turt Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 What's the best way to show interest towards women? I'm 23 and I've never even kissed. The main reason I'm having trouble is due to the fact that I've never been aggressive. A few girls (I had no idea who they were) have given me their number and even the ones I was interested in never turned into anything. Most not even a date. They text me a lot at first and then when I ask to meet, it goes down hill. I'll ask when they have free time and it usually ends up dropping from there. I guess I need to set up a specific place and time even if they can't make it? I've only asked one girl out and that was within a year. She instantly said yes but later said she had to work. I never talked to her before and just directly asked her out. So here is my main question - is it best to directly ask a random girl out to a date? I'm shy so I'm not good at sparking up a conversation with a random person not alone someone I'm attracted towards. I also have no idea how to keep in contact with someone I'd never see again so the direct approach seems best even though it does have major problems (don't know anything about the person). Also, I'm looking for a relationship. Will girls take this the wrong way? Thank you for your help!
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Been in the same position as you, so I sympathize. Here's what I did to get out of my funk: 1. I started talking to attractive women in general. Any woman I found partially attractive I would strike up a conversation with: cashiers, schoolmates, professors, women at church, etc. Strippers and female bartenders are good because they feel obligated to talk to their customers. Most of the time, I honestly told them I was trying to get over my shyness toward women. Most women were cool about it and gave me tips. 2. I moved to a different state place with more women and friendlier women. I dunno why you live in Delaware, the lamest state in the U.S. (it's so lame it doesn't even have a stereotype, and the highest point of elevation is on a golf course). I lived in Michigan. It was a terrible state for single men to live in. In some cities and town in Michigan, 6 out of 5 women are overweight. Plus, it's real conservative. Most women in Michigan get married right after high school or college. So I moved to Austin, TX. Greater number of single women and much, much friendlier too. Women here have walked up to me and struck friendly conversations out of the blue. Getting a girlfriend here is almost as easy as ordering fast food. I got a woman's phone number while taking out the garbage. If yer a decent-looking dude and you can't get a girlfriend in Texas, kill yourself. That's how easy the women are. That's my advice. Hope it helps.
kaylan Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Lmao @ "6 out of 5 women are overweight" Christ...Michigan sounds awful lolz
Feelin Frisky Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Confidence is everything really. You don't seem to have it and you probably reflect that in your manner. You must not be that bad looking though if you get interest or numbers. So, I suggest telling yourself that you are going on a "campaign" to redefine yourself. I did this and it worked very well. The medication I take now that has killed all those stupid butterflies in my stomach didn't exist yet when I had to collect myself around your age and start changing these misses into hits. Do you take care of yourself and exercise? Do you dress like you know who you are? Do you try to go first in all public speaking situations so that you don't leave yourself time to dwell on what you're going to say? There are many self help books that tell you what to tell yourself but I never could follow that kind of thing. You have to start writing your own book of how to be dynamic and attractive and get results. If you meet someone stay away from texting and e-mail--that's an easy way for them to let themselves off. Use the phone, pick an activity you think she'll enjoy that is very soon and act as if she's said yes when she says yes. You want to be a man on the go. If you feel crippled by nervousness or blushing, don't be afraid to see a doctor and ask about social anxiety meds. My anti-depressant keeps me at ease with myself when speaking to strangers whereas I used to kinda hide unless I knew I looked my best and hot--which wasn't often enough. Good luck.
ThaWholigan Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 You are the same age and in the same position as I, so I feel obligated to share some tips on how I have been getting over my problems. The one skill I felt it beneficial to learn was conversational skills. I learned how to pace and lead a conversation, keep it going, how to use my words effectively, voice tonality, all those little mechanics that one would miss consciously. Your problem is not that but maybe getting comfortable with talking to people. Do you find yourself in scenarios where you have to interact with people a lot? Try and place yourself in them more gradually. It will be difficult if you are mostly shy, but it helped me get out of my shell and talk freely with people. My body relaxed, I relaxed, my voice relaxed. I became a highly expressive person and a great talker. As you are shy, you probably do a lot of listening, which is equally as valuable as the ability to converse. I would practice active listening. Ask inquisitive and interesting questions and when the person replies, nod and coax them to continue to let them know you are listening, and once you do that, you can then continue the thread of conversation by elaborating or expanding on whatever was said by the person you are talking to. Talk to people, ask questions, step out of the box for now and you will thank yourself later. Smile intermittently also (not all the time lol). When asking for a date, don't just say "will you go out with me". I said this to the last person I went somewhere with (wasn't really a date, was a friend, but female), "I'm going to that festival, you should come. What days good with you, Friday or Saturday??"....along those lines. Finally, just like Oxy said, acquaint yourself with as many attractive women as you possibly can. Not to ask all of them out, but just to rid yourself of the "babeshock" factor. Once you are used to talking to physically beautiful women, after a while, you will find that you are no longer bowled over and flabbergasted by how they look. You will appreciate their beauty, but not to the level of complete and utter simpering awe. Take your time as you ease yourself out of the comfort zone.
