Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I read an article today and it was really interesting. Why Women Fake Orgasms and How to Tell - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com I know a lot of men won't admit to the fact that they have been with women who seldom actually had orgasms, because they think all the women they have been with actually came most of the time, but I want them to read this article. I was so relieved when I read this because it means i'm not the only one who does these things. That a lot of women also do them. Ladies, what is your take on this article? Do you do these things too? And if you have had orgasms before from a man, what does it feel like?
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 They shouldn't fake, they might as well be honest in my opinion. We're big boys, we can take it. That's what communication is for . 8
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 They shouldn't fake, they might as well be honest in my opinion. We're big boys, we can take it. That's what communication is for . Once my bf accidentally saw my phone when I texted my best friend telling her I didn't understand why I couldn't orgasm. He was really upset that I lied to him and told me to be honest. For the next two weeks when we would have sex, I wouldn't fake it and you know what he said to me? "Baby I don't understand why you can't orgasm. What am I doing wrong?" The thing is he wasn't do anything wrong, and overtime I could see that he was getting discouraged and started looking at other women. I started to fake again and wow, how the relationship got better. Men really do base a lot on how much they can please a woman. That's where most of their confidence is. If you read the article, a woman also confessed to her husband that she never orgasmed. They stopped having sex entirely and their marriage fell apart. So I have been honest but that only makes things worse. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Well, if we men can' tell the difference between real and fake orgasm, than what difference does it make to us? lol. It's not my problem that some chick can't orgasm. 3
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Once my bf accidentally saw my phone when I texted my best friend telling her I didn't understand why I couldn't orgasm. He was really upset that I lied to him and told me to be honest. For the next two weeks when we would have sex, I wouldn't fake it and you know what he said to me? "Baby I don't understand why you can't orgasm. What am I doing wrong?" The thing is he wasn't do anything wrong, and overtime I could see that he was getting discouraged and started looking at other women. I started to fake again and wow, how the relationship got better. Men really do base a lot on how much they can please a woman. That's where most of their confidence is. If you read the article, a woman also confessed to her husband that she never orgasmed. They stopped having sex entirely and their marriage fell apart. So I have been honest but that only makes things worse. I'm sure men do base a lot on how much they can please a woman. I read the article (interesting) and the last parts are basically bog-standard knowledge that most men should know. How they don't is beyond me, even I know this stuff . I think that turning a woman on mentally is the key as well, beforehand. Like the article says, the internet has every piece of information about all of it, even illegally (pirate bay ). 3
zengirl Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 They shouldn't fake, they might as well be honest in my opinion. We're big boys, we can take it. That's what communication is for . Pretty much, this. A woman faking does herself no favors.
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Well, if we men can' tell the difference between real and fake orgasm, than what difference does it make to us? lol. It's not my problem that some chick can't orgasm. And this is exactly why most women fake. Let me ask you though, if a woman can't orgasm (and since you don't care if she does) then you would just have sex with her, orgasm yourself and then that's it? Or do you think she needs to fake to kind of "conclude" the sex? Because from what I have heard, lots of men feel uncomfortable if they come and she doesn't. It's almost like the said "Fine i'll open my legs, just get it over with so you can get off my back."
