He is not getting the hint...

[lovehurts5]

So there's this guy who is really really into me and I am just not really feeling it. I met him about a month ago. I just got out of a 4 year relationship 4 months ago and I had a huge conversation with him that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am just looking to have fun, find myself, and live my life day to day with no one to worry about but myself. He said he understood but he continues to tell me how he likes me so much, has never felt this way about someone else, blah, blah, blah. And I keep reminding him this is all it's going to be. He wants to hang out pretty much every single day and when I refuse he gets an attitude. Idk what to do because I enjoy his company but I just want to be his friend.

[KatZee]

So there's this guy who is really really into me and I am just not really feeling it. I met him about a month ago. I just got out of a 4 year relationship 4 months ago and I had a huge conversation with him that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am just looking to have fun, find myself, and live my life day to day with no one to worry about but myself. He said he understood but he continues to tell me how he likes me so much, has never felt this way about someone else, blah, blah, blah. And I keep reminding him this is all it's going to be. He wants to hang out pretty much every single day and when I refuse he gets an attitude. Idk what to do because I enjoy his company but I just want to be his friend.

 

You can't be his friend. Guys are so dense it's ridiculous. I had the exact same thing happen with me. We sound so similar! Just got out of an almost 3 year relationship 4 months ago and I'm having a blast being single!

 

I have two guys pursuing me as more, and I've told them "nicely" that I'm not looking to date, and that I don't want them to get the wrong impression.

 

Both continue to pursue and say I'm so awesome, and they really like me, and I'm like UGH!

 

They're not going to stop, and even if this guy says he's "OK" being your friend... he's lying. He's going to keep trying for something more.

 

I just stopped responding to this one guy. I feel bad as he's a nice guy but he's obviously into me way more. He calls and I don't answer. I've blown him off and have turned him down every time he asks to hang out.

 

You can't keep hanging around as a "friend" and hopes he stops. He won't.

[lovehurts5]

Yeah it's really annoying that they still don't get it even after having a conversation with him!!! Like I couldn't have been anymore clear... He's moving to NYC and i'm starting school next week so I'm really just hoping that once that all starts he'll fall off and I won't have to deal with it. Last night he was like I have a feeling we are going to have sex soon.. I was like really!? because i'm pretty sure that's not happening... I just don't understand what is going through his brain.

[KatZee]

Last night he was like I have a feeling we are going to have sex soon.. I was like really!? because i'm pretty sure that's not happening... I just don't understand what is going through his brain.

 

LMFAO! :lmao::lmao:

 

Oh my God. The one I was seeing was all over me on the 2nd date. Holding my hand, putting his hand on my thigh, leaning into me to "cuddle" during the movie, went in for the kiss. I was like "ahhhh!!" and pretty much ran away screaming because I'm SO not ready for any of that. And after that I knew he was looking for way more than I was and I've kind of just drifted off. He's progressed to calling me though. Before it was just texting, and now I get a call once a day from him. :S

 

If he keeps up I'm sure I'll have to say something again.

 

This second guy I hung out with, I literally just hung out with as a friend. I haven't see him in MONTHS. I met him through a mutual girlfriend, and we planned to just hang... well lo and behold he spent the WHOLE NIGHT referring to it as a date! He was like "I hope I get a second date" and he kept touching me and the second he went home I was like, OH THANK GOD.

 

He then spent the next two days messaging me non stop. My phone almost exploded from all of his text messages. Asking to cook me dinner. Asking me to go away for the weekend. Sending me a link for concert tix and offering to drive us there. Asking to see me again "soon." I was like OH JESUS CHRIST!

 

I was literally like, "I'm not looking to date, I don't want to give you the wrong impression..."

 

Nothing. The next few days were a repeat of the above. And he was going on and on how his friends were all engaged and in relationships. I was like, "yeah I HAVE NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN DATING." <-- all in caps.

 

He finally was like... "understood..."

