Nearly had a casual encounter this week - is it the way to go the 1st time??

June 9, 2012

Was in my room chilling, and got into an IM with a cute Indian girl on OKCupid. Not long into the conversation, the conversation quickly became a sexual one. A couple of hours later, I decided to call time on it and proceeded to leave. Which prompted her to ask me if I wanted to come over for sex.

I was not expecting this at all, considering this was pretty much the first convo we had. I requested a quick cam session to make sure it was legit. She was real. She was hot too. So I thought about it for a few minutes, got dressed, and decided to go for it. Sneaked out, left a note for my mum. Went to the 24/7 shop, bought some condoms and some alcohol, and jumped on the bus to go. Was a short bus-ride, but ended up in central, at which point, I was later than I said I was gonna be. So I reached and just managed to catch the girl before she was leaving. Right as I got to her, my mum called. Several times. I ignored at first.

This girl really was hot. We embraced (she had really soft lips ), I grabbed her bum (she was wearing no underwear ). She was attracted but she said that while she had done a lot of things sexually, she hadn't had an encounter so soon with someone she had never met and only had one short convo with. I began to see her point. The entire way there, I was just thinking with my dick, almost paralyzed by anxiety, yet driven by the hardness of my erection. But I never even knew this girl or had ever spoken to her before and here I was, on a bus with a drink and condoms ready to have sex with her. At that point, I had changed my mind completely. So had she. We exchanged details and left it at that. I doubt I am going to contact her again.

[Mum left a text saying I was scaring her, so I had to call her and let her know. Typically, she freaked, getting all worrisome and crying, completely forgetting that I am a 23 year old man .]

So after that long ass post, my question is this: Had everything initially gone to plan and we never changed our minds, would it have been a good idea for me to lose my V this way? Should I look for more opportunities like this, or simply go the more sacred route of in a normal dating/relationship setting?

Edited June 9, 2012 by ThaWholigan

June 9, 2012

Was in my room chilling, and got into an IM with a cute Indian girl on OKCupid. Not long into the conversation, the conversation quickly became a sexual one. A couple of hours later, I decided to call time on it and proceeded to leave. Which prompted her to ask me if I wanted to come over for sex.

I was not expecting this at all, considering this was pretty much the first convo we had. I requested a quick cam session to make sure it was legit. She was real. She was hot too. So I thought about it for a few minutes, got dressed, and decided to go for it. Sneaked out, left a note for my mum. Went to the 24/7 shop, bought some condoms and some alcohol, and jumped on the bus to go. Was a short bus-ride, but ended up in central, at which point, I was later than I said I was gonna be. So I reached and just managed to catch the girl before she was leaving. Right as I got to her, my mum called. Several times. I ignored at first.

This girl really was hot. We embraced (she had really soft lips ), I grabbed her bum (she was wearing no underwear ). She was attracted but she said that while she had done a lot of things sexually, she hadn't had an encounter so soon with someone she had never met and only had one short convo with. I began to see her point. The entire way there, I was just thinking with my dick, almost paralyzed by anxiety, yet driven by the hardness of my erection. But I never even knew this girl or had ever spoken to her before and here I was, on a bus with a drink and condoms ready to have sex with her. At that point, I had changed my mind completely. So had she. We exchanged details and left it at that. I doubt I am going to contact her again.

[Mum left a text saying I was scaring her, so I had to call her and let her know. Typically, she freaked, getting all worrisome and crying, completely forgetting that I am a 23 year old man .]

So after that long ass post, my question is this: Had everything initially gone to plan and we never changed our minds, would it have been a good idea for me to lose my V this way? Should I look for more opportunities like this, or simply go the more sacred route of in a normal dating/relationship setting?

Don't start copying my M.O. now man. haha

But seriously, I've never heard of this happening with a random encounter online. Interesting that you did in fact verify that she was real, because otherwise it'd be major red flags dude. haha

You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Personally, I never looked for casual encounters as I preferred relationships. But, perhaps going with the flow wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if youre caught up about your virginity. Tough call here my man.

June 9, 2012

No, I don't think having a casual encounter would be advantageous, whether its your first time or not. Although I'm biased as I don't partake in casual encounters.

Why aren't you going to contact her? I think you should ask her out on a date.

June 9, 2012

No, I don't think having a casual encounter would be advantageous, whether its your first time or not. Although I'm biased as I don't partake in casual encounters.

Why aren't you going to contact her? I think you should ask her out on a date.

Because she doesn't want anything remotely serious, she only wanted the sex. She will probably get it from somebody else whom she knows a little better than I. In her own words, she's "a bit of a slut".

June 9, 2012

Because she doesn't want anything remotely serious, she only wanted the sex. She will probably get it from somebody else whom she knows a little better than I. In her own words, she's "a bit of a slut".

Well that's probably a bit obvious given the story. But if she said this, then you probably were wise to steer clear.

June 9, 2012

Well that's probably a bit obvious given the story. But if she said this, then you probably were wise to steer clear.

Agreed....

