USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 After the latest slew of bitter threads and my own delve into the bitter world, I look around and see everyone else around me coupled up or otherwise dating. And I guarantee that for every single person here, there are many more who are uglier, poorer, dumber, or more awkward. Everyone else is dating, so why aren't you...?
lilyblue Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I wonder the exact same thing. It can't be THAT hard, everyone else is doing it. So why does it seem so hard??
mortensorchid Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have thought this as well. Why exactly does no one ever contact or call anyone? There was one guy I had an Internet date with about a month ago. Good guy, I told him I was going out of town for the weekend and would not be around. I left the next day as a matter of fact. And then never heard from him again. If he wanted to see me again, why did he not contact me again? Who knows... Life goes on.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 i always thought you had a girlfriend I do...? That'd be sooo awesome!
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 So why does it seem so hard?? For me personally, it's limiting beliefs.
nessaaa Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 After the latest slew of bitter threads and my own delve into the bitter world, I look around and see everyone else around me coupled up or otherwise dating. And I guarantee that for every single person here, there are many more who are uglier, poorer, dumber, or more awkward. Everyone else is dating, so why aren't you...? becuase I'm mental (apparently) and I have serious trust issues that I need to get over. but I've learned since I've given up men that they are not needed. pretty useless actually.
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 After the latest slew of bitter threads and my own delve into the bitter world, I look around and see everyone else around me coupled up or otherwise dating. And I guarantee that for every single person here, there are many more who are uglier, poorer, dumber, or more awkward. Everyone else is dating, so why aren't you...? I broke up with my last GF around the end of April and I haven't really been looking since. I am trying to up my resolve by collecting rejections and that is working OK. I'd say when I really decide to get the ball rolling and be ambitious and go through some serious numbers, it might take me anywhere from a year or two to find someone.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I am trying to up my resolve by collecting rejections and that is working OK. I'd say when I really decide to get the ball rolling and be ambitious and go through some serious numbers, it might take me anywhere from a year or two to find someone. Just curious...why do you put a time range on this...?
eleanorhurting Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 i used to think you had a girlfriend that was older than you but maybe i am confusing you
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 i used to think you had a girlfriend that was older than you but maybe i am confusing you I did, but distance killed it...as well as the issues inherent to the age difference...
NateC Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 No idea. I gave it a shot a few times this past year with girls I really did like and got along with...but got a "just friends" response every time. I don't have problems talking to girls since I seem to have more girl friends then guy friends...but maybe that could be the problem itself. It's frustrating...
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Just curious...why do you put a time range on this...? I don't put a time range on it, just an estimate of how long I figure it will take based on my past experiences. It's definitely taken me way longer in between relationships before, but I wasn't THAT aggressive, and I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing now pretty much. I figure I might have to go through 100-150 women to get to one that I like who likes me, and that might take a couple of years. There might be some extracurricular action and light dating in that period ... or not. Depends on how lucky I am.
mesmerized Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I don't put a time range on it, just an estimate of how long I figure it will take based on my past experiences. It's definitely taken me way longer in between relationships before, but I wasn't THAT aggressive, and I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing now pretty much. I figure I might have to go through 100-150 women to get to one that I like who likes me, and that might take a couple of years. There might be some extracurricular action and light dating in that period ... or not. Depends on how lucky I am. Didn't you just have a gf? quit complaining!
AD1980 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Paralyzed by fear of rejection and inablity to talk to random women 32 years of no "external validation" making me think im not atractive to women so why bother approaching
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I don't put a time range on it, just an estimate of how long I figure it will take based on my past experiences. It's definitely taken me way longer in between relationships before, but I wasn't THAT aggressive, and I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing now pretty much. I figure I might have to go through 100-150 women to get to one that I like who likes me, and that might take a couple of years. There might be some extracurricular action and light dating in that period ... or not. Depends on how lucky I am. The only reason I ask is that putting any sort of time expectation on dating or relationships is just asking for trouble... You meet someone sooner than time X, and you might subconsciously be hesitant to go for it with her... Or if you approach time X, you might get impatient and either see yourself as a "failure" for not meeting the time goal, or you'll subconsciously rush into something just to meet that goal... Just a thought...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Paralyzed by fear of rejection and inablity to talk to random women 32 years of no "external validation" making me think im not atractive to women so why bother approaching Completely understandable. Do you honestly feel a smidgen of external validation would be enough catalyst to turn all of this around?
