SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Not that this forum represents the real world but it has been posted many times that women are put off if a man gets emotionally invested before they do? Guys is there truth to this? Women if you're dating a man and you realize that he's into you before you're into him are you dunzo? I'm not saying if a guys blowing up your phone every day but keeps light constant contact and you just get the feeling he's really into you?
mesmerized Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I don't believe there is a universal answer to this question. It's really on a case by case basis. I think at the end, it's all related to how attracted we are to that man. 6
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 ^that If a woman is attracted to a man he can't do wrong, if she's not attracted he can do no right. 3
monkey00 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Anyway aside from the above responses, if the guy gets too sappy/romantic obsessed/complimenting too much early on, he's bound to fail and crash even if the girl does like the guy. Best to keep things chill early on. 2
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 NO women are not turned off if the man gets feelings first. What turns them off is cowardly men. The guy who says "I really like you" then doesn't do anything about it. Generally, you have to take action if you like women rather than just verbalizing it and then giving a blank stare. "Well.. I really like you... so.. ummm... yeah....." What do you mean by does nothing about it?
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 A man who says he likes the woman then never acts. In romance it's mostly about body language and physical moves. Most of my relationships have been where they talk about how they would never be with someone like me... then they make a physical move to the contrary. (men and women alike). 3
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Thanks guys but I'm talking about when you are already dating/seeing eachother. Is it that much of a turn off when a man is into you early on? Like I said not like stage 5 clinger texting but it's obvious he's really into you.
ThaWholigan Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Thanks guys but I'm talking about when you are already dating/seeing eachother. Is it that much of a turn off when a man is into you early on? Like I said not like stage 5 clinger texting but it's obvious he's really into you. Depends how much she's into you. It's probably better to stay on your toes just a little.....
mesmerized Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 He doesn't ask for anything or do anything. He doesn't say: "Lets go out" or try to kiss her or anything. He just says "I like you" then blank stare. This is actually true. Any smart woman with an ounce of experience knows words mean nothing. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Its all about control. If you are more interested you have lost all control. If they know you'll never leave that makes you less of a commodity. This is the reason so many women who want marriage, stick with losers who clearly never will marry them, and so many men hover in the friendzone of women who will never have sex with them. They have given all the power to the other person. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Thanks guys but I'm talking about when you are already dating/seeing eachother. Is it that much of a turn off when a man is into you early on? Like I said not like stage 5 clinger texting but it's obvious he's really into you. Yes even then. If a some one is that into you then it can be a turn off. (As others said, if there is enough physical attraction nothing is a turn off.)
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Its all about control. If you are more interested you have lost all control. If they know you'll never leave that makes you less of a commodity. This is the reason so many women who want marriage, stick with losers who clearly never will marry them, and so many men hover in the friendzone of women who will never have sex with them. They have given all the power to the other person. I disagree, someone is going to develop feelings sooner, whether it's the man or the woman. Basically what you are saying is that whoever develops feelings first has lost control, that makes no sense.
carhill Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 My anecdote is that my LTR's and M resulted from being less than 'gushing' early-on. Every case of marked infatuation/early investment has failed spectacularly. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Not that this forum represents the real world but it has been posted many times that women are put off if a man gets emotionally invested before they do? Guys is there truth to this? Women if you're dating a man and you realize that he's into you before you're into him are you dunzo? I'm not saying if a guys blowing up your phone every day but keeps light constant contact and you just get the feeling he's really into you? I think its sweet to call and keep contact i would rather honesty when you are interested in someone you should let them know no matter how afraid you are that it might turn them off or you are going to get rejected rejection isnt nice or pleasant that si why it sounds so horrible say the word aloud does it sound remotely positive.... ummm...that would be no.....its the j in there make sit sound final...but it isn't final there is a positive you dont have to carry the weight of not knowing what would happen, that is far more final.i got rejected when i went a seminar on the navy the officer said you are perfect in every way except one you need to drop some weight to meet the weight requirement.....3 months later i joined successfully and accepted before a selection board psyche tests and physicals....rejection if you don't say it aloud is just a word.....so keep trying and face rejection as a word not a permanent fixture in your life keep it light funny and see if that person might give you a chance......but make that effort nothing comes if you dont seek it.....blow the is she into me or isnt he ' try, and if you do get rejected take some time to recover but keep the contact up.......deb Edited September 8, 2012 by todreaminblue
