jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It seems to me that a recurring theme around these parts is guys asking what they should change to make themselves more appealing to women, in terms of attitude, dress, style, hobbies, and personality. And I am largely responsible for that as well. And I think that partly has to do with the nature of the game. A recent poster said she had a man pursue her for a long time who wasn't her type and eventually she caved. How was she his type? Most men are not all that picky when it comes to women. If you ask a lot of guys, they just want a woman who is cute, fit, and nice. Women are a little pickier. Do you guys think we should be pickier as a whole as well? I, for one, am one of those guys. As long as woman seems really nice, and she's kinda cute, I'll probably consider her an option if I'm in 'dating mode'. Then, I'll take a swing. Maybe we should be pickier. For example... -The next time I'm talking to a woman and she mentions she watches Jersey Shore, that ends any interest. -The next time I see a woman with a Jessica Simpson brand product ... over. -The next time I'm talking to a woman and mentions she doesn't like jazz music ... end game. -The next time I see a woman wearing pink stilettos ... These are just my personal tastes and I have never enforced them. But it seems as guys sometimes we just go for anything that is nice and cute and figure out how to get them to like us. And if they are really nice and cute, maybe we'll really chase after them. Maybe us guys should be more selective about our 'type'. Even if you are not successful with women, should you consider being pickier about who you will date?
somedude81 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hah, I've recently had a girl here tell me that I'm not hungry enough and that I should be chasing girls I have no attraction to.
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 A recent poster said she had a man pursue her for a long time who wasn't her type and eventually she caved. I think the important question to first ask is, how did she define her "type"...?
Author jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Hah, I've recently had a girl here tell me that I'm not hungry enough and that I should be chasing girls I have no attraction to. I've probably told you that in the past too SD. I would like to see you fulfill your goal. But in the larger picture, I'm not sure guys are picky enough. You must have your tastes as well. Perhaps there is a certain type of style of clothes that turns you off. Would you consider cutting off interest in a woman because of that?
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I think the important question to first ask is, how did she define her "type"...? To answer my own question, I would argue that when someone says that another person is not their "type," it almost always happens early on when she meets him, or he meets her. And more often than not, the "type" is thrown out there to rationalize a lack of physical attraction, so she'll appear less shallow. I mean, how well can you really know someone when you first meet them to know if their personality matches a particular "type"...? In the example you presented, I would speculate that she "caved in" after learning more about his personality and that was enough to overcome her physical "type" which she prejudged him to not fulfill.
somedude81 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I've probably told you that in the past too SD. I would like to see you fulfill your goal. But in the larger picture, I'm not sure guys are picky enough. You must have your tastes as well. Perhaps there is a certain type of style of clothes that turns you off. Would you consider cutting off interest in a woman because of that? I'm confused. Am I too picky or not picky enough Heh, clothing styles. School started a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing at what some girls considered style. All kinds of outfits. There are lots of clothing styles I don't like, but it's hardly going to prevent from going after somebody. No matter what crap she's wearing, she'd still look good naked.
Author jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 To answer my own question, I would argue that when someone says that another person is not their "type," it almost always happens early on when she meets him, or he meets her. And more often than not, the "type" is thrown out there to rationalize a lack of physical attraction, so she'll appear less shallow. I mean, how well can you really know someone when you first meet them to know if their personality matches a particular "type"...? In the example you presented, I would speculate that she "caved in" after learning more about his personality and that was enough to overcome her physical "type" which she prejudged him to not fulfill. She didn't say. Yes, you are right. And I'm the biggest proponent of good looks can overcome most deficiencies. You know that. But still, I feel like a lot of men are not picky when it comes to well ... everything expect for being cute looking and pretty cool. Women seem to have stauncher requirements if the man is not very attractive.
Ami1uwant Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Maybe we should be pickier. For example... -The next time I'm talking to a woman and she mentions she watches Jersey Shore, that ends any interest. -The next time I see a woman with a Jessica Simpson brand product ... over. -The next time I'm talking to a woman and mentions she doesn't like jazz music ... end game. -The next time I see a woman wearing pink stilettos ... Even if you are not successful with women, should you consider being pickier about who you will date? If you are at the point of wanting to find the one to marry then you should have some criteria of what you want as a partner. There are core things that are important: religion, want kids? Where do you want to live? lifestyle? These are a few things that are nonnegotiable. Then there are like to haves...but generally not important. These would include your love of jazz. How important is your love of jazz?? It depends....if you are the type of person who on the side plays music in jazz bands, regularly goes and see jazz perform, around the house always listens to music. Then its much more important than you listening to jazz is occasionally on the ride to work listening to jazz or do an occasional jazz concert (1-4 times a year). Then its really not that big of a deal. A similar argument is if you are an avid hunter you kind of dont want to date some animal rights activist. You need to ask yourself what really is important to you and what isnt.
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You need to ask yourself what really is important to you and what isnt. Agreed. So if a person discounts someone right off the bat because she judges the guy to not be her "type," i.e., meeting requirements of physical traits, can you reasonably infer what is really important to her...?
