Contrecoeur Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Just as the title says. Discuss. I'll throw my story in there somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Likely, some people just like being in the company of others, and like dating for the sake of it. Or an open relationship/polyamory ...... You assign whatever point to it you want. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 So if you don't want an exclusive relationship or casual sex... what exactly do you want? I am personally not dating because I don't care for the process to find a relationship right now and I don't need to date to get casual sex. Well I am getting out of a attempt at a LDR..however it really wasn't a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Contrecoeur Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 So if you don't want an exclusive relationship or casual sex... what exactly do you want? I guess for companionship which is intimate in all ways except sexually, and the freedom to have that sort of companion-relation with others? I haven't been trying to date either as I'm still somewhat healing from a prior breakup (although I did have an OLD profile set up for all of 2 days, but that turned me off of dating even further), but great men keep coming up in my life, and I keep thinking I don't want to lose the chance with them totally just because of bad timing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Really good question & one that currently applies to me. I am definitely not looking for a relationship & probably would not be open to one. I like dating, but since I'm not open to a relationship, I'm not sure where the sex should fit in. The men I date seem to be looking for more than I have to offer...so having sex with them seems wrong. Usually. I don't feel comfortable having the it's not you its me conversation every 3 rd date. I have been told I should not be dating. But I get bored if I don't. I live in a smaller city now ( post divorce) so I think I could literally run out of men to date. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I guess for companionship which is intimate in all ways except sexually, and the freedom to have that sort of companion-relation with others? You want a friend and you don't date friends. However I know what you mean I seek that kind of companionship as well but my luck with guys isn't the greatest. So I rather not date to be fair to myself and guys as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Contrecoeur Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Really good question & one that currently applies to me. I am definitely not looking for a relationship & probably would not be open to one. I like dating, but since I'm not open to a relationship, I'm not sure where the sex should fit in. The men I date seem to be looking for more than I have to offer...so having sex with them seems wrong. Usually. I don't feel comfortable having the it's not you its me conversation every 3 rd date. I have been told I should not be dating. But I get bored if I don't. I live in a smaller city now ( post divorce) so I think I could literally run out of men to date. Glad you understand my dilemma! I just like dating, it's fun. But I'm not the sort of person to set up potential expectations with casual sex, and right now a serious, monogamous relationship would be too heavy for me, with everything else going on in my life. But it seems a lot of people don't understand why somebody would only be interested in dating casually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Contrecoeur Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 You want a friend and you don't date friends. It's more than that. I guess ideally we would act like people in a relationship, but wouldn't have sex, and wouldn't put any sort of behavioural expectations on each other. Or maybe you could think of it as friends who are interested in each other romantically and acting upon it, but not wanting to ruin their friendship by taking it "all the way" so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 It's more than that. I guess ideally we would act like people in a relationship, but wouldn't have sex, and wouldn't put any sort of behavioural expectations on each other. Or maybe you could think of it as friends who are interested in each other romantically and acting upon it, but not wanting to ruin their friendship by taking it "all the way" so to speak. Unless you are a-sexual... or waiting for marriage...this would be considered a relationship. Romantic interest = relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 If you don't want to waste some poor guys time by dating when you know your not ready get yourself a Friends with Benefits. No emotions. Just companionship and sex. Problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Contrecoeur Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 If you don't want to waste some poor guys time by dating when you know your not ready get yourself a Friends with Benefits. No emotions. Just companionship and sex. Problem solved. Did you really just click this and respond mindlessly without even reading the thread title? No, it wouldn't solve my problem at all. Is there a point in dating if you don't want an exclusive relationship OR casual sex? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCross Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Did you really just click this and respond mindlessly without even reading the thread title? No, it wouldn't solve my problem at all. Is there a point in dating if you don't want an exclusive relationship OR casual sex? I read it. Peoples ideas of dating vary from person to person. And you are also very contradictory in your thoughts. But if you feel like rebounding and stringing some poor bloke along just to make you not lonely by all means knock yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 You might get a free meal! Seriously, it sounds like dating you would be a waste of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 They have those. It's called friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I was in your predicament. With my current partner. Neither of us wanted a full on relationship. Yet, we could not just put each other down to " casual sex" because we grew to love one another. Our feelings towards each other compelled us to be exclusive and in a committed relationship. What you want would only work, if neither of you were " the one" for each other.. You know, the " right person" for each other, to feel compelled to be very close, in a committed relationship. For me though, there is either; casual sex with folks that you enjoy being around, but do not like enough to committ to long term; or a committed relationship with a person who you fall for. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 If your not ready for a propper relationship, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak. I was NOT mentally ready, yet found someone for fell for me later down the track, once they truly got to know me.... Because I was not ready for a R, I caused so much drama. Due to my mental issues that were WHY I should NOt have been in a serious relationship... If you catch feelings with a person who is nto suitable for a relationship, you can end up getting attachd and falling very in love with a person who will sabbotage or cause drama in the relationship.. hence why they are not ready for the R.... I am very lucky I am overcoming my issues to the point where I am not fighting or causing issues anymore, I am just coming out of that phase. I DO NOT advise it though to ANYONE ELSE, GET OUT of the R before your too attached, it can be utter HELL ( if your defective and not ready for a R) Link to post Share on other sites
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