gettingplayed Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I met this guy about 2 months ago and for reasons I don't want to discuss I was already judging him and in the back of my mind I was thinking that all he wanted was sex. We slept together pretty early on. And Ive brought this up with him twice and of course he denied it. After the second time we slept together we didn't talk for two days until I contacted him. Everything seemed fine after that. He takes me out, will text me first if I don't text him and nights when I was getting paranoid about him dating other girls he would come see me. Anyway, I thought he liked me. We slept together again a few days ago and then the next day he cancelled our plans in a nice way. I didn't bother him the rest of that day. Yesterday, when I texted him he didn't seem like he really wanted to talk but it may have just been all in my head bc he doesn't seem like a big texter but still... I know he wasn't busy. Or with another girl or else he wouldn't have bothered replying at all. We usually make plans ahead of time (actually not that soon) and when I tried to make plans just to see what he'd say he said he'd wait to see what days I'm off next week (which is what he normally does) but when I told him I was free this weekend he never replied back. I know he's off tmrw bc he already told me what days he's off this week and next. You know I actually don't need to talk to him everyday or make plans so soon but all of a sudden I guess I'm feeling more insecure. Does it make a difference that he asked me to be his gf? I said no bc it felt to soon. I thought it was all part of him trying to sleep with me. He said he was disappointed. But he also said that he wasn't going to rush into a relationship just to be with me and the wasn't too much longer after when he asked Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 It makes a big difference that he asked you to be his gf and you said "no". He's hurt and is probably slowing things down to protect himself, which is pretty normal. Now that he's slowing things down, you seem to want more contact. Are you confused? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 I was confused in the beginning because things were moving so fast. And until recently I thought that having sex so soon ruins any chance of there being a relationship but I was wrong. If he doesn't want just sex how do I bring my being his gf up again? Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I think you dropped the ball when he asked you to be his g/f. You should have said yes if you were interested in him. Saying yes to being his g/f isn't some like long commitment. It just says that you're very interested in him. I wouldn't be surprised to find him on LS talking about how he is being played by this girl that can't make up her mind. If I was in his position, by what you wrote, I would possibly think you are a dick tease. I mean you slept with him multiple times. So why all the game playing??? Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 until recently I thought that having sex so soon ruins any chance of there being a relationship Did you learn that in church? I'm glad you found that isn't true. Now get another date with him, sleep with him, and tell him you want to be his g/f. I think you'll find dating and relationships go much easier with that approach. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 At first I thought this was a thread about people using one another for sex, but this took a turn when you said he asked you to be his gf and you said no. Well, no means no, and that's what you said. He's obviously not going to pursue that any further, so you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 If he doesn't want just sex how do I bring my being his gf up again? I don't think you can...a man is typically not going to ask you this question twice. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) Tomorrow, tell him that since it's his day off, you thought he might like to [insert specific activity that both of you will enjoy here]. If he agrees or counters with another day to do it, then you still have a chance. The question then is if you want to be his girlfriend. It sounds to me like you do, but you didn't actually say it, so I'm not sure. If you do, you're going to need to be the one to bring it up. You can't expect him to do it a second time. You have to risk being shot down. Don't put it off. Ask the next time you go out. The longer you wait, the less chance you'll have. Go out and do whatever activity you'll both enjoy. Try to make it as fun as possible -- and maybe slightly out of the ordinary -- so the freshest thing on his mind about you before bringing up the subject is positive. Be affectionate and gauge whether his responses are affectionate or distant. If you're getting positive response throughout the date, after you're finished with activity X, go for a walk or do something that's good for conversation. Hold his hand and talk about whatever you normally would. Continue to gauge how he responds to your affection. If during the date, he seems distant or pulls away from affection, then your chances are not good. You could still bring it up it you really want the answer, but it's probably going to disappoint you. If you feel like you're connecting, then bring up the question. You can use your own words, but a suggestion is to say something like, "Remember when you asked me to be your girlfriend?" When he says he does, say, "I'm starting to regret my answer, because I think we'd make a great couple." Hopefully he'll be glad to hear that. However you word it, don't wimp out or be vague. You'll need to make it clear that you want a relationship, because he might be afraid to get his hopes up again unless you actually say it. If he has doubts about your refusal before, be honest with him about your fear that it was too soon. He could say no, but like I said, you're going to have to take the risk. Don't wait for him to ask a second time. He probably won't. Edited August 25, 2012 by The Way I Am Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 Everyone was wrong He asked me to be his girlfriend again and I said yes but I still can't shake the feeling that he just wants me for sex. What's wrong with me? I feel like he's not opening up to me as much as I thought he would by now. Its like after we have sex he starts letting go more, being his self, and being more comfortable. I feel like he knows more personal stuff about me than I do about him. