When a guy you're dating comments on how hot other women are

[fatalcharm]

I have been dating a guy for a little over a month now, and in my eyes things seem to be going fine, but apparently I am great at getting it wrong.

 

I know he hasn't been out of a relationship very long before dating me. I haven't asked him many details about it, but on the first couple of dates I remember him telling me that. At first we saw each other about twice a week, now it has gone down to once a week.

 

Our dates usually consist of him cooking me dinner at his house, a few glasses of wine and watching some TV. We started getting intimate on the third date, and the chemistry is great. I have met one of his friends on two occasions, and one day after staying over I helped him paint his garage, it was fun and he was very thankful.

 

At first I noticed a few small things, like him mimicking my body language and catching him starring at me, but this hasn't happened on the last couple dates, although he still seems interested (from what I can gather)

 

One thing that I have noticed is that while watching TV, he comments a lot on how hot other women are. It doesn't really bother me as I am secure enough with my looks and myself to know that if a guy checks out other women it has no baring on their attraction to me.

 

The other night we were watching Mythbusters together and the cute red-headed pregnant chick came on, and he says "She's hot, I wish it was me who got her pregnant" it didn't really bother me at first, and I agree and think she is cute as but he said it a few times. Kinda hard to ignore.

 

Now I am starting to question it, like I said, it doesn't really bother me when guys check out other women or comment on them, but is it a sign of disrespect? Is he trying to let me know not to get too attached as he is looking around at other women?

 

I am aware that he just come out of a relationship, and am giving him some space but I am really starting to like him and don't want to open up if I am just his rebound girl or he is not that interested. He always seems keen to catch up again, but I am worried that he is just seeing me for the time being.

 

It has only been a month and I don't want things to move along too fast, he seems to like me but I am never good at seeing these things when I really like someone.

 

Is the fact that he comments on how hot other women are something that I should be worried about and a sign that he is not that interested? Or does he only do it because he can see that it doesn't bother me?

 

I am starting to really like him, but don't want to get emotionally invested in someone who might just be stringing me along.

[OnyxSnowfall]

I'm probably not the best one to respond to this (by far) but...

 

eh, excessively commenting on such things would come across to me as immature and... yes, possibly a signal that such a man isn't looking to be serious/intimate someone yet.

 

Perhaps you should bring it up before deciding anything... or least discover what his long-term intentions are / what his current frame of mind regarding relationships is... find out some more details.

 

he may just be oblivious... or it could just be the way he is... or, he could just be thinking about sex and not (at least currently) interested in deeper intimacy etc.

[norajane]

Does he even realize he is making those comments out loud? What do you say when he does that?

 

If you have questions about why he says those things out loud, have you thought about asking him?

[DontWorryBHappy]

I would be wary. Your situation sounded strikingly familiar to one I had been in recently. A guy I was seeing had gotten out of a relationship not long before, and I would notice all the little comments he made about other girls. I'm not sure whether or not that tends to be correlated with the fact that he just got out of a relationship, so maybe he is noticing many other women and is a sign that he doesn't want to commit yet or something... who knows really? But anyway, after a short while these references to other girls were indeed noticeable and at least in my case, exhausting! At the end of it all I had the urge to watch "The Notebook" to remind myself of how a man should treat a woman. I know it's just a movie, but if you've seen it, can you even imagine Noah EVER making a comment about another girl to Allie? She would slap him across the face and that would've been the end of it. I don't know.. I've realized that I'm with the rest of the world about certain things, but when it comes to relationships, I want my guy to treat me like a lady and make me feel more special than any other girl, dammit! So yeah... it bothered the hell out of me.

[musemaj11]

Making physical comments about the opposite sex in front of your partner is impolite.

 

Im not saying its wrong. Im just saying be discreet about it.

[fatalcharm]

I haven't asked him about the comments. Most men that I have had relationships tend to do this and I have learned to not let it bother me too much. I should, but I brought it up with my last boyfriend and he called me jealous, so I figured to just leave it. I do always end up with guys who are a sucker for a pretty face, and aren't necessarily cheaters, but they always check out other women blatantly. I have learned to live with it.

 

I do think he is more immature than me in some ways, and more mature than me in others. I consider myself to be quite emotionally mature, but I still have feelings of confusion every now and then. I would never comment on how hot other men are. I personally go nuts every time I see Gerard Butler on the TV, but I would never mention it in front of a guy, even a male friend because I wouldn't want him to feel insecure. Sometimes I wonder if this guy is testing me and my jealously factor or security levels or something. I don't know if guys do that though.

