Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 What I'm looking for is someone 20-25 who isn't really into the party scene. An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active. In general I think I'm a pretty sweet guy who has a lot to offer. I don't think I'm bad looking at all (check the profile for pictures if you'd like to judge) and I always seem to have the best of intentions at heart. I don't think I'm a bad catch at all but I've just not found the right place to go fishing I guess. I've always been much more mature than my age (25) and always have older women say "If I were a few years younger or if you were a few years older I'd be all over you". Any ideas? I try outdoor events, museums, aquariums, parks... etc. I have no issue approaching or flirting and always have had the ability to hold a conversation with strangers, so it's not the bait but the lake.
Onlyjonley Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 What about your friends introducing you to people they know? I've seen lots of successful relationships come out of that. But I find when you're least expecting to meet someone is when it happens. I'm a huge college sports fan and when I first got an office job, I started posting on a message board of my favorite team out of boredom. I had just gotten out of a relationship a couple months before, so the last thing I was looking for was a relationship. And i never expected to meet someone on a sports message board. But I ended up having a ton in common with one guy in particular and we had a blast talking. And now he's my boyfriend. Don't give up!
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Yea, I think I need to make some new friends. The issue with that is I've always been able to have better conversations with people in their late 30's, 40's, and older than with people my own age. While I'm speaking of philosophy, psychology, and the various aspects of life my current friends are jabbering about how much they spent on their new watch while still living with their parents or what the celebrities are doing. Hence me always having better conversations with those older than myself. Maybe I'll start asking people to introduce me to their grandchildren No giving up, just looking for suggestions on where I might meet a woman who is mature.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active. I was pretty shy in college, but I am an active intellectual with a good sense of humor. I spent my free time at the libraries and bookstores, at cheap or free music shows, performing at coffee shops at small music venues with my band, going swimming at the springs or the lake, running along the lakefront trail, in swing dancing classes and at swing dancing venues in the evening. And I really liked meeting smart guys in my big thinker classes, like astronomy and philosophy of science. What would usually happen there is the guy would sit next to me one day and just say hi. Then he'd keep sitting next to me, and gradually talk to me more and more. Then he'd ask me out for coffee or lunch. And we went from there.
january2011 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Meetups, adult education classes, volunteering, public lectures, local community groups and sports clubs --> people who are looking to develop both themselves and others + interested in the outside world beyond parties and nightclubs. 2
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 If you're still in university, as Ruby said, certain classes will tend to attract a certain type of person. It would be silly to take a class just to meet women, but if you're interested in the topic as well (as you should be!) then it doesn't hurt to try to meet women there as a secondary goal. I always connected best with guys whom I met through university. Hard science classes for prospective intellectual mates are the equivalent of a college bar for NSAs. 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I do spend time volunteering but most people there are also out of my age range. I'm not going anywhere with a specific goal of meeting someone but it certainly wouldn't hurt. I'm not currently still in college but I have thought of taking classes that I'm interested in just to expand my mind. I tend to be a knowledge sponge and enjoy reading and listening to the experience of others.
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I do spend time volunteering but most people there are also out of my age range. I'm not going anywhere with a specific goal of meeting someone but it certainly wouldn't hurt. I'm not currently still in college but I have thought of taking classes that I'm interested in just to expand my mind. I tend to be a knowledge sponge and enjoy reading and listening to the experience of others. If you think you would otherwise benefit from the classes, definitely, go for it!
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 The only thing that has held me back is finding a class that really interests me in my area. Everything seems to be Zumba or fitness classes which really don't interest me that much. I'm pretty fit as it is and would rather be out in nature. I will look into going on some more meetup hikes and such, but still mostly older folks there. I have lots of good conversation there anyways and it's always been enjoyable.
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Isn't there any university that allows you to take individual night classes or certificates? I know of a few people who are taking them in my university just for fun, not as part of a formal course.
