Inconsistent feelings and actions- "In-person=active" "texts = passive/no response"

[MrJKF]

I hope i can get the full scope of this situation so you all can get the entire picture :/.

 

So, I am 19 on nov.12 and she is currently 19. I met her in august through a mutual friend, and the instant we met, we clicked. I got her number the night of and we started to get to know one-another. Every day she would text me in the morning and I thought it was strange at first, but then decided that it was just who she was. Our mutual friend had his own opinion and believed that she liked me.

 

In the few weeks that we had to get to know each other in the summer, we went out 3 times but unfortunately it was never just us two lol.There was always an unexpected third party, or and poorly planned ratio of males to females. But I noticed that the instant me and her had time alone or paired off together we would instantly act just like a couple. teasing each other, she was fine with my arm around her waist, gave her a piggy back ride, casual massage in public. She had no qualms about any of it and I was quite interested with what was going on in her head.

 

Fast forward, school year begins and we are both still talking to one another on a daily basis in the first week. the workload hits us and we have an unspoken agreement that we can't be talking to each other every day with work to do. so we hit each other up in the mornings wish luck with any tests or presentations and say we'll get back to the other either in the evening or whenever.

 

She is a girl who does not flirt, responds with either a "thank you." or *just dismiss completely* to compliments, and is not impulsive in any way. Having these characteristics it was extremely hard for me to read if i was just a friend or if she liked me. Since the school year started we didn't go out at all, I would always bring up a prospective date, she would get excited and be totally up for it and then an external factor would ruin or override plans every time.

 

*thank you for reading this far, this is where the interesting part begins *

 

Fast forward to last week Friday, I text and call to no avail and so I assume she is busy and will talk to me another time. 7:15 she calls me telling me about a parking ticket she got, and about how mad she is. also tells me that her sister's boyfriend is over, and she is currently dropping off her cousin and the cousin's boyfriend at a movie that happens to be down the street from me and so she says she's going to go and plot the demise of a few cops all by herself. So here comes JKF to the rescue, and I say "naww I'll hang out with you and put a smile on that face of yours", and instantly but yet nonchalant-seeming she says ok. I meet up with her at 8 o clock , meet the cousin and let them go to their movie and we sit in the parkinglot. She has nothing to do until their movie is over, and we decide to just chill together in the back seat of the car. And just like i mentioned before we are alone and its instant couplification (it will be a word for now). shes leaning on me, Im giving her a massage, shes playing games on my phone, im playing games on her phone, she is fine with me putting my hands under her shirt to properly administer the massage, and even makes me feel the new tattoo she got. my head is on her shoulder while her leans against mine and I ask her " L****, how do you feel about me?" she says she isn't good at talking and would rather write her feelings down. So, then I cut to the chase and ask her if she likes me and she nods and smiles and says yes . I tell her that I like her too, but I ask what she wants to do with these feelings, and she says that she doesn't want to have a relationship distract her whilst in school. I totally agree due to experience in the subject matter and I ask so what does she want to do?. And she says she wants to keep it the way it is. I nuzzle her, talk in her ear, hold her all while this conversation is going on, and when we are leaving each other we come in for a hug, almost about to kiss and she says not yet, I say that's okay and I respect that.

 

That whole incident happened on friday, and since then we haven't talked much. I have texted her and it has been 3-4 hour response times or just bad timing because she's with family. I have called and have not had a conversation with er once since. over the weekend I believe she had a test to study for if i rememeber correctly, and for all i know she might be swamped with work. But this open-endedness is driving my mind insane because I just want to have a single conversation that gives a form of closure to these feelings. I texted her today at 8 and no reply whatsoever. So im wondering what I should do :/

 

thank you for your time and patience

Edited October 25, 2012 by MrJKF

[MrCastle]

Not total friend zone, but you're in a murky grey area.

 

Not wanting to date someone because of school is a lame excuse. If you were truly making her giney tingle she would say yes even if she worked 5 jobs. If we are really taking her at her word, she would at least want to casually hook up with you; but that has not happened either. All you've done is given her a massage and a hug. She rejected your kiss.

 

I'm not going to say there is no way out of this and you're friended forever, but all you are at this point in time is a nice ego boost and a place holder for when someone she's truly into comes along.

 

It sounds like you are starting to develop, or may already have developed feelings for this girl. I would strongly advise you not to do that. Give her some space and start looking for other girls who will let you kiss them; then see how much this girl really means to you.

[MrJKF]

thanks for the quick response mrcastle

 

I see where you're coming from, and I know the higher you put your hopes up, the harder they'll fall. But I did leave out most of the conversation in the car so that the post wouldn't be too extensive.

 

In the car we talked about past relationships, she has trust issues because of a traumatic experience with a past boyfriend. My academics were in jeopardy due to a previous relationship and so we agreed to take it slow and not rush into a relationship, this girl isn't as impulsive as most and its one of the reasons im attracted to her. If this changes anything :/

[MrCastle]

thanks for the quick response mrcastle

 

I see where you're coming from, and I know the higher you put your hopes up, the harder they'll fall. But I did leave out most of the conversation in the car so that the post wouldn't be too extensive.

 

In the car we talked about past relationships, she has trust issues because of a traumatic experience with a past boyfriend. My academics were in jeopardy due to a previous relationship and so we agreed to take it slow and not rush into a relationship, this girl isn't as impulsive as most and its one of the reasons im attracted to her. If this changes anything :/

 

Even so. Never go by what a girl says; go by what she does. If she really wanted she could have kissed you, or if she was really into it, would let you go all the way. "Take things slow" means "Not take things at all". For whatever reason, she's not feeling it right now. That can change, since peoples' emotions are constantly changing, but when you run into a girl who doesn't give you excuses as to why she can't let you touch her, or why you two can't date, and instead find a girl who reciprocates your feelings; you'll look back on this and laugh at why you even gave it thought.

 

In dating, at least for me, it's very binary. Very black and white. You're either dating me, or you're not.

[MrJKF]

alright thanks for the input mrcastle

 

LS im still open to other opinions as well and ill keep you all posted (Y)

[Emilia]

I listen when I ask a question and the other person responds. You asked what she wanted and she prefers to keep it ambiguous and - for you - unsatisfying. Maybe she is only after attention, who knows. Personally, I'd move on.

 

I'm in a similar situation in a way, there is someone I like and we have good chemistry but it's not progressing in a way I wanted it to. I'm sure he has his reasons but in my experience when people get enough chances it indicates something if they don't take them. Could be insufficient interest, could be incompatibility, a million things. Who cares.

 

Move on.