered 6 hours later, when I was at a bar having a girls night out. He only said he was going back to work tomorrow. I told him I was having this girls night out fun. Haven't heard back from him. I must say he works in shifts crazy hours for now but still... I think I gave the impression that I drink too much, when it happened only this weekend. So today I said I think I was tipsy when I sent him my last message and asked him when was his shift today. No word back. I have the impression I should understand he is not that into me anymore and suck it up. But it hurts as we had a lot of chemistry talking before meeting, seems we have the same background and goals in life, we are just a match. I was thinking maybe he thinks I am too old as we're the same age and he doesn't want to rush into having kids or so. I am writing to vent and to hear from you guys some advice on how to get over it and the (apparent) rejection. It kind of hurts because we were a good match and in my age it's hard to become interested in someone. I know we needed more time to get to know each other and I feel bad I could not resist to get in bed with him. Specially because I've decided to not go to bed with anyone I did not have some feelings for since I broke up with my ex last April. So it's been forever, and I was super craving it. Also he did not use protection, how could we be so stupid? Specially that he is in the medical field. Ouch it kind of hurts... I guess I should just shut up and not contact him ever again. I guess he just contacted me to be polite and not feel like a jerk. If he didn't like me, why did he sleep with me? ugh. That's so lame after talking with someone for so long. Or maybe he didn't like me after he slept with me? I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Unfortunately, lots of guys will disapear after first time sex. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, just that they weren't looking for anything more serious, for whatever reason. In my experience, even the ones that disapear will make a lame attempt to contact you (for some reason men hate being seen as jerks). It used to confuse me because I read into that contact to mean that they want to see me again. Only when I actually responded, I saw them go unresponsive completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted November 27, 2012 Author Share Posted November 27, 2012 thanks Eternal Sunshine. that's exactly what I'm thinking/feeling. but it seems so stupid to talk with someone for two months daily just not to try harder to make things work when meeting. why are men like that? and wth, why go to bed with someone when you know there's attachment after communicating for several weeks if you know you're not that interested? do we really have to avoid going to bed even when we feel we want to as much as they do? ugh. he just texted me as he did before. but honestly after today and this weekend I kind of lost the passion I was feeling as well. and I have the feeling that's where things are heading like you said - he just doesn't want to feel like a complete jerk so he's writing. but it will eventually die. so why bother. ugh. I seriously feel like giving up dating these days :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 I really don't get guy's fixation with not coming across like jerks. I mean they are jerks, few texts are not going to make up for that We would be better off if they just never contacted us again. Link to post Share on other sites
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