Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Ok, I've online dated a bit, but not tons. Earlier today, however, a new girl on OKCupid contacted me (probably a 9 out of 10, assuming the pictures are real), and things seem to be a bit different. I'm curious to know people's take on the below situation...is this girl normal, really excited, crazy, etc. She contacted me out of the blue this morning with a 2 page e-mail that essentially began with, "you're perfect for me", and in that same, first paragraph, she described hiking to the top of a mountain, and having to relieve herself on the side of the trail, because she drank too much water. (no, I did not ask for strange "pee stories") At the end of the letter, she tells me that she'd like to grab a drink. I write back, essentially saying, "ok, we can grab a drink"...I'm not a big fan of e-mail, get to know you. I propose Thursday night or Saturday afternoon coffee. There's a little bit of an e-mail dance, with her continuously telling me to text her as well as reinforcing the statement that started the entire correspondence - namely that she thinks I'd be great for her. She then tries to spin things into a Saturday night date...and says that she really wants to meet me soon... Anyhow, I'm guessing this is all a good thing, but it's pretty aggressive. Is this normal behavior for a woman online? What would you do given that she's trying to switch the proposed meeting time to Saturday night, even though it was essentially off the table? And thoughts on her perpetual pushing to spin things into texting? Your thoughts would be awesome!
heatherfeather Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Seems like alittle too much too soon. Tell her you are busy Sat. night and you want to take it slower.
Emilia Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I think it's what many of us refer to as 'false intimacy' when someone crosses those boundaries too soon ignoring the fact that until the two of you meet you are complete strangers. It's easily done, you can feel comfortable with someone you perceive in a certain way in your head but still my guess is that she is a nutcase. 1
rubberduck Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Yeah that sounds a bit odd! I'd definitely try to regain some control of the situation by changing the day you meet or something.. I can't say I'd be interested in meeting someone that pushy, good luck
oaks Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 as well as reinforcing the statement that started the entire correspondence - namely that she thinks I'd be great for her. Next time she does this, try something like "that sounds promising, but we haven't even met yet, so let's just go for a simple drink and see how it goes."
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Have you even talked to her on the phone yet? It could be a fake.
Andy_K Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Personally I'd go along with it and see what happens. Often the girls who are a little bit crazy are by far the most fun. Alternatively, she'll do a 180 for no discernible reason and cancel on meeting you. Roll the dice and see which!
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 she described hiking to the top of a mountain, and having to relieve herself on the side of the trail, because she drank too much water. (no, I did not ask for strange "pee stories") At the end of the letter, she tells me that she'd like to grab a drink. Hm. I hope she doesn't drink too much when you go out … Seriously, she sounds manic and off. But if you think it would be fun or adventurous, sure, have a drink with her. I think everybody who hikes pees on the ground. It's a normal part of the experience.
Author Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 UPDATE: I hadn't responded to a message I got from her yesterday afternoon, and sure enough, this morning I get another page long message about all sorts of random stuff, and of course, it started with, "weren't you suppose to call or text me"...I don't doubt that she wanted that, but I never said I would, and it ended with something on par with her wanting my number. She's definitely starting to seem kinda creepy and I'm scared if I give her my number/call her/see her, that I'll have a stalker.
Author Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I think it's what many of us refer to as 'false intimacy' when someone crosses those boundaries too soon ignoring the fact that until the two of you meet you are complete strangers. It's easily done, you can feel comfortable with someone you perceive in a certain way in your head but still my guess is that she is a nutcase. Any thoughts on how to determine if it's false intimacy or cookoo? Or is everyone that falls into the false intimacy bucket a bit of a loon?
Author Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Have you even talked to her on the phone yet? It could be a fake. Nope - I have sent 2 emails, although I've gotten 4 from her in the past day, totalling about 6 pages of text
wheream_i Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Ok, I've online dated a bit, but not tons. Earlier today, however, a new girl on OKCupid contacted me (probably a 9 out of 10, assuming the pictures are real), and things seem to be a bit different. I'm curious to know people's take on the below situation...is this girl normal, really excited, crazy, etc. She contacted me out of the blue this morning with a 2 page e-mail that essentially began with, "you're perfect for me", and in that same, first paragraph, she described hiking to the top of a mountain, and having to relieve herself on the side of the trail, because she drank too much water. (no, I did not ask for strange "pee stories") At the end of the letter, she tells me that she'd like to grab a drink. I write back, essentially saying, "ok, we can grab a drink"...I'm not a big fan of e-mail, get to know you. I propose Thursday night or Saturday afternoon coffee. There's a little bit of an e-mail dance, with her continuously telling me to text her as well as reinforcing the statement that started the entire correspondence - namely that she thinks I'd be great for her. She then tries to spin things into a Saturday night date...and says that she really wants to meet me soon... Anyhow, I'm guessing this is all a good thing, but it's pretty aggressive. Is this normal behavior for a woman online? What would you do given that she's trying to switch the proposed meeting time to Saturday night, even though it was essentially off the table? And thoughts on her perpetual pushing to spin things into texting? Your thoughts would be awesome! I say make her pay for it all since she's the one who spun it into you taking her out on a Saturday night and see how she takes that.
c0nfused88 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 6 pages of e-mails? She is coming off as extremely desperate. If I were you, I would run.. but I think you should meet her because I want to hear how it goes! 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Any thoughts on how to determine if it's false intimacy or cookoo? Or is everyone that falls into the false intimacy bucket a bit of a loon? I think the "false intimacy" thing often shows some boundary issues, but it varies. You really don't need to be figuring this out. Either go forward, or abort. You have plenty of information to make that choice.
Author Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 You really don't need to be figuring this out. Either go forward, or abort. You have plenty of information to make that choice. Agreed - I definitely have enough info...I was mainly curious to see if this type of behavior was normal...or a bit crazy/scary. I've had a stalker before, and this type of situation spooks me a bit. It's not that tough to find a date. Although part of me kind of wants to see just how crazy she is...I don't want to shoot someone down just because they show a lot of excitement...because on some level, that's exactly what you're looking for down the road...
FitChick Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Confirm the Saturday afternoon coffee date with a time and a place or couple of places (not the evening date). If things go well you could always extend the date. She sounds a bit manic to me. And who talks about peeing in a first email?
Author Vintage79 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Confirm the Saturday afternoon coffee date with a time and a place or couple of places (not the evening date). If things go well you could always extend the date. She sounds a bit manic to me. And who talks about peeing in a first email? I proposed Saturday day, and she said she's busy. She says she's moving into a new apartment, and was hoping for an evening "break". I think I believe it...it's not a ridiculous excuse, and she's mentioned the move a few times now (even before she tried proposing Saturday). The curious part is, she seems so intent on meeting ASAP - I don't really know why waiting until Monday or Tuesday would be problematic...given that we haven't even talked on the phone...
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