Afraid to speak to her again - why?? (story of what lead to improve)

[ThaWholigan]

This is gonna be a really, really long post......really long

 

I used to have a crush on a friend of mine that I met in 05. I have mentioned her in a few posts before, but I tried to downplay how much I was completely infatuated when I met her. I'd always liked a lot of girls, but I never met one who I thought was so perfect.

 

Every physical attribute I looked for, she embodied with some flair.

 

5" 4. Buxom shape, big curly hair, golden skin (mixed race), extraordinarily large breasts. She had really piercing eyes, I wasn't comfortable with eye contact, but I always liked looking at her eyes because I was fascinated by them.

 

We met at 16 over the internet, she was a singer, I was a beat-maker who wanted to work with a singer. My friend, who set up the label I am now an artist for, hooked up the meet. I remember meeting her, and I was so nervous I wasn't even shaking, I became stiff like board. I tried to make conversation and she was blank at first, but she warmed up. I made a fool of myself by apologizing to her for being "stiff", which was hilariously misinterpreted. I was so embarrassed I retreated, citing babysitting as an excuse. My friends still rib me about that to this day .....

 

We carried on speaking over the internet, but often I would initiate conversation and it would take AGES for her to warm up sometimes. I admit that I was completely naive at this point, and still had problems communicating to a decent level. I did not know how to get her to engage with me well, but sometimes we would have great conversations. We were meant to go to a concert the same year, but money was a problem (always is with me ), so I could not go.

 

A year later, we met up again. I wanted to show her some instrumentals I had made to see if she was interested in using any of them. She always seems to teleport into view. She looked different though, she normally had curly hair, but it was straight, and she wore glasses. I still thought she was hot. I nearly got hit by a car checking her ass out as we were crossing the road . I made a note to pick better moments to engage in that kind of behavior looool.

 

It was a nice encounter, we talked a lot, we went to my house. It was the first time I had a girl in my room there, even though it was only friendly. She knew I liked her though, but was happy that I was cool enough to not make a big deal out of it this time. I kept it friendly and fun. It did not stop the neighbours from gossiping "Ohhh I like the look of Wholigans new girlfriend!!". That was a little annoying, but I couldn't help but smile because I secretly wanted it to be true.

 

After that, I didn't see her for a couple of years. We spoke on the net still. Same thing kept happening, convo's would die really quickly, and sometimes they would be really engaging. Musically we were heading in different directions though, I started to build a reputation as a socio-political rapper and she was a soulful singer whose voice was becoming truly spectacular. Eventually, contact stopped for a while, as she went to uni outside of London. I congratulated her and wished her good luck, as I also started Uni that year.

 

Then, in 2008, I talked to her for the first time in months online. The first thing she said was "when are you coming to see me?". I was like ":D:D:D". Just as I was about to answer her, my internet cut out. Then I was like ":lmao:".

 

I went to stay at my dads for a few months that year, and his net never got cut off, so I took every opportunity to speak to her. This time, I was different. I was under the influence of my brother too, who is very forward with girls, as opposed to me. So I started attempting to flirt more, and adding risque undertones to our conversations. Suddenly she was replying more. I still wasn't getting as much as I would have liked, but I was doing better. As I was becoming more confident in what I was saying, she started responding. She was putting up new pictures of herself in her avi. She looked tastier than a curry roti with milkshake . I had even started dreaming about her. I was freaked out a little by that.

 

So eventually, it hit my birthday, and I went home. I phoned friends, but they were busy. I looked through my phone and saw her number and I phoned her. She was happy to hear from me, I said I wanted to see her.

"What today??"

"Ummmmm......yeah....??"

"OMG, I'm honored"

 

So, I went to see her. Met her dad, who was really cool. She cooked me a little meal as a present, which I enjoyed. I played her piano which I also enjoyed. Then we just talked for a while. A male friend of hers came over (later revealed to be someone she was seeing, will get to that part). We spoke, also had a good conversation with him, he seemed a safe guy. We both left hers at the same time. I went to a friends near my house, smoked some weed and had a few drinks. Got a phonecall from her.....

