The hardest time of year to be single is comming up.

[Mrlonelyone]

"The holidays" here in the USA are going to be upon us all soon. Between Halloween and the ball drop on new years eve (really until Feb 14 and V day) it's one bombardment with one image of marital, coupled, childrened bliss after the other:love:.

 

 

 

 

Is it just me or does that make this the hardest time of the year to be single (or in a less than great interpersonal situation)?

 

How do the rest of you singletons handle it?

(Other than getting into a relationship.)

[USMCHokie]

I have never dated anyone during the fall and winter holiday period before...so I don't really know what I'm missing. Hanging out with married and coupled friends usually works for me.

[WhiteChocolate]

I second USMCHokie. Well except for Valentine's Day. But we didn't do anything too special...just exchanged gifts. High school so wasn't especially serious.

 

I also have a lot of single friends (due to my youth I guess ) so we just party....oh, and schoolwork/extracurriculars/social life keep me busy...

[Mrlonelyone]

That's one way.

 

You must have some well mannered friends. I find being around married folks when I'm feeling acutely lonely only makes me feel like more of an outsider. Then too many of the people around me may have that certain attitude while in a RL of not really wanting to be around those who aren't as well.

[Cracker Jack]

I'm usually random when it comes to feeling down about being single, so the holidays aren't going to be anything unusual to deal with.

[OneFootOut]

"The holidays" here in the USA are going to be upon us all soon. Between Halloween and the ball drop on new years eve (really until Feb 14 and V day) it's one bombardment with one image of marital, coupled, childrened bliss after the other:love:.

 

 

 

 

Is it just me or does that make this the hardest time of the year to be single (or in a less than great interpersonal situation)?

 

How do the rest of you singletons handle it?

(Other than getting into a relationship.)

 

I feel ya on that one. I have small kids, so I try to do the traditional things, deck the halls, etc. But honestly, it's a bit of a lonely feeling to decorate alone, go to all the Halloween festivals, do that Christmas shopping, or fix a big dinner for just me and my little family. I see all the happy couples and 'complete' families, and feel that loneliness creep back in.

 

New Year's and V-day? Forget it lol. Again, it’s just me and the kids. I'll get them a treat and wish them a happy day. I think what gets me most through the holidays is that I have people around me I need to go all out for and give that attention... but there is no one in my life to share those moments with or to give that warmth and attention to me.

 

One year I lived beside an apartment house full of singles. I always cook a feast for Thanksgiving, so that year I invited all of those singles and those one parent families to come over and bring their own plate. To my pleasant surprise, a lot of them came with a plate to fill. A few stayed and visited, and a few asked if they could fill their plates and go home. Of course they could. It was such a great day. I didn't even know those people except in passing, but it felt good not to be so lonely for adult company that day

 

I haven't been in my current place long, but I would like to do that again, it was nice, and it felt good.

[phineas]

I just wait for one of my female FB friends to start posting about not having a date for a holiday party.

 

It's a cry for help & a little attention whoreing & has never lead anywhere romantically, but hey, it's free food & booze so why not.

[Mrlonelyone]

@Chocolate

When I was an undergrad that was certainly the case. Now as a older grad stu it's much more like... typical adulthood I guess. Most people seem to be in some variety of LTR and mostly socialize with their life partner.

 

I guess I need to find some single friends my age, but then it's hard to do that since almost every single adult meeting service is really just a way to find dates/mates/sex in disguise.

[carhill]

IDK, I'll be spending Thanksgiving back east with married friends and Christmas/New Years at the coast with married friends. The cool thing about good friends is that they never cause one to feel 'left out' just because one isn't married or 'coupled'.

 

Do I miss being coupled, since I was M for ten years? Oh, yeah, no doubt, considering I proposed in a Santa suit. But, as someone who has made the cosmos his passion and profession knows, time marches on for us mere humans. We can choose how we perceive that time. I choose to make some really good memories with people I love. Hope you have Happy Holidays too

[USMCHokie]

That's one way.

 

You must have some well mannered friends. I find being around married folks when I'm feeling acutely lonely only makes me feel like more of an outsider. Then too many of the people around me may have that certain attitude while in a RL of not really wanting to be around those who aren't as well.

