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I have to train this girl I met online on how to converse with me while unemployed

PhillyDude

By PhillyDude
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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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We talked last night briefly and then I sent her text this morning saying to have a nice day. Then I get a text that said

 

"How the job search going?

 

Now first I don't know if she is monitoring my job progress so she can see if I'm serious about working or really concerned. Either way it's a question I hate from family or friends and since we don't know each other that well she doesn't know that question gets under my skin. So I will have to let her know in a NICE PLEASANT WAY not to ever ever ask me that question again. And it's because I could have just received a rejection letter and that question will make me think of that. So it's best if she never ever asked that again.

 

BTW: Why do people ask that dumb question anyway?

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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Probably general convo IMO, if she had a problem with you not working she wouln't be dating you to begin with. That being said, she has the right to know if she's dating someone who is out of work and looking or out of work and really not trying.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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Because they're on your side, genuinely hoping something good will happen for you, and it's a way of expressing caring and concern. I understand exactly how it could feel different to you, but you need to be as sensitive as you want them to be to you. Explain that it brings up the negative feelings of being unemployed, that when it's not going well you don't really want to have to deal with answering, and it can feel like a lot of pressure. People who haven't been unemployed involuntarily don't appreciate all that it means, especially to a man.

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Probably general convo IMO, if she had a problem with you not working she wouln't be dating you to begin with. That being said, she has the right to know if she's dating someone who is out of work and looking or out of work and really not trying.

 

Well common sense should let anyone know if a guy is living on his own that he is trying because he still has to pay bills every month.

Ursa Established Member

Ursa

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Judging by all your threads, you are almost certainly the most difficult person to talk to on the face of this green Earth. Kudos to that, I guess.

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Judging by all your threads, you are almost certainly the most difficult person to talk to on the face of this green Earth. Kudos to that, I guess.

 

Not really, she just has to be smart enough not to

 

1. Complain about her job

2. Ask me how my job search is going

mickleb Established Member

mickleb

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Maybe you're not in a good place to be dating at the moment. I don't mean financially, I mean emotionally.

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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She probably has a Master's degree and is therefore untrainable.

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SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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Well common sense should let anyone know if a guy is living on his own that he is trying because he still has to pay bills every month.

Then it was probably general convo/showing concern. Try a text like this if you don't want to talk about it. "So so, I appreceate the concern x but I'm trying to stay positive and don't want to dwell on it"

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Well common sense should let anyone know if a guy is living on his own that he is trying because he still has to pay bills every month.

 

Maybe it would be a good entree to getting her to offer to pay some of your bills for you?

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Mister Ripley New Member

Mister Ripley

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We talked last night briefly and then I sent her text this morning saying to have a nice day. Then I get a text that said

 

"How the job search going?

 

Now first I don't know if she is monitoring my job progress so she can see if I'm serious about working or really concerned. Either way it's a question I hate from family or friends and since we don't know each other that well she doesn't know that question gets under my skin. So I will have to let her know in a NICE PLEASANT WAY not to ever ever ask me that question again. And it's because I could have just received a rejection letter and that question will make me think of that. So it's best if she never ever asked that again.

 

BTW: Why do people ask that dumb question anyway?

 

 

Ha ha, insecure much :laugh:

 

Or do you have another excuse for being so sensitive and overly emotional? Are you having your period maybe?

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Then it was probably general convo/showing concern. Try a text like this if you don't want to talk about it. "So so, I appreceate the concern x but I'm trying to stay positive and don't want to dwell on it"

 

I don't think that would go over too well on a text. I would have to say that on the phone

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Ha ha, insecure much :laugh:

 

Or do you have another excuse for being so sensitive and overly emotional? Are you having your period maybe?

 

Had 2 rejections since the month of March started and I need her to give me a "mental massage" instead asking me about my job search.

 

So I will call her later

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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phillydude, are you ever light and funny?

 

her:How the job search going?

you: vomit inducing

her: oh, sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

you: hell no. but I'd love to talk about [insert light innuendo] instead....

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Ursa Established Member

Ursa

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Not really, she just has to be smart enough not to

 

1. Complain about her job

2. Ask me how my job search is going

 

The thing is, neither of those things have anything to do with her being smart, or even particularly sensitive. Most of us have gone through job hunts, and still managed to have reasonable conversations with other people about their jobs, or about how our search is going.