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Question I've always wanted to ask: why are you willing to go 5 years younger, but not even a year older?
dasein Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Morning charity, community and general social events on the weekends. Party hearties are never at those.
thepedestrian Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Heh, I'm in the same boat but I'm looking for someone 21-30. I'm 23. Last few girls I felt good chemistry with where aged 30, 29, 31, 29, 28. Try going to Yoga... and not at a cheap place like a fitness center. Will be less students and more professionals at a more expensive place. Easier to find young women who already have careers.
thatone Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 i agree, why not expand your age range to about 21-29? there are lots of women in their late 20s who put all of their time into school and work and their sex drive catches up to them around that time as their friends and sisters get married off. 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Isn't there any university that allows you to take individual night classes or certificates? I know of a few people who are taking them in my university just for fun, not as part of a formal course. I'll look into that. Good tip Question I've always wanted to ask: why are you willing to go 5 years younger, but not even a year older? I am more than willing. My ideal is younger but I'm open enough to not write off anything. I've dated older women and have no issue with it. Morning charity, community and general social events on the weekends. Party hearties are never at those. I do. Seems that it's dominated by the elderly, but I do it for the warm feeling inside so it doesn't matter. Heh, I'm in the same boat but I'm looking for someone 21-30. I'm 23. Last few girls I felt good chemistry with where aged 30, 29, 31, 29, 28. Try going to Yoga... and not at a cheap place like a fitness center. Will be less students and more professionals at a more expensive place. Easier to find young women who already have careers. Can't hurt to take a look. Thanks for the tip i agree, why not expand your age range to about 21-29? there are lots of women in their late 20s who put all of their time into school and work and their sex drive catches up to them around that time as their friends and sisters get married off. Not sure if there is a huge border on my dating range, just what my ideal would be in the first post. I wouldn't write off someone who wasn't very active either. My main target is finding someone who has a good head on their shoulders that can have an intellectual conversation. I purchased my first house at 22 and I've always been ahead of the curve life wise. A mental and emotional connection surpasses everything else for me. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 It's refreshing to know there are still men like you out there. 3
FrustratedStandards Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Maybe you give off a vibe that says "I want a serious relationship" and for some reason that pushes people away. You seem like a great guy, and even if a girl also wants a serious relationship, meeting someone who gives a strong vibe like that might push her away. It might make her feel pressure to do all the right things, whereas if a guy doesn't care, she is less tense and can be more herself. From your picture and from what you say, I honestly can't think of anything else.
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 It's refreshing to know there are still men like you out there. As I always say "I is what I is". It seems that too many people are caught trying to be what they think they should be rather than embracing who they are. Hopefully I will eventually find someone who is looking for me rather than being conditioned to wanting what the media tells them they want. Maybe you give off a vibe that says "I want a serious relationship" and for some reason that pushes people away. You seem like a great guy, and even if a girl also wants a serious relationship, meeting someone who gives a strong vibe like that might push her away. It might make her feel pressure to do all the right things, whereas if a guy doesn't care, she is less tense and can be more herself. From your picture and from what you say, I honestly can't think of anything else. I could see that in some situations but I am usually laid back but engaging. One thing I do notice is that sometimes I get too deep into conversations without making my intentions known. I've witnessed a woman's interest go from "holy crap he's talking to me" to "he's not interested" as I tend to fall deep into conversation. I think in some regards I need to learn to pounce a bit faster. I'm referred to as having "never met a stranger" as I can speak to just about anyone about almost anything. More comments are appreciated. Thanks to all who have chimed in thus far.
djmm Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Maybe you give off a vibe that says "I want a serious relationship" and for some reason that pushes people away. You seem like a great guy, and even if a girl also wants a serious relationship, meeting someone who gives a strong vibe like that might push her away. It might make her feel pressure to do all the right things, whereas if a guy doesn't care, she is less tense and can be more herself. From your picture and from what you say, I honestly can't think of anything else. haha! this has followed me since college, I remember a girl say that she wouldnt date me bcuz she thought id be 'clingy.' That dumbfounded me bcuz i thought how the H*ll does she get that impression? then another girl this past year say to me "i only want to be friends with you. I think you want something more than me." I dont think i give that "serious relationship" vibe. I think it is a misconception bcuz yeah I care and I don't appear to not give a F***. frustrating game. I fit your description too and looking for a female to hang out and chat with. i think the girls ive attempted that with didnt buy into it thinking i wanted "more" and mystified by a guy who only wants to chat.
zengirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 What I'm looking for is someone 20-25 who isn't really into the party scene. An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active. Light, fun sporting groups, like Kickball Leagues or Ultimate Frisbee Leagues are big here. Lots of active, outgoing young people there -- not all will be intellectual, of course, but some may be. Volunteering, book clubs, meetups related to philosophy or art, microwbrew/upscale beer bars, poetry readings, theatre/art/music festivals, etc, are all places where the kind of girls you like might go. I'm basically that kind of gal, but older and married now. I don't think I'm a bad catch at all but I've just not found the right place to go fishing I guess. I've always been much more mature than my age (25) and always have older women say "If I were a few years younger or if you were a few years older I'd be all over you". This suggests perhaps you may have to extend your range a few years older. Women younger than you are fairly likely to be into the party scene. For the qualities you want, a better range would be 23-27, I'd say, but you seem fairly open in general. I didn't look at your pics, but you've always seemed like a good guy to me. I'm sure it's just a matter of finding someone.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 What I'm looking for is someone 20-25 who isn't really into the party scene. An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active. Have you tried Bizarro World?
