DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) Do you just run away, hide and accept the truth that he/she is not the one for you, that he/she is too good enough and they deserve better than you? Or you will pretend like as if you really fit on his/her world? What do you do when you feel insecure because he/she lives on a different level of life? They have a good relationship with their families. They are living a high end life. And you are too way out of their class. So, since they are too good enough, would you ever try changing your life to make yourself good enough for them? Coz me... Sometimes, I'm thinking of going back to school and finish 4 degrees like he did. Finish doctorate and masterals and everything! Sometimes, I wanna go on surgery to make myself as gorgeous as his supermodel exes. Sometimes, I just wanna talk to my parents and brothers to tell them to act this way, to treat each other this way coz that's how his family treats each other. Sometimes, I just wanna go somewhere far away to figure out what to do to my life to make myself best and be good enough for him. My work had me travelling before to different countries and one time before leaving, I was toying with the idea of not telling him I'm leaving coz I just wanna leave him with no nothing and then forget about him, but 2 minutes before we're about to take off, I called him and said goodbye, telling him, I will be back. I wasn't that strong enough... What am I going to do? Should I just gather all my strength and energy to be strong enough to simply leave for quite some time and go upgrading myself? Maybe for 3 or 4 or 5 years? And if I go back with all my personal stuff sorted out and he's still single, we can start out fresh and be together again? :sick::sick::sick: Edited May 10, 2012 by DuchessKaye Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 You'll never feel good enough if you're always comparing yourself to others. Measure yourself by your own standards. Rise to the level of greatness you want to achieve for yourself, not to 'impress' or 'match' others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 I used to believe that I was good enough... Until he came along and made me realized that hell no, I'm not that good enough... Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 We all feel that way at times. Remember that the reason people put you down (if others are saying that to you) that they do it because they are unhappy with themselves. They don't have the courage to do much but tell you what is wrong with you. You have to learn to say f*** them because they do not deserve what you have to givethem, which is a lifetime of happiness and good things. They would rather have trash and the deserve trash. Not you, which is better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Do you just run away, hide and accept the truth that he/she is not the one for you, that he/she is too good enough and they deserve better than you? Or you will pretend like as if you really fit on his/her world? What do you do when you feel insecure because he/she lives on a different level of life? They have a good relationship with their families. They are living a high end life. And you are too way out of their class. afaik [the working from home thread and others], your parents eventually accepted you So, since they are too good enough, would you ever try changing your life to make yourself good enough for them? good enough for them, no ... it's stupid. In fact if someone wants you to change for them and insists on it, you are not meant to be because she [in my case] gets close to abusive. Coz me... Sometimes, I'm thinking of going back to school and finish 4 degrees like he did. Finish doctorate and masterals and everything! you can find courses online for free for a variety of purposes, or for not that expensive; you can buy the books being used in the ivy league schools online for much cheaper than the price of the education there ... depends on the type of education too. Sometimes, I wanna go on surgery to make myself as gorgeous as his supermodel exes. if it's you in the avatar, you don't have a problem, but keep in mind ... the more a girl is judged by how she looks, the more insecure she is [i guess in this modern world it applies to guys too]. Sometimes, I just wanna talk to my parents and brothers to tell them to act this way, to treat each other this way coz that's how his family treats each other. you can't change your family ... and unfortunately you are stuck with them for the rest of your life so might as well make the best of it. Sometimes, I just wanna go somewhere far away to figure out what to do to my life to make myself best and be good enough for him. coward ... My work had me travelling before to different countries and one time before leaving, I was toying with the idea of not telling him I'm leaving coz I just wanna leave him with no nothing and then forget about him, but 2 minutes before we're about to take off, I called him and said goodbye, telling him, I will be back. I wasn't that strong enough... introvert ? What am I going to do? Should I just gather all my strength and energy to be strong enough to simply leave for quite some time and go upgrading myself? Maybe for 3 or 4 or 5 years? And if I go back with all my personal stuff sorted out and he's still single, we can start out fresh and be together again? you can do that from your pc, ebooks ftw. Chances are he won't he won't be single after that many yrs, but that doesn't mean you can't find someone. :sick::sick::sick: Nice daydream fantasy you have there. You need to work on that insecurity primarily, by way of ... doing something. Pickup a project or get some books on a particular subject and just read them. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Just eliminate that belief here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Thanks for the words of wisdom, Radu And thanks for the link Fitchick Link to post Share on other sites
Yare Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Is that you and your beau on your avatar? If it is did you color your hair to please him or try to appear more caucasian....You are very pretty, you do not need to change anything about you, and he will just get turned off by your insecurities and your need to change your look..he liked you the way you are stay true to who you are..Imagine you going out with a guy who has black hair and he finds out your ex's hair is blonde so next time you see him he is hair is blonde what would you think about him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Is that you and your beau on your avatar? If it is did you color your hair to please him or try to appear more caucasian....You are very pretty, you do not need to change anything about you, and he will just get turned off by your insecurities and your need to change your look..he liked you the way you are stay true to who you are..Imagine you going out with a guy who has black hair and he finds out your ex's hair is blonde so next time you see him he is hair is blonde what would you think about him? Yes... That's me and him... But no, I have it dyed long time before we met. I'm not trying to be Caucasian... I am naturally fair... I'm good being Asian-looking... I'm concerned with his lifestyle, ethics, family relationship and success level... He's perfect... almost! And those are the things that are giving me insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 The question, "Am I good enough?", is irrelevant. You don't get to decide why he likes you. You don't get to decide whether or not he's right to like you. The only thing that is within your control is for you to be yourself, so that