Author turt Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Been in the same position as you, so I sympathize. Here's what I did to get out of my funk: 1. I started talking to attractive women in general. Any woman I found partially attractive I would strike up a conversation with: cashiers, schoolmates, professors, women at church, etc. Strippers and female bartenders are good because they feel obligated to talk to their customers. Most of the time, I honestly told them I was trying to get over my shyness toward women. Most women were cool about it and gave me tips. 2. I moved to a different state place with more women and friendlier women. I dunno why you live in Delaware, the lamest state in the U.S. (it's so lame it doesn't even have a stereotype, and the highest point of elevation is on a golf course). I lived in Michigan. It was a terrible state for single men to live in. In some cities and town in Michigan, 6 out of 5 women are overweight. Plus, it's real conservative. Most women in Michigan get married right after high school or college. What exactly do you say to them? If I have something to talk about I should be able to do that but I'm not good at randomly starting a conversation out of nowhere. I live on the coast of DE so it's not as bad as other parts. I'll probably end up relocating soon anyway (for job reasons)! Confidence is everything really. You don't seem to have it and you probably reflect that in your manner. You must not be that bad looking though if you get interest or numbers. So, I suggest telling yourself that you are going on a "campaign" to redefine yourself. I did this and it worked very well. The medication I take now that has killed all those stupid butterflies in my stomach didn't exist yet when I had to collect myself around your age and start changing these misses into hits. Do you take care of yourself and exercise? Do you dress like you know who you are? Do you try to go first in all public speaking situations so that you don't leave yourself time to dwell on what you're going to say? There are many self help books that tell you what to tell yourself but I never could follow that kind of thing. You have to start writing your own book of how to be dynamic and attractive and get results. If you meet someone stay away from texting and e-mail--that's an easy way for them to let themselves off. Use the phone, pick an activity you think she'll enjoy that is very soon and act as if she's said yes when she says yes. You want to be a man on the go. If you feel crippled by nervousness or blushing, don't be afraid to see a doctor and ask about social anxiety meds. My anti-depressant keeps me at ease with myself when speaking to strangers whereas I used to kinda hide unless I knew I looked my best and hot--which wasn't often enough. Good luck. The main problem I have is trying to prevent myself from getting nervous. When I did ask the one girl out, my hand was shaking trying to put her number in my phone. I work out 4-6 times a week so that's not a problem. For clothing, I wear cargo shorts and t-shirt (+ a hooded sweatshirt when it's cold). I don't want to take medication at all. You are the same age and in the same position as I, so I feel obligated to share some tips on how I have been getting over my problems. The one skill I felt it beneficial to learn was conversational skills. I learned how to pace and lead a conversation, keep it going, how to use my words effectively, voice tonality, all those little mechanics that one would miss consciously. Your problem is not that but maybe getting comfortable with talking to people. Do you find yourself in scenarios where you have to interact with people a lot? Try and place yourself in them more gradually. It will be difficult if you are mostly shy, but it helped me get out of my shell and talk freely with people. My body relaxed, I relaxed, my voice relaxed. I became a highly expressive person and a great talker. As you are shy, you probably do a lot of listening, which is equally as valuable as the ability to converse. I would practice active listening. Ask inquisitive and interesting questions and when the person replies, nod and coax them to continue to let them know you are listening, and once you do that, you can then continue the thread of conversation by elaborating or expanding on whatever was said by the person you are talking to. Talk to people, ask questions, step out of the box for now and you will thank yourself later. Smile intermittently also (not all the time lol). When asking for a date, don't just say "will you go out with me". I said this to the last person I went somewhere with (wasn't really a date, was a friend, but female), "I'm going to that festival, you should come. What days good with you, Friday or Saturday??"....along those lines. Finally, just like Oxy said, acquaint yourself with as many attractive women as you possibly can. Not to ask all of them out, but just to rid yourself of the "babeshock" factor. Once you are used to talking to physically beautiful women, after a while, you will find that you are no longer bowled over and flabbergasted by how they look. You will appreciate their beauty, but not to the level of complete and utter simpering awe. Take your time as you ease yourself out of the comfort zone. I have no problem keeping a conversation going but I have trouble starting one about nothing with a stranger. I also get nervous talking to people I don't know which definitely shows but do think it will go away with practice as you said. How do you strike-up a conversation?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 What exactly do you say to them? If I have something to talk about I should be able to do that but I'm not good at randomly starting a conversation out of nowhere. I live on the coast of DE so it's not as bad as other parts. I'll probably end up relocating soon anyway (for job reasons)! Tell them the truth. Walk up to a hot chick and say, "Hi, my name turt. I find it hard to ask out attractive women. I'm so shy I worry too much about looking creepy. Can you tell me what's the best way a guy should ask a woman out?" Just say that. Don't overanalyze things. Your main objective is to get over your fear of talking to random women. Many guys go throughout their lives never overcoming this fear. Therefore, it's best for you make sure you overcome this fear before getting into a relationship. If you have a hard time talking to women on the street, then start with women in customer service: cashiers, waitresses, female bartenders, etc.
