Getting over coworker

[Sox Man]

Anybody got any ideas how to get over a coworker? She's recently divorced and we've been seeing each other off and on. Everything we do seems to be on her terms and I can't help but feel like I'm being jerked around. What do I say to her when she wants to do something? Every time she's of town with stuff to do, I never hear from her, but when she gets back, she wants to see me. For example, she was out of town for a conference with her best friend and I refused to text or call her. I never heard from her until she got back and she texted me the day she got back. She invited me to a get together at her place with some friends. I'm not even sure I want to go.

[spiderowl]

If you feel you are being jerked around, then you can easily avoid her socially. Have excuses or say you are tired or something. If it comes to it, you could say you are not feeling very sociable and leave it at that. If all else fails, why not tell her you need to find someone who has a less casual attitude to you. I don't see how she can object to that.

 

You ask about getting over her though. From what you've said, you've reached the point where you are going to start refusing to go along with her agenda. You need to work out where you want to go from here now. What you don't want to do is to go along with her needs then react in a passive-aggressive way that is going to really put her off you. If there is any chance of a relationship, it needs to be based on you both setting your own boundaries, not on manipulation.

 

So why not tell her that your needs and hers don't appear to match up and that you should both do your own thing in future. She's bound to keep including you, as and when, unless she knows you don't want that.

 

If your needs don't match up, then she won't make you happy and vice versa. Once you realise that, you'll see that she's not suitable for you and that will make it a lot easier to get over her.