 

It was weird, she was saying all this stuff about us meeting and her checking out my ass and wanted to pounce on me while I was playing piano. I'd never had a girl say that stuff to me before and I froze up. I couldn't respond properly, especially given I was intoxicated. Then when I reciprocated and told her I wanted her, she changed her mind, telling me I should keep my virginity for my wife, and she wasn't good for it. ......

 

Left that convo, saw her again 2 days later to give her some cake, she looked really good that day. I liked when she had her hair out and curly. She's quite a fiery girl, with a blunt kind of quality to her, but she's very intelligent and creative, and the fact that she was hot just drew me to her.

 

The friendship reached peak tension when I commented on a status she posted about squirting, which lead to me saying I would rock her world in bed, to which we began to actually flirt sexually. She would always change her mind though because of the virginity, but we carried on anyway. She always talked about my eyes and my ass .

 

One night we had a really cheeky phone convo, which ended up in us setting up a hotel meeting. She inevitably flaked, saying she was seeing someone and also wasn't sure if it was best for me . She still wanted me to come over though, so I did. I came with a condom my friend gave me just in case. I chilled with her, I gave her a footrub (I know guys, I know, but I'm good at it so I don't mind ), and we watched some TV. I was just getting my shoes on to go and she says "so you're staying then...". I was like "ummm....OK...". Ended up laying in bed with her. She was moving kinda kinky but I took her literally the night before on the phone, and didn't do anything. Didn't even kiss her. She even asked if it was classed as cheating, before moving her bum directly onto my crotch . I waffled and said some bs.

 

She was not too pleased. She went to sleep. So did I. I woke up really early that morning with my hand cupped around one of her huge breasts, did not know how it got there.....I sat up and reflected. She awoke and pretty much kicked me out in the most polite way possible . I walked home happy and sad at the same time. Happy I actually got to sleep in bed with a girl. Sad that I was such a naive boy that I did not do anything, even though it turned out afterward she'd only been dating that guy for a couple of weeks and had not slept with him yet.

 

I felt like such a sap. I did not see her much after that. Came to my house in 09, she got bored and wanted to leave. She stopped seeing me in a sexual light because I messed it up. Last time I saw her IRL was 2010, we went to a festival. We kept it purely friendly again, but it was clear that there was still some tension going on. I kissed her on the cheek and left her on the bus that night coming home. I haven't seen her since.

 

Soon after that, one of my older cousins told me he moved - directly on the road she lives. So I go to see him sometimes, but I have yet to bump into her. And I want to, but at the same time I don't.

 

It was because of her that I wanted to get really good at communicating with girls and date comfortably instead of anxiously. We still speak very sporadically online, but convos just do what they did back in the day - they die quickly, I even stopped initiating convos because she would sometimes ignore me.

 

Now, if I was to bump into her again, and I will because I will occasionally visit my cousin and have to walk past her house, what do I do and what should I say? I don't normally lose my head these days, but I am actually a little scared of bumping into her because of the embarrassment I feel over how our interactions have been.

 

(sorry for the epic long post :laugh:)

[carhill]

At the point the epic long posts become that ten seconds where a woman knows whether or not she's going to sleep with you, success will be yours.

[ThaWholigan]

At the point the epic long posts become that ten seconds where a woman knows whether or not she's going to sleep with you, success will be yours.

 

 

Bless your heart, Carhill , I appreciate it...

[jobaba]

I'd say the next time she's single ask her if she wants to meet and then resume the hanky panky talk.

 

Personally, I've not done too much of the hanky panky talk. I think it's cheezy and I'm getting older, so I don't know if she was into you for real or SERIOUSLY teasing you, but I'd guess the former.

 

If you've gotten that close, might as well try until you hit a brick wall.

[carhill]

Whatever you do, and I mean this sincerely, keep it brief. Save the War and Peace stuff for your deathbed.

[ThaWholigan]

Whatever you do, and I mean this sincerely, keep it brief. Save the War and Peace stuff for your deathbed.

 

Noted . I get the tangent thing from my father. He is an actor, and sometimes when he is telling me something, I think he forgets he's off stage .