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 okay, so you are his gf now. ask him questions about himself. many people won't just open up and there are some who do so w/o hesitation. i am curious why you think, thought that being his gf was about sex when you were already having a sexual relationship prior to him asking? if it was about the sex, he was already getting that before he asked you, right? so, it could be more, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 I guess this is a whole new experience for me. I'm used to guys only wanting sex from me and this is my first boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Congrats. He asked you a second time after getting shot down once. He must really like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) .......... Edited September 3, 2012 by gettingplayed Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 He recently became pretty busy with work and school and barely has any time for me. Why would he even bother asking me to be his girlfriend if he know this? I'm kind of annoyed because now I feel like I'm tied down to a guy that's not going to be around much. He says he's going to try to make time but trying isn't really gonna cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 He recently became pretty busy with work and school and barely has any time for me. Why would he even bother asking me to be his girlfriend if he know this? Um. Maybe because he really likes you. I'm kind of annoyed because now I feel like I'm tied down to a guy that's not going to be around much. He says he's going to try to make time but trying isn't really gonna cut it.You've been his gf for what 2-3 days. Did he suddenly become busy in those few days? Or did you know before you agreed to be his gf that he had work and school commitments? What more do you want from him than to try to do his best to make time for you? Do you expect him to quit his job or drop out of school? Those things are important -- school especially. Do you not want him to do well in school and have money to support himself? I wonder whether your expectations are reasonable. How much time do you expect him to have available for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 I guess I should have brought this up before agreeing but I guess I wasn't thinking. One day a week would be sufficient. He only lives a few minutes away from me. Thank you for replying. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Um. Maybe because he really likes you. You've been his gf for what 2-3 days. Did he suddenly become busy in those few days? Or did you know before you agreed to be his gf that he had work and school commitments? What more do you want from him than to try to do his best to make time for you? Do you expect him to quit his job or drop out of school? Those things are important -- school especially. Do you not want him to do well in school and have money to support himself? I wonder whether your expectations are reasonable. How much time do you expect him to have available for you? From what Im aware of, any guy excited about a girl and getting her as a girlfriend either does one of two things - see her or call/ text her. The honeymoon phase of a relationship usually always suggest new couples become quit attached at the hips with an abundance affection of the PDA kind. Even if the guy is busy withh work and school his hormones still have the power tmake him want to go out of his wayto see or reach her. I guess I should have brought this up before agreeing but I guess I wasn't thinking. One day a week would be sufficient. He only lives a few minutes away from me. Thank you for replying. One day a week? On your terms or his? Any guy who suggests only wanting to see me once a week has no respect for me and is probably expecting me to be his booty call for the weekend. Last time a guy asked me to be understanding and only makes plans to see me once a week ended up to to be a guy i kied to the curb. A real guy who likes you will reassure you and let you knpw hpw he can work around his busy schedule to accomodate you. He would not leave you hanging and wondering where the relationship is going. My boyfriend works three jobs, from8 in the mornig til 10 at night. He always tells me he wants to see me every night despite us livig 30 mins away by car.He will literally drive out to see me after an 8 hr shift at the hospital he works in and twaining a client at the gym. Soi always tell him to get more rest and save his time to see me on the weekends but he always insists. When he really can't see me, he always makes a point ro get in contact with me thru text or phone. So tell me again why you are with thisguy? A guy who acts lazy in a relationship is someone who isnt reallt ito u. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 On another note if you're sleeping with a ugy to manipulate him into liking u you need to work on your self esteem more. I used to be like you always putting out too early and too soon. A guy will always want sex butyou want a guy who will respectvyou and still want tobe with ueven if u haven't put out. When i got together with my bf, we waited almost two weeks before we got together. He never pushed forcsex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 Its on my terms. We do text. If I don't text him first then he'll usually text me when he gets off of work. Which is at night but not in a booty call kind of way. We aren't able to actually talk on the phone right now. We dont ever really talk about sex. We saw each other a lot more when school was out. So should I go ahead and break things off with him? He wasn't acting "lazy" until school started but I do believe if he really cared he would make time not just "try". So back to my original question...why would he ask me to be his girlfriend then? If what you're saying is true... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 Um..should I be taking advice from you? That last comment was a bit...too much. Did you say two weeks? And you can barely type. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Um..should I be taking advice from you? That last comment was a bit...too much. Did you say two weeks? And you can barely type. Sorry. Sleeping with my bf after two weeks is still more reasonable than sleeping with an ONS or a guy who constantly has you wreckig your brain over his intentions. Being in a relationship doesn't mean walking on eggshells, you are mutually exclusive to be able to talk openly and honestly with one another. Just the fact he can actually go for days without contact is fishy. You can certainly take my advice with a grain of salt because my spelling doesn't mean im wrong except for the fact that im typing from a mobile phone with terrible auto- correct. All i can say is Ive been where you are. If a relationship doesn't feel right and you're constantly questioning his actions, its safe to say he really isn't the right one for you. A relationship should be easy not a constant headache and a pain in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 But he wasn't a ONS. We dated for about three or four weeks before sleeping together. Its not a constant pain either. I think I might just be over thinking everything. So should I break things off with him? Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 The fact that he didn't get "lazy" until after school started is an indicator that he does like you but has a good enough head on his shoulders to realize he needs to put effort into school. Once a week isn't unreasonable. Has he been able to see you at least once a week? The fact that you're uneasy can be an indication that something's not right or it could be purely a result of insecurity. I'm inclined to think he really likes you and wants a relationahip with you despite knowing how much time he'll need to put into work and school. Since you were already having sex with him without the commitment, there's no benefit I can see to making you his gf if he doesn't genuinely want that. Is there anything besides his lack of availability that makes you think he's not genuine? Does he treat you affectionately and try to address your concerns and seem disappointed he can't spend more time with you or is he aloof and dismisses your desire to spend more time with him as a trivial annoyance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettingplayed Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) I would never want him to put me before school or work. I'm trying to see him once a week. If I didn't initiate it I'm not sure what would happpen. I've made plans with him for the end of the week and if he flakes then I think that'll tell me everything I need to know. If he doesn't then I'll see how long it takes him to make plans with me. Whether something is right or not I am definitely insecure even though I know I don't really have a reason to be. Daddy issues maybe? If I wasn't insecure (and knew then what I know now about guys and dating) then I probably wouldn't have thought he only wanted sex with me to begin with. I do agree with you that there was no benefit of making me his gf. I was happy with how things were without the title. I kind of feel like he might of made me his gf because he saw that he wasn't going to have much time for me and he didn't want me to start dating other guys because that's probably what I would have started doing. But now I can't. I figured I'd mention the fact that I didn't even get a happy birthday text (he cant call) from him. But I'm not even going to nag him about that because he did acknowledge the fact that it was my birthday unlike some people who are supposed to be much more important and there is still a chance that he might get me something. And to your last question, it's kind of both. By now he's probably annoyed by it but other than that I'm sure he'd spend more time if he could. Edited September 4, 2012 by gettingplayed Link to post Share on other sites
tomt1990 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Hi, I'm not a relationship expert, and I'm not going to pretend to be.... But here is what I think... he has asked you to be his girlfriend. One of the reasons for doing that is that he wants to be comitted to you and you to him in return. One of my ex-girlfriends lived a fair distance away, so seeing each other was not possible for sometimes more than a week. But we made it work by chatting on the phone each evening. Maybe if he doesn't have time to see you, you could chat on the phone. I do think, though, that he does need to make a bit more of an effort with you, because from the sounds of it, you are quite frustrated! as for simply ackowledging your birthday.... surely thats not good enough?!? Link to post Share on other sites
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