marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I have known this man for a year since we worked together but we have now gone our separate ways since our contracts finished. During the time we worked together he pursued me but i was not very decided about him and in the end he was hit on by another woman and dropped me like a rock. I was hurt because by that time i had fallen for him, but i could see his side as well. Though he could have been more sensitive dropping me which he was not! Then he came back trying to pursue me again but i was so hurt things were moving very slowly. The work finished with us still be awkward around each other and never exchanging phone numbers. He tried to isolate me the last day at work with the help of a common friend so we could talk but my boss called me and i was too embarrassed to tell her to wait. So we missed that chance. However i made it evident through flirting like mad that i wanted more. I assumed he will call me getting my phone from that common friend and we parted happily. It has been now one month and he hasn't called! I so much wanted an effort from him since being rejected hurt me badly that time. So i am hesitant to call.On the other hand he is very shy. So should i call or forget about it? Do shy men text messages at least? How can i get him to know that he can still try if he wants to? I am afraid to get hurt again yet i can't forget him. Please help.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 If you have his number, just send him a neutral text - "Hello, it's *marilla* here. how are you? I just thought I would drop you a text to keep in touch....."
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 i don't have his number and it feels strange getting it from that common friend as i never confided in her about this story but he did. knowing how much i was hurt and i was guys-and told him so-shouldn't have he called me first? i know he is shy though. But still.....
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 guys any more answers? i am hurting. Have eaten half the fridge so far in one day!!! Don't know what to do.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Well, if you won't move because you feel awkward, and he won't move because 'we-don't-know-why' - then it's a bit of an impasse, isn't it? Maybe if you want it so much, you should find a way of getting through to him. Take the initiative. And leave that cold grilled chicken cutlet, it's mine.
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 thank you for answering. Glad to leave you the chicken. i am eating the ice-cream now. I can't believe this-i mean i thought men are supposed to do the calling and asking, at least even texting. All my male friends i asked about their cases they were the ones to do the calling or texting. My fear-i was hurt as when i was rejected he was pretty harsh on me and that scared me. I am scared of getting hurt. That is all.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 You have nothing to lose - providing you approach this neutrally and with dignity. this is why I suggested keeping your initial message very neutral. If he blows you off, he's being damned rude.... All you're doing is creating an opening for him to take the initiative. If he fails to take the hint or grab the opportunity - then he's denser than he looks, and really, do you want a guy you have to keep shoving? Just remember you're a lady, you have dignity and self-respect. Don't let a pile of indecisive testosterone ruin that. Got any mayo? (and none of that lo-fat diet crap....!)
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 a guy i keep on shoving! yes this is what has been almost always. I have always been the one to do more. There were many times i felt so humiliated. And truth time-i was rejected again for the same woman-the scenario repeated it self that is why i am so scared. However towards the end of the contract he made it obvious that it is me he wanted! But then silence........No he is not a player-and yes he is really shy. If i have to do the effort again it is so disappointing. Thanks for answering. i will leave you the mayo, going for another scoop of ice cream! i wish that guy issues were so much easier!!!!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Sweetheart, remember this timely piece of advice, which to date, in all my 55 years (and all the years I have been dating, married and divorced) rings as true today as it ever has: It doesn't matter; What clothes they wear What car they drive What job they have What kind of home they live in How much they earn - They're only ever 9 years old. Basically, what we women do, is love, and raise kids in a man's body. Bless' em, they can't help it - it's the way they're programmed.
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Jesus really? i had only one serious relationship even though i am not that young( in my thirties) so i don't know men's thinking that well. That made me laugh but it was at the time very hurtful and disappointing. I mean i was made to feel like **** over that woman so many times! i had to look in the mirror so many times to be reminded that i am not bad looking or stupid or whatever. As for rejecting me that was the harsh part- i mean there was very little sensitivity when he was confronted. So i became scared. Now if they are all like that then my God!!!!! really nine year olds? then how on earth do they raise families and parent children and come through all the tough times in married life? Aren't there any mature ones around? thinking with the head and not the other thing? i guess you know better having more experience. I really do thank you and appreciate all your help!!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 My theory - and i emphasise that it IS only a theory - is that boys and girls are brought up differently. I'm not sure where you live exactly, but if you watch kid's tv - especially around Christmas - you will see loads of adverts for children's toys. The 'neutral' toys (board games, fun activity games) are all shot in ordinary colours - red, yellows, blues, all kids having fun. the adverts specifically aimed at girls are all voiced-over with a high-pitched or gentle voice - usually female - and it's all diffused, pink and girls with frills, jewels and pretty glossy make-up.... The boys' adverts are all strong-voiced, dark colours, fast-paced and tough-guy image.... Boys are conditioned from an early age to be rough-and-tumble, tough guy, it's ok to knock about - so we also tell boys that boys don't cry, and you're a little man now, and we instil a grown-up quality in them.... girls used to wear the pretty stuff with frocks and bows - boys just looked like a younger version of dad.... so we actually make little boys shed their little boy-ness early - which is why they have it inside.... as a secondary release valve. any time you get into an argument with a man, picture him in shorts, stamping his foot. See if i'm wrong..... 1
Author marilla Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 The more i think of it the more i think you are right! Yes they do act like little kids-stubborn and spoiled! Scary though-raising a family with a 9 year old really!!!! Married woman must feel lonely at times-i mean all kids in the house and no maturity!!! thanks a lot for all your help!!!!!
jenwon Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 He pursued and you didnt want him. He dropped you since you were not interested and you got mad at him? Sorry, but it was your own fault. He pursued you again and you put on the brakes and it didnt work out. Again your own fault. Now you wonder why he hasnt called? IMHO most guys with any self respect wouldnt bother trying again after being shot down twice. Its really up to you if you want to pursue things any further dont count on him calling again.
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