 

And that was that. loll

[It's Just Me]

OMG... you ladies are cracking me up. But it does make you think, no? That perhaps being emotionally distanced from a guy makes him want us more? I've had that happen as well. I wasn't interested in this one guy, and he was RELENTLESS. A guy I liked? Nada.

 

Maybe some of the gentlemen here will chime in as well.

[KatZee]

OMG... you ladies are cracking me up. But it does make you think, no? That perhaps being emotionally distanced from a guy makes him want us more? I've had that happen as well. I wasn't interested in this one guy, and he was RELENTLESS. A guy I liked? Nada.

 

Maybe some of the gentlemen here will chime in as well.

 

It really does sound hilarious from the outside, but from the inside it's like holy crap, stalkers! I have no idea if it's the thrill of the chase, or what, and they probably think we're playing coy games, and WE'RE SO NOT! it's called NO INTEREST!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh

 

I feel like I can't even date. The days of casual dating are gone! Every single guy I try to hang with is trying to make me a wife! grrrrrrrr

 

That would be fine, but I need to be interested as well, and I haven't felt that way for anyone except this one guy... but he's not showing the interest the way I want him to!

 

such is life. sigh.

[lovehurts5]

hahahaha wowwwww. It's crazy how similar our situations are!! Looks like we both have stage 5 clingers on our hands.... My clinger texted me like an hour ago and was like your friends are probably working this Friday lets go on a date!! What do you want to do? We can do whatever you want! I was like I want to see what my friends are doing first it's my last weekend before grad classes start.... he was like well you need to let me know. OH! and last night he was like would you go away on vacation with me??........... I was like no. hahahah I don't know how to be nice about it because he is just not getting it.

 

It's Just Me- I totally agree with you! I feel like if you are distant from a guy they want you 1000X more!! There's just no spark with this guy and he's got like fireworks going off for me. I hope a guy I actually like one day acts like this kid haha

[Quiet Storm]

They aren't taking the hint because your actions aren't matching your words. You don't want a relationship, but you are continuing to respond to them or go places as "friends", which they perceive as interest.

 

Guys don't want to be just friends with attractive women. They may accept friendship for now, but they are likely envisioning you naked and waiting for you to have a weak moment.

 

If you aren't interested, tell them that and stop engaging with them. If they text, don't respond. If they call, ignore. Men often interpret friendliness as romantic interest, so being their "friend" isn't likely to stop the pursuit. They'll just be waiting for the right moment to make their move.

[lovehurts5]

Quiet Storm- Good point... lol

[Imported]

Let me guess, you lead them on. No, don't answer' I know you won't admit to it anyway. I mean LOL, you talk like you want to be his friend only because you "enjoy his company" but than you go on to be-little him and laugh at him being a " stage 5 clinger". I am going to guess that by enjoy his company, you mean enjoy his attention like any attentionwhore does. Is he the only guy showing any interest that you need to hang on to him? I get a female that I am not interested in and seems she is not getting the hint, I ignore her. I don't be little her, I don't keep her around, that's just ****ed up.

[truth_seeker]

If you're a woman and you're not interested in man, just tell him. If you're too afraid of hurting his feelings, tell him you're seeing someone else now. You'll take his number and if things change, you'll be in touch.

[ThaWholigan]

OMG... you ladies are cracking me up. But it does make you think, no? That perhaps being emotionally distanced from a guy makes him want us more? I've had that happen as well. I wasn't interested in this one guy, and he was RELENTLESS. A guy I liked? Nada.

 

Maybe some of the gentlemen here will chime in as well.

It works on women too. That's why the distant aloof guys always have girls who like them. Women just do it unintentionally .

 

You have to keep constantly reminding those guys you don't find them attractive at all, otherwise every moment you spend with them as friends, they still hold out hope. The only other way to stop it is to stop being friends with them.

[soccerrprp]

I don't think you can be just friends. Cut off communication and move on.