Author Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Light, fun sporting groups, like Kickball Leagues or Ultimate Frisbee Leagues are big here. Lots of active, outgoing young people there -- not all will be intellectual, of course, but some may be. Volunteering, book clubs, meetups related to philosophy or art, microwbrew/upscale beer bars, poetry readings, theatre/art/music festivals, etc, are all places where the kind of girls you like might go. I'm basically that kind of gal, but older and married now. This suggests perhaps you may have to extend your range a few years older. Women younger than you are fairly likely to be into the party scene. For the qualities you want, a better range would be 23-27, I'd say, but you seem fairly open in general. I didn't look at your pics, but you've always seemed like a good guy to me. I'm sure it's just a matter of finding someone. I've actually got a tab open right now for summer co-ed sports leagues. I'm thinking softball or flag football. My dating range is open to older women as well. Just speaking of the "ideal" but I am very flexible. Have you tried Bizarro World? Zing
Ruby Slippers Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 One thing I do notice is that sometimes I get too deep into conversations without making my intentions known. I've witnessed a woman's interest go from "holy crap he's talking to me" to "he's not interested" as I tend to fall deep into conversation. I think in some regards I need to learn to pounce a bit faster. Yes, I would try this. I'm remembering this smart, cool guy I dated for a while who had a similar style. We did so many fun, mind-expanding things together, and he seemed to be very into me. But he was not assertive with the physical flirtation, and I was not at all comfortable being the initiator. We made out once, and he never took it any further. And I totally wanted him! We went out a few times and OTHER guys were flirting with me more than he ever had. One night we went to hip-hop night at this dive bar near campus, and all these other guys kept trying to dance with me and get close. Well, I declined and kept going back to this guy, trying to get him to dance with me. He would barely get close or touch me, and that was a big turn-off. Then we went to a swing dancing class, and again, other guys kept hitting on me. My next boyfriend ended up asking for my number that night, and by then, I was so tired of waiting for this guy to make a move and get a little physical that I gave the other guy my number. I broke it off with the first guy, and told him why - because he wasn't making any moves and felt like just a friend. Deep conversation is awesome, and I wouldn't want to go without it in a romantic relationship. But it needs to be sizzling, too. And that's all about action, not thinking.
PlumPrincess Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I've actually got a tab open right now for summer co-ed sports leagues. I'm thinking softball or flag football. My dating range is open to older women as well. Just speaking of the "ideal" but I am very flexible. Zing Why is your ideal partner younger if you're supposedly an old soul? And if you're so mature that you were able to buy a house at 22, what will you do with a 20 year old who hardly knows anything?
Melbufama Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 What I'm looking for is someone 20-25 who isn't really into the party scene. An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active. In general I think I'm a pretty sweet guy who has a lot to offer. I don't think I'm bad looking at all (check the profile for pictures if you'd like to judge) and I always seem to have the best of intentions at heart. I don't think I'm a bad catch at all but I've just not found the right place to go fishing I guess. I've always been much more mature than my age (25) and always have older women say "If I were a few years younger or if you were a few years older I'd be all over you". Any ideas? I try outdoor events, museums, aquariums, parks... etc. I have no issue approaching or flirting and always have had the ability to hold a conversation with strangers, so it's not the bait but the lake. Theres to many THINKS, boy you gotta KNOW lol. Man let these women see your swag. Careful with the deep conversation, mix light and heavy conversations. I suggest just meeting and hanging out with women and go with the flow. Basically date with zero expectations, line up multiple dates in a row if you can. I would also regard myself as intellectual, but also not afraid to show my dumb ass side as well. Being too intellectual, gives that pretentious vibe if you know what i mean. Also rock climbing from what I've seen as some very good looking women, and for some reason they all tend to have great asses. Also you can be a noob and ask them for advice as a conversation starter.
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