SJC2008 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 USM why aren't you dating?? I looked at your hist and see that you've had an 8 month R. You're not bad looking, thin and are marine and I mean that with all due respect of course. I try but it's tough because I meet most of my dates online and really only truly liked one and this last one I posted about I wasn't crazy about her but I did want to get to know her. I've been on a rough streak asking women out in person (whic I usually do at my job lol!)
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 USM why aren't you dating?? I looked at your hist and see that you've had an 8 month R. You're not bad looking, thin and are marine and I mean that with all due respect of course. Thanks. Like I said before, I know for sure that it's my limiting beliefs which cause my apathy and bias for inaction. I'll assume that every girl is not interested because of the beliefs I have in my head. I reject myself. I've only been rejected by a woman maybe a handful of times in my life...I never give them a chance to reject me...or to say yes to me...
AD1980 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Completely understandable. Do you honestly feel a smidgen of external validation would be enough catalyst to turn all of this around? yes,it wouldnt be the cure all because i still need to improve my ability to talk to strangers and break out of my shell but if a few women said i was attractive it definitely would get the ball rolling for me and have me thinking ok there are a decent amount of women out there who find me attractive..
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I try but it's tough because I meet most of my dates online and really only truly liked one and this last one I posted about I wasn't crazy about her but I did want to get to know her. I've been on a rough streak asking women out in person (whic I usually do at my job lol!) Well at least you're actively trying...that's much better than a lot of us can say... So was it the venue (online vs. real life) that made it harder to truly like someone, or was it just the lack of truly remarkable women during this "rough streak"...?
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 The only reason I ask is that putting any sort of time expectation on dating or relationships is just asking for trouble... You meet someone sooner than time X, and you might subconsciously be hesitant to go for it with her... Or if you approach time X, you might get impatient and either see yourself as a "failure" for not meeting the time goal, or you'll subconsciously rush into something just to meet that goal... Just a thought... Sooner would be just good luck. I mean, to me it's really about numbers and odds. I know people (as I'm sure you do too) that have had no or very short gaps in between relationships (sometimes with multiple people) since sophomore year in high school to marriage. Some of their relationships have been good, some bad. But there's always somebody who LIKES them. So we're just talking about dating someone, not necessarily THE ONE. How does someone like me close the gap between my friends who have nonstop dated? Numbers and more numbers. I'll never completely make up the difference and it might take me longer, but I do believe dating is like everything else. Somebody not as smart can get the same grade as a more intelligent student by putting in more study hours. Etc...
mesmerized Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 yes,it wouldnt be the cure all because i still need to improve my ability to talk to strangers and break out of my shell but if a few women said i was attractive it definitely would get the ball rolling for me and have me thinking ok there are a decent amount of women out there who find me attractive.. Women don't call men attractive often and most men still manage to have high confidence in their looks. Imagine if women did compliment men more often , I don't think any man would want to settle for less than angelina julie 2
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 yes,it wouldnt be the cure all because i still need to improve my ability to talk to strangers and break out of my shell but if a few women said i was attractive it definitely would get the ball rolling for me and have me thinking ok there are a decent amount of women out there who find me attractive.. Well, I see a chicken-and-the-egg dilemma here...do you need that external validation first to motivate you to improve your ability to talk to strangers and break out of your shell...or do you say f*ck it and start talking to strangers and breaking out of your shell in order to give yourself the opportunity for external validation...? I have a sense this is what a lot of folks who struggle have to decide...they are held back by their own minds...and only way to break free is to do like the honey badger...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Women don't call men attractive often and most men still manage to have high confidence in their looks. Imagine if women did compliment men more often , I don't think any man would want to settle for less than angelina julie Compliments aren't the only form of external validation...and I kind of feel that they are a rather cheap form that shouldn't hold much weight in a person's mind...
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