[lovehurts5]

Let me guess, you lead them on. No, don't answer' I know you won't admit to it anyway. I mean LOL, you talk like you want to be his friend only because you "enjoy his company" but than you go on to be-little him and laugh at him being a " stage 5 clinger". I am going to guess that by enjoy his company, you mean enjoy his attention like any attentionwhore does. Is he the only guy showing any interest that you need to hang on to him? I get a female that I am not interested in and seems she is not getting the hint, I ignore her. I don't be little her, I don't keep her around, that's just ****ed up.

 

I'm not sure how i'd be leading him on if I sat him down, actually had a long conversation with him and told him directly that I just want to be his friend and want nothing more than that? When I say I "enjoy his company" I literally mean I enjoy his company. Like if he would just be my friend i'd really like that but clearly he's not just wanting to be my friend even though he said he understood. There are 2 other guys that have tried to "date" me but, like I said, I just got out of a long relationship not that long ago so when I had the conversation with them they got the hint the first time around.

 

To everyone else with kind responses- Yeah, I guess the friendship thing just isn't going to work and i'll just have to stop responding to his texts.

[truth_seeker]

It works on women too. That's why the distant aloof guys always have girls who like them. Women just do it unintentionally .

 

You have to keep constantly reminding those guys you don't find them attractive at all, otherwise every moment you spend with them as friends, they still hold out hope. The only other way to stop it is to stop being friends with them.

 

Right.

 

If you're up front with people, then they should respect your wishes. If they don't, then you cut them off.

 

What I don't like are the games. No need for them. Girls like to throw subtle hints out there because they're afraid of being the one to make the first real move. If the guy is smart he'll pick up on them and move in. She'll sit back and decide whether anything will happen or not.

[colombiana28]

I hate when guys try to be your friend, insist that it's only friendship they seek, and then try to hit on you. it's so f****** awkward. those are the kind of guys who think women are machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

 

yup those guys usually get a 1 way ticket to ignoresville. of course they try to beg and plead to go back to a platonic friendship

[somedude81]

I had a huge conversation with him that I am not looking for a relationship and that I am just looking to have fun, find myself, and live my life day to day with no one to worry about but myself. He said he understood but he continues to tell me how he likes me so much, has never felt this way about someone else, blah, blah, blah. And I keep reminding him this is all it's going to be. He wants to hang out pretty much every single day and when I refuse he gets an attitude.

 

Idk what to do because I enjoy his company but I just want to be his friend.

All that cake is going to make you fat.

They aren't taking the hint because your actions aren't matching your words. You don't want a relationship, but you are continuing to respond to them or go places as "friends", which they perceive as interest.

 

Guys don't want to be just friends with attractive women. They may accept friendship for now, but they are likely envisioning you naked and waiting for you to have a weak moment.

 

If you aren't interested, tell them that and stop engaging with them. If they text, don't respond. If they call, ignore. Men often interpret friendliness as romantic interest, so being their "friend" isn't likely to stop the pursuit. They'll just be waiting for the right moment to make their move.

Quiet Storm wins the thread.

 

If you want to make sure that the guy gets the hint that you don't want him in your life, you have to cut all contact. Be an adult about it and tell him that it is what you're doing, then just ignore him from then on.

[lovehurts5]

I love cake but I don't get what that has to do with anything haha and I agree quiet storms response was on point. Now I just have to break it to him.

[somedude81]

I love cake but I don't get what that has to do with anything haha and I agree quiet storms response was on point. Now I just have to break it to him.

Heh, it's just a play on the expression, "Have one's cake and eat it too."

 

Basically you enjoy his company and want to be his friend and not be his girlfriend.

 

You have to make the choice of wanting his company or going your own separate ways because you don't want to date.

 

Though from your most recent post it seems you have come to a decision, so I applaud you on that

[FitChick]

That perhaps being emotionally distanced from a guy makes him want us more? I've had that happen as well. I wasn't interested in this one guy, and he was RELENTLESS. A guy I liked? Nada.