June 9, 2012

Don't start copying my M.O. now man. haha

But seriously, I've never heard of this happening with a random encounter online. Interesting that you did in fact verify that she was real, because otherwise it'd be major red flags dude. haha

You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Personally, I never looked for casual encounters as I preferred relationships. But, perhaps going with the flow wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if youre caught up about your virginity. Tough call here my man.

Trust me, I wasn't even looking for this one, it fell right into my lap!

It just so happens, she's an indian girl with a black girl's ass and a black man fetish. There were a few red flags that I did ignore on the way there until I actually went to meet her. The first one was if I wanted to go bareback (I declined). The second was if I was bringing any of my mates (Again, I said no). When I actually met up with her, she said she was pleasantly surprised when I said I'm not bringing friends as "black guys I know normally bring their friends". That's the point where I knew something was up with this chick, and I started to change my mind about it all.

The funny thing is, this is how my brothers kept saying I was likely to lose it.

Well that's probably a bit obvious given the story. But if she said this, then you probably were wise to steer clear.

I reckon so, which is why I'm very unlikely to pursue any further.

June 9, 2012

I'm gonna catch some fire for this, but here is the absolute honest truth:

Sex isn't anything special. All through grade school, high school, etc., boys/men put it on a pedestal. It's this super glorious thing that we're all dying to attain.

Once you get it, it's more like "meh." It isn't all that it's cracked out to be. You come in thinking the world of the act itself, but once you do it, it doesn't live up to expectations.

The first time I had sex, it was also her first time. She took it more seriously than I have, I just high fived her as soon I as I "entered' and said, "we're not virgins anymore!" *high five*

The first time you do it, it is awkward, you really don't "know" what you're doing, and it just isn't that fun.

So basically what I'm saying is, don't think of sex as some super duper thing. You'll be disappointed. Just get it over with, it's not something that is life changing. Be it a casual encounter, or a gf of x months/years, it's not going to be any different. You're still entering your penis in her vagina and moving it in/out. It's not going to change the sensation.

Just my $0.02.

June 9, 2012

One definitely positive thing I have to say about the whole incident.

I'm feeling a LOT more confident around girls at the moment since that night. Even though the girl was easy, sometimes even those girls will make it a little hard for you. That I was attractive enough to her to get that far in such a short space of time was actually quite invigorating. I feel like more of a catch. Especially as I'm not even in pursuit of something casual.

June 9, 2012

[Mum left a text saying I was scaring her, so I had to call her and let her know. Typically, she freaked, getting all worrisome and crying, completely forgetting that I am a 23 year old man .]

No, that is exactly why she got worried.

But good that you steered clear of this one.

June 9, 2012

I'm gonna catch some fire for this, but here is the absolute honest truth:

Sex isn't anything special. All through grade school, high school, etc., boys/men put it on a pedestal. It's this super glorious thing that we're all dying to attain.

Once you get it, it's more like "meh." It isn't all that it's cracked out to be. You come in thinking the world of the act itself, but once you do it, it doesn't live up to expectations.

The first time I had sex, it was also her first time. She took it more seriously than I have, I just high fived her as soon I as I "entered' and said, "we're not virgins anymore!" *high five*

The first time you do it, it is awkward, you really don't "know" what you're doing, and it just isn't that fun.

So basically what I'm saying is, don't think of sex as some super duper thing. You'll be disappointed. Just get it over with, it's not something that is life changing. Be it a casual encounter, or a gf of x months/years, it's not going to be any different. You're still entering your penis in her vagina and moving it in/out. It's not going to change the sensation.

Just my $0.02.

I already agree in theory. Sex isn't some super duper thing to me. I just didn't think it was a good idea to have sex with this particular girl in the end though, and she also expressed the same very quickly afterward. However it happens is what it will be.

June 9, 2012

Should have gone through with it.

Why not? What did you have to lose? Except for your virginity

June 9, 2012

Should have gone through with it.

Why not? What did you have to lose? Except for your virginity

Considering her behavior, chances are a STD could be around the corner as well. Not exactly something you want to gain either.

June 9, 2012

Damn, son! That sounds wild as hell.

Honestly, I don't think there would've been anything wrong with you if you decided to have sex with this girl--but the fact that you were able to display self-control even after being intoxicated by the thought of sex is cool in itself. It's funny, because something like this happened to me in high school. The only difference was we left school to come to my house, and while she was comfortable doing it, I was scared as hell!

I don't think there's a certain path you need to follow to lose your V-card (the only path to avoid is the prostitution route, haha), but most people would probably think the more healthy way is the sacred route. I'm sure you'd really have no trouble with either. At the end of the day, if you come across another girl you find hot, and both of you are comfortable having sex, just go with the flow and don't focus on losing it in some special way.

June 9, 2012

No, that is exactly why she got worried.

But good that you steered clear of this one.

My mum is too maternal for her own good sometimes, she makes me feel like a child sometimes . Her ringing my line didn't help my cause at the time .

Probably was best it never happened though.

Should have gone through with it.

Why not? What did you have to lose? Except for your virginity

It wasn't a case of having anything to lose, I just changed my mind in the end. It wasn't even about the virginity. Besides, it ended up being mutual, as in we both changed our minds about it in the end.