Author turt Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Therefore, it's best for you make sure you overcome this fear before getting into a relationship. If you have a hard time talking to women on the street, then start with women in customer service: cashiers, waitresses, female bartenders, etc. I'll try it but it isn't to common when I'm in these situations.
Dust Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Next time you're with a girl on any kind of date like activity whether it be getting a drink or watching a move... Kiss her! Then you've kissed!
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 2. I moved to a different state place with more women and friendlier women. I dunno why you live in Delaware, the lamest state in the U.S. (it's so lame it doesn't even have a stereotype, and the highest point of elevation is on a golf course). I lived in Michigan. It was a terrible state for single men to live in. In some cities and town in Michigan, 6 out of 5 women are overweight. Plus, it's real conservative. Most women in Michigan get married right after high school or college. Where the heck in Michigan did you live? West side (I.E. Grand Rapids)?? The metro-Detroit 'burbs are fairly progressive. Though I'll agree with the lots of fat people sentiment.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Where the heck in Michigan did you live? West side (I.E. Grand Rapids)?? The metro-Detroit 'burbs are fairly progressive. Though I'll agree with the lots of fat people sentiment. I am from Grand Rapids...wow...damn...I can't believe you pinpointed it so quickly.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I'll try it but it isn't to common when I'm in these situations. I should also add it helps to start going to more parties. Have you ever thrown a party of your own?
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I am from Grand Rapids...wow...damn...I can't believe you pinpointed it so quickly. Oh, absolutely...GR is Christian/Republican/Conservative homebase...but certainly not indicative of the overall population of the state. The metro Detroit area, which I'm guessing is home to the majority of the state's population, is very different from GR. And now back to your regularly scheduled thread.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Oh, absolutely...GR is Christian/Republican/Conservative homebase...but certainly not indicative of the overall population of the state. The metro Detroit area, which I'm guessing is home to the majority of the state's population, is very different from GR. And now back to your regularly scheduled thread. Metro Detroit has close to half the Michigan population. However, just because they vote democrat, doesn't mean they are socially progressive. I think a lot of people vote democrat in that area because of the union support given by the democrats. When it comes to social issues, things can still be quite conservative. I know guys in GR, Bay City, Muskegon, Lansing, etc. who are around my age (27) and they find it difficult time meeting a woman their own age who isn't married or engaged. And the few single women they can find are husband-hunting. Being single in Michigan is tough.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) Metro Detroit has close to half the Michigan population. However, just because they vote democrat, doesn't mean they are socially progressive. I think a lot of people vote democrat in that area because of the union support given by the democrats. When it comes to social issues, things can still be quite conservative. I know guys in GR, Bay City, Muskegon, Lansing, etc. who are around my age (27) and they find it difficult time meeting a woman their own age who isn't married or engaged. And the few single women they can find are husband-hunting. Being single in Michigan is tough. Bay City and Muskegon are more similar to GR in terms of the social values of their demographics than they are to metro-Detroit. Royal Oak, Ferndale, Berkley, Detroit itself (in the right places at the right times), Birmingham, Troy, and Rochester have pretty bustling single scenes. Tell your friends to try getting a little closer to the D. Edited February 10, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Bay City and Muskegon are more similar to GR in terms of the social values of their demographics than they are to metro-Detroit. Royal Oak, Ferndale, Berkley, Detroit itself (in the right places at the right times), Birmingham, Troy, and Rochester have pretty bustling single scenes. Tell your friends to try getting a little closer to the D. I'll just tell them to leave Michigan entirely. I lived there for 25 yrs of my life and hated every minute of it. The only time I genuinely felt happy there was the day I moved out of that state. You'd be wise to leave Michigan if you wish to create a positive future for yourself.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I'll just tell them to leave Michigan entirely. I lived there for 25 yrs of my life and hated every minute of it. The only time I genuinely felt happy there was the day I moved out of that state. You'd be wise to leave Michigan if you wish to create a positive future for yourself. Haha, I have a career, family, and boyfriend out here that I love, so I think I'll stay.
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