GF Doesn't see why I am upset over Dating Sites

[LunarCastle]

Me and my GF have been dating for a little over a year and last month I discovered she has signed up for a dating website during a bad argument. She added four random guys to her facebook and starting flirting with them.

 

When I found out I kept my cool even though it bothered me greatly that she would break my trust like that, and finally she agreed to block and remove them all and delete her dating profile.

 

Well she blocked them all except for ONE guy who she keeps talking to. When I am not there to talk to her she is talking to him, or video chatting him for hours. I kind of let this slide for a while but it has been a month and I discovered that during our fights she has been relaying very personal information to him about me. I don't like that.

 

I told her to stop talking to him and she tells me that I am a tyrant and controlling, at one point I threatened to tell him to go away and she said, "IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO HIM I WILL BE DONE WITH YOU DONT EVEN TRY IT.".

 

Today I effectively told her that I cannot forget about her signing up on a dating website and breaking my trust if she wants to keep that guy around as a constant reminder as to why I cannot trust her. I also told her how much it bothered me that she would defend another man over me. She still doesn't want to hear any of what I have to say.

 

Am I wrong to be upset over any of this? Is there something more going on and thats why she holds onto this one guy? They video chat for hours, am I just blind to the truth?

[Seneca]

Am I wrong to be upset over any of this? Is there something more going on and thats why she holds onto this one guy? They video chat for hours, am I just blind to the truth?

 

You have every right to be upset. Because she is breaking the trust of your relationship. And with her chatting with a guy for that long... definitely a sign of your relationship ending in the near future.

 

If you ask her to stop and she doesn't, then you can either break up with her or wait for her to start dating the guy online and break up with you.

[LunarCastle]

You have every right to be upset. Because she is breaking the trust of your relationship. And with her chatting with a guy for that long... definitely a sign of your relationship ending in the near future.

 

If you ask her to stop and she doesn't, then you can either break up with her or wait for her to start dating the guy online and break up with you.

 

Thank you for your input Seneca, it is much appreciated to see a neutral view on this matter.

 

Thank you.

[silvermercy]

Blimey! What are YOU still doing with her? Why are YOU prolonging the inevitable? Just lose her! Only a year and she's already showing cheating signs!? Unbelievable!!

Oh and the usual "tyrant" excuse... Pfff. LOL How original for a cheater... Because she is a cheater. She's emotionally cheating on you right now believe it or not. And the nerve of her acting "offended"... lulz She's holding you emotionally hostage with her threats. Reverse the situation.

 

So again: what exactly are you doing with her?

[ThatDudeXO]

You aren't fulfilling her needs. Maybe it's not her fault. If you aren't good enough for her to be with you without flirting for others you need to ask her how to improve or just dump her.

 

I would give her the ultimatum right now. "Wanna be with me? Stop that stupid flirting crap? If not get the **** out of my life."

[daphne]

I'm surprised that you're asking these questions. Had she gone to a bar and gotten a lot of random numbers, would you be asking if you were overreacting? Signing up for a dating site is the same thing. Sadly, a lot of people do this when things aren't going well in the relationship as opposed to working on the problems. It's selfish and counter productive.

 

Honestly, if I were you, I would have discussed it with her calmly and told her that if that's what she wants to do, I'm moving on. Because you didn't believe that you had the right to put your foot down, she takes this as weakness and feels she can do whatever she wants regardless of your feelings.

 

And when someone treats you like that, there's only one way to gain respect back and that's to walk. I did the same myself.

[phineas]

You aren't fulfilling her needs. Maybe it's not her fault. If you aren't good enough for her to be with you without flirting for others you need to ask her how to improve or just dump her.

 

I would give her the ultimatum right now. "Wanna be with me? Stop that stupid flirting crap? If not get the **** out of my life."

 

I don't think it's a "you aren't fulfilling her needs" thing.

I think it's more a she doesn't want him to fulfill anything, she WANTS THE OTHER GUY TO DO IT thing.

 

OP this guy put it as simply as possible.

 

If you live together I hope you both aren't on the lease.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You need to either need to make an ultimatum, like as soon as possible before you lose your balls or...

 

Wrestle this guy in a bloody shirtless fight, in a snow-covered forest, and beat his ass down...before you lose your balls...

 

Honestly unless you do something drastic you're going to lose her, she's already moaning and groaning her sad story and neglect to some new idiot that's onboard and they still both think they're riding that "neutral" line...It's only matter of time before she burns your ass.

 

I think this is the time where you act a little primal and territorial, she shouldn't feel that it's ok to do this to you..and you shouldn't have put up with it..might be too late though because you've already showed you're a pushover. Same thing goes for women.