Dafa Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Once my bf accidentally saw my phone when I texted my best friend telling her I didn't understand why I couldn't orgasm. He was really upset that I lied to him and told me to be honest. For the next two weeks when we would have sex, I wouldn't fake it and you know what he said to me? "Baby I don't understand why you can't orgasm. What am I doing wrong?" The thing is he wasn't do anything wrong, and overtime I could see that he was getting discouraged and started looking at other women. I started to fake again and wow, how the relationship got better. Men really do base a lot on how much they can please a woman. That's where most of their confidence is. If you read the article, a woman also confessed to her husband that she never orgasmed. They stopped having sex entirely and their marriage fell apart. So I have been honest but that only makes things worse. Did it really make things worse? Firstly, let's assume that he didn't see the message. In this hypothetical situation, i totally understand that before talking to your BF, you would want to discuss it with your girlfriends, in the hope that they could help you solve your problem. Fair enough. But if they couldn't solve it, would you eventually talk to him? Secondly, so now let's assume you will spend the rest of your life with him. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life faking it? I very much doubt that, in the long run, your sexual dissatisfaction won't take its toll on the relationship. From what you are telling us here, he took the news quite wisely, asking you what he could do better. By your own admission, it is not his problem so it has to be yours yet you don't seem worried in solving it... So in the end, you did not solve the problem and found a very horrible and unhealthy way (in my humble opinion) to suppress it. But hey, it's your marriage. Still if things eventually do go sour because of this, the sad part is that it is he who will suffer the most... And that is truly sad because it will be your fault, not his. He did everything he could (so far) to solve the problem... Sorry for my bluntness but i find this kind of dishonesty quite annoying. 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Pretty much, this. A woman faking does herself no favors. And even if the guy is doing it wrong, communicating your needs (appropriately of course ) would surely suffice in making the experience better..... 1
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Pretty much, this. A woman faking does herself no favors. That's not fair of you to say though. Some women can orgasm much easier, and others have extreme difficulty. Women who never fake have trouble keeping men too (from what I have seen in my friends' experiences) because men don't feel good about themselves if a woman just doesn't enjoy the sex. And in a man's eyes, if she doesn't come the sex is pointless (which isn't true). Plus men know how much women talk amongst themselves when it comes to this, so they don't want "he can't even make me come" going around. At least, that's what he thinks will happen. So it affects his confidence and if you have read the article, marriages fell apart when women confessed that this whole time they weren't able to achieve orgasm. It looks bad on us. It's like a man with erectile disfunction. He would be embarrassed, and a woman is embarrassed if men think she is just incapable of orgasming. Don't tell me that you have never faked.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 And this is exactly why most women fake. Let me ask you though, if a woman can't orgasm (and since you don't care if she does) then you would just have sex with her, orgasm yourself and then that's it? Or do you think she needs to fake to kind of "conclude" the sex? Because from what I have heard, lots of men feel uncomfortable if they come and she doesn't. It's almost like the said "Fine i'll open my legs, just get it over with so you can get off my back." Well, she still has to be into sex...if she's just lying there, acting like a masturbation aid, it's obviously a turn off. 1
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Did it really make things worse? Firstly, let's assume that he didn't see the message. In this hypothetical situation, i totally understand that before talking to your BF, you would want to discuss it with your girlfriends, in the hope that they could help you solve your problem. Fair enough. But if they couldn't solve it, would you eventually talk to him? Secondly, so now let's assume you will spend the rest of your life with him. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life faking it? I very much doubt that, in the long run, your sexual dissatisfaction won't take its toll on the relationship. From what you are telling us here, he took the news quite wisely, asking you what he could do better. By your own admission, it is not his problem so it has to be yours yet you don't seem worried in solving it... So in the end, you did not solve the problem and found a very horrible and unhealthy way (in my humble opinion) to suppress it. But hey, it's your marriage. Still if things eventually do go sour because of this, the sad part is that it is he who will suffer the most... And that is truly sad because it will be your fault, not his. He did everything he could (so far) to solve the problem... Sorry for my bluntness but i find this kind of dishonesty quite annoying. No no not at all. I appreciate the honesty. So thank you for that. But the thing is... oh gawsh...i'm not that attracted to him. Actually, i'm not attracted to him at all (physically). Why am I with him? Because he is an absolutely incredible human being. If all this time the sex wasn't a problem (for him) then yes, I am prepared to fake for the rest of my life so long as I spend it with the most incredible human being on the planet.
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 And even if the guy is doing it wrong, communicating your needs (appropriately of course ) would surely suffice in making the experience better..... I have done this and it helps somewhat, but do you really want to talk your partner through the ENTIRE process? You can't even focus on enjoying yourself cuz you're too busy telling him "harder, softer, higher, lower, put my leg like this". It's like being an instructor. Not fun. And even when I tell him what I want, and he does it right, I still don't orgasm because i'm just not that into him (physically). With my exes, I still didn't orgasm even though I enjoyed the sex more. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I have never been in love. Apparently when you're in love sex is never an issue.
