mssteed Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I am sure this has been asked plenty of times, but I didn't really see one like my situation, so I decided to post anyways. Forgive me for the long post. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 4 years. If you don't count our break-up.. around our 2 1/2 year marker, I decided to call it quits because I just didn't feel loved and I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationship. After dating around and "finding myself" I realized what role I had played in the demise of our relationship. I realized that I wanted to try again with him. He was VERY hurt to find out that I was intimate with other men during our break and became very stand offish. After months of just "talking" I also found out how I wanted to treat our relationship again and became more bold and told him exactly what I wanted and if he couldn't give me that than there was no point in having this relationship (because I had settled before). He was going to ask me to move in with him before we were even officially dating and, of course, I said " No, I am not going to move in with someone who is not willing to make a commitment to me and that is the end of the discussion." A little After that we became official again and I decided after some time that I was ready to move-in together. And it was going great. We were working together quite well, I mean there were fights about things, but no problems in the relationship. We recently moved into a new place. We were very stressed out and due to our schedules, we just didn't get enough time to talk out some of our problems, so whatever was bothering us for those 3 weeks, we had no desire in discussing it. Then all the small problems turned in one big problem and it got to the point that we had to stop everything and sit down and talk about whatever was bothering us. During this conversation I asked him if he was in love with me (because a girl likes to here this every once in a while) he said yes, but looked kind of hesitant so I said "you sure?" then he said "I guess"... "I guess? Yes or no" I said. He said "No, is that what you want to hear?" I then started to ball my eyes out and asked him why he even moved in with me and started this entire "thing" if he wasn't in love. I told him if he wasn't in love now, nothing is going to change. After that, some where in the conversation, he said he didn't really know what being in love meant. I described it as wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life and life would not be worth living without them (not to say you would kill yourself if they died or anything drastic like that). He said that is how he feels. So I asked why he said no to begin with. He said I made it seem like something complicated, he didn't know if we had the same meaning. Ever since I have been so paranoid and it makes me think he is cheating, which I know he isn't. He has no time to cheat. We are always together or talking. Plus, I look at his phone and the phone bill, which I need to stop doing and want to. And I have always been jealous of any girl he talks to, even his cousin, but I swear she likes him, lol. But it makes me so suspicious. Obviously it seems to me like it just didn't add up. But, from experience, I know he communicates in a different way than most people. He can even come off as ignorant in a conversation because of the way someone explains something. He also doesn't realize how harse he can come off in a conversation. I am not using that as an excuse, but I have misunderstood him before. Plus, women and men do have different meaning for the same word. Then he bought me flowers and a card yesterday, went to the grocery store, and did the dishes last night. Which isn't too much out of character, but it was surprising. I have told him I was feeling uneasy about what he had said last week, but he says he is in love with me. 50% thinks he is lying to not hurt me and %50 thinks he isn't. I don't know. You know as I type this I do feel better about it though. I even feel like he doesn't know what he is talking about. He would jump in front of a bullet for me and he talks about our future all the time. Though he does try to avoid the conversation about marriage, but we have talked about kids before. He is terrified to get married young. Maybe I am overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Ever since I have been so paranoid and it makes me think he is cheating, which I know he isn't. He has no time to cheat. I'm not suggesting he's cheating, but EVERY man has time to cheat, and phone bills won't necessarily catch it. Just sayin'. How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mssteed Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 We are both 22. Yeah that is true, but I honestly don't think he is. I think it is more like I am trying to rationalize what he said. When I really sit and think about him cheating I feel rediculus for thinking that. Link to post Share on other sites
orion1010 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 you guys are only 22 and have a lot of emotional changes that will happen to you in your 20's. Maybe you are putting ot much presure on him when it comes to marriage, furture, and kids so he's getting standoffish sometimes. Just enjoy your time with one another and when he's ready to make the next step, he will. the more you push him about these things, the more he might back away and decide to leave. I don't think getting married in early 20's now a days is a wise move. Just my opinion and I'm not saying it doesn't work, but for most it doesn't getting so serious so young. Maybe a compromise of a long engadgement might help?? But that's still a HUGE step for any man... Link to post Share on other sites
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