 

Better work on the relationship....cut this guy off or dump her before you look like a bigger fool, she's already crossed you...and bad.

Edited February 20, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas

[ThatDudeXO]

You need to either need to make an ultimatum, like as soon as possible before you lose your balls or...

 

Wrestle this guy in a bloody shirtless fight, in a snow-covered forest, and beat his ass down...before you lose your balls...

 

Honestly unless you do something drastic you're going to lose her, she's already moaning and groaning her sad story and neglect to some new idiot that's onboard and they still both think they're riding that "neutral" line...It's only matter of time before she burns your ass.

 

I think this is the time where you act a little primal and territorial, she shouldn't feel that it's ok to do this to you..and you shouldn't have put up with it..might be too late though because you've already showed you're a pushover. Same thing goes for women.

 

Better work on the relationship....cut this guy off or dump her before you look like a bigger fool, she's already crossed you...and bad.

 

I agree with this. Just put your foot down and be a man. I get the idea that you're being a bit to submissive in this relationship. You need to make an ultimatum asap before you get hurt even more.

[Professor X]

When I found out I kept my cool

This is not when you keep it cool, you do not let promiscuous behavior go wild, because it has no end, truth is, I'd dump her just for going to sign up in a dating site over an argument, but that's just me.

 

I think you acting "cool" was actually you being a doormat - which has nothing to do with being cool. Frankly, I think your RS is already lost, cause she sides with the other guy already.

 

The ONLY remaining hope you got (and I haven't got a clue why you wanna stay with her, but maybe she's trainable, who knows) is to set your foot down and say "I had enough, either you are with me, which means that guy is gone, or we are done". Don't yell, don't smile, just be emotionless and if she chooses him, let her go, don't fight or cry or whatnot.

[ThaWholigan]

OK, she has completely disrespected you here, I wouldn't even give her an ultimatum, I would just leave. Be cool, don't yell or scream at her, just say, "I'm done", then walk out calmly.

 

She does not deserve to be in a relationship with you.

[Emilia]

This is doormat territory OP, you should dump her, she is taking the p***

[phineas]

This is not when you keep it cool, you do not let promiscuous behavior go wild, because it has no end, truth is, I'd dump her just for going to sign up in a dating site over an argument, but that's just me.

 

I think you acting "cool" was actually you being a doormat - which has nothing to do with being cool. Frankly, I think your RS is already lost, cause she sides with the other guy already.

 

The ONLY remaining hope you got (and I haven't got a clue why you wanna stay with her, but maybe she's trainable, who knows) is to set your foot down and say "I had enough, either you are with me, which means that guy is gone, or we are done". Don't yell, don't smile, just be emotionless and if she chooses him, let her go, don't fight or cry or whatnot.

 

sounds like my ex-wife situation.

I eventually did put my foot down & told her me or him. She choose him.

She still isn't happy.

I've never been happier.

[Professor X]

sounds like my ex-wife situation.

I eventually did put my foot down & told her me or him. She choose him.

She still isn't happy.

I've never been happier.

Yes, that how it usually ends, sadly. She falls in love with his fictional character, she loses what she has now (her bf), she ends up with the other guy cause she can't get any better.

 

Anyway, as I said, I think his RS is already lost, but oh well, from the sound of things, she isn't a catch.

[turt]

Don't waste your time with her.

[ShannonMI]

Me and my GF have been dating for a little over a year and last month I discovered she has signed up for a dating website during a bad argument. She added four random guys to her facebook and starting flirting with them.

 

When I found out I kept my cool even though it bothered me greatly that she would break my trust like that, and finally she agreed to block and remove them all and delete her dating profile.

 

Well she blocked them all except for ONE guy who she keeps talking to. When I am not there to talk to her she is talking to him, or video chatting him for hours. I kind of let this slide for a while but it has been a month and I discovered that during our fights she has been relaying very personal information to him about me. I don't like that.

 

I told her to stop talking to him and she tells me that I am a tyrant and controlling, at one point I threatened to tell him to go away and she said, "IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO HIM I WILL BE DONE WITH YOU DONT EVEN TRY IT.".

 

Today I effectively told her that I cannot forget about her signing up on a dating website and breaking my trust if she wants to keep that guy around as a constant reminder as to why I cannot trust her. I also told her how much it bothered me that she would defend another man over me. She still doesn't want to hear any of what I have to say.

 

Am I wrong to be upset over any of this? Is there something more going on and thats why she holds onto this one guy? They video chat for hours, am I just blind to the truth?

Dump her @ss. You aren't wrong to be upset over this. If the tables were turned and you were talking and skyping with some other girl, how would she feel? I'm sure she wouldn't like it one bit. She has zero regard for your feelings and she is cheating on you. No doubt about it. Tell her adios!!!