Is multidating counter productive

[Jackson3491]

Between my first and second marriages I ran wild and dated as many women as I could at the same time to see who was right for me. It turned into a complete nightmare that lasted for 7 years. When I thought I found the one for me it always turned out that I wasn’t the one she chose. When they wanted me and I didn’t want them, They would cry at my feet, I was ran off the road, had my life threatened, had my home broken into, had my car keyed, fights between girls, windows broken out, tires slashed, it was a mess. It became a sickening game that never ended. It had to stop and it did. I promised myself to never let that happen again.

 

Then what happened after that was that I learned to love myself for the person I am. I started to take care of me. I learned that no matter what happens, I’m going to be ok and I will get through it. I took a break from dating and just ignored the prospects. I played dumb and acted like I just didn’t get it when they would drop little hints. I would look for a lady of quality instead of a quantity of ladies. I began to give my full attention to one lady at a time to see if it would develop into something special. If it didn’t then I knew that I was going to be ok and my life would go on. I was ok when I was alone because I liked the company of the person I was alone with. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be alone, but I am ok with it.

 

I don’t know what the right approach is and don't believe anyone that is single and doesn’t want to be really knows or they wouldn’t still be single. I just know what my life experience tells me.

 

After a 10 year marrige. I now find myself single again and want to understand better.

 

Does multidating or dating more than one person at the same time actually work in reverse of what the multidaters claim it is supposed to do or is it just an excuse to get more action? I am totally lost but I have made my mind up and hope I can stick with it. What are your thoughts?

[CarrieT]

I'm not sure how old you are but when I started dating again seriously in my mid-40s, I found that multi-dating SERIOUSLY didn't work for me.

 

I would multi-date in that from online dating, I might set-up two or three first meetings with different guys within the same week or so. Do you consider that multi-dating?

 

But if I even remotely hit it off with a guy and a second or third date was warranted, I stopped meeting other people.

 

I am also one of those people that if it got to a third date, it was usually a full-on relationship; I had upwards of 40+ "first dates."

 

Does that help?

[Jackson3491]

I wouldn't even consider a first meeting as a date but I would think that if 2 people made it to a second round that would be multidating IMHO

[MrCastle]

I think multidating is awesome. Hell, being single in general is pretty ****ing cool.

 

You get to date around and meet all kinds of new and interesting people to see what personality types you really connect with.

 

And to top it off, no committment. No responsibilities. No sacrifices. Nothing. If you feel it's not working out, you just stop going out with that person and move on. No messy breakups or anything since you weren't serious.

 

Keep in mind I'm 24. Although, a lot of kids my age are involved in long term relationships, some even talking marriage. But I personally feel these years should be spent having fun. Everyone settles down when it's right for them. Right now that's not me. Not even close.