Necromancer Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Which is positive. I approached this 8 looking hot girl at a store today, she was with her female friend. I just said few things to her ( joking ) and she laughs her ass off, then i walk my way. Then i was in the line paying for the ice cream then she jumps in my line (from other line), there was a one dude between us she came near me and asked me what the taste of the ice cream was that i was buying. I say : Mint ice cream i fu%king love it. She replies: OMG! i love it to. A girl that i approach at a store, has never being so friendly Need more gals like this!
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 This here is the genuine value of external validation. We all need it at some point in our lives, in some form or another, at least to get the ball rolling. Good for you, Necro.
carhill Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 So, chicken or egg? Are women being friendlier causing your hatred to decrease or is your hatred decreasing causing women to be friendlier? FWIW, IME women like you encountered today are everywhere. All that is necessary is to engage them. Fun moments like you recounted are just that, moments, and don't have to go anywhere. IME, most don't, since most of the ladies are otherwise spoken for, but still fun and enjoyable nonetheless. I hope the trend continues. 3
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Which is positive. I approached this 8 looking hot girl at a store today, she was with her female friend. I just said few things to her ( joking ) and she laughs her ass off, then i walk my way. Then i was in the line paying for the ice cream then she jumps in my line (from other line), there was a one dude between us she came near me and asked me what the taste of the ice cream was that i was buying. I say : Mint ice cream i fu%king love it. She replies: OMG! i love it to. A girl that i approach at a store, has never being so friendly Need more gals like this! I applaud you bro. Even if you don't get the validation, you have to just let it slide. I went to a wedding tonight and didn't really know many people there. I started chatting up a woman at my table and it turns out she lives very close to where I went to school. Big in. So I started talking to her trying to get to know her. She wasn't good looking or hot. Anyway, after a little bit, she just kind of stops the conversation like she's not interested. Gets up and moves away. This kind of thing happens all the time. If you need validation, you will find most of the time, you will not get it. You have to let it go and let things just slide off your back. I'm way less likely to take it out on myself and get down on women than I've been in the past. How many rejections are you up to? I'm up to 7 or so.
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Even if you don't get the validation, you have to just let it slide. But in this case, relative to his past experiences, he did get the validation. People seem to be under the impression that validation only includes compliments or phone numbers or dates or sex. No, it's anything that affects a person's self-disposition, and it varies from person to person. In this case, he experienced that validation in the form of a girl laughing and enjoying conversation with him. Baby steps... This kind of thing happens all the time. If you need validation, you will find most of the time, you will not get it. You have to let it go and let things just slide off your back. I'm way less likely to take it out on myself and get down on women than I've been in the past. Everyone needs validation at some point in their life. Some people get it when they are 12 years old, others when they're 30. It's just that when you get older, you have the mental capacity to comprehend and analyze your mental and social disposition, as well as the capacity and desire to actively seek the validation. It's a product of a developed mind. But when you're 12, you're like a honey badger...you don't give a f*ck. Those that received sufficient validation when they were young will take that for granted when they're adults and piss on others, saying, "oh, no one needs external validation, certainly not me!" 1
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 But in this case, relative to his past experiences, he did get the validation. People seem to be under the impression that validation only includes compliments or phone numbers or dates or sex. No, it's anything that affects a person's self-disposition, and it varies from person to person. In this case, he experienced that validation in the form of a girl laughing and enjoying conversation with him. Yup. In my case, 'validation' would be a single woman (which this one was) in my league wanting to get to know me as well as I wanted to get to know her. More often than not, that's not the case. But you're right Hoke. We all need it eventually.
StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Which is positive. I approached this 8 looking hot girl at a store today, she was with her female friend. I just said few things to her ( joking ) and she laughs her ass off, then i walk my way. Then i was in the line paying for the ice cream then she jumps in my line (from other line), there was a one dude between us she came near me and asked me what the taste of the ice cream was that i was buying. I say : Mint ice cream i fu%king love it. She replies: OMG! i love it to. A girl that i approach at a store, has never being so friendly Need more gals like this! mine's on the increase after coming to this shack of so called love.
somedude81 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 So, chicken or egg? Are women being friendlier causing your hatred to decrease or is your hatred decreasing causing women to be friendlier? Oh, it's definitely women being friendly, causing the hatred and anger to go away. I highly doubt he actually shows his anger to women in public, unless he's actually out there screaming insults at random girls. So if he's not being hateful to them, then what reason would they have to be mean?
Anela Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 mine's on the increase after coming to this shack of so called love. Mine's on the decrease where men are concerned, although I was in your shoes for a while there. I know that I feel less snippy when I realize that someone is making an effort to understand, communicate, or just be nice/kind. Necro:
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Sounds like a very fun interaction! Good for you! 1
Nomad Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) In my case, 'validation' would be a single woman (which this one was) in my league wanting to get to know me as well as I wanted to get to know her. More often than not, that's not the case. But you're right Hoke. We all need it eventually. Agreed. If I could get even an iota of attention from a woman, it would help repair my shattered self-esteem (even if only a little bit). It's been literally years since a halfway-decent-looking girl flirted me with or showed any interest whatsoever. It's hard to travel through a desert that doesn't have any oases (and which you're not sure you'll ever reach the end of). That's a hard way to go through life. Edited June 24, 2012 by Nomad
Author Necromancer Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 So, chicken or egg? Are women being friendlier causing your hatred to decrease or is your hatred decreasing causing women to be friendlier? FWIW, IME women like you encountered today are everywhere. All that is necessary is to engage them. Fun moments like you recounted are just that, moments, and don't have to go anywhere. IME, most don't, since most of the ladies are otherwise spoken for, but still fun and enjoyable nonetheless. I hope the trend continues. The first one. Yes, the best moments are often those who go nowhere. enjoyed it still.
AD1980 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Happy for you dude! People can say what they want that you shouldnt need external valdiation from others but when most women who think youre hitting on them look at you with complete disdain and contempt and/or youve ben invisible to the opposite sex your whole life you feel unwanted and bitter at times and it hurts quite frankly as someone whos living it Its called being human and having feelings,only a sociopath would be totally unaffected by it
Nomad Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 People can say what they want that you shouldnt need external valdiation from others but when most women who think youre hitting on them look at you with complete disdain and contempt and/or youve ben invisible to the opposite sex your whole life you feel unwanted and bitter at times and it hurts quite frankly as someone whos living it Its called being human and having feelings,only a sociopath would be totally unaffected by it Agreed. It boggles the mind when someone tells a guy who's been rejected by women for his entire adult life that he should just "get over it", or even that it's his "attitude" that's causing women to reject him in the first place! I, for one, admit that I'm bitter, and maybe a stronger person would be able to absorb all of the pain I have and not be phased by it, but I guess I just don't have that in me.