 

DontWorryBHappy, I appreciate what you are saying, and am wary. One thing I have noticed is that he hasn't been on the dating site where we met for a while now. We both have profiles up still, and I go on there to check if he is on there (I have to admit that I have chatted to other guys on there but wont agree to meeting them because I like this guy), but he hasn't been for a while now. I only just realized this today. That makes me feel a little more secure. I know what you mean about Noah from the movie, but I am happy to take a little less than that. I don't mind if he checks out or comments on other women, but only if he is looking and not touching. I just want to make sure that is all he is doing before getting too attached to him.

[oaks]

The other night we were watching Mythbusters together and the cute red-headed pregnant chick came on, and he says "She's hot, I wish it was me who got her pregnant" it didn't really bother me at first, and I agree and think she is cute as but he said it a few times. Kinda hard to ignore.

 

Wow! I don't see much wrong with liking (and admitting to liking) screen beauties, but to go as far as to say what he said in front of you seems rude and insensitive.

[musemaj11]

I would be wary. Your situation sounded strikingly familiar to one I had been in recently. A guy I was seeing had gotten out of a relationship not long before, and I would notice all the little comments he made about other girls. I'm not sure whether or not that tends to be correlated with the fact that he just got out of a relationship, so maybe he is noticing many other women and is a sign that he doesn't want to commit yet or something... who knows really? But anyway, after a short while these references to other girls were indeed noticeable and at least in my case, exhausting! At the end of it all I had the urge to watch "The Notebook" to remind myself of how a man should treat a woman. I know it's just a movie, but if you've seen it, can you even imagine Noah EVER making a comment about another girl to Allie? She would slap him across the face and that would've been the end of it. I don't know.. I've realized that I'm with the rest of the world about certain things, but when it comes to relationships, I want my guy to treat me like a lady and make me feel more special than any other girl, dammit! So yeah... it bothered the hell out of me.

Great, take a hollywood movie as a model of an ideal relationship to look for. Thats mighty realistic. No less realistic than all the guys who think that the ideal women they deserve are those women with violin body and huge knockers who can do acrobatics on bed that they see on porn movies.

Edited October 2, 2011 by musemaj11

[OnyxSnowfall]

I haven't asked him about the comments. Most men that I have had relationships tend to do this and I have learned to not let it bother me too much. I should, but I brought it up with my last boyfriend and he called me jealous, so I figured to just leave it. I do always end up with guys who are a sucker for a pretty face, and aren't necessarily cheaters, but they always check out other women

 

Ehh.... I think you're dating the wrong men / boys :o:o

 

There are certainly plenty of men who are very "open" about lusting / gawking etc... but there are others who behave in far more respectable ways (with their lady and if they're especially yummy, even without her presence)

 

...

[carhill]

Since most of the men you've dated are similar in this regard to the current man, one potential is that you are the commonality, in that, assuming various males pursue you, these are the men you choose.

 

This guy is probably a rebounder and/or a guy who really needs to be single and alone for awhile to grow up.

[TBH]

we all know everyone checks other people out but its flat out rude and insensitive to go on about how hot other people are in front of your partner.

 

I think some guys just dont even think about what they're saying, their mouths open and all this stuff comes out. i wouldnt take it personally but also I wouldnt be happy about it just because of the impoliteness.

plus lets face it we all really want to be the sexiest thing to our partners.

OK so maybe thats not always the case but we can at least allow each other to go on thinking that!!

 

Its only happened to me a couple of times. must have been something to do with the look on my face. not amused. lol.

 

you could just start doing the same and see how he likes it. a tad immature and maybe he wouldnt get the hint but could potentially be amusing,

Edited October 2, 2011 by TBH

[laotzu]

I would say he's indicating that he's not perceiving this as his "last" relationship. That is, yes: he's saying not to get too attached. I wouldn't do that to someone I just started dating, at least not with that level of frequency.

[bigmomma1974]

I don't have a problem with my man saying a woman on tv is hot. If he did it in real life like if we where out in public and said damn shes hot I would probably pull the notebook and smack him.. lol naw not really but boy his ass would be in trouble.. lol. As for comments about chicks on tv i see nothing wrong with it. I think if you want to know why he does this ask him. Hell i sit and watch tv with hubby and im always saying damn this man has sexy eyes hehe. However when i see a beautiful woman i say so as well. Trust is what one needs in a relationship and when its knew you have to learn to trust. Communication is the key to keeping it alive so sit him down have a heart to heart about it and then go from there.

[TBH]

i think its more of a sign of immaturity than a given that he's not serious about you.

i think if he wasnt that into you there would be other signs which would be more reliable than verbal diarrhoea.

[speciallyforyou]

He probably just wants you to get red hair and then get you pregnant

[fatalcharm]

He probably just wants you to get red hair and then get you pregnant

 

Ha ha. I am sure he wouldn't mind it if I dyed my hair red he seems to like red heads, I don't think he would want to get me pregnant though, lol.