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have done this and it helps somewhat, but do you really want to talk your partner through the ENTIRE process? You can't even focus on enjoying yourself cuz you're too busy telling him "harder, softer, higher, lower, put my leg like this". It's like being an instructor. Not fun. And even when I tell him what I want, and he does it right, I still don't orgasm because i'm just not that into him (physically). With my exes, I still didn't orgasm even though I enjoyed the sex more. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I have never been in love. Apparently when you're in love sex is never an issue. Wait, you're not physically attracted to your partner at all?? No wonder you fake Yeah, if you don't have any strong feelings emotionally or mentally for/about the person you are having sex with, it will probably be difficult to orgasm. Sex is as much psychological and mental as it is physical, and all those things will impact on a woman's sex drive and ability to orgasm. (don't ask me how I know these things ) 2
january2011 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Only when I'm referring to the infamous scene in When Harry Met Sally. Otherwise, never faked with a partner. Never understood how it was even possible to fake it or that men were easy to deceive in this way (allegedly) - mainly due to the contractions that are required. Even if a woman could win an Olympic gold medal in Kegel exercising, I don't think it's possible to manipulate the necessary muscles with speed and in the correct way to simulate a genuine orgasm. Edit: I fall far short of providing a running commentary, but yes, I do speak and provide some brief guidance when necessary. Edited June 29, 2012 by january2011 2
utterer of lies Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 But the thing is... oh gawsh...i'm not that attracted to him. Actually, i'm not attracted to him at all (physically). Why am I with him? Because he is an absolutely incredible human being. If all this time the sex wasn't a problem (for him) then yes, I am prepared to fake for the rest of my life so long as I spend it with the most incredible human being on the planet. So you fake it, and deprive yourself of a truly fulfilling relationship because of some fairy-tale crap you didn't stop believing when you grew up. It doesn't matter if he's a truly incredible human being if you are sexually incompatible.I'm more sympathetic to girls who marry ugly old farts because of money. At least, they are getting financial security. But it's ok. There will be the time when you feel that you deserve sexual happiness, and you'll either break up or cheat. Have a happy life!
Dafa Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 As for the article: Point 1: I find it hard to believe and seems to me like such a dim and negativistic view... I very much doubt a man cannot make her partner have an orgasm outside the situations described there. Points 2,3 4 and 5: I would rather have her tell me: I'm not in the mood than getting into the "i'll just fake it to get it over with". If we're in it, then we're in it for the same purpose. Point 5 is especially disgusting for me. "smiling about how you are such an idiot you can't tell the difference"? Really?! The hubris in the situation is so sad and it is even more sad because the target is the person that you supposedly like... This speaks volumes about the character of the person in question. Point 6: Fault of the man for not being willing to listen. Point 7: This argument i can accept. Perhaps at the start she was "open" to it but during the intercourse she just lost her patience and saw that nothing was going to happen... If only because she is providing him with a nice time. As for the general topic of faking. My big issue with this is not the faking itself but rather the assymmetry, i.e., if men were also able to fake. In my view, since we men do not have that "ability", women have to be very very considerate on when to use it. With this said, personally, i very much doubt that, during the 12-year relationship i was in, she did not fake it. What would thoroughly annoyed me would be the situation described in the article. I don't understand how a woman can lie to his 20-year partner like that... And it's not a single lie, it's a constant lie. There is no regret... This seems so wrong to me.
