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Stay or go situation


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Posted

Hi, long time reader and finally worked up the courage to post because you guys know what you're talking about!

 

Well, here goes. I met my bf through an online dating site last October - we met up, got very very drunk and ended up in bed together. I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life as I had just come out of a 6 year relationship and really let my standards slip. Well, the new guy has barely been apart from me since then, apart from a family holiday in America at Christmas.

 

Well, we are fiery people, I'm 28, he's 26. I found out he has been very promiscuous (last time was 3 months before he met me) - by my standards. It's played on my mind to the point where I have almost driven him away. I thought "this is my issue, I need to get over this". I tried to reconcile. We both agreed to close the dating site profiles and have a go at a real relationship.

 

We stupidly decided to move in together after 6 months of going out. The fighting became all-consuming, destructive, act-of-god in nature. I became paranoid and searched his phone to find him moaning about me to some friends, and sexually flirting with other "friends". His facebook page is spattered with girls he's met online who think it's ok to put little x's after comments. We talked about it and he fought with me over a very good friend of mine from my hometown, who I would never go out with, and he asked me to stop talking to him altogether. We discussed it, we calmed down, we moved on. Or so I thought.

 

His behaviour became weird again a couple of weeks ago - texting privately, on my computer all the time, going out with friends (at least I think) and coming home so drunk he was sick everywhere on a couple of occasions. I logged into the dating site we both met on and found he had a new profile. I confronted him about it and he said he started it to see if I was on there. It said he had logged in that day and on his profile it said he was single and looking to chat and meet randoms. I looked through his tablet and found he had messages to a girl on facebook who was telling him she loves him and he was calling her the affectionate name he calls me and telling her I'm driving him mad - he tried to organise meeting her at Xmas when he was over there (she's American). He emailed his ex fiance, who is now happily married, begging to talk to her. I confronted him about this and he said how dare I look through his private things, I was wrong to invade his privacy - he wasn't sorry about his actions.

 

Anyway, typing this I am realising I am insane to be in this relationship because I know I want to get married and I think this is only going to lead to heartache (he's Irish! It's almost poetic).

 

I have a job interview coming up in my home town and he is sulking saying how sad he'll be if I get it. He says he wants to be with me and wants to get married. I honestly don't know what is going on with him, but I am praising my lucky stars I have something to keep me going. A big reason I am even looking to move is because I stayed in a city for this guy and have no friends there.

 

What does anyone think about this? And if you were me, what would you do?

Posted

You should just end it with him now.... as you said you are constantly fighting after a few months?

 

you did in going through his stuff and snooping crosses the line. Its about trust.

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Posted

I would generally agree that snooping only asks for trouble, but considering guys these days don't seem to get when they're in an actual relationship (despite asking for exclusivity) - I think girls need to wise up and smell the coffee. Next time I won't be meeting a guy on ok cupid.

Posted

Your post seems pretty obvious what you should do. Dump him and find someone who isn't looking for other girls and coming home drunk from who knows where.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks Chunky & Just_A_Poster.

 

I know I'm kidding myself with all of this. I don't know how common it is that you get yourself in a completely wrong and unfulfilling relationship when you come out of something long term (where you were actually dumped on holiday no less!). I have enough confidence in myself to know I can actually do better - I should have been firmer at the beginning and not let it gotten this far.

Posted

Chalk it up to lessons learned and get rid of him. In a few months you will seriously look back and say "What the hell was I even thinking?!?".

Posted

i didn't even finish reading the whole thing.. got to the paragraph about moving in together and you have to end it now.

NOW! LEAVE! RUNNN!!!!!

Seriously let it go move on don't waste any more time. It will NEVER get better.

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