 

I'd say the next time she's single ask her if she wants to meet and then resume the hanky panky talk.

 

Personally, I've not done too much of the hanky panky talk. I think it's cheezy and I'm getting older, so I don't know if she was into you for real or SERIOUSLY teasing you, but I'd guess the former.

 

If you've gotten that close, might as well try until you hit a brick wall.

 

Well, last time we spoke wasn't much hanky panky talk going on, but during that time my window of opportunity had long gone. I think she was seeing someone exclusively for much of last year, she may still be.

 

I think she may have been interested, but she is IMO an extraordinarily good looking girl and a LOT of guys like her, especially as she is talented, smart and has just that little bit of eccentricity that makes someone stand out. I would have been just one guy out of many potential suitors. The fact that people also see me as an eccentric worked in my favor, because I stand out when I am uninhibited, but my lack of experience lead to me doing a lot of trying and failing.

 

I think that deep down I always thought that she was out of my league.....

[jobaba]

I think she may have been interested, but she is IMO an extraordinarily good looking girl and a LOT of guys like her, especially as she is talented, smart and has just that little bit of eccentricity that makes someone stand out. I would have been just one guy out of many potential suitors. The fact that people also see me as an eccentric worked in my favor, because I stand out when I am uninhibited, but my lack of experience lead to me doing a lot of trying and failing.

 

I think that deep down I always thought that she was out of my league.....

 

Be careful of this type. Girls that have a lot of guys going for them tend to have big egos. So many guys are into them and people tell them they look like this and that movie star. They appear friendly and make you feel like you're special to them, but in reality, you're just one of MANY guys they have enamored with them, which means ... they are barely thinking about you at all.

 

Some of these girls just have guys around them because they are friendly and it may be mostly unwanted attention, but others will lead you on ever so slightly, or as they say ... attention whore.

[ThaWholigan]

Be careful of this type. Girls that have a lot of guys going for them tend to have big egos. So many guys are into them and people tell them they look like this and that movie star. They appear friendly and make you feel like you're special to them, but in reality, you're just one of MANY guys they have enamored with them, which means ... they are barely thinking about you at all.

 

Some of these girls just have guys around them because they are friendly and it may be mostly unwanted attention, but others will lead you on ever so slightly, or as they say ... attention whore.

 

Tis true, and I always did my best not to get lost in my infatuation. I think she does have a big ego, but she's got a lot of heart to match, I'll always give her that.

 

I always thought she was a tease though. But having said that, I lay in a bed with her hiding my boner and didn't give her a good one - she probably thinks I'm the tease :laugh:

[ThaWholigan]

Went out this morning, saw a girl who looked just like her, heart almost popped out of my mouth lol. This girl was much taller and slimmer though, quickly snapped out of it. Haven't lost my cool like that in a while!!

[imfromhoiland]

Giving you my honest opinion here.

 

First off, I appreciate the epic post. It helps with getting some context. I've gone through a somewhat similar situation where I was dating a girl, and was a virgin at the time. She didn't want to take my V-Card, but would say things like "I want to jump your bones so bad". If I tried to make the move, she would use the v-card excuse, or that she wasn't ready. We never actually slept together and eventually broke it off.

 

I think that you may possibly be in a similar situation. You may be the "safe guy" where she doesn't have to worry about sleeping with you, but you'll be there to give her attention when she wants it because she knows that you like her.

 

I could be entirely wrong, but this is my guess as to what's up. Good luck brother.

[dasein]

Great post, great story. Make it happen and go straight to her house, not try to run into her. This is a deal that needs closing. I had a couple of these same types, they are both happily married now. Don't repeat my mistakes, force the issue.

[ThaWholigan]

Giving you my honest opinion here.

 

First off, I appreciate the epic post. It helps with getting some context. I've gone through a somewhat similar situation where I was dating a girl, and was a virgin at the time. She didn't want to take my V-Card, but would say things like "I want to jump your bones so bad". If I tried to make the move, she would use the v-card excuse, or that she wasn't ready. We never actually slept together and eventually broke it off.

