xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) So I invited him out tonight to dinner with my friend and I. Half the day I'm getting the impression he's coming out to see me. He even seemed excited when I invited him through text. Almost an hour before we meet he's texting me to stay the night over at his place but I refused because I have wotk tomorrow. Then when I asked him again whether he's coming out, he tells me he can't make it. What the ****? Edited February 26, 2012 by xpaperxcutx
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 You "got the impression" that he's coming? Did he say YES, that he's coming? And you "refused" his invitation? That's a pretty strong word choice.
jerbear Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 What does that say about him? He is male. You invited him to come to you and hang out with you and your friends. You two are not that close or in the same borough. Refusing is kind of strong words, it comes down to the exact words used.
kaylan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Thats odd dude. I mean from your other thread he did seem like a good dude. Laid back, respectful type. Didnt even try to push the issue or "get busy" when you slept over. But this seems like a 180. He def comes off as if he wanted to "get it in". You declined staying over, so he felt it wasnt worth hanging out tonight. Thats what I got from what you described. Now can someone please tell me why Im inside watching the NBA dunk contest instead of going out tonight? llolz EDIT: Its also very possible that he doesnt want to hang out around your friends just yet. If a girl I started chilling with wanted me to hang around her friends friends before I was ready, I might try to hang out some other time. Id feel like she was trying to have her friend judge me and give an opinion of me. I would feel awkward and put on the spot.
TheFinalWord Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 So I invited him out tonight to dinner with my friend and I. Half the day I'm getting the impression he's coming out to see me. He even seemed excited when I invited him through text. Almost an hour before we meet he's texting me to stay the night over at his place but I refused because I have wotk tomorrow. Then when I asked him again whether he's coming out, he tells me he can't make it. What the ****? I think it shows you are prioritizing hanging with your friend instead of him. No big deal early in the relationship. If I was him I wouldn't think that scenario was even a date if you invited a friend. You guys have only hung out twice right? I wouldn't want to meet your friends yet. Sorry.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 You "got the impression" that he's coming? Did he say YES, that he's coming? And you "refused" his invitation? That's a pretty strong word choice. He didn't say no so that automatically means yes especially since he told me he was getting off work early. And yes, I told him I have work tomorrow. He told me he was willing to drive me to work the next day but my boss picks me up for work everyday so that was out of the question. So he's wlling to drive me to work the next day IF I'd went over, but not willing to come out to dinner with me because I didn't want to dtay over?
TheFinalWord Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Almost an hour before we meet he's texting me to stay the night over at his place but I refused because I have wotk tomorrow. Also just saw you are texting. I think you could be getting ticked over nothing really. Texting is the worst possible medium of communication in the initial stages. Too much potential for miscommunication. Not trying to lecture you, but I think this could be a good thing with this guy. I'd hate to see it ruined b/c of text messaging. IMHO, if plans have to be changed or what have, text and ask to talk on the phone. 1
Fondue Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He didn't say no so that automatically means yes especially since he told me he was getting off work early. And yes, I told him I have work tomorrow. He told me he was willing to drive me to work the next day but my boss picks me up for work everyday so that was out of the question. So he's wlling to drive me to work the next day IF I'd went over, but not willing to come out to dinner with me because I didn't want to dtay over? I may not be an expert in human interaction, but last I checked, not saying "no" doesn't automatically mean "yes." He may not be comfortable simply denying you that request of going out with you and your friends, so he chooses to more or less ignore it. Some people don't have big enough balls for that. Some cultures even (Japanese, I think) prevent people from flat-out saying "no."
maybealone Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He didn't say no so that automatically means yes especially since he told me he was getting off work early. And yes, I told him I have work tomorrow. He told me he was willing to drive me to work the next day but my boss picks me up for work everyday so that was out of the question. So he's wlling to drive me to work the next day IF I'd went over, but not willing to come out to dinner with me because I didn't want to dtay over? I think it's a little difficult to know what he was thinking, especially if all of this was done through text. Not saying no doesn't automatically mean yes to me. And he wasn't coming to have dinner with you, he would have been coming to have dinner with you and a friend. If a guy told me he couldn't stay over because he had to work the next day but could go out with his friends even though he had to work the next day, I would wonder where his priorities are. Add on top of that that you won't tell your boss you have another ride, and I'd really start to wonder. But on the other hand, he could just be a jerk who didn't want to go out because he had no chance of getting anything at the end of the night. Again, hard to tell if this was all in texts.
zengirl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He didn't say no so that automatically means yes especially since he told me he was getting off work early. And yes, I told him I have work tomorrow. He told me he was willing to drive me to work the next day but my boss picks me up for work everyday so that was out of the question. So he's wlling to drive me to work the next day IF I'd went over, but not willing to come out to dinner with me because I didn't want to dtay over? Maybe he's willing to drive out in the morning (drive you to work) but not tonight and not into hanging out with the friend. To me, not saying "no" is not the same as making plans. Sounds like a simple miscommunication is all.
