Lorelai Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Anyone here had any? Where you may cuddle on the couch during a movie, or may even sleep in the same bed and spoon, but aren't having sex and there is no immediate intent to have sex? Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Anyone here had any? Where you may cuddle on the couch during a movie, or may even sleep in the same bed and spoon, but aren't having sex and there is no immediate intent to have sex? Hell no! What man in their right mind would do that? I know I am not a sucker to do that only for you to go and have sex with another man. I'm not being the surrogate boyfriend. Hell I don't even like waiting over two months for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
eerie_reverie Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Anyone here had any? Where you may cuddle on the couch during a movie, or may even sleep in the same bed and spoon, but aren't having sex and there is no immediate intent to have sex? Been there done that. We ended up banging - once - and then he wanted a relationship. I just wanted a cuddle buddy. We're still friends 4 years later but for a while it was messy and painful. I do not recommend. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I don't see the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorelai Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 Hell no! What man in their right mind would do that? I know I am not a sucker to do that only for you to go and have sex with another man. I'm not being the surrogate boyfriend. Hell I don't even like waiting over two months for sex. It is a strange situation, for sure, but right now at least on the intellectual level it appears mutual. We've become close friends in the last six months. He invites me over to hang out and drink hot tea. We're comfortable enough around each other that it's not a thing where he feels he has to "entertain" me the entire time if we hang out. (I've enjoyed just spending quiet time reading in his recliner while he's Facebooking or whatever on the couch.) There are about 200 things standing in the way of us ever actually dating. Like religion, the fact we're coworkers, he's not wanting to date anyone seriously for the entirety of 2012, etc. He does have a real FWB and no problems at all finding someone to have sex with if he wanted to. But it seems like about once a week we end up either cuddling on his couch or cuddling in his bed overnight. We've admitted attraction for each other and there have been times when he said he would have been happy to cuddle but was just too sexually frustrated for it to be a good idea that particular night -- usually that's been if it's been a particularly long time since he's seen his FWB. ---- For my part: if circumstances were different, I could see more happening. He's cute, romantic, has a good heart. But I know he's done having kids, and I'm looking for someone who wants to at least try for one more. And he's looking for a mom for his kids -- one who is Christian, where I'm not. Just wondering if anyone else has been in this same boat before. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I've had several. Thankfully, all the men were gay and it was genuinely emotive and gentle cuddling; just two bodies holding each other in love and friendship with no sexual desire or need. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Marriage forum is that-a-way ----------------------> I kid. Well, I half-kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Anyone here had any? Where you may cuddle on the couch during a movie, or may even sleep in the same bed and spoon, but aren't having sex and there is no immediate intent to have sex? From a man's standpoint, cuddling is a liability, not a benefit . For us, it's just a stepping stone to sex. Cuddling without sex is like a job without a salary...Thanks but no thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I had a relationship like this when I was 12 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Very strange. I'm sure if you think about it, there are underlying motives on both sides that would make it more complicated than simply wanting to "cuddle." I don't cuddle with my gal pals on the couch or overnight in their beds. (well not since junior high.) See? Something else is at play here. Do you want sex? Do you want physical intimacy/proximity to a male body? Do you need affection? Do you need to be touched? Or do you really want a relationship with this guy and aren't being honest with yourself? If you need a male's touch and energy, go get a massage from a male massage therapist. If it's affection, then hug your gal pals and other (male) friends. Cuddling with a male almost always leads to sex, in my experience. But, then again, I don't get the women who post about spending a whole night sleeping in some guy's bed without having had sex with him before (that night or another)....huh? What's the point? If I'm in some guy's bed, I am only sleeping because we just had sex and I'm exhausted! So, check your intentions. I wouldn't want you to get hurt here. Edited January 13, 2012 by blueskyday Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I think I understand the male responses... But now I'm curious... When a man starts dating a woman, he only cuddles because he automatically assumes that this is going to lead to sex soon? If that's the case, maybe women should stop asking for cuddles because 1. the men don't really enjoy it. 2. it's a sign men would only want sex afterwards. Is that right? Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Ugh, I'm a woman and I don't like the word "cuddle." Makes me think of teddy bears and other unsexy things. I prefer to say, "Hold me close, Baby. I want to feel your body up against mine." Much better. This comes before and after sex, and during. It's affection. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Oh, and I wouldn't trust any guy who asked for a "cuddle" (mental grimace at word). Just think: He wants a naked cuddle. That's more like it. Come to think of it, maybe some guys use the word "cuddle" because it sounds oh so innocent, and their intentions aren't but they don't want you to know that just yet.... Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Ugh, I'm a woman and I don't like the word "cuddle." Makes me think of teddy bears and other unsexy things. I prefer to say, "Hold me close, Baby. I want to feel your body up against mine." Much better. This comes before and after sex, and during. It's affection. Regardless of terminology, you will only give/receive affection when sex is in the horizon? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 No, but I really really wish I had. I guess if I was like any other normal male and was able to get girlfriends with sex as well as the cuddling involved, then I'd probably feel different. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Good question. The answer is yes, but it would differ with the situation. If there was physical attraction on either/both sides, then I know that holding each other like that will most likely lead to sex at some future point. It's a nice way to get comfortable in someone's physical space and get used to their bodies. If there was no physical attraction, I wouldn't "cuddle" with a guy because I've never known a straight guy who wouldn't take that as an escalation in affection leading to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Oh, and I wouldn't trust any guy who asked for a "cuddle" (mental grimace at word). Just think: He wants a naked cuddle. That's more like it. Come to think of it, maybe some guys use the word "cuddle" because it sounds oh so innocent, and their intentions aren't but they don't want you to know that just yet.... Yeah, I'd much prefer naked cuddling over clothed cuddling. But guys and girls call it cuddling because, well, that's what it's called, nothing more to it than that. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I think I understand the male responses... But now I'm curious... When a man starts dating a woman, he only cuddles because he automatically assumes that this is going to lead to sex soon? If that's the case, maybe women should stop asking for cuddles because 1. the men don't really enjoy it. 2. it's a sign men would only want sex afterwards. Is that right? I dont think female responses would be any different. I dont know many people, male or female, who just cuddle with someone for no reason. The OP contradicts herself as well because she says no sex is involved, but than states that her and the guy have an attraction for each other. So its in the wings. Without that attraction I cannot see a man and a woman cuddling like that. To answer your questions though, no not all men do not cuddle with women they are dating just to get sex. Though Im sure some guys do, plenty of guys like the emotional and physical closeness of cuddling with a girl they like. So yes we do like it, and its not just a sign we want sex. Its a sign that attraction exists between two people usually. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I wouldn't cuddle with a guy if I didn't have some kind of spark with him. I view it as an escalation in affection that could lead to sex. If I wasn't attracted to a guy, then I think cuddling would be leading him on. Spooning and the like is very intimate, IMO. It's not a means to an end, but it is something on the general menu in a relationship. It can be viewed as affection and intimacy, with or without sex. For couples, that is. I don't lie on the couch or in bed with my male friends. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 To answer your questions though, no not all men do not cuddle with women they are dating just to get sex. Though Im sure some guys do, plenty of guys like the emotional and physical closeness of cuddling with a girl they like. So yes we do like it, and its not just a sign we want sex. Its a sign that attraction exists between two people usually. That's quite reassuring to know! Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 I don't see the point. That's because there isn't any Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Im a romantic. I like to cuddle. I often even prefer cuddling over sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Regardless of terminology, you will only give/receive affection when sex is in the horizon? If you are dating someone and sex is not on the horizon, you shouldn't be dating that person, period. I don't see the point of being in a sexless relationship. As for "cuddling" (what a cringe-worthy word!), think of it as part of the extended foreplay. Doesn't mean that sex has to happen the same night, but it should definitely be "on the horizon", to use your expression. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Often times men who let themselves become "cuddle buddies" are starved for female affection and settle for this but in the end they won't be happy. If women have a hard time understanding this point of view, it's kind of like a guy you want to have a relationship with , but only treats you like a booty call. Hurts, no? The effect is the same on men. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 If you are dating someone and sex is not on the horizon, you shouldn't be dating that person, period. I don't see the point of being in a sexless relationship. As for "cuddling" (what a cringe-worthy word!), think of it as part of the extended foreplay. Doesn't mean that sex has to happen the same night, but it should definitely be "on the horizon", to use your expression. I wasn't talking about a sexless relationship. I was talking about other times, i.e. when you sit together on the sofa and "cuddle" while watching TV or when you're on a airplane and "cuddle" while watching the clouds outside the window - or on the top of a hill enjoying the view. That kind of "cuddle". An "us" time that you both enjoy together without necessarily leading to sex right afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
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