jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm reasking my question because I think my thread was misunderstood and buried. I want to be like my friend, who is a player. He can sleep with tons of girls and just ditch them, because he knows a better one is coming. He's 33, and has slept with over 30 women. He dumped his last gf because he knew he could keep getting laid and he thought she wasn't good enough. I want to be like that. I get too emotionally attached to guys, and I don't attract a lot of them. I want to be able to just have sex with guys, and then toss them, but then I feel bad and slutty. How do I not care about people? How do I become a female player?
somedude81 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm reasking my question because I think my thread was misunderstood and buried. I want to be like my friend, who is a player. He can sleep with tons of girls and just ditch them, because he knows a better one is coming. He's 33, and has slept with over 30 women. He dumped his last gf because he knew he could keep getting laid and he thought she wasn't good enough. I want to be like that. I get too emotionally attached to guys, and I don't attract a lot of them. I want to be able to just have sex with guys, and then toss them, but then I feel bad and slutty. How do I not care about people? How do I become a female player? Just be a major slut. Have sex with everybody. Eventually you should get numb and stop getting emotionally attached. Maybe you could start charging for the sex too. 3
brahmabull117 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Start f*cking every guy you see How is this difficult? 1
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Well but I can't get that many guys attracted to me, and when I get one, I start getting attached to him. How does my friend avoid getting attached to girls? Like I said in my last thread, he even said his ex was great (and all of us friends really liked her), but he just didn't "feel" it and then he was onto the next girl. I think that's pretty awesome, having someone who is great and yet being able to not care at all.
without Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Just be a major slut. Have sex with everybody. Eventually you should get numb and stop getting emotionally attached. Maybe you could start charging for the sex too. lol.
WonderKid Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 This is really self-explanatory You don't need us on here to teach you how to be a player and it's quite easier for women
RedRobin Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 It helps if you don't view the other person as a human being. Alot of people who use others (for sex, money, emotional needs, etc) somehow convince themselves that the other person deserves being used, or they view the other person as disposable and not worth caring about. Is this what you want to emulate? Another question... why do you have friends that treat others that way? 1
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Red, I guess I don't really mind because it's his romantic business. He's a decent friend to me, and he says that the girls he's with don't mind. Most of them seem to stay friends with him afterwards, so it doesn't seem like it's a big deal. I know his ex got really upset when she found out about some stuff, and maybe that's why he dumped her? I don't know, either way, it seems like the girls don't mind too much. I guess I just want to be the one disposing, instead of the one who is disposable, for once. It seems like most guys I meet are like my friend, who says he wants a relationship but just "can't find the right girl" so he just sleeps around.... I hang out with guys, they turn out to not be interested. I'd really like to be able to just use them for sex, and move on, like reject them before they reject me.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Why not just hold out for a good guy who ISN'T just looking for somewhere to cram his wiener? Being a female player is over rated. Mostly it is a waste of time though because when it comes down to it, you end up spending your time with losers instead of waiting for a guy who is actually going to respect you.
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Seus, why don't I want to be that girl? I just think of my experiences with guys and how I get stuck with caring. Or I look at my friend's ex... I ran into her this weekend and she's still absolutely devastated over their break-up and the stuff she found out. I don't want to be like her, being all sad about a guy who doesn't care (which it seems like my friend doesn't, cause he moved on so fast.) I figure being a Player is better than being played.
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Miss, I'm just not sure a lot of guys who respect girls like that are left. Like I've been thinking about this all weekend.... My friend is a huge player, but we only know that because we've known him for years. His ex-gf had no idea, because he does come across like a dork. She thought he was really into her and they had a great relationship until he dumped her, and then she started hearing from us all these stories. We totally thought she'd be the girl to change him around cause she's awesome. I know I've gotten fooled, and she's a smart girl but she got fooled too. I'm sick of watching guys jump from girl to girl, while I'm stuck caring and stuff.
Radu Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm reasking my question because I think my thread was misunderstood and buried. I want to be like my friend, who is a player. He can sleep with tons of girls and just ditch them, because he knows a better one is coming. He's 33, and has slept with over 30 women. He dumped his last gf because he knew he could keep getting laid and he thought she wasn't good enough. I want to be like that. I get too emotionally attached to guys, and I don't attract a lot of them. I want to be able to just have sex with guys, and then toss them, but then I feel bad and slutty. How do I not care about people? How do I become a female player? Stop yourself from being attracted to them. By that i mean, project bad things onto their image in your mind. If you feel yourself falling for them, stop the relationship. Tbh though, i would not do that if i were you. Very few women can truly compartimentalize all of this, this way ... it may open up Pandora's Box and when you find a nice enough guy, you may regret doing it. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Being too emotionally attached is a problem, but I think you simply need to get to the root of why you feel that way and reconcile that difference. Being a "female player" will not help you, as to be a player you need to have a level of emotional stability and mastery that comes with a healthy level of self-worth and boundaries with regards to dating and emotions. Being a slut won't help either, as you will either feel worse, or you will be disrespected even more by some people and become hollow. My advice is simply to work through any emotional issues you have regarding dating, and then proceed from there.
