I have knots in my stomach over relationship doubts.

[mollz]

There have probably been many of these threads on here ...

 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 1.5 years. Overall, it has been great and up until recently, I was completely content and definitely saw myself building a life with him.

 

He is a wonderful guy. He is sweet, caring, funny and does so much for me. He makes such an effort to keep our relationship as healthy as possible. He has made me incredibly happy these past 1.5 years. We share many of the same morals and values. We get along great most of the time. And I feel like we've connected well throughout the relationship. I've always anticipated seeing and spending time with him and he regularly gives me butterflies. And I care about him so much and would do anything to make him happy. I know we could share a great life. We have so much in common.

 

But in the past month, I've just gotten this nagging feeling that I'm not sure if he's the one for me. I'm not sure where this has come from. I don't know if it's a phase that will pass or if this is normal or what. Just 2 or 3 months ago, I was so sure of our relationship. But since these doubts have come up, I've noticed I've distanced myself a little. And I've asked myself if there is something or someone better for me out there.

 

I hate that this is happening. I really don't want to end my relationship. I love him and am so grateful for him. But I also don't want to settle. And I would never want that for him either.

 

Has anyone else gone through this? Will this feeling go away? Is this just a bump in the road?

[MCMLXXXIX]

This feeling must come from somewhere. Has something specific happen in the past months? Did you relationship dynamic change? Do you want it to change? Are you bored? It would also help if you could provide your age and your relationship experience (is this your first relationship?). If you leave him, you will likely hurt him. If you stay because you don't want to hurt him, that will eventually hurt him too. You need to figure out what you want.

[mollz]

We're both in our mid 20s. This is my third serious relationship, this by far being the most serious.

 

I'm not really sure where the feeling is coming from. I think part of me just is afraid there is someone better for me out there. And I'm not sure why because he is such a great guy. And we want the same things in a relationship, marriage, in life.

 

Sometimes I feel that even though I love him and am close to him, there isn't much passion or spark there. Maybe it stems from that?

[MCMLXXXIX]

Was there passion or spark to begin with? Has it become stale? Maybe you can revitalize it or hint at it to him and try to have him bring back the spark. Is there actually someone else out there you think you know and are interested in getting to know better? If there isn't anyone else, then try not to entertain insecure feelings and work at improving what you and him have going on already.

[weallfalldown]

We're both in our mid 20s. This is my third serious relationship, this by far being the most serious.

 

I'm not really sure where the feeling is coming from. I think part of me just is afraid there is someone better for me out there. And I'm not sure why because he is such a great guy. And we want the same things in a relationship, marriage, in life.

 

Sometimes I feel that even though I love him and am close to him, there isn't much passion or spark there. Maybe it stems from that?

then you want a love hate relationship...drama's all the way and full of ups and downs, that'll keep you goin?...just had one....be happy with what you've got, that's the problem, people give up too easily!!!!!!!!!!!

[mollz]

then you want a love hate relationship...drama's all the way and full of ups and downs, that'll keep you goin?...just had one....be happy with what you've got, that's the problem, people give up too easily!!!!!!!!!!!

 

No, I definitely don't want drama and fighting. I do want enough intensity and spark to keep a relationship healthy and alive through the years.

[lil hoodlum]

No, I definitely don't want drama and fighting. I do want enough intensity and spark to keep a relationship healthy and alive through the years.

 

It takes two people for a relationship to flourish. Have you done your part or do you expect him to do everything?

 

If you want intensity and spark it should begin with you. Start to do things with him and for him to create it.

 

A good relationship take work. It is easy to become complacement thinking all your relationships will be like this. If you move on, you may not get what you seek. You are young, I would consider your choices carefully. It's not like you can go to any 7-11 and just get another great relationship.

 

Good luck!

[Titanwolf]

He is a wonderful guy. He is sweet, caring, funny and does so much for me. He makes such an effort to keep our relationship as healthy as possible. He has made me incredibly happy these past 1.5 years. We share many of the same morals and values. We get along great most of the time. And I feel like we've connected well throughout the relationship. I've always anticipated seeing and spending time with him and he regularly gives me butterflies. And I care about him so much and would do anything to make him happy. I know we could share a great life. We have so much in common.

 

I've noticed I've distanced myself a little. And I've asked myself if there is something or someone better for me out there.

 

It seems that the grass is always greener. If this is what you suffer from, there's no hope for you tbh. On what grounds do you have to leave your perfect match? even after 1.5 years, he's still trying to keep a healthy relationship and yet it's not enough?. People often wonder why some people are so screwed up, it's things like this that make them lose hope. Why don't you just talk to him about it?. Either way, good luck finding your solution

[Ninjainpajamas]

This doesn't sound like something that was built off chemistry, passion, romance...basically the factor that makes you feel like giving your all emotionally in this relationship.

 

This sounds like a relationship where a guy seemed like a good guy on paper you thought logically It'd make a good relationship. He's treated you well, you're probably more attractive than he is and now It's just kind of tapering off because even though you're technically happy and feel treated well you still feel like something is missing because you know emotionally you'd like to feel something deeper, more engulfing emotionally.

 

This is the vibe I'm getting from you anyway...and from talking to women in this situation similar to you that never really had those deep "in love" feelings and subscribed that to just myth or luck you sound very similar to them...it's that "I don't know If I'd find anyone better than him and I'd hate to lose him" thing going for it. Which honestly to me is a ticking time bomb...I know that If I wanted to intervene with these women and offer them something else or more they'd probably do it or take the chance just because it's unknown and exciting..of course they say they never would but my gut doesn't tell me they'd hold up very long because that emotional reservation or compartment is not being fulfilled by their current partner.

 

Personally I'm not going to test that or have the desire to but I wonder what a man could do If he didn't care.

 

At any rate, I don't think you can redevelop that "spark" because to me it was probably never really there to begin with, I'm sure you always liked the guy and had some good times and moment but If It was on a profound level It wouldn't have died after 1.5 years or even die. I've had several long-term relationships longer than yours and the "spark" wasn't the problem.

 

Regardless..you won't be able to suppress these emotions, you've got to dig deeper into yourself to find out what's missing, but you likely already know but you'll complicate that because you probably won' want to admit it.