Els Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 But in this case, relative to his past experiences, he did get the validation. People seem to be under the impression that validation only includes compliments or phone numbers or dates or sex. No, it's anything that affects a person's self-disposition, and it varies from person to person. In this case, he experienced that validation in the form of a girl laughing and enjoying conversation with him. Baby steps... Everyone needs validation at some point in their life. Some people get it when they are 12 years old, others when they're 30. It's just that when you get older, you have the mental capacity to comprehend and analyze your mental and social disposition, as well as the capacity and desire to actively seek the validation. It's a product of a developed mind. But when you're 12, you're like a honey badger...you don't give a f*ck. Those that received sufficient validation when they were young will take that for granted when they're adults and piss on others, saying, "oh, no one needs external validation, certainly not me!" I think there's nothing wrong with receiving validation. We all need warmth and friendliness from fellow humans, and I think it's great that the OP had a girl be nice to him. That being said, I think there -is- something slightly wrong with only appreciating validation from a particular subset of people, as if only their opinion mattered. If the OP would have felt the same about any woman being friendly to him, then I would say that he's just genuinely in need of warmth and friendliness, like all of us are. On the other hand, if the sole reason for the happiness was because an '8' was nice to him (as he made a point of mentioning), and his response would have been the opposite if it had been a less attractive-looking woman, then I do think that the lack of validation that he has received thus far may well have a component of 'reaping what he sows' in it. I mean, we've all seen the women who gush when a hot guy approaches them and snubs their nose at a lesser-looking guy. Horrible attitude, right? When one wishes a societal attitude shift, one should attempt to contribute to it. 3
Author Necromancer Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 I applaud you bro. Even if you don't get the validation, you have to just let it slide. I went to a wedding tonight and didn't really know many people there. I started chatting up a woman at my table and it turns out she lives very close to where I went to school. Big in. So I started talking to her trying to get to know her. She wasn't good looking or hot. Anyway, after a little bit, she just kind of stops the conversation like she's not interested. Gets up and moves away. This kind of thing happens all the time. If you need validation, you will find most of the time, you will not get it. You have to let it go and let things just slide off your back. I'm way less likely to take it out on myself and get down on women than I've been in the past. How many rejections are you up to? I'm up to 7 or so. I was rejected 2 times few days ago, one just walked away haha and i had one dance lol ( then i am talking about on the street ). It´s getting easier with every approach, in the end i think it will just become second nature. Agree, approaching gals is 1000% more fun when you don´t give a **** about the outcome.
Nomad Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I applaud you bro. Even if you don't get the validation, you have to just let it slide. I went to a wedding tonight and didn't really know many people there. I started chatting up a woman at my table and it turns out she lives very close to where I went to school. Big in. So I started talking to her trying to get to know her. She wasn't good looking or hot. Anyway, after a little bit, she just kind of stops the conversation like she's not interested. Gets up and moves away. This kind of thing happens all the time. If you need validation, you will find most of the time, you will not get it. You have to let it go and let things just slide off your back. I'm way less likely to take it out on myself and get down on women than I've been in the past. How many rejections are you up to? I'm up to 7 or so. 7 in your life? That's not really that much...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Elswyth said what I was going to say. It's great that the OP had a positive experience with a woman but the fact that the OP wastes no time to point out that she is an "8" makes me suspect that her level of hottness is relationale to how good it made him feel. If the woman was of "lesser" looks I doubt the OP would be here posting with such glee. So is this really all that positive? I don't know. I think when the OP reaches a point of appreciating all women like this, not just women he describes as an 8, he will truly be in a better place with women in general. 2
jobaba Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 7 in your life? That's not really that much... 7 since the start of June...
verhrzn Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 That being said, I think there -is- something slightly wrong with only appreciating validation from a particular subset of people, as if only their opinion mattered. If the OP would have felt the same about any woman being friendly to him, then I would say that he's just genuinely in need of warmth and friendliness, like all of us are. On the other hand, if the sole reason for the happiness was because an '8' was nice to him (as he made a point of mentioning), and his response would have been the opposite if it had been a less attractive-looking woman, then I do think that the lack of validation that he has received thus far may well have a component of 'reaping what he sows' in it. I mean, we've all seen the women who gush when a hot guy approaches them and snubs their nose at a lesser-looking guy. Horrible attitude, right? When one wishes a societal attitude shift, one should attempt to contribute to it. Ugh, thank you for noting this. I was gonna be happy for the OP until I read that part, and then I got angry and left the thread post-haste. Just reminds me to not be nice to guys, because they don't care when the ugly ones are friendly! 1
avon20 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 That's good you are making progress in this direction. Misoginy spoils everybody's fun.
musemaj11 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I feel for physically unattractive guys. Its like they are taking double punishments. First they risk high chance of rejection and second they also have to pay for the dates (and the uglier the guy the less likely the woman to want to spend any money). I guess Im lucky that Im quite a looker so at least I dont have to deal with the rejection. Only the money.
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