oneluv443 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 u basically would have to not allow any emotional connection before starting talking to them. just see them as a sex object and nothing more. if thats wat they want to even better for you. its deffinately easier for a girl to do it then a guy. but honestly u dont want to be that person. eventually wen u find the guy u want to settle down with, get married, have kids; and you want to be honest with each other how are u gonna feel telling him uve been with like 30 guys? n then explaining they meant nothing to you. if u tell any guy that they'll call you a slut regardless. plus eventually ude probably regret it all. and as to your friend having sex with 30 girls and he's 33, thats not a really high # for a guy thats supposed to be a player. just sayin..
RedRobin Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 He's a decent friend to me, and he says that the girls he's with don't mind. What makes him a decent friend? (be specific please) How does he know the girls don't mind? Did he ask them before he slept with them? If they slept with him and sincerely don't mind, then maybe you should talk to them instead of him. Because to be a female 'player' you also need to be able to laugh off the 'slut' label... especially when it comes from guys who also don't show alot of discretion on who they sleep with. Being immune to criticism about your sexuality kinda comes with that territory, from what I've observed. True for either type of 'player'... male or female. 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Miss, I'm just not sure a lot of guys who respect girls like that are left Yes we do. That's nonsense 1
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 A good friend like he'll come pick you up if your car has died, and he's a lot of fun to be around. He's always a great time, and he usually has some good advice. I don't go to him a lot with emotional stuff, he's kind of more of a party friend. I guess I just assume the girls don't mind because they stay friends with him. I know a few of them really struggled with it. One girl said she didn't feel like she deserved to be upset about it, since they never agreed to be in a relationship. I think some of the girls felt that way... like, they felt guilty about not being his friend. Also, not a lot of them know what a player he is. His ex didn't until like halfway through dating him, she said. I dunno, I just see how it effected his ex, which is when it really hit me how much it sucks to be a girl, and to care after sex. I'm just sick of caring in relationships, and I'm envious that my friend has such an easy time getting laid and then not caring. I compare him and his ex.... He's happy, and getting laid. She's sad, and feeling all worthless. Totally know which situation I'd want to be in.
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 You may just have a problem with being single. Once you are fine being single OR in a relationship (If its one that makes you happy), then dating will not be the power struggle you see it as right now. Guys will always be around; its very easy to get one if all you're looking to do is get laid. Whats harder to do is to find one that isn't a headache, or a bucket of drama where you don't know where you stand with them. When you're fine with being single - you won't accept headaches and drama and won't have problems becoming too attached to some guy who doesn't care about you. Instead you'll be able to see only if they are right for you or not and be more willing to get rid of them when they are not. 1
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Sally, I don't know about that. Like I said, all of these thoughts kind of came out becuase of running into his ex. She got all attached thinking he was into her. We all certainly thought he was. But turns out he was just playing her. I just don't want to be in her situation, and so it seems easier to beat guys at their own game of not caring.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 There are a good number of men going through the same thing as her. It is not a gender issue.
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Sally, I don't know about that. Like I said, all of these thoughts kind of came out becuase of running into his ex. She got all attached thinking he was into her. We all certainly thought he was. But turns out he was just playing her. I just don't want to be in her situation, and so it seems easier to beat guys at their own game of not caring. Just don't bother with people who won't allow you time to see who they are before expecting a relationship with them. What happens in the process of getting "too attached"? What events and interactions? How long does it usually take for you? Its hard for me to understand because I had no problem telling someone to take a hike if they caused me stress or hurt my feelings. It sounds like you're giving deeper consideration to people who haven't shown you a reason for doing so.
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 There are a good number of men going through the same thing as her. It is not a gender issue. As you've said before only in reverse - she's not dating women so who cares what guys go through when dating women?
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Woggle, never said it was. But since I date guys, I focus on talking about guys. And I think there's a gender issue, in that it's okay for guys to be players, but girls are sluts. Like, I can't be a player because a future boyfriend would frown on me sleeping around.... but my friend just needs to "find the right girl," and suddenly it doesn't matter that he screwed tons of girls, because he changed due to true love. I think that's BS. Hey Sally, I mean attached like I hang out with a guy for a few weeks, and then we do some physical stuff and I think it means something, like maybe he wants a relationship down the road. But usually he just keeps putting off the relationship and saying he would totally date "the right girl." But if I stop seeing them, then the guy gets all mad that I read into the physical stuff and that I don't want to just keep making out with them without dating. Just a bunch of games I'm sick of dealing with.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 As you've said before only in reverse - she's not dating women so who cares what guys go through when dating women? So you pretty much admit you don't care what guys go through.
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