Is it my anxiety or something really is bad in this relationship?

[Ashnz]

I liked a girl for 2 years and then finally asked her out. Turned out she really liked me as well so we start dating. Things move too quickly (in other words I Ted Mosby her by saying I Love you too soon. In my defence I had been in a relationship with her for about 2 years in my mind). We stop seeing each other and don’t talk for 4 months.

 

I miss her badly during this time and go through probably the worst 4 months of my life. These months were also most powerful for me - I changed (for good) drastically in these 4 months. It was a major shift in my life.

 

Then she initiates contact and wishes me happy birthday (first contact for months). I do the same on her birthday about a month later and then we start talking and dating again. Things felt even better this time but none of us dare mentioned the elephant in the room ie the past

 

Then about a month ago all of sudden she gets really “busy” and instead of talking/texting daily, we text 1-2 times a week. I know 1-2 times a week doesn’t sound bad but when you used to talk every day, dropping down to 1-2 times feels bad. When I try to get a conversation going I only get one word answers with an occasional haha or lol. She makes no apparent effort to start a conversation.

 

So I disappear and convince myself to not to contact her until she does. Within this time she flies out of country for a week with her family and does not even care to tell me about it.

 

Not that I want to know where she is all the time, but I would have thought she would at least tell me about it. I mean going overseas even if only for a week is a big thing. Only until I text her she told me she was overseas.

 

How should I bring this up with her? I want to know what's going on with her and where I stand. So far I haven’t said anything and been cool about it because we’re not officially together (as in bf-gf) so I don’t know what to expect in this relationship. She’s also young (like me) and not good at talking about these touchy things (also like me). I know if I bring this up she might get defensive and close off completely like she did the first time.

 

Also I have a history of anxiety and tend to over-exaggerate things in my mind. I’ve learnt this through experience that things aren’t even close to as bad as I imagine them to be in my mind. My last and only other “relationship” showed me how needy I could be. I learnt my lessons from that and that’s one reason why I’ve been able to go out with this girl for this time. Because of my issues, I feel delusional and always feel on an uneven ground.

 

What, if anything do you think about this situation? Should I continue to play cool or confront her about this? As I said before issue with confronting is that she is very likely to go into a defensive shell. Also if you think I'm acting needy, let me know - and please be ruthless about it. I need to hear it.

Edited July 24, 2012 by Ashnz

[Silly_Girl]

I might not have read it right, but couldn't see how long the daily contacting DID go on for?

 

From what you say it sounds as though she isn't interested in you romantically. She is happy to be in touch when it suits her, however.

 

I think you already know that if you broach with her why she didn't tell you about her holiday she will take it badly and think you are being too needy. Sorry it's not what you want to hear, Ashnz.

[Ashnz]

I might not have read it right, but couldn't see how long the daily contacting DID go on for?

 

From what you say it sounds as though she isn't interested in you romantically. She is happy to be in touch when it suits her, however.

 

I think you already know that if you broach with her why she didn't tell you about her holiday she will take it badly and think you are being too needy. Sorry it's not what you want to hear, Ashnz.

 

I just sent her this text:

 

Hey, I get the feeling that you've been ignoring me for some reason in past 2-3 weeks? I know it's probably nothing but if it is then I would love to know about it. Gdnte :-)

 

If she gets defensive she gets defensive. I figured I have the right to know where I stand with her.

 

Daily contacting went for about 3 months before it stopped

[madjac74]

I just sent her this text:

 

Hey, I get the feeling that you've been ignoring me for some reason in past 2-3 weeks? I know it's probably nothing but if it is then I would love to know about it. Gdnte :-)

 

If she gets defensive she gets defensive. I figured I have the right to know where I stand with her.

 

Daily contacting went for about 3 months before it stopped

 

You just sold yourself out as a gigantic needy wuss. I imagine she rolled her eyes like I did when I read your text. And I think you already know where you stand with her. You are there when SHE needs you

[Ashnz]

You just sold yourself out as a gigantic needy wuss. I imagine she rolled her eyes like I did when I read your text. And I think you already know where you stand with her. You are there when SHE needs you

 

What else could I do.. just walk away? Obviously I don't get a reply to this text then I am walking away but I couldn't have just walked away without trying to fix it. She can roll her eyes if she wants and if that is indeed what she does then it will be the last time she will be doing it to one of my texts.

[madjac74]

What else could I do.. just walk away? Obviously I don't get a reply to this text then I am walking away but I couldn't have just walked away without trying to fix it. She can roll her eyes if she wants and if that is indeed what she does then it will be the last time she will be doing it to one of my texts.

 

Well I hope she doesn't reply because any reply at all will string you along further and you should probably cut all ties with her.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think you did the right thing. Clear, direct communication beats playing guessing games.

 

She has probably lost interest but you deserve to know.