if you two are truly mismatched, it will become apparent sooner rather than later. Should you change for him? No. Should you allow yourself to be the best person you can be for yourself? Yes. Is it okay to let him support you in obtaining your own goals? Yes. Is it desirable to let him bring out the best in you? Of course. Honestly, I've had the "not good enough" feeling. It usually happens at the beginning of the relationship, when I am really smitten with the guy. It's a sign you like and admire him. But remember this, you two aren't in competition with each other. You're there to support each other. AKA, it's a great sign that you do admire him. As for the feelings of inadequacy, they will likely fade once you two get more comfortable with each other. And ps: you are model gorgeous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 you already mentioned all of it. ok..after those thoughts i worked out and still am. i have these realizations: a) not too late to start getting that masters/degree/education b) take care of yourself..your body is a temple ..dont put junk in it .. c) love yourself, its harder than you think. be a best friend to yourself. d) crazy thoughts - do not believe everything you think is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Hi Kamille, thanks for that... Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) I used to believe that I was good enough... Until he came along and made me realized that hell no, I'm not that good enough... to me the assumption (the right) that you must reckon that you are good enough, even though you already know by others' standards that you might not be or are really not, will lead you in the wrong direction, you don't know how much the people you are hoping to fit in with might have tried to improve before you met, sorry, but it's a competitive world sometimes Edited May 10, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 it's a competitive world sometimes That's what I know and that's what I feel... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 That's what I know and that's what I feel... You feel you're in competition? But with whom? Apart from the comparison with his exes' physical appearance, you mentioned his achievements, social origins and personality traits. In my experience, men don't like being in competition with their girlfriends. That's not the basis of their choice and, apart from friendly competition, generally not the best basis for a relationship. Compete against others in your job. Establish your relationship on mutual support and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) You feel you're in competition? But with whom? Apart from the comparison with his exes' physical appearance, you mentioned his achievements, social origins and personality traits. In my experience, men don't like being in competition with their girlfriends. That's not the basis of their choice and, apart from friendly competition, generally not the best basis for a relationship. Compete against others in your job. Establish your relationship on mutual support and respect. I kind of feel the need/urge to also reach the achievements that he has... so that he can proudly introduce me to his family and colleagues... I want to be as successful as him, I want to be as sociable as him, I want to be as gorgeous as his exes, I want to have this and that of being one of the upper classes, I want to overflow with benjamins. All along I've been happy with what I have, I've been contented with what I can make. But now, NO! I want more... I'm wanting more because I want to be the best and be the perfect match for him. And I was thinking if I should let him go now while I am pursuing all these things that I am wanting or should I let him stay while I am upgrading myself... Edited May 10, 2012 by DuchessKaye Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) do one spectacular up-grade today - he'll notice - more to follow so he'll notice them, you don't want to be in the positon where you have to spell out how you've up-graded, it must a change that is not borderline but is definitely easily on show, he must see a change/s and spontaneously like it, just do it, do not tell him you will, so as not to pressure for him to approve (says me who is going blonde) Edited May 10, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 I just don't worry about whether I'm good enough... because to me, worrying about it at all is a sure bet that a person is hung up on the whole validation thing. I'm satisfied with my quality of life (which is slowly improving anyways), but why should I care if it's not "good enough" for some selfish person who's used to grabbing everything they want? Forget about keeping up with the Joneses. Instead, work on being the Jones that people will try to keep up with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 I kind of feel the need/urge to also reach the achievements that he has... Most men don't care. They don't want to feel they are competing with their girlfriend or wife. That's why you see very wealthy, successful men marrying cocktail waitresses, models or flight attendants. Make sure you look good (for him), treat him the way he wants to be treated and show appreciation for how he treats you. Be successful for yourself if it makes you happy. When you are happy, he will want to spend time with you. If you are as stressed and overworked as he is, he probably won't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Based on the contents of your previous thread and his lack of commitment, are you hoping that "improvements" will make him perceive you as worthy of commitment? Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 You should want to achieve things because you want to do it not because some man will think you are good enough. Sounds like this relationship is more of a bad thing than a good thing so you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Based on the contents of your previous thread and his lack of commitment, are you hoping that "improvements" will make him perceive you as worthy of commitment? He's starting to commit... everything is going exactly the way I want it... He actually just introduced me as his girlfriend to all his sibs and some friends. He even told them that I will make a good housewife. But... now that I'm getting to know more and more about him, and now that I'm meeting all these people that surround him... I feel insecure... like, I don't fit into his world... And that's why I would want to upgrade myself, and change not just a little bit, but A LOT! Link to post Share on other sites
OhHey Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 Nah, don't be changing yourself and doing sh't you don't want too in order to impress him or whatever. If he is into you, he'll take you for who you are now no matter if you are below his $$$$ level or not. BTW screw surgery to be like his model exes....Are you kidding? You're freakin hot! I saw the pics! No human is worth going to this length for. Link to post Share on other sites
OhHey Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 He even told them that I will make a good housewife. Say what........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 You should want to achieve things because you want to do it not because some man will think you are good enough. Sounds like this relationship is more of a bad thing than a good thing so you need to move on. MOVE ON? Should I? I know I want to go away... but I'm planning to come back when I am already confident about myself... that's if... if and only if... he'd still be single by then... Link to post Share on other sites
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