is the sexual tension gone?

[loveburden]

basically my ex and i were in a dating stage trying to see if we could sort things out. it was fun, very sexual and exciting. we had sex everytime we saw eachother, sometimes on and off all day.

but now since we are offical we haven't had sex. we have just been on dates. yesterday we went to the movies and to dinner, it was fun and nice and he was touching me but when i asked to have sex he said no. he said that he wanted to wait until the weekend when we can spend a night together. he also said that he feels like sex is all i want him for, i got really offended , i just think it is strange that we have not had sex yet being a couple.

i have tried sending him flirty text messages but i either get no response or replies saying that he is not in the mood or is going to bed.

 

i think the reason why he is being distant sexually is because we had a pregnancy scare last weekend, we have not had sex since before then.

 

i just don't know what to do, everything else is great but im just worried about the sex department. i mean we just got back together, is it so wrong for me to want to be with him?

can someone please help me, give me advice on what to do.. it would be really appreciated.

[loveburden]

i might just add that when i had the pregnancy scare i took the morning after pill. he is really against abortion and the morning after pill but was okay with me taking it at the time. maybe i scared him off.. i just don't no what to do..

he is distant sexually. maybe he has changed his mind about getting back together... idn.

i mean last night he told me he loved me. if he has changed his mind why would he say that. ??

i really need advice, what do you think is wrong? is it me?

[Saxis]

I'm guessing the pregnancy thing scared the bajeezus outta him, and now he's afraid to do the deed. It sure would me!

[loveburden]

so thats it? how can i can i fix it? if thats it.. how is he ever going to sleep with me again?

[Saxis]

If it was hot and heavy right up until the scare, then cut off, it's pretty obvious, but he should be talking to you about it. Ask him directly if that is the reason. Give him a little more time. If it continues much past 2 weeks then I'd start to worry.

 

If this is in fact the reason, you've learned something though: He is definitely not ready to have children! Possibly not ready for a serious relationship either, if he shuns you and won't talk about it even...

[loveburden]

thats really bad advice.. telling me to break it off before even talking about it with him. im NOT even ready for children. he is 20 and im 19.

[Saxis]

No where did I say to break it off... He did a complete 180 flip on you in regards to sex since the scare, and then just says he's not in the mood? There's more to his story... A relationship is built on communication.

[loveburden]

maybe im reading way too much into it. he was still all over me yesterday and would geet upset if i told him not to touch me while were in public. ( he kept feeling my boobs and trying to put his hands up my skirt).

but when i asked for sex he says no.

another thing that is wierd is that when we first broke up we did not talk for a few months and we both saw other people. i had no problem answering any questions he had , he even asked for details of the person i was with but he can't even tell me the girls name of the person he was with.

i mean now even thinking about it, we went out for two years and i still don't know the details of how is mother died or why she left him and his two other siblings. i mean we were engaged once and we at that time wanted a baby.

i told him that i want to spend more time with him, i only see him once or twice a week. he won't even tell his family of friends that we are back together. ( everytime i try and ask why he can't he says that i am being insecure)

i want a full blown relationship with him, im sick of the secracy. i have tried to talk to him about it but he has this way of making me feel that the things i say are really insignificant, and are just a way of me trying to create new problems.

 

i just miss how he use to adore me and how he use to want to spend every waking second with me. he says he loves me but i don't believe him ( he says thats why he gave up, he was sick of trying to prove to me how much he loved me).

[Saxis]

Serious communication problems... And it sounds like he is controlling and using you. Looks like you've realized this but have not admitted it to yourself yet.

[Ninjainpajamas]

There is something off with this guy, and being that there has been a pregnancy scare...I mean that's a possibility to frighten him but to me that doesn't really justify his whole behavior. This seems more along the lines that he is seeing someone else, and likely feels guilty or unsettled, that's how I would act anyway but don't jump to conclusions.

 

One important thing that women even much older than you tolerate which is extremely stupid, is lack of communication in your relationship. You need to be able to talk with the person you are with about just about anything. It's normal to hit a wall or get into an argument over things but at the end of the day you need to be able to communicate what is going on...that typically determines how successful the relationship will be....the more things you can talk about openly the better the chances it will last because without you don't stand a chance.

 

You also need to realize that your old relationship ended for a reason, don't be hard-headed(even though I know you will) and expect that everything is magically going to go back to being perfect. The issues you had that caused you to separate are still there, and even though you might be able to drown your issues with sex for a while, trust me the issues will be just as bad if not worse.

 

Another bad move on your part is admitting the past to him....take my advice and never give out information about your past to a man, it can never lead to anything good, especially if he's a young guy. Always be vague and never give out such details, they will hold it against you someday in the future I can assure you.

 

Get yourself on some birth-control as well, you're not an idiot and neither is he, if you put an unprotected penis and in unprotected vagina magically a baby may pop out 9 months later, it's not rocket science. Don't be one of these idiotic women that go on and on without thinking they are immune to it then one day end up pregnant because they thought they couldn't be pregnant.

 

Whenever a guy wants to keep you a secret is also a bad sign....guys keep secrets for two reasons, because they have something else going on or they don't want anyone else to know what they are up to. Both in which is bad news for you because I guarantee if you were the hottest piece of ass on the block he'd be telling everyone and anyone over night.

 

You've got a lot of issues to deal with, in my opinion many that are not worth working through but you seem like the type that needs to find out the hard way since you realize there is a problem but ultimately won't do much about it until it's too late...a woman's famous last words are "But he used to love me and feel this way in the before"

 

I think he had a good time with you in the beginning while it was just fun and random, the sex drive prob got the best of it...if you feel like he doesn't love you that's probably cause he doesn't, trust your gut feeling it's why it's there.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Ninjainpajamas

[loveburden]

im not holding on because he use to love me, i am holding on because i love him.

 

i need to hear the truth, i don't want to go off assumptions or what i think is happening. i have done that before and it only leads to me running back. i need to hear it from him. at least than i will know that i did everything that i could and that it truly is over. only then will i truly be able to let go and move on.

if he is seeing someone, i will let him go. i won't chase him or cause him problems. ( he knows this, and says that he does not want to loose me)

fyi - i am on birthcontrol. i missed a pill so took the morning after pill as a precaution.

 

if he does not want me, i will let him go. i am just going to make the mistake again of running away without listening to him.

[loveburden]

im not holding onto him because he use to love me , i am holding on because i love him.

 

im not going to run away before trying to sort things out, i have done that too many times in the past and it has only lead to me running back to him.

i need to hear the truth from him, only then will i let him go and move on. if he is seeing someone else i will let him go and i won't cause him any problems. he knows this, i told him. he says that he does not want to loose me.

 

fyi - i am on birthcontrol, i took the morning after pill as a precaution after missing a pill.

 

i will let him go if he is seeing someone else. i love him but i don't need that bull****.

[Oxy Moronovich]

The dude's 19? I'm thinking the pregnancy scared him off. Talk to him about it. That's the best you can do. Tell him you want to get back to being sexual again.

[loveburden]

i just contacted him asking him if everything is okay. he said yes that everything is fine, that he is just busy with work and that he wants to see me tomorrow. fingers crossed everything is okay