 

Actually I have amazing friends. It's no secret that I haven't been in too many relationships, and my closest married friends know and understand this, so they never make me feel like an outsider or try and pressure me into meeting someone. Even though I'm the odd wheel, they never make me feel like it. It's my single friends that are usually trouble for me...and what have caused me the greatest confusion and grief in recent months...

[fortyninethousand322]

Thanksgiving through Christmas definitely is the worst time to be single for me, followed closely by late April/early May when women start wearing summer clothes. I could care less about Valentines Day though.

 

How do I handle it? I don't.

[Mrlonelyone]

@OFO

 

First let me say that your story of inviting other people over for thanksgiving was inspired. That could be a really good way to handle it. I could volunteer at a place that serves the poor during this period. There are too many who need it this year.

 

I can relate to how it feels like you give and give to others but don't get much back.

 

I don't have small children with me instead I have the even more socially scorned position of two elderly and increasingly out of it parents, one of whom is legally blind, and a developmentally delayed sister. Plus I'm transgender (Insert Norman Bates comparison or equally ignorant thing here.) We all live together and pool all our resources to get by. As time passes and my parents become less able to care for themselves it's even more draining. While one can look to children as hopes for the future, I know where my parents are going and how bad it will get before they get there.

 

So while it's nice I "get" a roof over my head for the cost of paying real estate taxes emotional support is practically non existent. If it wasn't for me and my sister cooking and decorating here the holidays would not get celebrated in this house.

 

Most of the year I take it fine but for some reason the holidays have a way of making me feel like a looser. I should be in my own home with a family or SO of some kind and mom and dad should be lucid enough to come and visit me (or vice versa).* Instead I have to deal with the above.

 

*I had that one year. I had an apartment and even though I came home to check on them almost every day I had the family over on Thanksgiving. It helped that not everyone around me was paired off at that time too.

[Mrlonelyone]

@USMC

 

If that works for you. I guess I have some judgemental pricks around me then. lol.

 

IDK, I'll be spending Thanksgiving back east with married friends and Christmas/New Years at the coast with married friends. The cool thing about good friends is that they never cause one to feel 'left out' just because one isn't married or 'coupled'.

 

Do I miss being coupled, since I was M for ten years? Oh, yeah, no doubt, considering I proposed in a Santa suit.

 

Thank god she said yes. Imagine how miserable Xmas could be associated with such a memory.

 

But, as someone who has made the cosmos his passion and profession knows, time marches on for us mere humans. We can choose how we perceive that time. I choose to make some really good memories with people I love. Hope you have Happy Holidays too

 

I wish my profession gave me some perspective that made such human matters less pressing. To be honest it just makes me feel more distant allot of the time. (When I mention what I do people want to discuss it. I end up becomming an educator which I don't want to do on my relaxing time.) Which most of the time I am ok with... just around this time of year there is no escaping all the "family" holidays.

 

don't want to be that one person who is always glomming on to those...like this guy. Putting a "lonely man" turkey dinner in the oven for thanksgiving. I didn't mean to say that you or anyone else was like that.... more a comment on how some of the jack @$$es around me view anyone not "in the family" being around.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[grkBoy]

When I was single, I didn't let it get to me.

 

I looked at Halloween as just a fun night to either be childlike and enjoy scary movies and such, or go out and get drunk while checking out all the women in their skimpy costumes.

 

Thanksgiving and Christmas I treated as just family things. See the relatives, etc. I didn't let not having a GF bug me. I even at times saw it as families I didn't have to go see and presents I didn't have to buy. I instead took solace in my family and friends. One year I remember I spent Christmas Eve with a cocktail as I baked a Greek pastry for my family to have the next day. Yes I was alone, but I had a blast.

 

New Years I simply saw it as a couples holiday, like Valentine's Day. I just treated it as another night and didn't think heavily on it. Often times I didn't go out.

 

I didn't sit home depressed, but I simply had my own fun and not dwelled on it.

[Dust]

Halloween is a single persons holiday. Thanksgiving is time for family and really who cares if you arn't bringing some love interest with you. Christmas can make you feel weird if you want a family of your own and something happened or you just don't have one. New years eve you don't need a gf but its good to have a date. Valentines day is a great excuse to ask out that girl or girls you've always liked.