 

I remember threads in which you said women had porridge for brains for asking totally normal things like whether you had children, or ranting because women mentioned in their online profile that they had a Master's degree and you thought that was wildly inappropriate. There were more I remember being quite surprised by, although I can't recall the details at the moment.

 

Look, I just think you might want to examine the rigorous conversational hoops you expect people to jump through in order to talk to you without you hanging up on them in a frothy rage, or writing about them contemptuously on the internet. Figuring out why you're so hard on everyone who tries to connect with you normally could really serve you well in your quest to connect to someone...you are setting up one hell of an obstacle course in your personal screening process.

 

If you are sensitive or defensive about this job hunt, it is reasonable to tell her, as a PP suggested, that you're trying to stay positive but you don't want to waste a lot of mental energy dwelling on it, and then politely change the subject.

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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^^^^^

 

That's really good advice. I'm afraid that the "training" approach and telling a girl you've recently met (not your girlfriend) how to talk to you won't be well received at all, whether she has a Master's degree or not.

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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^^^^^

 

That's really good advice. I'm afraid that the "training" approach and telling a girl you've recently met (not your girlfriend) how to talk to you won't be well received at all, whether she has a Master's degree or not.

 

 

So how should I tell her I don't want to be asked that question?

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Consider taking xxoo's advice and keep it light.

g450 Established Member

g450

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Probably general convo IMO, if she had a problem with you not working she wouln't be dating you to begin with. That being said, she has the right to know if she's dating someone who is out of work and looking or out of work and really not trying.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This!

 

Most men and women do not want to wast time dating somebody who has no aspirations, who procrastinates or who is simply lazy and living on welfare.

 

Not saying this is the case with the OP. Just saying that she is taking his tempreture in that regard most likely. And I dont blame her. Smart girl!

 

From the OPs other responses, I would avoid dating a person like him if I were a female. My question is, why would somebody that doesnt have a job find time and money to date in the first place? Getting a job should be priority 1. Something does not compute here. I think maybe the OP is looking for a sugar mama.

 

Im not trying to be a hard ass but...seriously? Dating while unemployed?

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This!

 

Most men and women do not want to wast time dating somebody who has no aspirations, who procrastinates or who is simply lazy and living on welfare.

 

Not saying this is the case with the OP. Just saying that she is taking his tempreture in that regard most likely. And I dont blame her. Smart girl!

 

From the OPs other responses, I would avoid dating a person like him if I were a female. My question is, why would somebody that doesnt have a job find time and money to date in the first place? Getting a job should be priority 1. Something does not compute here. I think maybe the OP is looking for a sugar mama.

 

Im not trying to be a hard ass but...seriously? Dating while unemployed?

 

 

Should I turn in my job search logs to her on a weekly basis?

g450 Established Member

g450

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Should I turn in my job search logs to her on a weekly basis?

 

Well since you asked...

 

I would say that you need to reconsider what your priorities should be. But that's just my opinion. Im sure you will do what you want either way.

 

Look at it from her perspective. Why would a woman want to date somebody who is unemployed?

 

And why would somebody who is unemployed want to date? Makes more sense to put the horse in front of the cart dont you think?

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Well since you asked...

 

I would say that you need to reconsider what your priorities should be. But that's just my opinion. Im sure you will do what you want either way.

 

Look at it from her perspective. Why would a woman want to date somebody who is unemployed?

 

And why would somebody who is unemployed want to date? Makes more sense to put the horse in front of the cart dont you think?

 

I won't make a dating situation, she will be in friend mode until I start working again. But it's hard though because I still have UGLY NEEDS lol

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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I believe she is showing interest in what's going on with you by asking. Maybe you should try to be … I don't know, a little more relaxed and try to go with the flow? You sound like a pretty uptight fellow. Hang loose, brah.

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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I believe she is showing interest in what's going on with you by asking. Maybe you should try to be … I don't know, a little more relaxed and try to go with the flow? You sound like a pretty uptight fellow. Hang loose, brah.

 

 

Well I just told her not to ask me anymore in a nice pleasant way. Now if she forgets and asked me again her number will be blocked

dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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Wholy crap. I mean I'm job searching too but I'm not about to jump down some rando girls throat about her asking how its going. Just talk about how its going. Badly, goodly, I don't know. You got far enough in the interview process to get rejection letters, that's pretty good. I personally apply for like 2-20 jobs each day, get rejected probably 95% of the time, and don't spazz out on everyone that asks the question. That's just me.

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