iris219 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Which would it be? Dog or the person you love? (My ex and I recently decided to get back together, but quickly realized we couldn’t because of our dogs. Guess we chose dogs over each other! )
mesmerized Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I don't have a dog but if I did, my dog would come first to an "ex". And let's face it, a dog is far more loyal to you that any man or woman would be.
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 DOG!!!! No doubt If anyone asked me to give up my loving animals, I would say "see ya" Unconditional love vs ego love.....not hard to chose
xxoo Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I don't understand the choice. Can't you be together without living together? I wouldn't give up my dog, but I'd make it work with the one I love.
Author iris219 Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 I don't understand the choice. Can't you be together without living together? I wouldn't give up my dog, but I'd make it work with the one I love. We are both ready for marriage and children. The dog issue has broken us up in the past because we can't live together with the dogs. (His dog would kill my dog.) We don't know how to make it work, other than live separately, but that won't work if we have children.
oaks Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Which would it be? Dog or the person you love? (My ex and I recently decided to get back together, but quickly realized we couldn’t because of our dogs. Guess we chose dogs over each other! ) Having to make that choice must really suck. Glad I don't have any pets, but I'm guessing that if I had a dog then I'd choose the dog.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I have 11 dogs. Would I have to give up all of them in the hypothetical scenario?
Pasttense Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 iris219: Your dogs hating each other may be a solvable problem: Do a Google search dogs hate each other For example you may be able to have them get along by hiring a dog trainer to modify their behavior. 1
johan Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I always choose the dog, and I don't even have a dog. 2
xxoo Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 A dog trainer is a great idea. See if they can be gradually introduced under the guidance of a competent trainer. If the dog is that dangerous, I wouldn't keep it anyway.
Author iris219 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I have 11 dogs. Would I have to give up all of them in the hypothetical scenario? Unfortunately, the scenario isn’t hypothetical for me, but, yes, I guess you’d have to give them all up—unless all 11 could form some sort of super dog alliance and defeat his dog. iris219: Your dogs hating each other may be a solvable problem: Do a Google search dogs hate each other For example you may be able to have them get along by hiring a dog trainer to modify their behavior. Having the dogs together is not solvable. We’ve tried. The dogs don’t necessarily hate each other. His dog simply wants to kill anything on 4 legs. A dog trainer is a great idea. See if they can be gradually introduced under the guidance of a competent trainer. If the dog is that dangerous, I wouldn't keep it anyway. I agree. I think he's being unreasonable, especially since we have a place for the dog to go (with a family member, in a rural area). No one is suggesting he put the dog down.
AlexDP Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I have 11 dogs. Would I have to give up all of them in the hypothetical scenario? 11 dogs would be a dealbreaker for many people I think. But if 1 dog is a dealbreaker.. That is something I don't understand. Unless we're talking about allergies or something like that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I am a dog trainer (pro) and compete in a dog related "sport," so I'm not just a randomly nutty dog lady. But my dogs (and lifestyle) certainly could have been a deal breaker for many, and that's fine. It's a good signal that we would not be compatible. I would never give up my dogs for a new relationship with someone who didn't want to live with dogs. If I had a relationship and was committed, and for some (very good) reason dogs could no longer be a part of my life, that could be a different story. OP, your situation sounds like you and your ex don't have very much desire to get back together, if you are letting his dog aggressive pet dictate the decision 100%.
kaylan Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Tell your ex to get rid of the crazy dog. What sensible person keeps an animal that wants to do harm to anyones elses pets. I think that says something about him. Id wonder what hes doing wrong as an owner if his pet is that violent.
maybealone Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Having the dogs together is not solvable. We’ve tried. The dogs don’t necessarily hate each other. His dog simply wants to kill anything on 4 legs. That doesn't sound like a safe dog to have around babies, so the whole marriage-and-children thing might not be possible with that dog even if you gave up your dog. Which also means that he might not be able to have a family with anyone as long as he has his dog. 1
kaylan Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 P.S. - I dont think having many pets is a dealbreaker if you are a pro like Mme Chaucer. Its one thing to have a job where you give each animal its own space...or have a large yard, kennel, or numerous dog houses for them to live in. Its an entire different thing if your some cat lady, or dog man who has more than a few pets living under 1 regular sized house...and all of them being inside the house. Id say 2 dogs, or 3 cats is a good number for the average sized home.
Els Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Given how you've described your relationship with your ex (the only reason you're considering getting back with him is because you feel your time is 'running out' to get kids, according to you), definitely the dog. 2
Author iris219 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 That doesn't sound like a safe dog to have around babies, so the whole marriage-and-children thing might not be possible with that dog even if you gave up your dog. Which also means that he might not be able to have a family with anyone as long as he has his dog. I know. I kept trying to bring this up and he says the discussion is too premature to address since we don’t have children. He says we’d be having a different discussion if children were involved. I’m not really sure what that means, but he is often vague, possibly in an attempt to let me fill in the blanks how I want. I tend to always focus on the best case scenario, even when that may not be the reality. So, in my mind, I believe he’d be willing to give the dog up if we had children. Given how you've described your relationship with your ex (the only reason you're considering getting back with him is because you feel your time is 'running out' to get kids, according to you), definitely the dog. We're trying to communicate our needs better and have enjoyed being together lately. FTR, I'm not giving up my dog. That will never happen, not for any man.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 iris, Never, ever, ever, give up anything that's important to you for the sake of getting into a relationship. With the right person, it won't be required. 2
Author iris219 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 iris, Never, ever, ever, give up anything that's important to you for the sake of getting into a relationship. With the right person, it won't be required. I'm not even considering giving up my dog. I can't even imagine doing so, which is why I feel terrible about expecting him to give up his dog.
carhill Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Think of the dogs as canaries. If this issue appears irreconcilable, that's good information. My choice would be to accept the result. 1
maybealone Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I tend to always focus on the best case scenario, even when that may not be the reality. So, in my mind, I believe he’d be willing to give the dog up if we had children. Or he might be planning to wait until the dog has died of natural causes before having children. Depending on the age of the dog, that could mean you'll be waiting longer than you planned for having kids. Either way, it's not something you want to leave undetermined before you consider getting back together. Especially since I'm sure he knows that you always focus on the best case scenario. I'm not even considering giving up my dog. I can't even imagine doing so, which is why I feel terrible about expecting him to give up his dog. That's apples and oranges, though. His dog poses a risk, not just to your dog but to other animals and possibly small children. If you share a house and homeowner's insurance, that's a liability issue even if you didn't have a dog or kids. I don't mean to sound like a downer. I would not part with my dog for anyone. But a regular dog and an aggressive dog are two different things in my book.
oaks Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 so I'm not just a randomly nutty dog lady. But you're not denying that you might, also, be a randomly nutty dog lady.
Emilia Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 We are both ready for marriage and children. The dog issue has broken us up in the past because we can't live together with the dogs. (His dog would kill my dog.) We don't know how to make it work, other than live separately, but that won't work if we have children. It appears I'm the only one who thinks putting a dog before companionship with a human being means you are not ready for an adult relationship. 1
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