I don't regret not going through with it.

June 9, 2012

You should have at least fooled around a bit, maybe oral sex?

At least you wouldn't have gone home "empty handed."

June 9, 2012

Damn, son! That sounds wild as hell.

Honestly, I don't think there would've been anything wrong with you if you decided to have sex with this girl--but the fact that you were able to display self-control even after being intoxicated by the thought of sex is cool in itself. It's funny, because something like this happened to me in high school. The only difference was we left school to come to my house, and while she was comfortable doing it, I was scared as hell!

I don't think there's a certain path you need to follow to lose your V-card (the only path to avoid is the prostitution route, haha), but most people would probably think the more healthy way is the sacred route. I'm sure you'd really have no trouble with either. At the end of the day, if you come across another girl you find hot, and both of you are comfortable having sex, just go with the flow and don't focus on losing it in some special way.

. I was a little nervous on the bus, I almost got worried I wouldn't get it up, but just thinking about that ass from the pics+cam had my motors going straight away . And when I then grabbed her ass while I kissed her, I thought to myself "this is it :D".

But from the moment after I touched her ass, I thought about how quickly I came to that point, from such a short convo. Evidently, she also said that while she had done a lot of sexual things (bring my mates = she was a battery girl [gangbangs]), she hadn't had sex with someone so soon after talking to them on the internet. And it was the same with me, I didn't know if I could or should have sex with what was basically a stranger. A hot stranger, but still.....

I did think about whether I should have pushed through and done it anyway, but I'm comfortable with my decision. And I now have a confidence boost thanks to this girl anyway.

June 9, 2012

You should have at least fooled around a bit, maybe oral sex?

At least you wouldn't have gone home "empty handed."

, I thought about that on the way back!!

I was like "Actually, you could have just got head in the park!! :eek:". Ah well, I won't lose sleep over it (well, technically I did, I got home at 7am)

June 9, 2012

Considering her behavior' date=' chances are a STD could be around the corner as well. Not exactly something you want to gain either.[/quote']
The chances of a guy getting a STD while using a condom are very small.
It wasn't a case of having anything to lose, I just changed my mind in the end. It wasn't even about the virginity. Besides, it ended up being mutual, as in we both changed our minds about it in the end.

I don't regret not going through with it.

So why not contact her again?

What are you afraid of?

June 9, 2012

, I thought about that on the way back!!

I was like "Actually, you could have just got head in the park!! :eek:". Ah well, I won't lose sleep over it (well, technically I did, I got home at 7am)

You'll learn soon enough, young padawan. Opportunities like this simply don't present themselves every day. You have to learn to take advantage of such limited openings.

What I missed most about London when I was there during a study abroad a few summers ago was all the Indian chicks. Good god, that's my downfall. My love for Indian girls. Your story makes me a little sad on the inside.

June 9, 2012

I did think about whether I should have pushed through and done it anyway, but I'm comfortable with my decision. And I now have a confidence boost thanks to this girl anyway.

At the end of the day, this is the only thing that matters. Most guys would probably be hating themselves right now, but you're able to find a positive in this. Good stuff.

June 9, 2012

The chances of a guy getting a STD while using a condom are very small.

So why not contact her again?

What are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid of contacting her, I just have no desire to do so at this point. I can contact her anytime I wish, and I can probably pick up where I left off if I want to. So if I do change my mind about not wanting to contact her, I can. So I'm not ruling it out, I may find myself clucking on a real horny night and give her a call and see what she's saying, seeing as we've met now.

We'll see in the future anyway......).

June 9, 2012

You'll learn soon enough, young padawan. Opportunities like this simply don't present themselves every day. You have to learn to take advantage of such limited openings.

What I missed most about London when I was there during a study abroad a few summers ago was all the Indian chicks. Good god, that's my downfall. My love for Indian girls. Your story makes me a little sad on the inside.

True, but I have enough of an abundance mentality at the moment to not worry too much about this one. I'm sure I will learn from this.

I do like Indian girls too, but this is probably the hottest one I've met, but it's because of her round ass. And her lips

At the end of the day, this is the only thing that matters. Most guys would probably be hating themselves right now, but you're able to find a positive in this. Good stuff.

I think it's better this way, because I can reframe any encounter to glean from it what I need to and detach from any emotion that will cloud my judgement.

June 9, 2012

I'm not afraid of contacting her, I just have no desire to do so at this point.

So now you have no interest in sex?

I can contact her anytime I wish, and I can probably pick up where I left off if I want to. So if I do change my mind about not wanting to contact her, I can. So I'm not ruling it out, I may find myself clucking on a real horny night and give her a call and see what she's saying, seeing as we've met now.

We'll see in the future anyway......).

Fondue is right that opportunities like this are rare. Frankly it seems stupid to pass up.

ThaWholigan, what is it that you actually want now?

June 9, 2012

Nothing wrong with passing this one up. Or any other chance to have sex. Just because you have an opportunity does not mean you have to take it.

I am sure ThaWholigan will get plenty more opportunities, but that he will pick one that feels right for him.

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Nearly had a casual encounter this week - is it the way to go the 1st time??

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