[AHardDaysNight]

Most likely, it means nothing. I mean, when I'm sitting at home and a hot chick comes on the tv, I tend to get googley eyes at her.

 

Mariska Hargitay and Sarah Michelle Gellar are two that have always made me go "damn!"

 

That being said, he's with you, not the tv women. It is quite immature for him to do it around any woman, much less his girlfriend. I've learned (from experience) that women don't like hearing about how hot other women are...even if they're just your friends.

 

That being said, it's nothing to break up with him over.

 

Let me ask you this: is he the type of guy that would be okay with you saying "Hey honey, I don't like it when you comment on other girls in front of me. Can you please stop doing that?" I know, if I was your boyfriend, I would be receptive to this, and stop...but then again, there are many different types in this world.

 

If he's the player type...well, you knew what you signed up for when you did, sweetheart.

[blueskyday]

Yeah, if you say to boyfriend, "Honey, I don't like it when you comment on other women. Can you please stop doing it?", and he responds positively, problem solved.

 

If he makes you feel bad, or keeps doing it, then get rid of him. Then your problem is that he doesn't care about your feelings.

 

I've dated for years, and all the guys that comment or look at other women have not proven to be good, respectful guys....not good boyfriends.

 

I personally wouldn't put up with it after one mention that it bothers me. And I don't know any women who are truly okay with it. They just put up with it. (Well, maybe there are some women who are ok with it and are getting the message their boyfriend adores them so it doesn't bother them...but then again, those guys don't usually do it anyway.)

 

And I don't want to put up with any disrespect.... because I don't act disrespectfully myself.

[AHardDaysNight]

Yeah, if you say to boyfriend, "Honey, I don't like it when you comment on other women. Can you please stop doing it?", and he responds positively, problem solved.

 

If he makes you feel bad, or keeps doing it, then get rid of him. Then your problem is that he doesn't care about your feelings.

 

I've dated for years, and all the guys that comment or look at other women have not proven to be good, respectful guys....not good boyfriends.

 

I personally wouldn't put up with it after one mention that it bothers me. And I don't know any women who are truly okay with it. They just put up with it. (Well, maybe there are some women who are ok with it and are getting the message their boyfriend adores them so it doesn't bother them...but then again, those guys don't usually do it anyway.)

 

And I don't want to put up with any disrespect.... because I don't act disrespectfully myself.

 

Bingo.

 

If he doesn't respect you enough to do that, he is definitely NOT a keeper!

[FitChick]

That stuff doesn't bother me. I sometimes comment myself, like "Yeah, you can tell she works out" or "That dress would look good on me." I also comment on good looking men. If it's totally innocent, he won't be bothered. If he's trying to take a dig at you, he will give up because you are not reacting the way he had planned.

 

Are you two starving students so you never go anywhere? If you both have jobs you should be going out. Sounds like he is using you to kill time and get sex.

[Eddie Edirol]

Fatal Charm, as much as I abhor womens shyt tests, I think this situation calls for one. Next time youre walking somewhere and he comments on how hot a woman is, tell him "you should go talk to her to see if you can get her number."

 

If he does it, you know hes still shopping, and not to get your hopes up on him, or he cant let a dare go.

If he doesnt, he probably wont talk like that around you anymore knowing you will call bullshyt on him.

 

Or you can have fun with it, join him in the hot talk about the woman, and see how he reacts.

Edited October 3, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[fatalcharm]

...Are you two starving students so you never go anywhere? If you both have jobs you should be going out. Sounds like he is using you to kill time and get sex.

 

That's what I needed to hear, even though I didn't really want to hear it. We aren't starving students, we both work. He did once ask me to a charity function when we first started dating, but I was busy that night and couldn't go. Since then he hasn't asked me to go out anywhere, but I have to admit I haven't asked him either. Personally, I prefer nights in front of the TV but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to go out somewhere with him if he asked me.

 

I'm gonna move on, I am over this. At first he seemed really keen, when I wasn't as keen and then when I started to really like him his interest seemed to fade. I guess he likes the chase, I like to be chased but he has stopped doing that now.

 

I'm going to make plans to see someone else, it's not like I am short of offers so I don't know why I am getting all hung-up on this guy. Probably because he has kept me guessing, but I am sick of it now.

[AHardDaysNight]

Actually, from a guy's perspective, I'd say he's the one who's bored with you.

[fatalcharm]

Actually, from a guy's perspective, I'd say he's the one who's bored with you.

 

Never said I was bored with it :-p This guy has been on my mind 24/7 and I am constantly questioning everything with him. I am sick of it though. He wont be hearing from me again. I have just made plans to catch up with someone that I was interested in before I met this guy, so hopefully now I will be able to keep my mind off him.