Els Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I think a woman who perpetually fakes can potentially save a R... but it would be the wrong R to save. The whole point of communicating honestly isn't to save any hurt feelings or to make both people feel good about it instantaneously. The point is to bring things out in the open so that you both can actually work on it. Now, I'm not judging the girl who faked during her first time ever, or once in the bluest brightest moon. I don't think there's anyone who has lived their entire lives without ever having told ONE white lie, be it 'yes, honey, you don't look fat at all' or 'no, dear, I'm fine, just tired'... or the faked orgasm. But perpetually faking, for years and years? That's not something sustainable, IMO. I don't think any relationship worth saving would need a constant lie to be saved. The instructing may be tedious at first but after a while it will actually make things better, not worse. Sort of like how when you first learn touch-typing instead of pecking with two fingers, your typing speed goes down at first due to the readjustment but later rises to much higher speeds. It's an investment. Even if it does not work, other techniques and styles can be tried. I agree, though, that if you're not in love with your partner, all of the above is moot. Though it does sort of prove my point re: No relationship worth saving needs constant faking to be saved. 4
Dafa Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have done this and it helps somewhat, but do you really want to talk your partner through the ENTIRE process? You can't even focus on enjoying yourself cuz you're too busy telling him "harder, softer, higher, lower, put my leg like this". It's like being an instructor. Not fun. And even when I tell him what I want, and he does it right, I still don't orgasm because i'm just not that into him (physically). With my exes, I still didn't orgasm even though I enjoyed the sex more. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I have never been in love. Apparently when you're in love sex is never an issue. From what i understand, learning to please your companion is not done overnight. Meaning that yes, it's probably not that fun during the first months but perhaps he will get the hang of it after that and then it will be more pleasurable for you. It's an effort that you are making in the short term that will only be compensated in the long term... As for the second paragraph, and pardon the possible explicit content that follows: Perhaps some positions that do not require you to see him... doggie style or you on top of him but facing his feet (with the feet inside the bed). Perhaps with enough abstraction power, you can get some pleasure. I don't know, better to talk to friends about these solutions... 2
WonderKid Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 That's because what people see in movies they think it's real. If the penis doesn't do the job, get your fingers in there! And if that isn't firing her rocket, get the head down there next! There are other methods to make her pleased. I think most the time I can "tell" when a woman is faking. Their thighs vibrate in a certain function--a certain way that gives themselves away. But I faked an orgasm too before. I used a condom and it was dark. But I would like a woman to tell me what I did wrong.
Author Leopard Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 So you fake it, and deprive yourself of a truly fulfilling relationship because of some fairy-tale crap you didn't stop believing when you grew up. It doesn't matter if he's a truly incredible human being if you are sexually incompatible.I'm more sympathetic to girls who marry ugly old farts because of money. At least, they are getting financial security. But it's ok. There will be the time when you feel that you deserve sexual happiness, and you'll either break up or cheat. Have a happy life! You're basically telling me that I should leave him just so I can have a great sex life. That's pretty selfish if you ask me. I get lots from him that has nothing to do with money, and to me that's more important than sex. I have had good sexual relationships, and I still ended up breaking up with the guys because they were psychos. I guess you're the kinda gal who would stay.
Els Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 You're basically telling me that I should leave him just so I can have a great sex life. That's pretty selfish if you ask me. I get lots from him that has nothing to do with money, and to me that's more important than sex. I have had good sexual relationships, and I still ended up breaking up with the guys because they were psychos. I guess you're the kinda gal who would stay. Ummm, you do know that it's possible for someone to be a non-psycho who is also willing to put in the time and effort needed to learn how to get his partner to orgasm (or to just assist her in getting one, if nothing they try works). 2
dasein Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 When this topic comes up it says more about the dishonest nature of women who do things like fake orgasms than any male inability to tell the difference. Women who fake orgasms are liars, some talented liars, some bad, but all liars. Cosmetic lying such as bra stuffing, hairpieces, lifts, etc. are understandable deceptions to a degree, but going to the trouble to "act out" something that isn't true for the purpose of tricking someone? Women who fake orgasms are just low quality garden variety liars in my book. 1
WonderKid Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 ^^^ Whoa! You aren't joking around are you!? Damn!
thatone Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 You're basically telling me that I should leave him just so I can have a great sex life. That's pretty selfish if you ask me. I get lots from him that has nothing to do with money, and to me that's more important than sex. I have had good sexual relationships, and I still ended up breaking up with the guys because they were psychos. I guess you're the kinda gal who would stay. so this whole thread is about convincing yourself that your situation and your issue is justified.
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