 

I think that you may possibly be in a similar situation. You may be the "safe guy" where she doesn't have to worry about sleeping with you, but you'll be there to give her attention when she wants it because she knows that you like her.

 

I could be entirely wrong, but this is my guess as to what's up. Good luck brother.

 

Agreed. I don't even think I am the safe guy to be honest, I'm sure she probably has a couple of those already . The problem is that I always drift out of view with people, and I think she actually does completely forget about me, unless I post on her facebook status or something.

 

Great post, great story. Make it happen and go straight to her house, not try to run into her. This is a deal that needs closing. I had a couple of these same types, they are both happily married now. Don't repeat my mistakes, force the issue.

 

I was trying not to run into her . I remember she used to say to call her before I come over, because her dad is always in, so I never turned up uninvited (I generally don't do that with anyone). But I agree with you, this does need to be wrapped up at some point. I'm not sure if it is embarrassment over our previous interactions, or embarrassment that I am not at my most confident due to where I am in life. I am beginning to suspect it is the latter. I'm doing something about it though, so that's something.

 

At least I'm not afraid of bumping into her anymore though :laugh:, now THAT'S embarrassing....

[ThaWholigan]

Bro gave me a blackberry for Christmas, just getting the hang of it now got it linked up to my Facebook which I haven't logged onto in ages. Saw her on chat and said hello without thinking about it this afternoon. Flicked phone closed and put it in my pocket, I got distracted doing something else. Flicked it open just now, she hadn't even replied . I don't think I'm gonna bother trying to message this girl again. I'm now completely indifferent as to whether I want to see her again or not, I liked her company just as much as I wanted to date her, but I'm not even fussed now .

 

Moral of the story: Having a crush on the girl with scores of men trying to date her is hard work, even if you get close to dating her yourself . She really was "out of my league". Ah well, I'm comfortable with that for now......

 

EDIT: Some of you might say she may not have seen my message, but I doubt that theory too...

[jobaba]

Bro gave me a blackberry for Christmas, just getting the hang of it now got it linked up to my Facebook which I haven't logged onto in ages. Saw her on chat and said hello without thinking about it this afternoon. Flicked phone closed and put it in my pocket, I got distracted doing something else. Flicked it open just now, she hadn't even replied . I don't think I'm gonna bother trying to message this girl again. I'm now completely indifferent as to whether I want to see her again or not, I liked her company just as much as I wanted to date her, but I'm not even fussed now .

 

Moral of the story: Having a crush on the girl with scores of men trying to date her is hard work, even if you get close to dating her yourself . She really was "out of my league". Ah well, I'm comfortable with that for now......

 

EDIT: Some of you might say she may not have seen my message, but I doubt that theory too...

 

Yea. You're still into her.

 

If it was one of your friends and you said 'hey' on facebook chat and got no response (which has happened to me a lot) you wouldn't think anything of it.

 

Some women will ignore men they don't want in their lives. Personally, unless that man is intrusive or bothersome with their communication attempts, I think that's rude.

 

I'd text her if you have her #. At least that will give you closure in your head.

[ThaWholigan]

Yea. You're still into her.

 

If it was one of your friends and you said 'hey' on facebook chat and got no response (which has happened to me a lot) you wouldn't think anything of it.

 

Some women will ignore men they don't want in their lives. Personally, unless that man is intrusive or bothersome with their communication attempts, I think that's rude.

 

I'd text her if you have her #. At least that will give you closure in your head.

 

Course I'm still into her, she was ****ing hot and I liked chilling with her. I'm just not gonna be a bitch about it and wail to the high heavens lamenting it, because honestly it's not as big a deal as it seems. The reason I know I still like her is because, like in the OP, she used to do this sorta stuff before, and just like then, I used to think "she's parring* me". There's a whiny bitch in me somewhere dying to get out . I need to kill it.

 

I don't even have her number anymore, but I used to hate calling/texting her back in the day, I used to get mad nervous, even up to the nights where we spoke a lot. I need to let this one lie, it's been over 6 years now, of all the girls in my life, she's been the constant "pinnacle" that I always wanted, but I was gradually weening her out of my brain until I logged back into stupid Facebook