Author jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I'm confused. Am I too picky or not picky enough Heh, clothing styles. School started a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing at what some girls considered style. All kinds of outfits. There are lots of clothing styles I don't like, but it's hardly going to prevent from going after somebody. No matter what crap she's wearing, she'd still look good naked. I definitely think you are not picky enough. But you are in a unique situation. You need to get the first one in. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Even if you are not successful with women, should you consider being pickier about who you will date? I don't know if being pickier from a laundry-list requirement perspective is necessary but those of us in this category need to be aware that our pragmatism in deciding who may be dateable can work against us. When dating options are few and far between, we may think we really like a woman but what we may actually like more is the idea of a relationship with her. In my own experience, I could only tell the difference between the two in retrospect. Learning to tell the difference in real time would have been much more helpful. Actually filtering out or even rejecting women when it may be a long, long time before another potential partner comes along is a daunting notion. 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 To answer my own question, I would argue that when someone says that another person is not their "type," it almost always happens early on when she meets him, or he meets her. And more often than not, the "type" is thrown out there to rationalize a lack of physical attraction, so she'll appear less shallow. I mean, how well can you really know someone when you first meet them to know if their personality matches a particular "type"...? In the example you presented, I would speculate that she "caved in" after learning more about his personality and that was enough to overcome her physical "type" which she prejudged him to not fulfill. ha, but your the biggest advocate of only going for what your attracted to, yes? Therefore, if a girl with large breasts approached you who was otherwise great for you, would you stick around to discover if she was your "type", or would you move on seeing as she is not your physical ideal?
Author jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Agreed. So if a person discounts someone right off the bat because she judges the guy to not be her "type," i.e., meeting requirements of physical traits, can you reasonably infer what is really important to her...? I don't think that is all there is to type though. I know that if a guy who was a 9 or 10 and dressed like one of those Jersey Shore guys was hitting on my sister and talking about football and hadn't read a book since high school, she would want no part of it. I'm 98.7% sure. Not her type. But if an equivalent 9 or 10 woman dressed in a tight dress came up and started offering herself to me, would I reject? I really can't say I would say no in the past (not that it's ever or ever will happen) ... but maybe it's time for us guys to start upping our non-physical standards. I think I would say no these days.
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I used large breasts because Hokie is only attracted to small ones. Why are girls shallow for discounting a guy she has no physical attraction to? Fair enough if she has unrealistically high standards compared to what SHE has to offer.
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 ha, but your the biggest advocate of only going for what your attracted to, yes? Therefore, if a girl with large breasts approached you who was otherwise great for you, would you stick around to discover if she was your "type", or would you move on seeing as she is not your physical ideal? Not at all. I'm saying that those who say someone isn't their "type" are usually judging that type based on looks.
Author jobaba Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I don't know if being pickier from a laundry-list requirement perspective is necessary but those of us in this category need to be aware that our pragmatism in deciding who may be dateable can work against us. When dating options are few and far between, we may think we really like a woman but what we may actually like more is the idea of a relationship with her. In my own experience, I could only tell the difference between the two in retrospect. Learning to tell the difference in real time would have been much more helpful. Actually filtering out or even rejecting women when it may be a long, long time before another potential partner comes along is a daunting notion. This is a great post. But ... I think even us harder up guys should stick to our guns. Not chase after the kinda ditzy, kinda vapid gal cause she's cute and was really nice to us. We should demand more even if we're alone for a while. 1
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Why are girls shallow for discounting a guy she has no physical attraction to? I am saying that they are not shallow. Requiring physical attraction is a natural and expected part of dating. It's just that people are afraid of being perceived as shallow, so they do everything they can to save face with others.
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 And lets talk about the little things that afflict dating.... for instance, watching reality TV, not reading much, and having bad style. Doesn't it really depend ont he type of girl? For example, a girl with a good career or can at least support themselves and is in a career they are passionate about; a girl who also reads, and has a cool list of activities and hobbies, and ample friends/ is social, and pleasant even if she is an introvert. A girl who is otherwise a great catch, but who watches reality TV would be fine for most guys.
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I am saying that they are not shallow. Requiring physical attraction is a natural and expected part of dating. It's just that people are afraid of being perceived as shallow, so they do everything they can to save face with others. I get it now. I wasn't having a go at your preference for women either, just highlighted it to make my point. I was concerned about my current boyfriend too. I was shallow and had a super hot guy before him, and thought about how I would feel with my boyfriend if we were to be around people I knew. Needless to say I realized I was a shallow idiot, I am not that hot myself to every one, and that if your attracted the that is enough ( rather than having arm candy) What's more, is I read a lot, and my partner does not. I like to study and he doesn't even like to read a page. I have let the fact I love him a great deal, and have a lot of fun with him supercede my "laudry list" I normally thought to use...
Titanwolf Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Men as a whole? yeah certainly. As long as you're doing all you can to be the best man you can be, I don't see why you shouldn't have high standards. I do to be honest and there's a mountain of things that would put me off a girl in an instant. The gems are few and far between.
Emilia Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 A lot of guys are picky. I was thinking about this the other day, I definitely punch above my weight in dating and/or interest from men because over the years I made the effort to learn how to relate to them better. I have the kind of humour they tend to like, I can hold a conversation about sports, achievement, being competitive, etc. I'm good at picking up on their interests. They don't just go for looks or age, personality matters to a lot of men. 3
xxoo Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 IMO, people are picky about the wrong things. Shoes, clothes, and tv shows are "small stuff". As long as the "big stuff" is there, don't sweat the small stuff. Look for true mutual attraction, compatibility, and connection, and overlook the style preferences.
udolipixie Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Probably best suited for guys to be pickier with women and evaluate whether a woman is a possible for long-term committment. Likely it'd lead to less men whining about being used and having bad experiences with women than if men continue as it seems going by 'she's pretty and puts out'. I highly doubt guys be pickier will happen as likely it'd require men to think of women as more than pretty things and want interaction with women other than sex and to placate his ego. Past and present times it seems haven't shown men thinking otherwise so I doubt it for potential times.
kaylan Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 ^Um...where have you been? When it comes to relationships many guys want women who complete them, and it goes far beyond just sex.
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