I think a more productive way of interpreting that behavior is: when a man likes you and wants you, he will pursue. You won't have to manipulate, play games, ask questions or tell yourself he is shy, afraid to get serious, etc. You will know.

[KatZee]

What annoys me and confuses me....is WHY can't a guy just be a platonic friend? Why is it that they see a good looking girl and all bets are off? I relate better to guys. They are less drama than women. I enjoy hanging with guys, I like being laid back, shooting the sh*t, and not have to worry that I'm in some sort of competition with the girl across the room. We're all just buds. Hanging out. Cool.

 

WHY CAN'T GUYS DO THIS.

 

I have loads of guy friends (that I honestly wouldn't hook up with and haven't hooked up with) and I genuinely enjoy hanging with them, why is that some sort of bad thing that I won't be in a relationship with them?

 

Why is a guy incapable of being friends with a hot chick? Does his dick suddenly take over and make it impossible?

 

Women are not merely on this planet to put out and pop out babies. We're not sex machines, we're not here merely for your pleasure.

 

I just don't get it.

[ThaWholigan]

What annoys me and confuses me....is WHY can't a guy just be a platonic friend? Why is it that they see a good looking girl and all bets are off? I relate better to guys. They are less drama than women. I enjoy hanging with guys, I like being laid back, shooting the sh*t, and not have to worry that I'm in some sort of competition with the girl across the room. We're all just buds. Hanging out. Cool.

 

WHY CAN'T GUYS DO THIS.

 

I have loads of guy friends (that I honestly wouldn't hook up with and haven't hooked up with) and I genuinely enjoy hanging with them, why is that some sort of bad thing that I won't be in a relationship with them?

 

Why is a guy incapable of being friends with a hot chick? Does his dick suddenly take over and make it impossible?

 

Women are not merely on this planet to put out and pop out babies. We're not sex machines, we're not here merely for your pleasure.

 

I just don't get it.

Because we are horny. I can deal with my sexual attraction to a woman and still be friends rather easily, but I wouldn't rule out an encounter if she wanted one. Some guys can't do it, if they are attracted, that's it.

[Dafa]

I hate when guys try to be your friend, insist that it's only friendship they seek, and then try to hit on you. it's so f****** awkward. those are the kind of guys who think women are machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

 

yup those guys usually get a 1 way ticket to ignoresville. of course they try to beg and plead to go back to a platonic friendship

 

Sorry in advance for the incoming bluntness.

Tell him the truth, i.e., tell him that you are not physically/personality-wise attracted to him. All that talk about being "unavailable" falls on deaf ears because it is not a truthful reason, it is an evasive argument... Were the guy a brad pitt with some george clooney charm sprinkled on top and i would bet you would have a different point of view.

[Dafa]

What annoys me and confuses me....is WHY can't a guy just be a platonic friend? Why is it that they see a good looking girl and all bets are off? I relate better to guys. They are less drama than women. I enjoy hanging with guys, I like being laid back, shooting the sh*t, and not have to worry that I'm in some sort of competition with the girl across the room. We're all just buds. Hanging out. Cool.

 

WHY CAN'T GUYS DO THIS.

 

I have loads of guy friends (that I honestly wouldn't hook up with and haven't hooked up with) and I genuinely enjoy hanging with them, why is that some sort of bad thing that I won't be in a relationship with them?

 

Why is a guy incapable of being friends with a hot chick? Does his dick suddenly take over and make it impossible?

 

Women are not merely on this planet to put out and pop out babies. We're not sex machines, we're not here merely for your pleasure.

 

I just don't get it.

 

I would like to see you being "platonic" friends with a single very handsome man...

 

"A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." Nietzsche

[AlexCross]

If you really didn't want to talk to him, or lead him on, you wouldn't engage him. You are doing so because you love the feeling of a nice ego stroking. It kinda validates it.