[Cracker Jack]

I do need to go out on New Years Eve this yr. I never go out, and I think that'll be the perfect time for me to break out of the "scared to go out" mentality. Might even meet a nice woman that night.

[Dust]

I do need to go out on New Years Eve this yr. I never go out, and I think that'll be the perfect time for me to break out of the "scared to go out" mentality. Might even meet a nice woman that night.

 

Ask a girl out to a party or something New Years eve.

 

The weekend of Oct 28, 29, and 30th will be a very good weekend to be singl. Put on something slightly scary and sexy like a mascarade outfit with cape, mask, and vampire teeth and you can have a license to hard core hit on women dressed like complete sluts. Halloween my friend! The single mans holiday if there ever was one. With the mask the girls don't even have to know who you are so just have at it.

[Cracker Jack]

I'm going to try, Dust.

 

Heck, that sounds like a good idea this weekend. I turn 24 this fri, so I might as well step out of the norm (not talking to women) and try something new.

[Dust]

I'm going to try, Dust.

 

Heck, that sounds like a good idea this weekend. I turn 24 this fri, so I might as well step out of the norm (not talking to women) and try something new.

 

Yeah just have fun. 24 is a good age, early happy birthday to you.

[Cracker Jack]

Thanks.

 

I'm just going to try and enjoy myself and not think about rejection or anything like that. I honestly think that (worrying about rejection) is the only thing truly holding me back from having fun.

[Dust]

Thanks.

 

I'm just going to try and enjoy myself and not think about rejection or anything like that. I honestly think that (worrying about rejection) is the only thing truly holding me back from having fun.

 

Watch the movie "Zorba the Greek" with Anthony Quinn!

[Mrlonelyone]

@Dust.

 

I appreciate what you are saying about Halloween. However we have plenty of advice on how to find a date here. What I was talking about was how to survive being single over the holidays.

 

Your advice is good as long as people know when and where to do it.

 

Halloween party with plenty of single adults= Good time to dress up and flirt.

 

Any other situation, with adults, children, or any mixture thereof = do not dress up especially if you are a man/biological male. People tend to think the worst.

 

For me personally I live as a woman, in spite of my screen name. Halloween is not always a good day to be a tranny. 1.) all kinds of fools with unshaved legs put on their wives skirts and trip everyones tranny radar. 2.) That then triggers everyones deepest homophobic, transphobic, fears. I have heard some real life horror stories about the bashings that can happen on this day.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[LexiB]

I have never dated anyone during the fall and winter holiday period before...so I don't really know what I'm missing. Hanging out with married and coupled friends usually works for me.

 

Same here - although I always knew what I was missing.

 

I've been dating an amazing guy for a few months now. If all continues well (which I'd really be shocked if it didn't), he'll be my first.

[tigressA]

Admittedly, since I've known what it could be like spending holidays with an SO, I do think being single during the upcoming season is a bit of a downer. I used to get a little wistful remembering my long-term ex and I picking out a tree and decorating it, and opening gifts with his family, and the parties we went to together.

 

This will be the first time in 3 years, and the second time since I started dating at all, that I'll be coupled up for the holidays. I'm excited about it. Last year was pretty awful...I felt really lonely. I didn't even have my family nearby. I advise anyone who is single over the holidays to get out as much as they can. Strengthen bonds with family and friends, meet new people. Smile at strangers and wish them a happy holiday. I did that and it did a pretty good job of lifting my mood.

[carhill]

Carhill, you're not single are you?

Well, exW and I have been divorced a year this week and I've been single and celibate essentially since June 2009. I did date a couple of ladies in early 2010 and made a thread about dating as a separated man. I enjoy my cat and my large group of friends. My mother passed away last year so that was the end of family.

 

I've never had a difficult time being single during the holidays. Probably that's due to being an only child and living alone for 15 years before getting married. I'm used to it. If I don't want to be alone, it's as easy as getting up and heading out the door to not be alone. It's an easy choice. Not hard. Either way is fine. Heck, I might change my mind and crank up the RV and go to some remote campground for Thanksgiving and enjoy turkey in the midst of other campers. There's always something to do.