Imajerk17 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I take it that asking him (instead of us) what he meant is out of the question? 2
jerbear Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He didn't say no so that automatically means yes especially since he told me he was getting off work early. And yes, I told him I have work tomorrow. He told me he was willing to drive me to work the next day but my boss picks me up for work everyday so that was out of the question. So he's wlling to drive me to work the next day IF I'd went over, but not willing to come out to dinner with me because I didn't want to dtay over? This is my take. It is to much work to drive to you to hang out with you and your friends only to drive back in the morning. I hope he doesn't have to pay for parking. Second, it would be awkward to meet your boss who picks you up for work. Third, you two have only spent time twice and meeting friends is awkward when he has to do most of the work and not have a sleep over.
Krios Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Theory: He wanted to be one on one with you, rather than have dinner with you and your friend. By the way, is the friend you're talking about your (former) female sexual partner? I don't know, but if you and I were dating and you invited me to a dinner with your female sexual partner, then I'd be confused about what you're doing and about what you wanted from me.
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 So I invited him out tonight to dinner with my friend and I. Half the day I'm getting the impression he's coming out to see me. He even seemed excited when I invited him through text. Almost an hour before we meet he's texting me to stay the night over at his place but I refused because I have wotk tomorrow. Then when I asked him again whether he's coming out, he tells me he can't make it. What the ****?Straight up. He's miffed from being turned down. But his expectations weren't reasonable.
jerbear Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Straight up. He's miffed from being turned down. But his expectations weren't reasonable. TBF!!!!!!!! :bunny:
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He didn't say no so that automatically means yes... Uhhh... In what world does not saying "no" mean "yes"?
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 TBF!!!!!!!! :bunny:Back atcha' jerbear! I'd be a bit cautious about his little temper tantrum.
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 He had a "temper tantrum"? Are we reading the same thread? It sounds to me like he just wanted some one-on-one time, and doesn't want your second date (I think it's the second?) to be one shared with your friend, as he'd be the third wheel. Seeing as he DID NOT say "yes," I see nothing wrong with him deciding not to meet up.
Imajerk17 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I love these threads. xxpapercutxx doesn't have the guts to ask the guy herself, so she comes on here and expects us to interpret. 3
FitChick Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I think it shows you are prioritizing hanging with your friend instead of him. If I was him I wouldn't think that scenario was even a date if you invited a friend. You guys have only hung out twice right? I wouldn't want to meet your friends yet. Sorry. That was my understanding. If I had had two romantic dates with a guy, I wouldn't want to meet his friend on the third date and just "hang out>" I'd want quality alone time. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 If you're not outright telling me you're not coming to dinner I'm going to adsume you do want to meet me, otherwise why even suggest I also spent the night? He can't drive me to work because my boss picks me and another coworker up. He never bothers to pick up one person and its rude to tell my my coworker sorry you can't come to work because I'm not there. Yeah if this was a miscommunication its mostly on him. And having dinner with my friend does not mean he's not a priority. It means I want him to join me for dinner and meet someone close to me. And it also doesn't mean I'm staying out late. I want us both to enjoy each others company.
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Yeah if this was a miscommunication its mostly on him. Why is it all on him? He DID. NOT. SAY. YES. YOU are interpreting his response as a YES. I certainly wouldn't interpret it as a yes, even with the discussion that you spend the night. Sounds to me like he was trying to gather information re: whether to meet up, and one of his deciding factors was whether he was going to get any one-on-one time with you. When he realized he wasn't, he wasn't interested in meeting up. Can't say I blame him, really. I think you're LOOKING for reasons to not like this guy. 2
kaylan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) ^Its all very confusing. However If I invite someone to do something and they dont decline, plus we continue talking during the day, Id also assume we had plans. Id be off-put too if an hour before I thought we were chilling, that they just decide not to hang out. But like a few others have said, texting can be problematic. I try not to use text when it comes to girls Im interested in since text leaves room from miscommunication. Its weird how technology has conditioned many of us to avoid speaking to one another. I remember before I had my own cell phone, back in high school and a little after, how I could take for hours and hours on the phone with women I liked. I talked to my best chick friend for 8 hours straight once. Now I straight up avoid long phone calls. I find them awkward. I dunno if texting did it all, or if I just grew out of my teenage stage of talking on the phone all day. Either way, texting does make a mess of things sometimes since its hard to convey tone and meaning. Edited February 26, 2012 by kaylan
2sunny Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Next time CALL him. Ask for a yes or no answer. He wanted sex but didn't want to go out. My best guess...
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