Quiet Storm Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I agree that physical attraction plays a huge part in how a woman responds to a man's romantic declarations. I also believe that many women are turned off if she feels like she's a man's only option. Being too eager and too emotional can give off a desperate vibe. She wants to feel like you have other options, but still chose her. That other women want you too, and that you picked her, over the others. I think this is part of the reason players have so much success. It's the whole "special" factor. I think this is one of those things that some women don't want to admit about themselves, although I have witnessed it on many occasions. A woman won't feel attraction for a guy, but when she sees other women flirting with him, it can spark that attraction. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 I agree that physical attraction plays a huge part in how a woman responds to a man's romantic declarations. I also believe that many women are turned off if she feels like she's a man's only option. Being too eager and too emotional can give off a desperate vibe. She wants to feel like you have other options, but still chose her. That other women want you too, and that you picked her, over the others. I think this is part of the reason players have so much success. It's the whole "special" factor. I think this is one of those things that some women don't want to admit about themselves, although I have witnessed it on many occasions. A woman won't feel attraction for a guy, but when she sees other women flirting with him, it can spark that attraction. If I like a woman I wouldn't give a rats ass if other men didn't desire her. It shouldn't have to be this way. A woman should like a man because she likes him, not to boost her ego becasue other woman want him. 2
RedRobin Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) For the readers... Not all women need to feel like they are beating out competition... and that the guy they are interested in has other 'options'... Nor do all women validate their own self-worth by latching onto a man she thinks is 'popular'... Some of us can make up our own minds about someone, thank you very much. We don't need the opinion of the masses to make it for us. To me, it is a huge turn off actually. I don't 'compete' for any man. The ideal man for me knows what he wants... his self-esteem is not vested in how many 'options' he has... He is a force unto himself and lives above the tastes of the average woman. Even if he *IS* popular, he'd be the last to notice it because that is not how he validates himself. Long story short.. I'm not a follower. I base my decisions on the quality of all of his interactions (both men and women)... not the quantity... and certainly not based on how many women he has trailing him. ... but to answer the OP... No, it would not and has not been a turn off if a guy develops feelings for me first... if it is based on real intimacy. The only times it is a turn off is when I feel it is based on some image they have in their brain, a fantasy, or is something said out of manipulation. My two most significant relationships were where he said the 'L' word first... but I think that is just because I tend to be more cautious that way... When I say the 'L' word, that means commitment... in some form... for life. Even if just as friends. Edited September 8, 2012 by RedRobin 2
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I don't believe there is a universal answer to this question. It's really on a case by case basis. I think at the end, it's all related to how attracted we are to that man. Says it all. If I'm really into a guy, and he expresses feelings of commitment/emotional intimacy/love before I do, it's not going to bother me. I'd likely find it sweet. If I'm still on the fence about a guy and he starts doling out the heavy emotional stuff, it could be a turn-off, because I'd realize that we're on separate pages. I think most people (men and women) just want to feel like the person they're dating is on the same page as them. Premature displays of intimate feelings can be fine...if both parties are feeling them (or getting there, at least). Tricky. 2
Quiet Storm Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 If I like a woman I wouldn't give a rats ass if other men didn't desire her. It shouldn't have to be this way. A woman should like a man because she likes him, not to boost her ego becasue other woman want him. Attraction for a woman is totally different, so you can't judge it from a man's point of view. Not all women are like this. I think the more secure ones are not. For the ones that are, it's validating to know that you have something other women want, and validation is important for many (not all) women. It happens with female animals, too. You will see many species where the females will go for the same male. I think it goes back to the dawn of time, when women wanted men for protection and security. 1
Woggle Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 People in general tend to want what is popular. You see everybody with the shiny new toy and you want it. It is no different with dating. As for me most of what I like tends to be underrated and part of me sort of takes pride in swimming upstream. 2
Badsingularity Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Attraction for a woman is totally different I think this is something a lot of people don't understand. Men and women.
Quiet Storm Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Red Robin, I agree with you and am not a follower either, but I have witnessed this with women on many occasions. And not just in high school. Unfortunately, not all women are as emotionally secure as you. I post based on my life experience. I've always been quiet. A people watcher. So I don't always give my own personal motivations for something, or what I would do. I report what I see others do. 2
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Attraction for a woman is totally different, so you can't judge it from a man's point of view. Not all women are like this. I think the more secure ones are not. For the ones that are, it's validating to know that you have something other women want, and validation is important for many (not all) women. It happens with female animals, too. You will see many species where the females will go for the same male. I think it goes back to the dawn of time, when women wanted men for protection and security. How is attraction different for men and women. I walk into a bar and see a woman I'm attracted to, you go into the bar and see a man you're attracted to. What's the difference? Is it that if your possee doesn't think he's good looking your attraction vaporizes?
Author SJC2008 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 I'm pretty hit and miss when it comes to women being attracted to me. They either think I'm hansome/cute or not at all. I have been apporached by women a few times in bars in my life. Once a hot blonde started making out with me lol. That being said, I think I'd do 1000 times better with women if they didn't need the approaval of others. Any man or woman would do better if they were "universally attractive" but if someone is attracted to you it shouldn't matter. You're dating for you, not your friends.
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